I was sitting in my room, books scattered around me, trying to focus on my studies. But my mind kept wandering back to the conversations with Siddique. His sincerity, his kindness, his unspoken feelings—everything kept replaying in my head. I shook my head, attempting to concentrate, when I heard a knock on the door.

"Naaz, can we talk?" It was my father's voice, sounding uncharacteristically serious.

"Coming, Dad," I replied, pushing my thoughts aside as I got up and opened the door.

My parents were sitting together in the living room, their expressions somber. My mother looked at me with a mixture of concern and anticipation. My father motioned for me to sit.

"Naaz, we need to discuss something important," my father began, his tone grave.

I sat down, feeling a sudden knot of anxiety in my stomach. "What is it, Dad?"

"We've been talking about you and Siddique," he said slowly. "After much consideration, we’ve decided that an engagement would be the best way forward. It honors the wishes of Siddique's father and allows you both to take your time."

I stared at them, stunned. "An engagement? But I’ve already told you I’m not ready for marriage. How can you make this decision without asking me?"

My mother reached out to me, her voice soothing but firm. "Naaz, it’s not a marriage right away. It's just an engagement. It will give you both time to get used to the idea, to grow together."

"And Siddique agreed to this?" I asked, disbelief coloring my voice.

My father nodded. "Yes, he did. He respects your decision but also understands the importance of this engagement for both our families."

Anger surged through me. How could Siddique agree to this after everything we talked about? He knew I needed time, yet he still went along with this plan.

"Excuse me," I said abruptly, standing up and heading to my room.

I changed into a yellow salwar kameez, my mind racing. I couldn’t believe this was happening. The fact that Siddique agreed to this without even consulting me infuriated me. He had always respected my decisions—why would he suddenly change his stance now?

At 9 PM, I left the house, determination fueling my steps. I knew Siddique would be at home by now. I had to confront him, to understand why he would go against our previous conversations.

The night was cool and still as I walked to Siddique’s house. My heart pounded with a mix of anger and anxiety. When I reached his front door, I knocked, trying to calm my racing thoughts.

Amina aunty opened the door, a surprise flashing across her face when she saw me. "Naaz? What are you doing here at this hour?"

"I need to talk with Siddique," I said, the urgency evident in my voice.

She opened the door wider, letting me in. "He is in his room. Resting."

"Thank you, aunty." Giving a quick nod, I walked towards his room. I didn't bother to knock on the door; I simply opened it and walked inside, then closed it behind me.

Siddique looked up, surprised quickly turning to concern as he saw my serious expression. He was sitting on his bed, using his phone.

"Naaz? Are you okay?" Ignoring his question, I rushed to him and sat beside him on the bed. I looked at him with pleading eyes.

He cupped my face and asked again, "Are you okay?"

I moved back, getting my face out of his grip, then shook my head. "I am not fine, Siddique; and you know why?"

He sighed, frustration evident in his voice. "I do, Naaz. I definitely do know that. But what can I do about it? It's so complicated. I have feelings for you, but you don't."

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my emotions. "Only you can fix it, Siddique."

He looked genuinely confused. "How can I fix it, Naaz?"

I grabbed both his hands in mine and pulled them near my chest. "Break this engagement. Say you don't want it."

His expression hardened. "I can't do that. Naaz, I'm sorry."

"Please! Say no to this engagement, Siddique," I begged, desperation seeping into my voice.

"I can't, Naaz." He pulled his hands back. "And you know why? I have to fulfill my father's last wish," he said, his voice emotionless, as if he didn't care about me and my feelings. It was as if my readiness or lack therefore for marriage or commitments didn't matter to him. That angered me more.

"This is wrong!" I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't believe you. You agreed to my words; what happened all of a sudden? What changed your fucking mind?"

"First of all, mind your language, Naaz," he said, his tone firm. Ignoring my eye roll, he continued, "Second of all, I am sorry. But this is what it is. You have to accept it, even if you don't like it."

"No." I said, firmly. "You guys can't force me."

"No one is forcing you. It's already written. People are just acting upon it." He grabbed my hands and kissed them, "You were meant to be mine and I was meant to be yours. It's been destined since we were kids, Naaz."

"Oh God! Stop it," I said in anger, pulling back my hands.

"You want to yell at me? Yell. You want to fight with me? Do it. I don't care."

"Yeah! Right," I scoffed, feeling utterly helpless.

"Get ready to fall in love with me, Naaz," he said suddenly with determination, his voice steady and resolute.

I was shocked but quickly composed myself before responding to him. "This is bullshit!" I scoffed at his words and looked at him with anger. "It's not happening. I won't fall for you," I said out of anger and frustration. I didn't mean it.

"It might sound like bullshit to you right now, but this will be our reality, one day. Your reality, Naaz. You better be ready to fall for me and accept me as your husband," he said firmly.

"Fuck you," I spat out in frustration.

"After our marriage? Sure," he replied with a smirk, his bold words making my eyes widen in shock. He had never talked to me like this. That too about something so intimate.

"You think this is funny?" I snapped, my anger flaring again.

"No, Naaz. I don’t think this is funny at all. But I think it’s necessary. I mean the engagement. For both of us. For our families," he said, his tone softening as he reached out to me again. "I know this isn't what you wanted. But maybe it's what we need. You need it."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm the storm of emotions inside me. "Siddique, we had this conversation. Twice. I told you I needed time. Why didn’t you listen?"

"I did listen, Naaz. But when your father spoke to me, I realized this might be the only way to keep us connected, to give us time without losing each other. Maybe! Like this you will fall for me. Spending time with me. This is how arranged marriage works. Right?" he explained, his eyes filled with sincerity.

"By forcing me into an engagement?" I asked, my voice trembling with frustration.

"No. By giving us a chance, Naaz. A chance to see if this could work. To see if we could be more than just friends," he said, his voice was steady but filled with emotion.

"But, I don't want it." I snapped. He looked hurt by my words, but I was not ready for marriage or any kind of commitment. I needed more time. On top of that, we were still young. We had enough time to figure out our feelings. There was no rush.

"Please! Siddique, I am a human, not a puppet or a robot. That whatever people say, I have to obey blindly."

"Puppet? Robot? Obey blindly? Seriously, Naaz?" He scoffed, his voice filled with sarcasm.

"What?" I snapped.

"Don't you think I'm the one being toyed around by you?" He accused, his voice was filled with anger.

I grasped his words. "I? Toying?"

"Yes, you are." He snapped. "You're toying with my emotions, Naaz. My feelings for you. Yes, I know you don't feel anything for me. I'm just a friend to you. Which is okay. I am okay with it. I am not forcing you to love me. Right now. Did I force you, Naaz?" His voice softened at the end.

"No." He didn't. He did consider me and my emotions.

"But what are you doing?" His voice filled with accusations again. "You are not considering me and my feelings. You are just doing what you want."

"Really?" My voice was small.

"Really." He nodded. "I said I have feelings for you. You said let's be friends only, and it took you almost a month to tell me this. Really? A MONTH? But I said okay fine. But you didn't talk to me. You didn't meet me. We are not like before. We are not friends anymore, Naaz."

"We are not friends anymore?" I asked in disbelief, more at myself. Because I knew he was telling the truth. We don't meet anymore. We don't talk. We don't do anything like we used to. I was just avoiding him all the time. I met him when I need something from him. How selfish am I?

He continued with his accusations, "You said you're not ready for marriage or commitments; you wanted to study. I said okay. Fine. I understand; marriage is a big deal. You need time. So I denied it too. Now this engagement thing?"

There was a long silence between us before he said, "I think we should end this right here. Right now."

"Yes, you're right. We should." I agreed. Finally, he understood. "We should think about all this later. We are still young, Siddique. I'm just 23, and you're 26. We are too young to get married."

"I meant, our friendship." His voice was deadpan.

My head snapped at him, hearing his words. "What?"

"You heard me. I'm ending our friendship, Naaz," he said, his voice filled with pain and bitterness.

"Siddique?"

"Let me complete. And also this marriage and engagement thing. Let's just forget about my father's last wish, okay? Because I'm ending it. Today. Tonight. Right now."

I just looked at him in disbelief. He has gone mad! He has lost his mind.

"I can't take this toxicity anymore. You are free to live your life on your own terms and conditions. You may leave now. And don't come here again. I don't want to see you. Ever again. After all, I need to move on in life." He said, his voice was emotionless.

I didn't hear anything after he said he wanted to end our friendship. Just like that? How could he do this? How can he say something like this?

"Have you gone mad? How could you end our friendship like this? Huh? Who gave you the right?" I asked in anger.

"I don't need anyone's permission to be attached to you or to break our friendship. I'm an individual. An adult. I can make my own life's decisions. With whom I want to be and with whom I don't. Be it friendship or love? It's up to me. Not you."

"You can't do this, Siddique!"

"Oh, I can." He snapped. "You don't know me, Ms. Naaz Kabir Kazi." His voice was filled with pain and anger.

He was angry at me. He was in pain because of me, that's why he is doing this. To give me pain. To make me feel what he was feeling because of me.

"Siddique!" I cupped his face gently, "I'm sorry."

He pushed my hands away harshly, "Don't touch me."

I felt hurt. I felt rejected. But I guess I deserved it. I deserve all the pain. After all, I hurt him, my best friend. My Siddique.

"I am sorry, please. Stop it," I said, begging.

"Shut up! Alright. I am done with you." He snapped and got up from his place and moved towards the door.

He stood there for some time, holding the door knob, and I just kept looking at him, waiting for him to tell me it was a lie. To tell me he just pulled a prank on me. To tell me he just didn't break our friendship. Tell me he does want to see me and my face. Tell me he does want to meet me again. Tell me he won't move on from me. He didn't say that, but he said something which broke me to the core.

"When I come back, make sure I don't see you here." He was about to go but then stopped. I looked at him with hope in my eyes, waiting for him to tell me it was just a prank. A very bad prank to irritate me.

"I'll ask Rizwan to drop you home. It's too late to go home alone." After that, he walked out of his room like a dead person, with no emotion both on his face and in his voice. I heard the door banging the door behind him, showing his anger and pain to me.

I looked at the door in shock from where he just left. Did he just break our friendship? Did he just say he doesn't want to see me? Did he just say he doesn't want to meet me ever again? He wants to move on? I didn't know he was in so much pain because of me. For my selfishness.

I looked down at my hands and tears finally rolled down my cheeks, which I had been holding back all this time.

"I did it. I didn't it was my own hands. I destroyed us!" I sniffed once, then I started crying, feeling pain in my chest. I clenched the dress over my chest. It was hurting, physically. I felt like I just lost a part of my body. He was a part of me. I cried. I cried harder, hugging myself.

Soon after, Rizwan walked into his room in a rush and pulled me into a tight hug. He whispered something sweet to console me, but I felt deaf. I couldn't hear a word of what he was saying.

"Naaz! Stop crying." I finally heard his voice. He grabbed the glass of water that was on the nightstand and held it near my mouth to drink. But I pushed it away. I don't need water. I need my friend Siddique.

"Drink it, idiot." His voice was commanding. I shook my head, denying it again. So he forcefully made me drink some by grabbing my jaw. I was sure Siddique sent him here to drop me home.

"When I come back, make sure I don't see you here." His words echoed in my head and I cried harder hugging Rizwan.

He kept the glass back on the nightstand and hugged me again, and asked, "What happened between you two? He looked like a walking dead person while going out of the house."

"Please drop me home," I begged. I don't want him to know what we talked about. I'll do anything to get my friend back. Even if I have to go on my knees and beg him to accept me.

Rizwan sighed but nodded. "Alright, let's get you home."

The car ride was silent. Rizwan didn't press for details, sensing my need for quiet. When we arrived at my house, I quickly got out of the car, ignoring my parents who were waiting at the door. I rushed inside and headed straight to my bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

I threw myself on the bed and cried more, the sobs wracking my body. Hours passed, and exhaustion finally took over. I cried myself to sleep, feeling broken and alone.

••

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