The tension between me, Newt, and Logan was anything but good. I got myself into a fight with Newt and made both of the boys upset. None of us talked as we walked. We didn't even know where we were headed. Newt lead our group, Logan was in the middle and I stayed behind. All of us were a few feet apart from each other.

I felt horrible. My legs hurt because of the walking, I felt guilty for harming myself again and felt bad for making both of the boys angry and distant.

'Another break?' Newt shouted, not in a very nice way.

'Okay.' I shouted back. We all sat down, still a few feet apart from each other. Everyone was silent as we drank a bit of water. Finally, I got enough confidence to say something. 'Are we gonna keep acting like this or what?'

Neither of them replied and I immediately felt myself getting angry. 'Well?'

No response.

'If you're not talking then I will go by myself, you twats!' I roughly got up and started walking away, not even thinking for a second. 'Idiots.' I muttered.

Eventually, I couldn't resist walking back to them. I couldn't even last ten minutes without them! I felt lame.
'Logan. Let me check your wound.' I ordered.

Logan sighed. 'Mhm, no.'

'Mhm, yes.' I mimicked. 'Lie down.'

Somehow Logan still obeyed and lifted his shirt. No more blood had come out of the wound and it looked fine. 'Okay.' I said. 'It looks alright. Let's keep walking.'

Logan almost looked surprised that I didn't ask anything about the scar, which I was still curious about, though. I decided that I might ask him later.

All silent, we got up and started walking again. 'Is anyone going to say something else?' I carefully asked.

'No.' Both of the boys replied, immediately making my mood worse.

'What is wrong with you?' I grumbled.

'There's nothing wrong with us.' Newt responded as he kept walking.

'What's that supposed to mean?' I mumbled. I slowed my pace when I felt tears form in my eyes. Hoping the two boys wouldn't notice, I let them fall. As quietly as possible I let all the anger and sadness I had the last days out. But when a small sob escaped from my mouth, Newt and Logan both turned around. I glanced at them but didn't say anything.

I kept walking but they both stopped. 'What?' I snapped quietly. My voice was hoarse.

'Why are you crying?' Newt asked.

I stopped right in my tracks and looked at him, stunned. 'Seriously? You're asking me why I'm crying?'

Newt didn't reply and looked down.

'And now you have nothing to say?' I got angrier by the second. 'For once just be reasonable!'

'I am being reasonable but I feel like you're not even listening to me!' Newt raised his voice.

'I am listening to you!' I got closer to him.

'You're never actually listening, Nora! Don't you understand that after I've tried so many things to help you, told you so many times to come to me when you feel like harming yourself, I'm turning crazy about the fact that you just don't listen? I get that it is hard for you, but sometimes I'm losing my patience! I know you're trying, but I also know you can do better! You're not trying hard enough to stop.'

'Well, maybe I don't want to stop! It's the only thing that keeps my fucking feelings away! I can't do anything about the fact that I feel guilty about every death! Every single one. Chuck, Alby, Winston, The Med-Jacks. Everyone! I can't do anything about the fact that I would've died in their place if I had the chance!' Tears formed in my eyes again.

Newt looked upset by everything I said. His eyebrows furrowed. 'What? You blame yourself for every death? You want to die in their place?' Newt lowered his voice.

Then I realized what I said. I looked down and started walking again. After a few minutes, I looked over my shoulder, and to my surprise, Newt and Logan were walking next to each other.

~

'Night time.' Logan sat down on the ground. We were in the middle of a forest, climbing the mountain, on our way to the Right Arm or the others, if we would ever find them. I lay my backpack down too and used it as a pillow.

After a few seconds of silence, Newt spoke. 'Did you mean all of that earlier?'

'Yes.' I replied.

'Oh.' That was the only thing Newt said.

'Did you do it again, Nora?' Logan carefully asked.

'Yes.' I replied again.

'What can we do about it?'

'Nothing.' I answered. 'Just try to stop arguing.'

'We're not the ones-.'

'Newt.' Logan sternly interrupted. 'You heard what she said.'

After about half an hour, I was still awake and assumed the others were too. 'Newt?' I quietly asked.

'Yes, love?'

I was relieved when he called me love. Maybe it meant we were making things up again. 'How do you do it?'

'Do what?'

'How do you stay so... strong? You just keep going and...' I trailed off.

'I'm not strong, Nora. I'm just trying to survive.'

I shook my head. 'You're more than that.'

'I'm just a guy who's trying to survive this hellhole.' Newt turned his head and looked me in the eyes.

'You're still more than that.' I assured. 'You're my favorite person.'

A smile grew on Newt's face and he slowly leaned in. Without even thinking my lips were pressed onto Newt's. My eyes closed as I kissed him passionately. I had to admit, I had missed it. I had missed every single bit of Newt since the moment he got angry at me.

'I love you.' I whispered.

'I love you too.' Newt replied. 'I'm sorry about how I acted. I just-.'

'It'll be fine.' I quickly interrupted, not wanting to get a confrontation again.

'We'll get through this together, okay? We can do it.'

I nodded slowly. 'Okay.' I moved closer to Newt and lay my head on his chest. 'Are you okay with this? I don't want you to get sick aga-.'

'It's perfect.' Newt interrupted. 'Good night, love.'

'Good night, lizard.'