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FM-84 (ft. Ollie Wride)

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Don't Wanna Change Your Mind

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•  •  •

[23rd June, 2006]

•  •  •

ENCASED BENEATH A BLANKET of glittering stars seemed surreal, but Jodha's focus remained on the breathtaking man lying beside her.

Sensing the distressed atmosphere at home, Carlisle was ready to take them both out to help clear their minds. Jodha was ready to cancel their date until she felt she could get over her shame to face the man again, but her father apologized for overreacting and insisted they have their night out.

She didn't want to leave her Dad, knowing he'd keep mulling over what went on behind his back while her mother was alive but she also couldn't disobey him.

Which was why Carlisle and Jodha were currently lying on the bonnet of his Mercedes, admiring the nightscape. Before bringing her here, he'd bought a large portion of a delicious chili shrimp pasta that they shared, though she noticed he barely had much of a bite. Then again, his first taste of the unbelievably spicy dish made him launch into a minor coughing fit. His reaction to the food must have turned him off even if he did struggle with a few more bites while they chatted, leaving her to polish off the entire thing.

Stress eating never tasted so good.

A stupendous start to the list of embarrassing things she'd done — and will do — in front of Carlisle Cullen.

The air was cool but not windy, the sky dotted with an endless expanse of dusty, twinkling silver and a luminescent moon — majestic from the vantage point of the cliff overlook where they parked. At the rocky base, inky waters rippled to the shore in a low rolling tide upon which the moon's reflection shimmered.

It was clichè. It was romantic.

It was so enchanting.

Just like him.

His lips quirked in a side smile, a hint of teeth showing before his tawny gaze stole her attention.

"Penny for them, sweetheart?"

As if she'd burden him with that, even if his dreamy voice enticed her to. The amount of issues this man had already taken upon himself without even knowing much about her — she wanted to hide away, unable to comprehend how she could still face him. His mellifluous voice, soft and serene, was strong with that mixed accent and that was when she finally realized.

"You're from England, aren't you?"

He blinked at her, his relaxed expression morphing to incredulity. "Yes, I am. How did you know?"

She smiled, turning on her side and propping herself on her elbow to better face him — the sun visor spread on the windshield beneath them allowing for a comfy position. He shifted his upper body towards her slightly but otherwise, remained on his back, eyes never leaving her.

"I can hear it. The accent is faded so I had to listen closely but I've been trying to figure it out this past week." She shrugged. "I didn't want to ask outright. Did you move here when you were very young?"

He nodded, a frown marring his features. "I suppose you can say that. I've been in one or two places."

"Like where?" Curiosity sparking, she leaned closer — her free hand resting against his firm side to balance herself. She felt the strength radiating from him, the tautness of his body evident but there was an initial softness that made her want to cuddle with him. Preferably naked.

The thought brought back recollections of her naked body wrapped up in his coat as she slept.

Not the time, Jodha.

"England, at first. Then Italy and now, here."

"That's amazing. You must be multilingual then."

His smile returned, dazzling than before and she was momentarily swept up in his beauty. Overcome that a man this proficient and good-looking wanted anything to do with her at all.

"I know a few languages."

"Hindi one of them?"

He shook his head. "Unfortunately, no. I never considered learning Hindi." His hand crept towards hers, pulling it closer around his torso. "Perhaps you can teach me?"

This time, she was painfully aware of how her bosom rested at his side, the hardness of her nipples in her bra as they brushed against his thin sweater.

"I..." She struggled to maintain a regular breathing pattern. "I'd love to. I'm somewhat fluent in Hindi but I can't write it. My Spanish is excellent though."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I took a refresher course before I came here." Never before had she wished someone would stuff cotton in her mouth for spewing nonsense. 

He made a noise of understanding, a sound that had her lower tummy clenching in delicious need. Didn't some people make love, or have some sort of physical intimacy, on the first date? She wondered if he'd be willing to help her relieve some...unnecessary stress. If they were sitting like they were earlier, she'd have grabbed him by his wool scarf and yanked him down to meet her lips.

She wasn't one to get too needy but there was something about Carlisle that ignited a blaze within her, so huge she couldn't ignore it. Which was utterly ridiculous, considering the ordeal she had to deal with this evening.

Still...

The thought of him taking her hard and fast in the backseat of his posh car made her weak with want. She wanted to feel the power rippling off his shoulders and muscles, kiss his bare skin as he worked himself to orgasm inside of her.

God, what is wrong with me?

Unable to hold her weight on her elbow for any longer, her head dropped forward on his shoulder, a small 'oof' escaping her chest as her body pressed harder against him. It seemed that he didn't mind because she felt his cool skin, his jutting chin sliding on her forehead before his firm lips swept a tender kiss on it.

Closing her eyes at the welcome contact, her stomach flipped as tendrils of comfort, safety and veneration snaked their way within her. Spreading across her limbs, sending tremors rippling along her skin and she fought to contain the moan of contentment and arousal threatening to spill from her lips.

Gasping at the feeling, she moved away from him — pushing herself to an upright position and at a loss with herself.

For all her fantasies, how could one kiss arrest her senses and make her think of nothing except her pounding heart and heated blood?

Men kissed her before — full on the mouth, no less — and they couldn't hold a candle to how this man's kiss made her feel.

An innocent kiss from Carlisle seared her from the inside out, instilling a cherished feeling within her.

Could she even describe it as such?

How could one man do this to her with such little effort? Or was she just that horny for him?

His hand slid on her shoulder. "Jodha, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she quickly assured, turning to give him a closemouthed smile.

"Did I overstep?"

"Absolutely not!" She shook her head, certain her contrition clouded her expression. "I...liked it."

She tried to dampen the sudden fear the admission caused. There was nothing to be frightened about, after all. They both had agreed upon the elements and progression of their relationship should things go smoothly.

Still, the apprehension of things not turning out the way she hoped slashed at her.

Everything she achieved, she worked hard for. Getting with a man like Carlisle seemed too easy. She didn't need to make an effort. He rolled into her life at a time when she needed him, literally.

Perhaps that spoke to a low self-confidence on her part. But she wasn't about to fool herself either.

Carlisle could be descended from Olympus, a Greek god walking on earth. Charming, down-to-earth, affluent — no doubt, he had women lining up and falling over themselves for a chance to be on his arm. To be the object of his attentions and desire.

Whatever it may have been that led him to her, Jodha had to learn to accept it and not be skeptical of the how and why. All that mattered was he liked her and wanted a relationship. A long-term relationship.

His cool hand cradled her cheek, making her face him once more, his thumb tracing the outline of her bottom lip. "You liked me kissing your forehead?"

Brown irises met glowing gold and she gulped, biting down on her lower lip, giving a shaky nod — unable to trust her voice in that instant.

His response was a mere throaty whisper. "Then I'll do it again." His thin, firm lips caressed her forehead and out of habit, her brows furrowed as he kissed the area between them and murmured words of affection. "So soft...precious."

Warmth flooded her and she leaned in for more, fingernails instinctively clawing at his jacket as she moved closer and raised her head — letting his mouth trail a line of kisses down the side of her face. She nuzzled his jawline before sliding her very own lips on his velvet skin. Pine and petrichor tickled her nostrils and she took a large breath of it, her nipples further tightening. The night air had his temperature chilly but she relished the sensation with a muted moan, tongue absently poking out to taste his unblemished skin. Her every sense greedy to be filled with him.

His head reared back at her brazen action, astonishment evident but she paid him no mind as she trailed more kisses up the side of his face. A tentative hand drew up to cup his cheek and his sweet breath fanned her nose and lips.

They paused then, taking a moment to steady themselves. More her than him, it seemed. Readying themselves for the finale in this tussle of magnetic attraction.

Jodha stole a peek at him, absorbing his serious concentration as he looked over every inch of her face — heart skittering out of control at his darkened, almost pitch-black, gaze.

Unable to stand the tension in her body and soul, she whimpered out, "Kiss me, Carlisle."

He didn't need to be told twice, for he pinched her chin between his thumb and forefinger before lowering his mouth on hers.

They melded into one, lips weaving a pattern distinctive of their passion. Untamed yet grounded. Spiralling and bounding about them in electric waves of adulation and lust.

Carlisle's hand braced the back of her head, tilting it so that she gave him better access to plunder her mouth. Jodha gasped, throwing an arm around his neck when he let out a pleased moan and dipped his tongue to meet hers in a fervent dance.

For a man of grace and soft-spoken refinement, he didn't lack passion or excitement. Feeling him assert that kind of dominance over her only propagated her arousal. His every action shot straight to her groin.

She responded in kind, already hooked on his slight licorice, masculine taste, squirming as she tried to soothe the ache down below. His free hand rested on her hip and she latched onto it, sliding it up her side to rest beneath the curve of her breast. His thumb stroked absently before he froze, snatching his hand away as if he was burnt.

The spell had broken. They both pulled apart, panting and caught up in their feelings. Carlisle didn't let her go, hand sliding forward to brush his knuckles along her jaw.

Sobering to the realization that he avoided intimately touching her, Jodha became flustered. "I-I'm sorry, I—"

"Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong." An easy smile rested on his composed face and she wondered at his ability to look so unaffected. While, on the other hand, her lungs craved oxygen like an athlete who just ran a marathon.

But she saw.

The black tinge in his gaze remained and a flicker towards the well-hidden, but still noticeable, bulge in his trousers reassured her that their incendiary clash rendered them both hot.

"I really couldn't help myself," she mumbled, cheeks swelling as she replayed her shameless licking stunt and her desperation for his hands on her body.

What the heck had gotten into her?

"Hey..." He shifted so that he could wrap his arm around her shoulders and she burrowed into his chest despite the acute humiliation eating at her. "Don't be embarrassed, sweetheart. It's human nature to express yourself in such a manner."

She groaned at that, covering her face with both hands and he chuckled as she resisted to him prying them away.

"I'll admit you did startle me but I quite liked the idea of it."

"Oh my God, Carlisle, don't say that just to—"

"I'm not. Now, stop hiding your pretty face from me."

She let him peel her hands away, giving him an uncertain smile.

"Perfect." Brushing a quick kiss to her temple, he glanced at her in curious appraisal. "You know something? I'm happy you already feel liberated with me."

Blushing fiercely, Jodha slid further up against him and snuggled beneath the crook of his arm — satisfied to revel in his secure presence and live in the moment.

The future was uncertain but Jodha would give her all, even if she and Carlisle parted ways one day. She wouldn't let her misgivings get the better of her.

•  •  •

"THIS EVENING WENT WELL." Accomplishment thrummed through Carlisle as he sped closer towards town, his positivity not reducing in the slightest even when his gorgeous front-seat passenger snorted in disdain.

"You're kidding me, right?"

He shook his head, mouth curling in a wide smile. "Not at all, sweet. I met your father, I learned more about you, got his seal of approval and now, I have you." He sighed, indulging in that self-satisfied feeling. "What more could a man ask for?"

"Jesus Christ." Tugging the seatbelt lower, Jodha turned to bless him with a shrewd look. "Uh, a man should really make sure that, everytime he sets foot into the girl's house, he wouldn't be stepping onto the film set of a Bollywood drama!"

This time, he couldn't hold back the loud laugh erupting from within. His shoulders actually shook with his amusement and he struggled to tamp it down for Jodha's benefit but good God! She said the most outrageous things. If this was what the rest of eternity looked like, he couldn't wait to get started.

If Jodha ever agreed to eternity, that is.

"I'm serious here!" Her squeaks of indignation added to his mirth,  endearing her more to him than ever before.

He couldn't recollect the last time he'd been this carefree and jovial in life. Filled with zeal and anticipation of what his future held; holding on to the silken thread of hope which he knew would strengthen as he spent time with Jodha.

Maybe all wasn't lost. A fog clearing from the mountain tops, so had his destination become visible.

Clearing his throat behind a fist, Carlisle dampened his grin to a closemouthed smile. "Your dad loves you, Jodha. After what he heard, he had every right to be angered."

"I ruined everything by opening my big mouth."

"No, you didn't," he insisted, glancing at her. "I couldn't have experienced a better...trial by fire."

He glimpsed the rolling of eyes, a subtle quirk at the corner of her mouth. "Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, Doctor."

He frowned at that. "What did I tell you to call me, Jodha? I hope you haven't forgotten our agreement already."

"I haven't. I'm just kidding."

"Good. In that case, I'd like to tell you that I appreciated and relished your company tonight. You've made me a very happy man." The moonlight cast a magical glow on her face, enhancing that natural, impish twinkle in those dark eyes. "You look beautiful, Jodha. It's a sin, having to take my eyes away from you."

A gospel truth of the highest order.

She opened her mouth, giving him an admonishing stare before letting out a breathy giggle. "You promised you wouldn't overdo it...but thank you, Carlisle. You know how to make a girl feel special."

Swept up in the little idiosyncrasies that made up Jodha's kaleidoscopic personality, he turned onto her road — disappointed that their time together was closing to an end.

Ever attuned to her movements, he caught the quiet sigh, the slight droop in her shoulders, as they neared the cottage. All the lights were out, save for the porch fluorescents so Jodha would see her way inside.

Popping the seatbelt free, her widened gaze bored into his, thick lashes fluttering prettily when she blinked.

He followed suit and killed the engine, keeping silent until she felt ready to speak. Heaviness weighed on his chest, a pallet of bricks anchoring him to the fact that he didn't want to leave her.

Perhaps she felt the same too.

"What time is it?"

A quick check on his watch confirmed that. "Eleven thirty."

There was no way he expected her reaction but he was prepared. His animalistic side manifesting when she reached for him in a flash, knowing he'd never hurt her but wishing he could show her exactly how she drove him insane. Instead, his hands fastened on her lovely hips to help her over while hers grasped both sides of his scarf, her legs finally straddling him, the pressure of her body on his despite her featherweight.

Teeth gnashing, Carlisle inhaled harshly — swallowing the venom flooding his mouth when the scent of perfume, lilies and lavender became so much more pronounced at her proximity, when the sensation of them being a perfect fit overrode all coherency. Too close for comfort but he swam in the addictive fragrance. Couldn't get enough of it.

She kept her grip on his scarf, pursing those pouting lips. He ached to kiss them again. "I know you said we can take it slow but..."

"But?" he urged, almost breathless, hearing how accelerated her heartbeat became. This woman.

"I really want to make out with you again. Like, right now."

Somehow, he managed to laugh. In disbelief. "Really?"

In reply, she pressed kisses on his lips and it wasn't long before he returned them, leading her on a leisurely path, teaching her that good things come to those who don't rush.

Her fingers trailed through his hair, grabbing tuftfuls and tugging so that she swallowed his groans with her own whimpers. Her waist started a slow gyration; her heated center grinding against his unbearable erection, slow and deliberate; his hips jerking reflexively as he took control of her mouth, nibbling and sucking on her tasty lower lip.

Her pliant mouth succumbed to him, uninterested in the fight for dominance, yearning for the simple enjoyment of a new lover's embrace. He marveled at her submissive, trusting nature — a sharp contrast to her headstrong, no-nonsense personality — vowing to protect, honour and revere it with all his heart.

He planted light kisses along her jaw and chin, moving towards her neck — stopping short of sucking on her flesh and leaving a mark. Thankfully, her mouth sought his once more, diverting him from doing something he would regret.

"When will I see you again?" Jodha whispered against his mouth, kissing the corner of it as her fingers stroked his chin. Hope laced her words.

He caught her hand, raising her knuckles to his lips — sighing deeply when he realized that he won't see her for the entire weekend.

"Next week. If the weather permits, my family and I will be camping out this weekend."

It was assured. Alice had confirmed sunny weather and he wished for nothing more than to be human once again. Away from his dark reality of risking discovery, to walking under the Port Angeles sun with Jodha by his side as they flitted from restaurants to clothing stores to wherever she wanted them to go without a single care in the world.

God, he couldn't even share a simple meal with her.

It was the most selfish thought he ever had and he had a nagging feeling it won't be the only one.

Nevertheless, he wouldn't allow the young, restless man within him to lose sight of what he achieved as a vampire. He wouldn't let his human side forget that, if it wasn't for all the centuries he passed through, he wouldn't have gotten his mate. He would've died, lonely and forgotten by time. He hadn't found a family and made something of his existence to suddenly consider it a waste. As it stood, he had gained one more reason to push forward in his life.

Jodha consumed him, that much was factual. To what extent would be determined during they spent time together.

Edward seemed to have gotten overprotective of Bella since she accepted his proposal. Odd, considering the threat against her life had been eradicated but his son's mind worked overtime.

Whatever their discussion unearthed, Carlisle hoped it would prove to be beneficial.

"And next weekend, I'll take you out on a much better date."

She frowned. "What do you mean?"

He tried not to cringe, his hand rubbing his nape. "I usually plan better, er, grander dates than this. I wanted to but I didn't want to...overwhelm you in the first instance."

Alice told him not to go all out, without giving him any reason, and he understood why but he couldn't stop berating himself for not trying harder.

"No, Carlisle." She rested a palm on his cheek, her heat seeping into him. "You did excellent. After that episode, I really wasn't up for anything too social. Besides," she winked at him as her fingers combed through his hair, "I'm low maintenance. All I need for the perfect date are junk food, great company and oneness with nature. And you got them all right on your first try."

Such grace she offered him. He leaned into her touch.

"Hmm, but still, I want to wine and dine you properly."

Scrunching her nose, her eyes slitted as she pondered on his words. "As long as you promise not to take me fine dining in a five star restaurant, you've got a deal. I hate formal settings. I never remember how to differentiate between the salad fork and the butt-scratching fork."

He expelled a short laugh, his fondness growing the more she struck his funny bone. He definitely saw what Shivraj meant about her being a child at heart. "Oh, darling, I'm quite concerned about the types of restaurants you've been dining in. Very well. How shall I wine and dine you?"

She rolled her eyes with her own grin. "Well, you know my hard limit. Apart from that, all bets are on the table. Nothing over the top."

Truly, another vampire might be relieved about that but not him. Jodha deserved to have as normal a relationship with him as possible — inclusive of all the things that human couples did for entertainment.

"Alright, I make no promises to never carry you to a five star restaurant but I think we should get to know each other more before then." Allowing himself the pleasure of gliding his hands along her hips and waist, he added, "For all of next week, my lunch breaks are dedicated to casual dates with you. Would you like that?"

She sat back on his lap, nodding her head in that way he adored. "I would love that, very much."

"I'll also call you tomorrow morning before we leave."

"Okay." She hesitated, expression shadowed by the darkness. "I think I'll miss you."

A fond rumble started in his chest and he delighted that their position brought her to his eye level. "I'll miss you too, darling. Come here." He captured her sweet face in both palms, giving her a final deep kiss on the mouth and another quicker one on her forehead.

Kisses filled with the promise of another meeting, another opportunity to bask in each other's presence.

These affectations released something primal within him and he knew he needed to get a hold on himself. Even the most practiced and controlled individual can slip and, at the rate they were going, this woman might just be the cause. He couldn't risk Jodha's safety in any way. He'd do anything to protect her, even from himself.

Completely in over his head, Carlisle smiled and lifted a finger. "Before I forget, and that seems to be a recurring theme around you..." He lifted his hips, ignoring the snug closeness of their lower bodies as he retrieved Jodha's handkerchief from his back pocket. "Ah, here you are. All clean and pressed."

"Shucks!" Slapping her hands to her cheeks, her mouth fell open in panic. "I forgot about your coat. I've had it for so long. Walk me to my door?"

"You can keep it if you need it, sweetheart."

"No." Levelling a stern look on him, she climbed back on her side and swung the door open. "Come on, handsome. You'll get another chance to kiss me goodnight."

"Well, when you put it like that..." He exited the car, grinning like an utter fool when her pealing laughter rang in the air.

•  •  •

BACK AT THE HOUSE, Carlisle removed his coat from the garment bag — the loud crunch of the destroyed wooden rack alerting his family members. Instead of going to him, their senses overtook them as a new, intoxicating scent permeated the atmosphere.

The aroma couldn't have come from anyone else but their coven leader's mate.

They heard him drop on the leather couch in his bedroom. They heard him press the material to his nose with a sharp intake of breath. His astounded whispers of, "My God, Jodha, what have you done?" to "I can't believe this."

Carlisle found another rack and hung the coat in his closet and attempted to brace himself, the thickness of Jodha's fragrance, her arousal, inebriating him, filling his head with unholy images of her nakedness enveloped in only his clothing, making him hard and pulsing for her once again.

If she possessed the nerve to do what he assumed she did then he was never dry-cleaning that coat again.

Heavens, how was he going to survive?

•  •  •

This one left my brain in a mess. I hope it reads well. I'll do better in the next one.

I apologize for the lack of smexiness so far. Some will be coming by the next few chapters.

Slow burn, guys, slow burn.

Honestly, I have no idea how others can write sexy Carlisle scenes with a straight face. He's such a gentleman, it feels almost wrong 😭😂 still gonna write it though, blushing/wheezing or not 😅

Votes and comments to help motivate me and offer constructive advice are always welcome and appreciated.

If you're interested in keeping up with my writing progress, do give my profile a follow!

Thank you so much for reading! ❤️

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