((A long-ish chapter after being away for a while. Show me love pls ;;-;; <3))

「fool me once, fool me twice
are you death or paradise?
now you'll never see me cry
there's just no time to die」

♫ billie eilish; no time to die

✩ y e o s a n g ✩
mature

White.

Blank.

One big, empty blur.

Yeosang blinked, twice, but nothing changed. His head was heavy, spinning although he was certain he was lying completely still. The only sound he could hear was his own breathing, and it was a struggle to even get it over his dry lips.

He opened his eyes again, as much as he was capable of - but still, all he saw was white. Nothing.

Suddenly, he felt fingertips stroke his chin and down his jaw, gentle and soft and a voice that started off sounding so far away, soon ran through his ears and filled his head.

"Everything will be okay, my love. You will be okay, I promise."

At the sound of the voice he had hoped he'd never hear again, Yeosang closed his eyes once more - but the tears were pushing against his eyelids, warm and painful.

He wanted to reach out, to push Seonghwa away, to get up and run as fast as he could... But it was impossible for him to move at all, and then he felt a small sting poke through the skin of his arm.

"I will fix you, don't worry."

As time passed, exactly how much was uncertain to him though, Seonghwa cut down on the doze and only kept him sedated to the extend where he had no chance of fighting back.

The scenario repeated itself so many times that Yeosang began to question if he was even awake, or if it was simply a horrible nightmare. Or maybe, this was Hell and how he would suffer for eternity.

✩

Yeosang opened his eyes up wide, stared at the white ceiling, but for once he actually was able to see other details as well - kind of, at least.

He wiggled around on the bed, dragging his tired body across the sheet until he felt a pull at his wrist. Cuffs around both his wrists held him tied to the bed, one on each side of the mattress, and he let out a struggling whine as he realized what was going on.

One pull, two - but nothing helped, he was still stuck.

The sound of the door opening made him stop moving, and he slowly turned his hazy vision towards the tall figure that came towards him.

"How are you feeling?" Seonghwa asked, sitting down next to the bed and gently petting Yeosang's hair.

Swallowing all the disgust that rammed through him, Yeosang held back any sign of the despise he felt towards the older, and instead he did his best to smile softly.

"Better," he lied, knowing way too well that fighting back would only cause him more pain. "Where am I?"

"Somewhere safe," the older replied with a smile as hollow as the look in his dark eyes, which tried to disguise itself as concern. "No one will bother us here."

The same day seemed to loop over and over, and Seonghwa only let him out of bed to go to the bathroom. In the evenings, Seonghwa would hold him close in the bed, hands tied together in front of him, and Yeosang would rest his head against the skin that was burning against his own - while listening to the heartbeat of the evil that held him captured.

But every heartbeat that ran through his ears and blended with his own, was only a reminder of his failure. He was supposed to be dead, he had wanted to die - to be dead and gone, far away from this horrible world.

With every lie Seonghwa told him, every promise of how Yeosang would feel better soon, he began to tell the same lie to himself as well.

He would get better, soon, but his way of getting there was different from the older's.

And way more risky.

But if there was one thing Yeosang had learned, it was that taking risks was all he had left - and he had absolutely nothing to lose anyway.

Seonghwa enjoyed playing games, to control other people's lives and minds, and it was time for him to taste his own medicine.

Yeosang waited as patiently as he could, twisted and sugar coated all of his words in ways not even he himself would be able to tell were pure lies. He would accept every touch, every kiss, he would whisper sweet words and pout when Seonghwa tied him down at night to keep him under control.

"I love you," Seonghwa whispered to him, with soft kisses in his hair and a careful touch down his skin. But the darkness inside of the older never left, it was always there - lurking right underneath the mellow surface.

"I love you too... But I... I need..." Yeosang panted weakly, squirming around on the bed as much as he could, one night where his patience was about to run out.

"What do you need, love?" Seonghwa looked at him, but it was clear to see that the older already knew what he meant.

"... You."

Seonghwa's tongue filled Yeosang's mouth before he could even blink twice, and he accepted the deep kiss right away. Hands on his body, under his shirt and touching him everywhere on his skin, Yeosang whimpered softly into the kiss, moving his body in waves of desire as Seonghwa lied down on top of him.

"Untie me, please," he whispered as the kiss ended, playfully biting Seonghwa's lower lip.

"You're not ready yet," Seonghwa whispered back, much to Yeosang's disappointment. "Won't risk you hurting yourself again."

Shoving the disappointment aside, Yeosang raised his head upwards again to feel Seonghwa's lips on his own once more. The kiss got wilder and soon the room was filled with the sounds of their naked body slamming together, and Yeosang gasping Seonghwa's name while begging for more.

He did the same thing, over and over, and after each time he would ask Seonghwa to stay with him, to hold him while he cried his heart out.

"I'm sorry," he sobbed for perhaps the 100th time, "I thought you hated me. You're the only one I've ever loved. I'm sorry I was such a blind idiot!"

And Seonghwa would kiss him on the forehead and stroke his cheeks, while Yeosang drifted off in dreams of being held in the arms of someone else.

Yeosang kept teasing him, kept the sweet promises of forever love on his tongue - shoving it down Seonghwa's throat with each deep kiss they shared, and every moan he let over his lips when they fucked. And one night, Seonghwa finally untied him from the bed.

Instantly, Yeosang threw his arms around the older's neck, pulled him even closer while their naked bodies connected again. He whined impatiently into the kiss, diving his fingers into the dark locks and tugged them lightly with each thrust that went inside of him.

"Feels so good," he panted heavily, with small pearls of sweat rolling down his skin. "No one can make me feel like you do."

His lies were sung as the sweetest melody, carried by his calm voice - but in his mind he saw someone else, someone who he wished he one day would be able to tell those words to, and actually mean them.

With his eyes closed, he lost himself in the dream of being with Hongjoong like that, feeling him and kissing him, telling him how wonderful and special he was. Saying I love you, and hearing it said back to him in a way that would make his heart flutter.

Yeosang lied, every minute of the day, with every word and move he made, every small sigh and look in the older's direction. Until one day, where it finally seemed like the older had begun to put his guards down. Having both arms cuffed turned into only one, and with a longer chain which gave him the ability to move around just a little.

And Yeosang knew it was now or never. His only chance depended on if love really made you blind...

"Love," he softly whimpered, rolling around on the bed while batting his lashes. "I'm feeling a bit uneasy..."

"What is the matter?" Seonghwa asked, as he sat down on the bed, shirt open and revealing the many scratch marks Yeosang had left on his skin the night before.

"Can you help me clear my mind?" Yeosang sat up, eyes big and needy and lips pushed into an innocent pout.

His hands stroked over Seonghwa's thighs, as he moved closer - fingertips teasingly moving in circles that caused the older to hum. Yeosang left wet kisses all the way down Seonghwa's chest and toned stomach, until he reached the belt which he quickly unbuckled.

Throwing it onto the floor, he unbuttoned the older's pants, while looking him deeply into the eyes. Only a few seconds later, his tongue was swirling around the top of the hardening cock in his hands, and he looked up with sparkling eyes.

"Please?"

"What... What do you need me to do, baby?" Seonghwa groaned, eyes closing in delight as Yeosang took him further into his mouth.

"Could you... Give me some of that thing... That will make me relax?" Sucking it until it was nice and hard, Yeosang took his time pleasing the older, and he spoke slowly every time he popped the wet cock out from between his lips.

"You want it now?" Seonghwa raised a brow as he opened his eyes just slightly.

Wrapping his fingers around the shaft, pumping it slowly, Yeosang got up on his knees to come face to face with Seonghwa. He ran his tongue against the older's lower lip and with a playful smile he leaned in to whisper in Seonghwa's ear.

"Yes, fuck me while I'm losing consciousness. Use me. Let me feel who I truly belong to."

"You're insane," Seonghwa chuckled, but obviously liking what he was hearing.

"That's why you love me, isn't it?" With a smirk, Yeosang set up the pace of his right hand, while the other went down to touch himself between the legs. "Please? I want it, so bad."

A kiss on the lips and Seonghwa got out of bed and disappeared out the room, while Yeosang felt his heart starting to pound in his chest. He did his best to stay calm, or to act like it as much as he could. If he failed now, he could only pray that Seonghwa would kill him quickly.

When the older returned with a syringe in his hand, Yeosang had to swallow the lump that had grown in his throat, but he managed to put on his most seductive smile.

"I'll be yours forever, if you still want me," he purred with a fingertip stroking Seonghwa's lips. "I'll do anything for you, anything you want me to."

He went down to suck the older off again, making sure he was as hard as he could get, and Yeosang moaned around the cock in his mouth, playing with it with his tongue and waiting until Seonghwa's groans got louder as well.

Then he felt it, a faint sting on his arm, and never had he ever reacted as fast as he did in that moment. The tip of the needle had not even poked through his skin, when he bit into the older's cock - jaw clenched closed like a bear trap. A wild, painful sound exploded from Seonghwa's mouth, and Yeosang was shoved away with a push so hard he almost lost his focus.

But Yeosang was determined like never before, and luckily thinking way more clearly than the distressed Seonghwa who on the other hand lost focus for just one second too long. One second was all it took, for Yeosang to snatch the syringe from his hand and ram it right into Seonghwa's veins, emptying it in one go.

And then he watched, as Seonghwa curled up in pain and confusion, cursing Yeosang loudly but with words that soon became a strange gibberish. The older fought to keep his eyes open, reaching his hands out to grab a hold of Yeosang, but his movements were too slow and he ended up just waving his arms around with his result.

As soon as he was unconscious, Yeosang used all his strength to get his hand free from the wrist cuff, not caring how the metal was cutting into his skin or how the blood was dripping down his arm. He was as free as he could be in that moment, but he couldn't waste even one second.

A lot of struggling later, he stood in the middle of the dining room he hadn't been let into before. Outside the windows was a beautiful forest, with pretty flowers and sunshine - but it all seemed as fake as the love he had shared with the older.

The older which was now tied to a chair, arms behind the backrest and each leg to the front legs of the wooden chair. A smile slowly spread over Yeosang's lips, and this time it was an actual smile - one that made his stomach tickle.

✩

The sun had been replaced with the moon and stars when Seonghwa finally woke up again. Yeosang had been sitting on the couch, waiting patiently with the smile still present on his face.

When the older opened his eyes, looking around in confusion, Yeosang got up and walked slowly towards him.

"Yeosang... What the fuck are you doing?" Seonghwa growled with aggressive jerks of his body, but to no use - the rope was tied tightly around him, and with knots only the cut of a knife could open.

A knife, sharp like the one in Yeosang's hand.

"Everything will be okay, my love," Yeosang hummed as he sat down straddled over Seonghwa's lap. He raised the knife, ran it over the bared skin in front of him, and leaving the first red line behind. "I promise you."

✩