♦ ♦ ♦

When I have an unsuccessful night with Milo, I don't sleep. I come straight home and begin to plan what I will order the pack to do first thing in the morning. Their Luna is missing, even if she's missing by choice, she belongs here. There isn't any other way around it.

She belongs here with me. By my side. Helping me rule this pack.

It's always meant to be that way.

Milo could barely look at me or speak to me. He's livid. I know they have a special bond but maybe he should try being in my shoes. The guilt and the shame tears through my heart like a fucking chainsaw until there is nothing left.

And there is no one else to blame. This house should be a safe space for her and I ripped that away like she didn't matter. But I know she matters. She matters so much to me.

I gather everyone in the kitchen at six in the morning. No one complains because they realise this is serious for the state of the pack. "Have you slept?" Fran whispers under her breath as she passes me.

"Do you think I've fucking slept?"

My words are harsh but what does she expect? The last thing I could think about is crawling into bed without my mate, the bed that still smells like her. I won't be able to keep it together if I even try to sleep in there.

I catch everyone's attention with my booming voice, I inform them what has happened and that we need to find Reign before something happens to her. Not that I want to think about that outcome.

By splitting the pack into groups, I order them in different directions. Giving each group specific places I think Reign could be. When I found her at the market and she showed me to her 'bed', that's when I realised she chose to live near the market for a reason.

It makes it easier to steal and she's always there.

But deep down I know she wouldn't want to go to a local market, or somewhere that I could locate her. She doesn't want to be here. She doesn't want to be with me anymore so she's going to make this difficult.

If she thinks that I'm just going to give up, then she's got another thing coming.

I won't stop searching. I won't stop fighting until she is back in my arms safe and sound.

After a day of searching, no luck, no leads. I feel nauseous up to my throat, like any given second I could empty my stomach's intake onto the floor. Without her my wolf is sloppy, he's depressed. It does nothing for my aching heart but I don't let this defeat me, we keep on until the pack are exhausted and it's becoming dark around us.

When I stare up at the night sky, I frown because she's out there alone.

Suddenly I'm terrified. Anything could happen to her. She's upset. Upset people can easily become vulnerable and I fear she's going to get herself into trouble or worse, hurt or killed. If she gets caught stealing by the wrong person, she could end up as a prisoner or a slave.

I might never get her back.

Fran orders me to take the pack home. I know they're tired but I am shattered beyond repair. I don't want to give up, it's too painful, it's too much. But when I take a look around and notice how everyone's eyes look heavy, breathing quicker. We didn't even pause for food or a break.

My head falls to the ground. Everyone go home. I order.

They pause for a second and then filter past me. I don't move but I watch as Fran and Jesse walk by, neither of them stopping to talk. I don't blame them because I am the only one to blame.

I got myself into this situation.

"You need to go home and sleep, rest and eat." Milo approaches me, arms folded across his chest.

I curse in my mind. This is the last thing I need. Another lecture. Another beating as to why I'm a shit mate, as to why I don't deserve Reign, as to how I broke her trust with my stupid words.

"No," I shake my head and glance away. "I can't go home when I know she's out there. Anything can happen."

"She chose to leave, Everett!"

My head whips to his voice instantly, eyes burning with fury. "Don't you think I know that, Milo! I fucking know that."

He scowls at my tone but he doesn't back down, he doesn't even flinch. We've had scraps as kids, as teenagers and even as adults. Squaring up to each other and fighting isn't rare in our relationship, sometimes we need to have it out before anything can get fixed.

"She's braver and stronger than you think," he comments.

I scoff loudly. "Don't you dare try and tell me what I do and don't know about my mate."

"You keep saying that anything could happen, that she could get hurt. You're just treating her like some china doll that could get smashed any given second," he steps closer and I hate that he's trying to challenge me right now. "But she's a grown woman. She was homeless for years and yet you're still trying to baby her."

My face scrunches up at his words. "Baby her? I'm trying to protect her."

Milo laughs but his voice is cold and lethal. "Protect her. Yeah right, by telling Jesse you wish that she was Cleo?"

"I never fucking said that!" I roar.

"But you implied it."

My chest bumps Milo's. Red filters through my vision. "You don't want to go there, Milo. Do not fucking test me."

"Reign reminds me a lot of myself," his voice lowers. "She suffers in silence sometimes because it feels easier to do that than to keep feeling like you've let down those you care about the most."

I can feel my jaw literally crunch. "She could never let me down."

"But that's what you don't get, Everett," he shakes his head vigorously. "That is what mental illness does, it clouds your thoughts, it makes you paranoid. Convinces you that no one will want to deal with your problems. You need to think about what's going on in her mind when she doesn't want to disappoint you."

My head lowers. I don't know if I could feel any worse than I already do but I'm past the point of repair. I might as well be a bunch of bones on the floor.

"I never wanted her to feel unwanted," my throat burns. I clench my teeth to stop myself from breaking down. "That is the last thing I'd want. I just get so upset when she doesn't speak to me, when she promises me she would try. I want to understand her and I can't, that destroys me more than you know."

Milo sighs and cups a hand over my shoulder. "I get that, Everett. I know you've tried so hard to get her to trust, to get her comfortable here. But you need even more patience with her. You're destined to spend the rest of your life together. And she needs professional help. I think this is something that you might not be able to fix."

I nod and glance up at my brother. His expression has now softened. "I know she needs help. But she told me ages ago she didn't want any."

"I see," he twists his mouth to one side.

"I need to find her, Milo. I ca–"

"We will find her," his voice is determined. "Whatever it takes. Have you been mindlinking her?"

I nod. "Yes."

"Nothing?"

"It's like my messages don't go anywhere. They're up in the air and then they've vanished. I don't think she can hear them. She's blocking me out." I run a hand through my messy, sweaty hair.

Milo curses quietly. "Maybe in a few days she'll come around. Take down her walls and you'll be able to get a message in."

"I'll try everyday," I say with confidence.

"You need sleep, Ev," Milo slaps my shoulder gently. He studies my face. I must look horrific because his expression drops and then eyes droop a little with sympathy.

Now he feels sorry for me after busting my ass day and night?

"No," I mumble. "I can't sleep in our bed."

The thought sends shivers down my spine. I can't be anywhere with her scent. It will kill my wolf and nothing will be able to resurrect me.

Milo tugs at my shirt and pulls me towards the pack house. "Then sleep on the sofa. You need rest and you know it."

"We will search again tomorrow."

He nods eagerly. "We'll be back out tomorrow once we're rested and ready for another day."

I pray the Moon Goddess somehow guides us back together. Even if I don't deserve it.

♦ ♦ ♦

When a week trails by, Reign is still nowhere to be seen. She hasn't even lowered her guard so that I can slip something through the mindlink. It's rock solid and I don't think it's coming down any time soon.

She doesn't want to speak to me. She's trying to push me out of her existence. But it won't work. Not when I still have so many unfinished things to say to her.

I've been in my office for the last twenty minutes, trying to think as hard as I can where she could possibly be. Ruling out sections of the district that she wouldn't be, including markets that have her face on metaphorical posters for her stealing.

Cleo is currently running through possibilities with me. I've never been so grateful for her help, along with Kassian and their pack to try and find her.

"I've lost her," I stare at a spot on the wall. I've not just lost her. I've lost myself. "I made her think that she wasn't good enough but she is. She's more than good enough. She's everything. She kept me on my toes, that attitude that I fucking love. She cared, she cared so deeply."

I hear footsteps echo around the office until she's directly in front of me. She opens her mouth only to press her lips back into a firm line. "I fucked up, Cleo."

"Then let's go out and find her," she points to the door. "Ignore the plan. Let's look. Use your instinct when you're out there rather than moping in your office. She's your mate, Everett. You're not going to find another one. The Moon Goddess made her your mate for a reason."

My eyes blink rapidly. "And I let her down. What if something has happened to her?"

Cleo slams her hand onto my desk. "Then why are we wasting time? Let's go and find her and bring her home for good."

"What if she doesn't want to come home?"

The thought has buzzed around my head a fair few times this week. It's true. She might not want to come back and that's only going to shatter me all over again until I am nothing, absolutely nothing.

"You have a lot of making up to do, Everett," she leans back and folds her arms across her chest. "Let's fucking hope she can forgive you."

God. I know how much grovelling I'll have to do. But I'm frustrated at everything. The situation. Knowing that she ran away from me without shouting at me first. Fuck. I wish she shouted at me, I wish she said everything she needed before attempting to leave.

I am crushed. Defeated.

"I don't know if I can forgive myself for the pain I've caused her," I say in a hushed voice.

Cleo moves to grip my arm and pulls me away from my desk. "Let's go," she beckons her head to the door. "I have somewhere new that we could look. Grab Milo or whoever, tell them we're leaving."

"Okay," I nod at her. "Thank you for keeping my head on straight."

"Don't thank me," she shakes her head. "Reign makes you happy. I haven't seen you like this ever before. You helped non-stop when Kassian was taken. This is the least I can do so you guys can reunite and sort this shit out."

I find myself sucking in a breath. I need to get my shit together.

Reign won't find herself if she doesn't want to come home and I spend the day moping around. I have to prove to her all the reasons why I fell in love with her. I will find her and I promise to myself that I won't let her slip through my fingers ever again.

♦ ♦ ♦

Read the rest of the story and bonus chapters on Patreon. You can also read the first 30 chapters of Milo's story there too!

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Author's Note

Ugh, poor Everett. He needs to find Reign soon! He is literally a mess without her🥺

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