CHAPTER THIRTY THREE

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ETHAN AND ALYSSA had a complicated past. They were raised childhood friends, side by side no matter what. Like two doves, ferociously in love when they hit their junior year in high school. That time in their lives is when they realized how they truly felt for one another. A relationship filled with his firsts– first kiss, first love, fist hand holding, first time he ever made love. Not fuck. There's a distinct difference.

He remembers how enchanting she was, her smile, the sound of her laughter, the way he felt inside whenever she was around. His mind screaming at him like a chorus of strings in an orchestra, more, more, more. She was an angel whose skin was too pure for the harshness of the world that surrounded them.

Every now and then, while Alyssa was cuddled up in his arms, her having drifted off into a midday slumber, he would think back to their childhood together. The countless sleepovers they had at each others houses, the laughter that never seemed to find its end when the two families were combined. The moon pulling on his heartstrings like it did with the salty water that filled our beautiful planet. He was in love with her, and he wasn't afraid to say it.

It was possibly the most beautiful combination of notes he had ever heard. Like all evil and darkness had been washed clean, and the voices in his head finally stopped their negative mantras, when his ears picked up on her small words, 'I love you too,' Her lips curled up into a small smile, as she spoke the life-or-death words. At least that's what it felt like to him. She had lifted her head from his chest to beam down at him. It was during one of their many after-school naps they took almost everyday after they muttered quick 'hello's to his mother, who worked on that evening's dinner.

Like two birds who after years of searching finally found their one and only. The fact that his first love was with his childhood best friend meant that their relationship was free of awkwardness. They both knew each other so well that everything flowed. And so, the two Canadians started dating the summer before their junior year in high school.

It was blissful, notes left in each other locker to tell the other how much they loved them, her wearing his jersey to his hockey games, their families spending holidays together, not that it was out of the ordinary; since their families were already close. Alyssa made him feel at peace, in the mist of rain.

That is, until the first hockey game of his senior year.

Everything had been perfect up until that night. Alyssa had become manipulative, like an itch that couldn't be scratched, a nag in a perfectly kitted sweater. Something he just couldn't get rid of no matter what he said or what he did, it seemed that suddenly nothing was good enough for her. The fights they had were like an unexpected hurricane rolling quickly towards the shoreline, where people lived and worked, peacefully. A nest of disturbed angsty wasps stung at the skin of his cheeks as they flushed red, as her obnoxious ass of voice rambled on and on about what he did to 'mess up' as she put it, that day.

He could've breathed wrong and Alyssa would be on him in the blink of an eye. She was controlling, too. About what he looked at, liked on Instagram, what he said and even who he talked to. And heaven forbid he talked to another girl; because if he did that it was the end of the world.

Slowly, as the date of their high school graduation was approaching, all of it started to weigh down on him. And of course, his best friend was the one who spoke up about his growing disliking towards his girlfriend. So, the thought crossed Ethan's mind– what if he just left? Sure, he wasn't going to leave before he graduated, but he was going to head down to Michigan at the start of July. He had already gotten an early acceptance email from the college, and he swore he was in cloud nine when he was reading the contents that laid inside the email.

That is, before Alyssa started yelling at him, claiming he was 'ruining her' and she just couldn't seem to shut up about how bad of a boyfriend he was to her. For leaving her behind, saying he didn't care about her, that he was awful at hockey and he just got into the University of Michigan because of pity.

So he left her. The morning of their graduation he went to her house and told her he was done. And don't get him wrong, it absolutely broke him into pieces when he had to leave his first love sobbing in on the porch steps of her house. Her mascara running down her face, as she used the sleeve of his sweatshirt to sip the snot from her nose. But the thing was, this wasn't the first time he's tried to break up with her. Ethan tried to end things with Alyssa after their third fight that happened in the span of a week, but she kept on pleading, begging, doing anything she possibly could to keep him right there at her side.

Which, of course did, until the morning he broke up with her.

ETHAN REMEMBERS THE pure shock he experienced when he first saw that Alyssa was in town visiting. He didn't know whether he should be excited, nervous, or enraged. But, when he saw her for the first time since that morning of their high school graduation, looking as beautiful as ever, with her blonde hair in waves, and her body draped in an entirely too big sweatshirt, he couldn't help but remember the feeling of when he first figured out that he loved her. Especially when she smelled of strawberries, her scent making its way to his nostrils when she pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, with her arms wrapped tightly around his torso.

"Hey, Alyssa," he mumbled into her hair, to which she moved her chin up, laying it on his sternum so she could look up at him. She stood up in her toes and placed a quick kiss to his cheek, "I'm surprised you're here," Ethan was still unsure of how he felt about the whole situation. Sure, he remembers how much he truly loved her during their time in high school, but he also remembers the downright inhumane things she would say to him during their fights. That she always seemed to pick.

Alyssa pulled away, locking their fingers together as she pulled him into the student union, the smell of coffee lingered in the air, like the smell of fresh cut grass on a warm summer morning. "I know, I somehow convinced my parents to stop here while we're in our way to Detroit," she rolled her eyes, a playful smile tugged on her pale lips.

He pulled his hand from hers, stopping before she could even get in line for Starbucks. "Alyssa," his tone was somewhat harsher then his previous, a hint of warning to it– he didn't know if it was a warning to himself, or to her. "What are you doing here?" His eyes narrowed, yet a downwards smirk tugged on the corners of his lips, quickly before he darted his tongue out to wet them.

Ethan watched her smile falter slightly– just slightly. Her eyes glinted with something he just couldn't put his finger on. "I told you, I convinced my parents to stop here overnight so I could visit you!" Silence, she was met with silence from his end. Alyssa tightened her lips into an almost reassuring smile, "I missed you, Ethan. I wanted to see you," She grabbed both of his hand, squeezing them as a form as punctuation. Alyssa leaned in, and he shivered, his conscience screaming at him that bad news was written all over her. Because it was. But he didn't listen.

He bit his cheek to suppress a smile– and she saw the small movement. She beamed, "So sue me if I want to see my best friend." Her strawberry scent washed over him again, he briefly fluttered his eyes closed. She still wore the same perfume since middle school.

"Now c'mon, I'm tired and I need coffee."

It had been a week since he last spoke to Anastasia Green. A week that lacked any smile, any laughter, any sense of peace. He remembers the night of the party way too clearly for his liking. The sight of her completely losing it in Mark's arms after she took a hit of Grano's joint. The sound of her silent sobs, her nimble fingers bunching up the shirt that Mark wore. He felt his heart crack, break, and fall out over the cliff that he didn't know existed, because she was crying. Because she was crying over him.

Ethan wanted to push Alyssa off his lap and cradle his pretty girl like she was the delicacy of Earth. Because she was. He wanted to shove Mark and Luca off and just take her up to his room so he could just hold her, feel her body against his. But something in his mind just couldn't bring him to do just that.

His mind was moving a million miles per hour– over Alyssa and his' conversation they had just a few days prior, over the sad smile that tugged at Stassie's lips as she bid him goodbye, watching as he left her sitting on his bed. Over how he missed Alyssa, and yet, he missed Anastasia as well. It was a free for all, his thoughts never seeming to settle.

Currently, he laid in his childhood bedroom. The scenery that showed from his upstairs window was teetering on the edge of Autumn and Winter. The colorful leave had finally joined their friends that blew freely along in the crisp wind, the sky was covered in light grey clouds, and the grass had turned to brass, delicate at anyone who stepped on it. The atmosphere was cold, even inside his house, even as he could feel the heat flowing from the vent that was above his bed.

He held his phone lazily in his hand, a harsh breath releasing itself from his chapped lips. The image of Stassie scrunching her nose in disgust as Ethan purposefully chewed loudly behind the camera. She looked adorable in the photo, and his heart couldn't held but clench borderline painfully. In regret, is absence, in yearning. He loved her and he didn't get to tell her yet.

Yet. Ethan didn't even know if there was a yet in the books for them. Were they together? Were they not? And he couldn't get mad at anyone but himself at the uncertainty. He's the one who fucked up. He's the one who stopped talking to his fucking girlfriend for crying out loud. He's the one who didn't leave Alyssa and hug his girl when he first laid eyes on her at the party, a begging for her forgiveness. He's the one who didn't shove Alyssa off his lap and cover Anastasia, because he knew how much she hated crying.

The common denominator? Himself.

But he just didn't know why he acted the way he did. He had ignored all of Alyssa's texts that she had sent him since Friday. It was currently Wednesday of the next week.

You see, the thing about Alyssa Brown was that she could convince you that you were happy when you very much were not. She could make you laugh at the most inappropriate of times. She could made you feel safe and secure if a gun was at your head. Like she manipulates the world around you for your advantage. Or hers?

Frankly, the only thing Ethan could remember of Alyssa and his past were the good parts. The parts where he was smiling, laughing. And especially the part when she was under him, writhing in pleasure that she claimed he was giving her. She couldn't seem to shut up about that part when they talked that Wednesday afternoon.

It made him uncomfortable, especially when he had Anastasia. Who he absolutely was in love with. But, his mind wandered, half yelling at him to stop talking to Alyssa and rush to the soph house where Stassie was undoubtedly watching Friends with Mackie in the living room. And the other half telling him to stay, and just bathe in the feeling of nostalgia that washed over him as he listened to Alyssa reminisce on their days in high school. When they were cluelessly in love. When he was cluelessly in love with her.

He felt a small tear run from the corner of his eye and onto the pillow beneath his head as he stared at the photo of his girl longer. His pretty girl.

Ethan knew Stassie. He knew her thought process, and the way she organizes things. He knew that to her, education always came first. No matter what. He knew that she hated ketchup, dry skin, and clumpy mascara. He knew that right after she gets out of the shower she lathers herself up in lotion. But not scented lotion because that would just be too much. He knew that her favorite color was green, but not that bright neon green– a calmer version of the color. Sage. He knew that she loved seeing him between her thighs, but not as much as she loved seeing him on the ice, doing what he's passionate about. He knew that she loved his hair, and said that she would shovel her eyes out of he ever cut it. He knew that she loved the be held. But not by anyone, by him.

Peace was beginning to dim from Ethan Edward's life.

And Alyssa Brown was starting to brighten.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

CLIFF HANGER BECAUSEEE

i hate you guys.

jk!

i'm so sorry about the lack of updates yesterday. saturday night/EARLY AS HELL sunday morning i had a really bad storm sweep through my city. it knocked power out, trees are down, cell towers are down, and yeah. the power won't be restored until probably saturday, so updates could be slow this week so i apologize in advance 😊

and don't ask me how i'm sleeping in my house bc i don't know. ITS SO FUCKING HOT

BUT we finally got a little insight on alyssa and ethan... how we feeling😈😈

NO BC HOW ARE WE FEELING ABOUT THE JACK AND TREV CONTENT WE'VE BEEN BLESSED WITH? OR THE ETHAN AND MARK CONTENT WE ALSO GOT BLESSED WITH? maybe they're making up for the fact i have no power (i'm delulu🙈)

give me validation right NOW because i crave it.

next chapter will be..

yk what you'll just have to wait and see🙈🙈

i hope you children enjoyed this bc your mother (me) enjoyed writing it!!

as always, drink water, take your meds. and masturbate😘😘