~*~ Chapter 6 - I Forgot to Remember to Forget ~*~
Lydia sat inside the coach alone. Although for that she was rather thankful because she did not have to sit ladylike. Nor was she forced to converse with anyone. Instead, she sat with her feet up on the seat across from her with a book in hand. She was headed to York City with her father and brother. Her father brought Abe along for a seller's trip, to sell off his hogs to the commissary He was giving Abe a chance to take over some of the family business but Lydia was not sure why she was asked to go along.
It was very rare that Lydia was asked to accompany her father to York City. She usually stayed home and tended to Whitehall while he was gone. It was also these days that she usually found herself visiting Anna or the Tallmadges, at least the last couple years because her father did not approve of interactions with them. But this time, her father was very insistent that she accompany him and he didn't give her any explanation as to why, which frustrated her.
They were nearly to Oyster Bay when Lydia felt her eyes beginning to grow heavy. Traveling made one grow weary, especially on long excursions. Normally, she would force herself to stay awake, but the conversation from the front of the coach wasn't very interesting and she didn't feel like reading. So, instead of fighting the sleep, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She was soon fast asleep.
~*~ April 1775 ~*~
Nervously, Lydia Woodhull sat on a boat wringing her hands beside Anna Strong and her new husband Selah. When Anna had suggested that Lydia accompany the new couple to Connecticut, Lydia had originally found the idea daft. But when Anna made it known that Selah intended on paying Benjamin Tallmadge a visit, Lydia knew it was an offer she could not refuse. Especially not when their trip coincided with Richard Woodhull's monthly trip to York City. It seemed providence that Lydia should accompany them for a short time.
Although, had it not been for the opportunity to see Ben, Lydia never would have agreed to accompany the couple on their wedding tour. Especially since it was Selah Strong, Anna had married and not Abraham. Not that Anna had a choice in the matter when Abraham broke off their engagement in order to marry Thomas' intended. While Lydia never breathed a word to a soul about the matter, the fact that Abraham hadn't been able to marry for love had crushed her spirit because the fear that the same fate would be hers became more of a reality.
With a sigh, Lydia glanced down at the water and looked at her reflection. Her insides churned. She was nervous how Ben would react to seeing her. She hadn't notified him that she was coming along. But honestly, more than that, she was beginning to doubt that he ever would marry her, which worried her more than anything. While she was only seventeen, eighteen come late fall, it seemed like an eternity that she and Ben had been at this waiting game. Perhaps marriage wasn't something he desired any longer and if that was the truth, she needed to hear it.
These kinds of things happened, just look at Anna and Abe, their engagement was broken and both married to other people. She had never considered such a fate would befall her and Ben, but perhaps it would and all her pining would be for naught. And there was only one way to discover if her doubts were well-placed, she needed to speak about the situation with Ben, in person. A conversation that she deemed absolutely necessary, but the prospect of her worst fears being realised, terrified her.
Lydia must have been lost in thought for some time because Anna leaned over and whispered, "You've been rather quiet." Lydia blushed as she nodded her head, hoping that Anna wouldn't expect an explanation of her thoughts. But Anna simply said, "Ben will be glad to see you." She smiled and gently nudged Lydia until she smiled back. Lydia's smile satisfied Anna, who then turned back toward her husband. Lydia sighed. Aside from the inevitable conversation she had planned with him, Lydia too would be glad to see him. She missed him terribly and wished for a day that they weren't parted. Although, she had her doubts that day would actually come.
When they finally arrived in New Haven, Selah helped both Anna and Lydia off the boat and onto the dock before arranging for their luggage to be brought to the boardinghouse where they'd be staying. As they began their walk to the boardinghouse, Lydia took in her surroundings. This wasn't her first time in New Haven, having come to New Haven on occasion while Ben attended Yale, but she enjoyed taking in the changes. Unlike sleepy Setauket where it seemed like nothing ever changed, New Haven was different and she liked that. In fact, she rather liked Connecticut and wouldn't mind living there if she were married to a certain schoolmaster, now residing in Connecticut. If and only if.
She smiled at the thought of Ben as a schoolteacher. From his letters, Lydia knew his students liked him, but she didn't find that hard to believe. In fact, she was quite certain that she had been Ben's first student. Again, she smiled. Thoughts of Ben always did that to her...at least, when they didn't involve thoughts of marriage. Marriage. That made her frown. Lydia's smile faded.
Anna noticed Lydia's change in facial expression and looped her arm through Lydia's. "You'll see him soon," Anna said before chuckling to herself. Anna was probably Lydia's closest female friend and knew her better than most, aside from Ben. It was moments like this that made Lydia's headache knowing that Anna would never be kin as they had envisioned for years.
Lydia glanced over at Selah, who stood tall as he walked. He glanced at his wife and then looked straight ahead once more. "Why aren't you strolling with your husband?" Lydia asked Anna.
"There'll be plenty of time for that once I lose you to Ben," Anna responded. Lydia rolled her eyes. But Anna scoffed, "What? It's true. You'll have eyes only for him."
"I will not," Lydia countered, knowing that Anna's words were true.
Anna laughed. "Lyddie, I don't expect any differently. I didn't bring you to chaperone my wedding tour. I brought you so that you could see Ben. I know how much you miss him. And who knows, perhaps you'll finally get that engagement we've all been waiting for."
Lydia said nothing. She blushed simply patted Anna's arm, trying to convey the words she couldn't bring herself to say: I hope so.
When they finally reached the boardinghouse, Lydia was glad to have some time to herself when they checked into their rooms. Some time to freshen up and hopefully dispel her mood. These days, it seemed that whenever her thoughts turned to marriage, she became rather ornery. It was hard for her to see both Abe and Anna marry. She had been with Ben longer than either of them had been with their respective spouses and she couldn't help but be jealous. She wanted what they had, but with Ben in Connecticut and her father still quite disapproving of him, sometimes it seemed like she may never be happy.
Lydia changed out of her traveling clothes and freshened up before she changed into a green silk gown that she knew Ben liked on her. He had said so that last time he had seen her in it which seemed so long ago. Then she began fussing with her hair. While Lydia normally was not a vain person, today was an exception, not that she necessarily needed to do so to impress him. Ben had certainly seen her at her worst and he hadn't cared, but yet she still wanted to look nice for him. Perhaps to remind him of what he was missing in Setauket. Lydia groaned. She hated when she got like this-when she was this insecure.
When she finally found appearance tolerable, Lydia alternated between pacing the room, collapsing on the bed, and watching the world outside her window. Nothing seemed to keep her mind off things for long.
Eventually, a knock came at the door. "Come in," Lydia called, hoping that whoever was outside that door would save her from herself. She was certainly allowing her thoughts to get the better of her.
The door opened and Anna walked inside the room. "Ben's just arrived," Anna said lightly, trying to keep her composure, but the grin on her face giving her away. "Selah's talking to him outside. What do you say we go surprise him?" Anna stood there with her hands on her hips and mischievous look in her eyes. It was clear that Anna was almost as invested in Lydia's relationship with Ben as much as Lydia.
Lydia nodded her head and smiled before she smoothed out her petticoats. Anna reached over and tugged Lydia's arm, dragging her into the hallway. Lydia gave a slight squeal before following Anna down the hall. Once Lydia had composed herself, the two women slowly descended the stairs. They then walked outside onto the porch and stopped for a moment.
Immediately, Lydia spotted Ben. For a moment, her heart seemed to stop before it began to race and a soft smile emerged. She could spot him anywhere. Ben and Selah were conversing and Ben's back was to them, he couldn't see them. Anna glanced at Lydia knowingly. "Let's have a bit of fun, shall we? Stay here for a moment." Lydia nodded her head. Ben wasn't the only one with a playful streak. Anna smirked before she walked away, joining her husband and Ben.
Lydia stayed back, watching the scene in front of her, unable to hear what was being spoken. She clutched her cloak, watching as Ben eagerly greeted Anna. She hoped Ben would be as eager to see her. Lydia took a few steps closer to their conversation. Hearing Ben's voice made her heart race again and her knees weaken, so she leaned against the porch railing and continued to listen.
Ben offered Anna and Selah his congratulations on their marriage before engaging in niceties. How was their trip across the sound? How long were they planning on staying in New Haven? Where else did they intend on visiting? But Lydia just stood there and waited patiently. Although, she was somewhat surprised Ben didn't catch on with all the looks Anna kept directing her way. Even Selah seemed to have a hard time, occasionally glancing at Lydia. But Ben took no notice.
It came to the point that Anna could not keep the ruse up any longer. She burst into a fit of giggles, which caused Ben to stand up straighter and look at Selah in confusion. Selah simply smiled, restraining his laughter. "Is it something I said?" Ben asked with a furrowed brow.
Selah brought his hand to cover his mouth and Anna shook her head. "We brought you something," Anna said, trying to regain her composure.
Ben cocked his head.
"Turn," Anna instructed, gesturing with her arms.
Ben slowly turned his head, looking over his shoulder with a quizzical expression on his face. When he spotted Lydia, his face remained quizzical for a moment as he muttered her name before his expression changed. A grin that practically went from ear to ear overtook his quizzical expression as he sprinted toward her. He bounded up the stairs, skipping two of them, before he finally reached Lydia. Without a word to her, he picked her up by the waist and spun her around. Laughter escaped from her lips as he spun her. When he finally set her down, Ben tugged her cap over her face, like he had quite often when they were children.
"Benj," Lydia groaned, pulling her cap to its proper place which made him laugh. He then boldly pressed a kiss against her cheek. With a smile on her face, Lydia closed her eyes, enjoying the feeling of his lips against her cheek, his stubble gently poking her smooth cheek. After inhaling his familiar scent, she sighed. Sometimes she wondered if Ben knew just how he affected her. If he knew that her heart was completely his.
Feeling Ben's face pull away, Lydia's eyes fluttered open. She found him smiling at her, a glint in his eye. He looked over his shoulder before he quickly pecked her lips. Lydia gasped his name which made him grin. There were times when people thought Ben too serious, but she knew better. She knew just how mischievous he could be. But then his expression changed. Ben cleared his throat and looked at her rather seriously. "What are you doing here, Lyddie?" he asked. There was something in his tone, she could not quite read.
"Anna said Selah wished to see you on their trip to Connecticut and thought it might be good for me to come along. That it would be good for us to have a chance to see each other. Are-are you disappointed?" Lydia responded, her voice hesitant.
Ben's head jerked back a bit. His expression looked momentarily confused before he shook his head and rested his hands on Lydia's arms. "To see you? Never. But your father..."
Lydia nodded her head and breathed a sigh of relief. "My father left for York City about an hour before we boarded our boat to cross the sound. He doesn't know I'm here."
"Ah." Ben didn't seem completely satisfied with her answer, but he didn't press the issue any further because Selah interrupted them, distracting them from their present conversation.
"Tallmadge, you're welcome!" Selah shouted with a smile on his face and his arm protectively wrapped around Anna's waist.
Ben turned toward Selah and grinned. Lydia responded with a blush, trying to avoid the knowing grin Anna was giving them. Ben then offered Lydia his arm. "I suppose we ought to go rejoin them," Ben told her. Lydia softly smiled before she placed her hand on Ben's arm so they could join Selah and Anna.
Walking at Ben's side seemed so natural. Lydia couldn't help but watch Ben's face as they drew closer toward Selah and Anna. He looked happy, healthy, and of course he looked handsome. Ben always looked handsome. She couldn't remember a time when she didn't think Ben handsome. Ben must have noticed her watching him, because he turned his head toward her and looked at her quizzically. "What?" he asked.
Lydia blushed. "You-you look well. I haven't gotten to look at you for some time and..."
But before she could finish, Ben leaned over and whispered in her ear. "There'll be plenty of time for that when we're without our present company."
"Benjamin," Lydia gasped which made him throw his head back and laugh with boyish mirth. Despite the fact that she wanted to join in his laughter, Lydia bit her bottom lip to hold back her laughter and she nudged Ben in the rib with her elbow. But that only seemed to make him laugh more. When they finally reached Anna and Selah, they looked rather amused at the sight of Lydia and Ben.
"You two," Anna said shaking her head with her hands resting on her hips, much like a disapproving mother, but her expression said otherwise.
Lydia sighed and looked up at Ben, who seemed to be enjoying the situation. His smile was infectious and caused a smile to spread across her face. She rubbed her face against his sleeve, trying to hide her smile.
Selah's brow furrowed. "Did I miss something?" he asked Anna.
Anna chuckled to herself. "You're always missing out on something when it comes to these two," she responded to her husband. "They've always been like that. A bit annoying, really."
Lydia and Ben glanced at each other and shook their heads. Selah just nodded his head and pulled his wife a little closer. He then said, "How about dinner? I don't know about you, but I'm famished."
Ben eagerly agreed. He too was quite hungry having made the journey from Weathersfield to New Haven. Lydia and Anna exchanged glances, knowing that neither of them really had a say in the matter. So two couples ventured into the boarding house for dinner.
As they made their way through the dining room, Lydia's face flushed as she felt Ben's hand on her back guiding her toward the table. Once at the table he pulled her chair out for her. She had craved his undivided attention for so long. And now, for a moment, it almost felt as if they were married. Almost. But they weren't and it seemed like they never would be. It seemed like Ben was more than content to keep things as they were, but she wasn't sure that was enough for her.
After dinner, with Selah and Anna, Ben and Lyddie went for a walk. Their dinner had been a rather joyous affair and certainly not the time for Lydia to bring up her doubts to Ben. No, she wished to do that when they were alone...or at least as alone as they'd get. It seemed that since they'd arrived at New Haven, Selah had taken-up the role of watching over her and insisted that he and Anna also go out for a walk, but a distance behind Ben and Lydia so the couple could have some sense of privacy. It was strange seeing Selah so protective over her. She hadn't grown up knowing Selah very well and it was odd that he should know of her relationship with Ben, while her own brother and father did not. And yet, she trusted him.
Lydia rested her head against Ben's arm she was holding onto. Ben looked down at Lydia. It was odd for her to be this silent. Especially after having gone so long since they had last seen each other. So, he told her as much. "You're quiet," Ben said.
She sighed and looked up at him. "Lost in my thoughts, I suppose," Lydia offered. That was the second time that day someone had pointed that out. But at least it was the truth.
Ben nodded his head and walked along in silence for a moment like he was trying to think of a way to engage Lydia in more conversation. He didn't know her to be this quiet, especially after they had been parted for so long. Ben turned toward her and said, "I know how much you enjoy walking. How about a jaunt to visit my alma mater?"
Lydia simply nodded her head.
So, Ben nodded his head once more. He had been hoping that she would say something more. But instead, they just walked toward Yale. After quite some distance, Ben looked over his shoulder. He then nudged Lydia. She glanced up at him with a furrowed brow, but his eyes had that glint. Ben nodded his head back toward Selah and Anna. "How long do you think they will continue to follow us?"
Lydia glanced back and with her free hand, she waved back at Selah and Anna before she turned toward Ben. "I think it depends who is more stubborn. If Selah gets his way, he'll never leave us. He's under the impression that we need a chaperone. But if Anna gets her way I don't believe they'll follow us much longer."
Ben chuckled. "And whom do you believe is more stubborn?"
"Anna," Lydia answered almost immediately which made Ben laugh. Although, she didn't explain that it was because Selah and Anna were newlyweds and that at this point, Selah would do anything for Anna. Instead, she just continued to walk with Ben, falling back into their quiet rhythm.
Anna must have convinced Selah to leave them alone because the next time Ben and Lydia glanced back, the Strongs were no longer walking behind them. "I promise to get you to the boarding house at a decent hour," Ben said with a smirk on his face. Normally, Lydia would have chuckled, but she couldn't even manage herself to force one. Ben could tell that something wasn't quite right, but he didn't push it. Instead, he just continued to walk with Lydia as they finally approached his alma mater.
Ben led her to a tree and looked up at that tree fondly. "Nathan and I would occasionally study beneath this tree," he said wistfully. Ben then glanced at Lydia and smiled. "Although, I must confess I'm being far too liberal with the word study."
"How is Nathan?" Lydia asked, folding her arms across her chest, clutching her cloak a little tighter. She had met Nathan on several occasions. He was Ben's closest friend and roommate while he attended Yale and Lydia knew they were still in close contact.
Ben leaned against the tree. "Well, he's doing well. Seems to be enjoying his work in New London."
"Is it New London or his lady pupils he's enjoying?" Lydia asked pointedly. Ben had informed her though their correspondence that Nathan Hale's school had an arrangement for him to teach twenty young ladies in the earlier hours of the morning.
Ben smiled down at her knowingly. "Both." To her surprise, Ben approached her from behind and wrapped his arms around her midsection and rested his chin on her shoulder. "I must confess that you're still my favourite student." He nuzzled his face against her neck.
"Can't say that you were my favourite teacher," Lydia teased him. Ben quickly jerked back and looked at her with his head cocked. She allowed a small chuckle to escape her lips before she explained. "Your mother."
"Ah," Ben nodded his head and rested his chin on her shoulder again. He sighed. "I miss her. I think of her quite often." Ben was fourteen when his mother had passed away and gained her heavenly crown. Sometimes no matter how much time had passed, some things never truly left.
Lydia nodded her head, she too missed Ben's mother. But suddenly, she could feel her heart beginning to race and not because of Ben. Well, not for the reason Ben usually caused her heart to race. No, this was probably the best way to broach the subject she had been avoiding thus far. She shifted uncomfortably. "What do you think your mother would think of us?"
"I don't have to think-I know she'd be pleased. She always wanted one of her boys to marry you..."
"About that..." Lydia quickly released a puff of air before she turned on her heel to face Ben. She steadied herself by pressing her hands against his chest. She glanced up at him. It was now or never. "Why are we not married?"
"What?" Ben asked. His brow furrowed, unsure if he had heard her properly.
Lydia chewed her lip for a moment. She glanced down at the ground and nervously shifted her stance before she repeated. "Married. Why are we not married?"
Ben pulled back, nearly knocking Lydia off her feet. Thankfully, the tree was there to catch her from falling too far. Ben stood there, staring at her with his head cocked. Confusion evident in his expression. "Come now, you must know."
"Know what, Benjamin? What I do know is that we've been at this for years and we have talked about it, but yet you've never proposed marriage and you keep signing on at Weathersfield. Do you no longer have an intention of marrying me?"
Ben stood there rather dumbfounded. He blinked several times and parted his lips to speak, but closed them to "Do you truly think that I do not wish to marry you?" There was a hint of anger in his voice like he couldn't believe she was asking such a thing.
Lydia's opened her mouth to speak, but her voice faltered. She glanced down at the earth beneath her feet, not wanting him to see the tears that threatened to spill. But Ben reached a finger beneath her chin and gently pushed her head up so that he could see her face. His lips pursed when he noticed tears begin to fall from Lydia's eyes. Lydia's lips quivered as she Ben forced her to make eye contact with him.
"Lyddie, there is nothing I wish for, or pray for, more than to marry you." His expression softened and his anger subsided. He could easily see Lydia's pain and wished to take it from her, not cause her more.
"Then why aren't we married, Benj?" Lydia sobbed, knowing she sounded childish, but she couldn't find any other way to convey her emotions at the present. She took a deep breath to try and calm herself. "I-I've tried to not dwell on the past, but..."
"But what?"
Lydia glanced away. "Seeing Selah and Anna married and Abe and Mary, I can't help but think that we should have been married by now. I-I thought that we would have been married upon your graduation from Yale. But we were not. I-I just cannot help but wonder if our turn will ever come."
Ben sighed, processing Lydia's words. He often had the same thoughts himself, but hearing Lydia give a voice to them almost made them worse. He opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it, pondering what to tell her. While Ben trusted Lydia with everything, there were things he hadn't told her. Things he couldn't find a way to convey to her.
He sighed. "Your father."
Lydia's brow furrowed. "What?"
"You don't say it, but you wish for his approval, Lyddie. And I want to give that to you. I don't want to force you to elope. I don't want to tear you away from him. I know how much you love him, despite how much he frustrates you.I- I've been teaching to earn enough money to prove to him that I am capable of taking care of you and providing for you. But that doesn't seem to be enough."
Ben turned his face away from her, but she gently pushed his face so that she could see the pain on his face. Here she had been so selfish in the matter, when Ben was feeling the same way. She should have known better, but she let her doubts get the better of her. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Ben brushed her tears away. Even through his pain, he was still there to care for hers.
"I-I'm sorry for doubting you, Benj," Lydia apologised. She then stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss against his cheek.
"You missed," Ben whispered.
Lydia leaned back and looked at him in confusion. "I what?"
Ben gave a throaty chuckle. "You missed." He then leaned down and captured her lips with his. Lydia practically melted against him. There was something different about this kiss. It was more heated...more desperate...more everything. And Lydia thoroughly enjoyed it and kissed him back just as eagerly. She knew this was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with...even if her father didn't approve. Although, she certainly hoped that he could be won over.
After several heated kisses, they pulled away. Both of their faces flushed. Lydia looked at Ben with a coy smile on her face as her fingers brushed against her lips. Ben grinned like a schoolboy. He then pulled her close again and rested his forehead on hers, gazing directly into her eyes. "I do love you, Lydia Woodhull," he whispered.
Lydia closed her eyes. "I know that," she whispered back before she opened her eyes. She pressed her hand to his cheek. "I love you too, Benjamin Tallmadge. But what can we do about changing Woodhull to Tallmadge?"
Ben smiled softly. "Lydia Tallmadge. I rather like that."
"I do too but.." Lydia shook her head. "Benj, I'm being serious."
"As am I." He grinned for a moment before nodding his head in acknowledgement. "I've been thinking about our predicament. I already gave my word to Weathersfield about next school year, but after that, I was thinking about taking up the law."
"The law?"
Ben nodded his head. "It's always fascinated me and since Abraham is set against following in your father's footsteps, then perhaps..."
Lydia smiled. "Then perhaps, he'd allow you to follow in his footsteps."
"And then perhaps, he'd allow me to marry his daughter." Ben smiled hopefully as he gently tapped Lydia's nose.
Lydia smiled. If Richard Woodhull actually got to know Benjamin then maybe, just maybe, he might come to approve of him for his only daughter. Then this plan might actually work. But quickly Lydia found her elation crashing down. Their entire plan hinged on her father, who was a lot of things, including stubborn and set in his ways. "But, but what if my father..." she began.
"Doesn't relent?" Ben asked.
Lydia nodded her head.
Ben sighed he took Lydia's hands in his. "Then, either we part ways or we take matters into our own hands."
"When?"
Ben remained silent for a moment. He glanced down at their joined hands and swung them back and forth a few times. Then, looking back at Lydia, he chewed his bottom lip. "I don't know."
Lydia released Ben's hands and rested hers on her hips. She stood a little taller, sometimes Ben just needed to be told. "You have until my nineteenth birthday, Benjamin. After that..."
He cocked his head. "After that?" he asked.
She stood there silently for a moment, processing where her heart was guiding her head. She took a deep breath before she rested both her hands on his cheeks. They made eye contact and Lydia held it for a time before she said, "I know you said there were two options, but there is really only one for us. We elope unless we find just cause for it before."
Ben rubbed his face anxiously. "Lyddie-I-I-"
"I wish to be your wife, Benjamin. Yours and yours alone. Do you wish to be my husband?"
He shook his head. He wasn't angry, but he knew she knew. So he told her as much. "You know I do."
Lydia nodded her head. "Then it's settled."
Ben chuckled and nodded his head in agreement. Lydia was certainly every bit as stubborn as her father, but he loved that about her...most of the time. Ben was surprised to find Lydia grinning at him. "What?" he asked hesitantly,
For a moment, she glanced down before looking up at him, holding onto the lapels of his coat. "Does this mean we're engaged...albeit secretly?" she asked.
He opened his mouth to speak, but then quickly shut it. Ben cocked his head like a beagle. Had Lydia just orchestrated their official secret engagement? He chuckled and shook his head before he responded, "I already thought we were." His eyes were teasing and Lydia shook her head before she gently pushed at his chest. Ben laughed. He then offered his arm to his secret fiancee. She accepted and the couple strolled back to the boarding house with a certain understanding.
~*~End Flashback~*~
Lydia was awakened from her nap by Abraham entering the coach. She quickly withdrew her legs and sat upright in a more ladylike position. Abe nodded his head at her as he took the seat across from her in the coach. "Sleep well?" Abe asked.
She nodded her head, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "How are things up front?"
"Fine. Just fine."
Lydia opened her mouth to speak, but Abraham put a lone finger against his lips signaling her to be quiet. Abe then pointed toward the front of the coach-their father. Lydia's brow furrowed. What could he possibly want to discuss with their father so close, yet not what him to know? She nodded her head in agreement. He then thrust a letter into her hands. Lydia opened the letter to find that it was the one she had received from Ben the night of the bonfire. Her eyes widened and her heart began to race. She had wondered what had happened to the letter. Had anyone else seen the letter?
But Abraham almost immediately seemed to silence her fears. "I was behind you when it fell to the ground and picked it up. You must have missed your pocket which is no surprise given the number of petticoats you wear over your pockets."
Ignoring Abe's fashion critique, Lydia furrowed her brow and asked. "Did you read it?"
While she already suspected that he had, she hoped he had not. The contents of the letter were between Benj and her...not Abe. She reached through the slit of her petticoats to find her pocket. Lydia slipped Ben's letter in her pocket which also contained the small leather pouch she had taken from beneath the floorboard in her bedroom. She needed to keep it safe.
Abe nodded his head, acknowledging that he had, in fact, read her letter. Lydia groaned to which Abe responded, "You need to be more careful. Although, I suspect that will be one of your last correspondence with Tallmadge."
Lydia cocked her head and looked at her brother quizzically. "What?"
"You need to forget about Ben Tallmadge," Abraham whispered. "It's never going to happen. The sooner you accept that the better."
Lydia sat there too stunned to speak. It had been a few days since she had spoken with her brother, but she was confused to see this side of him. Last she knew, Abe was keen to spy for Ben, but it something had suddenly changed his mind. "Ex-excuse me?" Lydia whispered, hoping that perhaps she hadn't heard him right.
"You heard me, Lydia. We're done with Ben Tallmadge-me and you. Captain Simcoe wasn't killed in the ambush in Connecticut."
"What does that have to do with..."
"It's too dangerous, Lydia. With the war coming so close to Setauket, Father agrees and he's decided that we're not leaving York City until he's secured you an engagement. So there's no use frittering away your time pining after Ben because you'll soon be engaged."
Lydia wanted to scream. She wanted to kick. Something. But instead, she sat as still, not allowing her brother to read her emotions despite the turmoil that raged within her. Her hand slipped inside her pocket and tightly clutched the leather pouch. This was not how things were supposed to go and there was no one to jump in to save her. The only one she could rely on at this point was herself and it looked like she was somehow going to have to muddle through.
Author's Note: So, we got a bit more Lydia and Ben. haha. Sorry it's been so long. Life. Ugh. Sometimes, it sucks. Thank you to everyone who has stuck by this story. It means a lot to me. :) There was a bit more to Lydia's trip to see Ben, but it didn't fit with the flow of where the chapter was going. Hopefully, I'll be able to squeeze it in at some point because it is important to who Lydia is as a person. Also, I would just like to say ahead of next chapter, some trust will be needed. But never fear, nixdragon and Renny Autumn, my faithful betas know where I'm going! haha. Thanks again for all the support with Lyddie. Like I said, it means the world to me. Thanks to all who have read/favorited/followed/reviewed! Much love! :)
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