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📢 fight or flight

                              phrase of fight

the instinctive physiological response to a threatening situation, which readies one either to resist forcibly or to run away.

   Every single person in this room is looking at Tegan Butterworth. Over fifteen pairs of eyes baring into her soul, waiting expectantly, impatiently, on the brink of becoming openly hostile towards her. If she hadn't already been drunk, she definitely would have been in tears by now. The thumping beats of a teenage party that had been vibrating the entire house mere moments before had stopped especially for the unexpected announcement. Or what was, in Tegan's opinion, an incredibly unnecessary confrontation. Maisie Connick was stood on her kitchen table, drawing attention to herself by raising her half-empty bottle of beer in the air. Tegan's own bottle had already dropped to the floor. If she had learned one thing in her 17, almost 18, years of life, it was that drunk people had absolutely no filter whatsoever. A lack of filter is not what you want when your friend with benefits gets up on a table at a party.

"I know you guys want to get back to the parrttyyyyy," Maisie slurred. "But I just decided that now would be the perfect time to spread some loooovely newss..." her gaze traced around the room, before landing at Tegan and skirting around her, before looking her up and down and extending her arm to point directly at Tegan's face. Hence why there so many eyes looking at her.

"In case none of you know... Tegan Butterworth wasn't invited to this party by me... I don't even know why she's here..." The ground could have swallowed Tegan up and she still would have felt as if eyes were burning into her. "But, for those who are lost, I'm not up here talking about her just because she's here against the wishes of at least four girls..." Maisie pointed at herself. "Make that five..." Gasps sounded around the kitchen. "For the last three months, we have been sleeping together." Tegan felt physically sick, her head spinning. "Now, surely you'll be thinking 'OMG, Maisie is gay? Get me out of this party?'" The amount of laughter that this statement received only increased the dread in the pit of Tegan's stomach, the gnaw of disappointment and heavy feeling of familiarity only growing as the time went on. "I'm not gay, it was just a bit of fun, call it a, oh what is it? Social experiment. However, it didn't teach me anything... Other than the fact that Tegan Butterworth is the most narcissistic, impatient, selfish, boring, arrogant bitch that I have ever met..." The crowd seemed to part in front of her, allowing her to make direct eye contact with Maisie. "She's a player, she's terrible in bed and she's just one of the worst people I've ever met..." Slowly, cautiously, Tegan's leaden feet dragged themselves towards Maisie. "Our relationship was called friends with benefits... which was an absolute barrel of laughs. There was no friendship in this. Just meaningless, mediocre sex. I can't believe I ever went near a disgusting queer like you..." The world blurred, the noise around her turned into static as Tegan reached the table, before taking a deep breath and being violently sick all over Maisie's shoes. Then the world faded out.

"I'm home..." Tegan called out weakly, and to no one in particular. If anyone was awake, they would be too busy silently seething with anger to even wish to acknowledge her. She kicked off her scuffed trainers - now embellished with speckles of blood and other things as the only reminder of her evening. She picked the shoes up and walked into her utility room, flicking the switch and illuminating the room in a feeble white light before slamming the offensive shoes into the bin. They were the last memory of the night, other than the pounding headache that would turn into a nasty hangover by the time she had to get up. Tegan slumped down into the dining chair that had been discarded exactly where she had left it six hours prior. Before she'd stormed out of the house in rage from a particularly poisonous family argument and made some bad decisions and before gatecrashing a party that she knew she was less than welcome to go to. She heard the door creak behind her.
"Teeg, is that you?" a tired voice whispered. Tegan turned around to see her mum standing in the doorway, her fluffy dressing gown wrapped tightly around her.
"Sorry, mum, I'll be quieter-" she said, a feeling of guilt pinching her as she knew that her mum wouldn't need as much sleep if she didn't have her youngest daughter terrorising her. In fact, one of the main reasons that Tegan believed she was a horrible person was because of the bags under her eyes. No good daughter would drive their mum to becoming a clinical insomniac.
"It's ok... have you had a good night?"
"Depends on what you mean by good," Tegan responded. Her mum sighed and shook her head.
"Oh honey... tomorrow, before your dad leaves for his shift in the afternoon, we really need to talk about where we're going to go next, you know that?" And then thump. Tegan's heart had that oh shit feeling as she gulped and nodded. What with all of the alcohol she had consumed, you would have thought that any thoughts she did have would have been clouded. But no. The hostility of the argument over Tegan dropping out of school was as fresh as ever. And it HURT.
"Yep, all cool." Tegan said, picking up a glass to fill with water and sifting through the cupboard for a slice of bread to throw in the toaster.
"I love you," her mum said, then she walked over and stroked her hair, kissing her cheek before she made her way back over to the entrance. "Make sure you get some sleep."
"Will do."
"Goodnight."
"Night."

The sun glared into Tegan's eyes through the small gap between her paper thin curtains. She stretched, lay still for a couple of moments and then sat up, feeling surprisingly ok when last night was in the equation. She spent about half an hour going through her phone, sending streaks, replying to messages, deleting any drunken stories that she may regret if too many people saw them... typical post party activity. Then, looking at the time, she pulled a slightly stained hoodie off of her bedroom floor and legged it down the stairs. Both of her parents were there waiting for her, and although this is what Tegan had been expecting, she couldn't help but feel a little disheartened at how big of an issue it had become. At the time, she had thought it was going to be the best option. It was just a shame that others didn't agree.
"Morning cupcake," her dad said gruffly, smiling distractedly over his newspaper.
"Ahh, Tegan," her mum acknowledged her as she put three cups of tea on the table, signaling Tegan to also sit down and taken one. Typical, she thought, of course as British citizens we can't do anything without a cup of fucking tea.
"Morning," she fell into the chair, propping a foot on the chair and leaning her chin on her knee. Her father folded up his paper and put it down.
"Well, let's not beat around the bush, Caroline," he placed a hand on his wife's and Tegan felt a flash of confusion.
"Yes, yes... I just..." her mum blew her nose and then took a proper hold of her husbands hand before making eye contact with her daughter. "Tegan, we're worried about you..." No shit... "And we're trying to decide our next steps as a family, but we need you to help us help you. I'm sure a simple phone call can get you reimbursed onto the college register and-"
"No." Tegan said. "No, no, no, no, NO." her dad sighed.
"It's the easiest option, cupcake, we just want to help you make the right decision,"
"The easiest option? So it's not the only option?" Tegan questioned him, before dropping a gaze to her parents' intertwined fingers.
"Well, no, it's not," her mum said kindly, her forehead creased with worry. "But the thing is Teeg..."
"I'm not going back there," she said hotly. "Please don't make me. You can't make me!" A glance was exchanged between her parents. "At least just tell me what my other options are?" her mum straightened her back and looked directly at Tegan.
"Of course there's still a different college - don't - but you could always do an apprenticeship for uncle Mike, he always said he'd be happy to have you..." Tegan internally shuddered. Uncle Mike was a sketchy piece of work. "...Or you could find a job, or worst comes to worst..." The kitchen fell into silence, allowing her to mull over her options. Dropping out of school had been such a good idea at the time. That was meant to have been one simple decision. There weren't meant to be more after that.
"What's the last option?" she asked tentatively.
"The last option is taking a year out and starting again in September. Now I know that that seems ridiculous and that it's a long time away, but..." A prickling of angry tears rose up behind Tegan's eyes.
"Oh yeah, great idea, spend a whole 9 months just mooching around, deal with all the rumours and then start again a year later. Just with a bunch of babies? I can't STAND this town, I want to get out, I need to get out. I will kick off if you force me to stay here." Only then did she properly take in the scene in front of her. Her parents clinging to each other as they watched her with panic in their eyes. Wow. Tegan had never messed up so badly. She slumped. "I'm sorry..."
"Oh honey," her mum said sympathetically, reaching across to pat her on the shoulder. "Everything will be ok, I promise..." Her dad then made an obviously pointed look at his wife before speaking up.
"We had one final option, if you'd like to hear it?" Tegan nodded as she hugged her knees closer to her chest. "Right, well, we didn't tell you because we didn't want it to get to this, but there's the option for you to go and live with my sister for a while - you remember aunt Jen, yes? She's recently moved out to Paris and when I told her about how we were struggling with next steps last night, she offered up her spare room to go and live with her. Now, I don't know if it would be for the whole 9 months or if your mum is also ok with this but... the option is there." Tegan almost stopped breathing from shock. For the first time in her life, she might be able to find out if there was a life outside of this town for her. She looked expectantly at her mum, who just nodded despite the obvious glimmer of tears.
"Please can I go... I need to get out. Oh god, thank you... I promise I'll try to make this work," Her parents smiled sadly at her, and in that moment, Tegan knew exactly how hard it was for them to give her this opinion. "I really love you both."