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Tegan leaned against the doorframe, her thoughts adrift as she tried to steel herself for the evening ahead. The familiar dread of social gatherings gnawed at her, a ghost from her past that refused to fade. Memories of her family's many failed dinner parties, marred by shouting and broken glass, haunted her thoughts. She shook her head, focusing on the present. This was different, she reminded herself. This was Paris, not England.

Jen smiled at her encouragingly as they waited for the door to open. When it did, they were greeted by Juliette's smiling parents. The warmth in their eyes made Tegan's guard falter, if only for a moment.

"Hello, Jen! It's so nice to see you," Juliette's mother said warmly, pulling Jen into a hug. "And this must be Tegan!"

Tegan forced a polite smile and extended her hand, feeling completely stupid. "Hi, I'm Tegan. It's nice to meet you." Juliette's mother ignored the hand and instead kissed Tegan on both cheeks.

"Welcome to Paris, ma chérie."

"Thank you," Tegan replied, her voice measured.

"This is Juliette, you are a similar age, non?" Juliette's mother asked as they moved towards the dining area. Juliette, standing nearby, gave a shy smile.

"Hi, Tegan. Welcome to Paris," Juliette said, her voice warm and kind.

"Thanks," Tegan responded, her tone neutral.

They all settled into the dining area, the conversation flowed easily among the adults. Tegan listened quietly, trying to gauge the dynamics of this new environment - as well as actually understand it. Her French wasn't bad, but she definitely did need those classes. Jen and Juliette's parents discussed the most mundane and boring dinner party topics, mutual acquaintances, colleagues, the weather, summer. The ease and normality of their conversation was both comforting and alienating.Juliette's mother mentioned how well Juliette was doing in school and her ballet training, causing Tegan to feel a pang of jealousy. Juliette's life seemed so perfect, so effortlessly successful.

"What about you, Tegan? What were you involved in back in England?" Juliette's father asked, breaking Tegan's reverie.

"I used to like school quite a bit, but then I mostly focused on other things," Tegan said casually, tactically taking a sip of wine so that she didn't have to reveal her academic shortcomings. "Now I'm just getting used to life here."Juliette's father, sensing a lull, continued,

"Are you seeing anyone back in England, Tegan? Us French men are really very good partners. Matthieu, hein Julie?" he teased. Juliette's face turned a deeper shade of red.

"Dad, really?" Her father chuckled.

"Just mentioning it, love. You know how it's a bit of a running joke around here." Tegan raised an eyebrow, her interest piqued.

"Matthieu? Is he a classmate or someone from ballet?"

"He's a friend from school. Nothing serious," Juliette interjected quickly, her tone almost defensive. Tegan observed Juliette's reaction closely. There was something there, a hint of something more complex than just friendship. The idea that Juliette had a boy she was interested in added another layer to Tegan's growing envy. Juliette seemed to have it all: beauty, talent, a supportive family, and now, potentially, a love interest. The conversation drifted back to more general topics, but Tegan couldn't stop thinking about Matthieu. She imagined him as the perfect French boy—charming, handsome, attentive. She felt a bitter taste in her mouth, a mix of jealousy and resentment. Why did Juliette get everything so effortlessly? And why was she jealous of a boy she'd never even met?As dinner progressed, Tegan felt increasingly out of place. She struggled to find common ground with Juliette, whose stories and experiences seemed so different from her own. The wine helped dull her discomfort, but it also made her more aware of her own feelings of inadequacy.When Juliette's parents suggested that the two girls spend some time together, Tegan forced a smile. "Sure, that sounds fine," she said, though the idea filled her with unease.After dessert, as the evening drew to a close, Tegan and Juliette exchanged Instagram handles. Scrolling through Juliette's profile, Tegan couldn't help but feel a deep pang of envy. Juliette's life, with its picturesque moments and close-knit group of friends, seemed perfect in every way that Tegan's life was not. She was sure that Juliette would never have made any of the mistakes at parties that she had."We should stay in touch," Tegan said, trying to sound enthusiastic, but inside wanting desperately to leave."Definitely," Juliette replied, her smile genuine.

Back at their apartment, Tegan and Jen sat on the balcony, the cool night air a welcome relief. They sipped their drinks in silence for a moment before Jen spoke.

"The Dubois family seems lovely, don't they?" Jen said, her tone light. "It was a nice evening."

"Yeah," Tegan agreed, her mind still swirling with thoughts of the dinner party. "They were very nice."Jen finished her drink and stood up.

"I'm going to turn in. Don't stay up too late, Tegan, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight, Jen," Tegan replied."Goodnight, sweetheart," Jen said, giving Tegan's shoulder a gentle squeeze before heading inside.Tegan lit a cigarette, the familiar ritual calming her nerves. She exhaled slowly, her thoughts drifting back to a different dinner party. Her father's angry voice echoed in her mind, the crash of a glass hitting the floor. She remembered the fear and helplessness she felt as she watched her mother try to calm him down, knowing it would only make things worse. The way her hands trembled as she cleaned up the mess, pretending everything was fine.Taking another drag from her cigarette, she looked up at the stars, feeling a fleeting sense of peace. She thought of Juliette and her seemingly perfect life. She wondered if she would ever feel as at ease as Juliette seemed to be. The image of Matthieu surfaced in her mind again, an emblem of everything she felt she was missing out on. She could almost see Juliette and Matthieu together, laughing, dancing, living their idyllic lives.

Fuck them.

As she put out the cigarette, she closed the balcony doors behind her, shutting out the night and the memories it brought with it. She knew she had to face another day in this new city, with its new challenges and the constant reminder of what she felt she lacked. But for now, she could let the darkness of the night cloak her insecurities, if only for a little while longer.