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( chapter nine. )

❝ a ghost from the past ❞

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! TRIGGER WARNING !

this chapter contains mentions and description of sexual abuse and rape!

please proceed accordingly! 

I will indicate the start of the paragraphs that have the graphic scenes so you can skip forward too. 

"So your brother acted like a dick again?" Eviana Prewett discreetly licked the rest of her foamy coffee from the small spoon she was holding, while with her other hand she broke the bar of chocolate that had been opened between us. In the meantime, of course, she swept her ebony hair out of her face and violently crossed her legs, tucked into her wide-leg black trousers. I never understood how she could pay attention to so much. Or at least doing so many different things at once.

I guess that's how artists' brains work.

"My brother is always a dick," I rolled my eyes, licking the remaining drops of tea from my lips. "Maybe because he spent most of his years with our father. That really fucks up a person!"

If only I had exaggerated!

"Hey, you're not the only one who had a messed up family dinner!" Evie raised her index finger, indicating that she was about to put more crap on the top like a bloody cherry, especially when it comes to atrocities related to our family. And honestly, I appreciated her attempt to distract me from my own family. "The whole time, my mother could only talk about the guy the family looked out for me. He works at the Fenghuang Wizarding School. Like a professor! Professor, Lyra! When my parents get going, they get going!"

Eviana's parents were like any other noble wizarding family. They wanted to marry off their only daughter. Soon as possible. And my friend was already years behind the average. She was almost considered a spinster in the noble community, considering that she didn't even have a suitor who could be her groom in the near future. It's not like I, for example, felt any closer to marriage than Evie just because I was with Nash.

I cringed even at the thought of his name.

Eviana then felt that it would be better to change the subject and thoughtfully twisted one of her locks.

"How are you doing with the Grindelwald investigation? Any progress?"

"Hah... You already knew about that!" I leaned back in my chair, sighing heavily. Eviana was an office worker and went through more departments in the Ministry than I could have listed. I couldn't even tell where she was currently working. But it was certain that her knowledge extended to the entire Ministry. What I knew, she knew. Like my sister. But unlike Belvina, Evie wasn't driven by gossip. But knowledge itself. "I don't think Theseus knows where we're going either. Every day there are announcements from different countries. And everyone is afraid... That a war will break out."

"Maybe you should ask her," Eviana nodded behind my back. I had a feeling of deja vu. We had the same conversation last time when we saw her. Cassandra Vablatsky. This time she got into an elevator, with an enchanted look, a careful, soft smile, a sophisticated hairstyle, and wrinkle-free clothes. "She is said to be entirely at the service of the Ministry. So you might as well ask."

"About what? What she sees in the stars?" I stared at my friend skeptically. I had to admit, I was also familiar with the stars. It was a family trait. Each of our names was associated with a constellation. The sky and space amazed me. It gave me reassurance. But I couldn't base my life's answers on the positions of the planets or anything else this clairvoyant woman preached.

Would I be a skeptic? I do not think so. But I've grown out of fairy tales. I have been disappointed by them too many times.

"No, dummy!" Eviana pushed my arm and leaned closer confidentially. Her dark brown eyes sparkled interestingly. As if she at least intended to share the secret of Merlin's resurrection with me. I just sighed and motioned for her to continue. I had nothing to lose anyway. "Cassandra is from the mainland. I mean... She comes from Central Europe."

"Yes, from Poland," I nodded, indicating that the information had already been leaked by the Belvina Black gossip service, even before Cassandra Vablatsky's name had even appeared on the Ministry's radar.

"And where was Grindelwald last seen?" Eviana led the train of thought further along. 

"In Prague," I answered impatiently. I knew the case file inside out. I would have been able to recite the entire Gellert Grindelwald folder even if awakened from my dream. The whole thing.

"Just talk to her! Let's see if she can surprise you!" Eviana encouraged me some more and didn't give up to convince me. 

"Have you talked to her yet?" I put my hands on my hips strictly, while I stood up and packed our mugs together.

"Not yet! But I will!" answered my friend belligerently. I tried to think how the "knowledge" of a seer could be connected to Eviana's work at all. Merlin, I didn't even seriously think this could even be called knowledge. More like humbug and assumption.

"How come you're so into it?" I frowned. Eviana is not usually this hung up on a person. Or spirituality. Under the influence of her parents, they deeply believed in Merlin, as if he were God, so praying was not far from her. But astrology and the positions of the stars provided by a Seer... I wouldn't really call that a religion. And being a fan was more Lysandra's domain. She always looked up the musicians she was obsessing with that week. She had a card for each chocolate frog and had written down all the information about them. Lysandra was obsessed with people. Eviana and I only cope with them at all on our better days.

"I'm just fascinated, that's all," Eviana shrugged, but the nonchalant tone of her voice contrasted with her sparkling eyes. "Anyway. All the art she does."

"Art is open for interpretation," I retorted, as if I was the one spoiling all the fun.

"Exactly," continued my friend, not understanding the cynicism. "Well... According to my father, I should branch out more and network."

"Your best friend is literally a Black daughter," I pointed at myself with my thumb, a little annoyed. All the connections a pureblood needed... was provided with lots of social events and tea parties since childhood. You knew everyone before you were old enough to build relationships professionally. "And your other best friend is the niece of the Minister of Magic."

"Not much," Eviana chirped, imitating her father's voice, while she also stood up, smoothing down the collar of her robe.

"Are you joking?" I was bewildered. 

"Not a bit," I shook my head resignedly, then she put her arm around me and we started walking slowly towards the center of the Atrium. "And your father would think the same if he were still alive."

If my father were alive, I wouldn't be.

And this, as much as it hurt to admit it, was not just poetic exaggeration. But a realistic way of thinking.

The crowd was thick in the Atrium as the clerks returned to their offices after lunch. Nash and I used to have lunch together in the Ministry canteen once a month, usually on the same day, so that neither of us could forget. That's why I just watched Eviana before, as she shoved two huge club sandwiches into herself.

When we reached the Fountain of Magical Brethren, we stopped and said goodbye. We parted ways there, as Eviana was going back to work.

And I stayed there, waiting for Nash... Like a loser. A real loser. I could almost feel the pitying glances the passing wizards gave me. Oh, isn't that the Auror Black girl? Is she waiting for her boyfriend here? What's more, who she hasn't even married yet? What a scandal...

The nearest fireplace that served as an entrance lit up neon green and I lifted my head in time to catch a glimpse of Nash Malfoy. His all-black outfit (including the dark robes he wore to work) and slicked-back light brown hair didn't budge as he landed at the Ministry. And to my greatest surprise... He didn't come alone.

I shuddered when I recognized the person in Nash's company. The tea I drank earlier crawled back up my throat and I almost threw up.

It was Richard Flint.

Richard Flint... I think he's my second or third cousin from my mother's side. I dated him at Hogwarts for a while at the beginning of sixth year. Those two statements, being pureblood... weren't really mutually exclusive. In fact, among noble purebloods, it was not unique that people married within the family due to the "purity" of the blood.

But Richard... For years I didn't even dare to think about his name because... It brought back my worst memories that made me want to throw up right away. Throw up and cry.

"Hello, dear!" Nash's lips pulled into a cautious but even more impudent smile when he wrapped one arm around my waist and planted a peck on my cheek. I expected him to kiss me on my mouth, so I awkwardly accepted his kiss on the cheek. But I couldn't take my eyes off Richard. His sneer was more disgusting than Nash's. I never thought I would ever prefer Nash's company. Or that someone worse than Nash even exists. 

"Hi," I breathed out an anemic greeting. Nash's arm stayed on my waist, as if to indicate to Richard who I belonged to. But that didn't faze Richard one bit. He just stared at me, goosebumps creeping up my body as a result of his gaze, and he didn't care at all that I... why I was so cold to him. I wasn't cold though. I could have run straight to the North Pole at that minute. Bubbly. But I swallowed and, with all my friendliness, glanced at one of my exes. "Richard! I thought you... worked for the French Ministry."

"There too. But I had to come home because of the Grindelwald case. It seems the Aurors need all the help they can get," Richard chuckled to himself, barely audible but perceptibly malicious, his eyes glinting strangely. I knew very well what followed after the glitter in his eyes. "How well informed you are, little Lyra! And the news is really true. You ended up next to this lucky bastard."

Richard nodded sweetly at Nash and squeezed his shoulder in a friendly way. Nash just laughed. It was a huge compliment to him. It was a huge success for him to lock me down. How many people at Hogwarts could say that I was present on their wishlist to screw. To many. And most of them got me. But even now, years after graduating from Hogwarts, it was a huge plus point among the powerful dudes that it was Nash that could chain me to his side.

Me as in the girl that everyone at Hogwarts fucked.

"Aurors should be grateful that my girlfriend works with them," Nash squeezed my waist gently, which was probably meant to be supportive, but felt more like coercion. And a lie. Most of the time he didn't even want me to work, especially not as an Auror.

I couldn't decide which man was more aggravating to me in the conversation. Well, no... Richard. Richard will always lead in this debate. What he did to me will always keep him at the top of my list of undesirables. For the rest of my life. Maybe even in the Afterlife. If there is truly a  Merlin, he will surely not leave this unrequited.

But it didn't seem like there is a saving god. After all, I had to stand there and talk to him without crying or running away.

"I'll do what I can," I smiled gently, as far as my presence of mind allowed. My eyes were constantly wandering, looking for a possible way out. I could have run away from there with any excuse. I never wanted to see Richard again. Not in this life. Preferably not in the next one either. "Speaking of work, I have to go back. You already had lunch, didn't you?"

I could smell his favorite sandwich on Nash's kiss, which I just memorized and put in a box in the back of my mind that was labeled "cases when Nash wasn't a perfect pureblood". 

"I ate with Eviana," I lied, without thinking, stomping impatiently with my high heels on the black stone. At that moment, I didn't even think about how Nash would react to this. I just wanted to run away. "Would you mind if we did a raincheck?"

"Of course not, dear," but I knew it would hurt his image. But he would never admit that out loud. "And as for tonight... I don't know if I can go over. We meet the old Slytherin gang in the Leaky Cauldron. Celebrate Flint being in town."

Of course, my brother did not belong to this squad. He wouldn't have gone even if he had been invited.

This sentence was my punishment. As if it was such a punishment that he wouldn't come over to spoil the air in Cygnus' apartment. If I had thought with my mother's mind, this would have been the punishment. It was just a relief for me.

"No, celebrate!" I grinned with my perfectly developed fake grin.

"You're brilliant, Lyra!" Nash replied with the same fake grin, then leaned closer and pressed his tongue down my throat. I had to throw up even more. He could have peed on me with that much force. 

"You're still a doll, little Lyra!" said Richard after me for the last time, when I had already turned my back to head towards the auror department. The cold shook me again, the bile crawled up my throat. I tried to hold back my tears as I ran upstairs. I raised my hand to my nose and scratched my face in case someone had witnessed my slight freak out.

I stopped for a moment at my own table, resting one hand on the edge of the wood, biting my lip. Then I looked up to see Theseus in his office.

I had to go there. I had to go to him.

He was the only one who could understand. Who understood what was happening.

Theseus immediately raised his head as soon as he heard the sound of my shoes approaching. At first his eyes were confused, then... He looked through me. And he threw the paper aside from his hand.

I had barely closed the door behind me before he waved his wand so the blinds of the office window lowered to hide us from prying eyes.

Theseus jumped up in time to catch me before my knees buckled and I landed on my ass leaning against the door.

"Lulu..." he addressed me gently, patiently. I inhaled shakily, trying to enjoy the moment when my name left his mouth like it used to. He gently took my hand to direct my attention to him. "What's wrong? You scare me."

"Richard...Richard Flint," I moaned to myself, after several starts. I looked into his eyes. Theseus stiffened at the name. The blood drained from his face. "Richard's here. In the Ministry."

"Where?" Only a grunt came out of Theseus, not even a question. The man who is the epitome of calmness and poker face... Goes into a rage at the sound of a name.

Not just of any name, I might add.

"Down in the Atrium," I swallowed and nodded my head in the direction I guessed the place. "He was with Nash. I had to talk to him."

I almost spat out the words.

"Lulu..." Theseus gently touched my hand. I almost shuddered at the feeling of another human being on my skin. But I just let him take my trembling fingers between his two hands and after a moment's hesitation he pressed a kiss on my cold hand. "Come here!"

He pulled me into a hug.

Into a hug exactly like that night.

The night Richard Flint raped me.

__________

! The start of the descriptive scenes, indicating the trigger warning! 

skip forward if you will !

It was the night of Halloween and I was sitting up in the Observatory Tower. I had no desire to attend the festive dinner. I had no reason to celebrate.

For sixth year, we had the privilege of going up the tallest tower at Hogwarts outside of astronomy lessons. And I used this privilege quite a few times. The Tower was my favorite place, maybe in the whole world. The night sky was perfectly visible, the stars illuminated everything. Even my cloudy soul.

I was sitting on the stairs in the Tower, pulling my robes decorated with the Ravencrest crest closer, but the cold still ran down my back. Maybe not entirely because of the weather.

About a week ago I finally broke up with Richard Flint, who I hadn't been dating for a month. In her next letter after the incident, my mother described her... "concerns" about my decision. And my father called me into his office, saying that I had caused a scandal in the Slytherin common room.

In their eyes, Richard was the perfect suitor. And in my eyes, it was nausea impersonated.

At the end of the previous school year, I made the mistake of giving in to my hormones. I gave in to everyone's temptation. And for my own too. I didn't say no to anyone. And so it was that I had the entire Gryffindor Quidditch team in my bed in the last two months of fifth year.

By the time we returned for sixth year (which was the first time my sister didn't come with us), everyone knew about it. And I was tired of making excuses. I did enjoy it. I enjoyed what I did with everyone. So how could all this have been a mistake?

However, all that sex (not the good, let alone the bad!) couldn't calm my desires. My passion. I was constantly searching for something that could give me more than my previous partner. With whom I can feel more.

My journey to Richard Flint was almost inevitable. I set a record for my short adventures with the two weeks I spent suffering with Slytherin. I expected a lot from him, from the sex, from his performance. But rumors remained just that.

Still... I was naive enough to put power in his hands. Not just metaphorical power either. But real, tangible evidence.

I let him take pictures of me one night in my underwear.

And when I ended things between us a few nights later, the picture was in the hands of everyone at Hogwarts by morning. Richard applied a duplicating charm to the photograph and scattered it throughout the castle.

It wasn't really the nudity itself that bothered me, or the fact that others saw my body. I haven't been shy lately. Yet... The feeling of betrayal, deception and vulnerability was more painful. Condemnation even better.

And the rumor spread quickly. Very, very quickly. Copies passed from hand to hand in the corridor and the Great Hall. Every house looked at me. Some of them were condemning. Part of them hated me. And a large part kept the picture with them at night to stare at under the covers.

Richard watched my reaction. He was waiting for me to freak out. But I had no intention of giving him this satisfaction. The rumor had reached the professors, I was sure. My own father, on the other hand, didn't say a word about it. He didn't stop the rumors, he didn't visit the culprits. But not even me.

This was his punishment. I must atone for my actions in bringing shame to the Black family. For sullying our name. He did not want to interrupt the punishment that human nature had administered instead of him. 

My brother Phineas has been on my mind all week. The day he was banished. I was a little girl, yet I remember every detail of that day. I have been debating for a long time whether it was a similar event in the case of Phineas that caused the glass to be filled? Will this be my fate very soon? The punishment for living to my desires and not denying myself physical pleasure? For ending a not-so-real relationship with a guy my family would find a worthy suitor?

I would have done anything to talk to Phineas. Anything in the world.

I turned one of the copies of the picture between my fingers, which I managed to take with me. One less picture what circulated in the castle.

"Look, the girl we're looking for is here!" I shuddered at the sudden sound that came from the spiral staircase leading to the Tower. I turned, gritting my teeth and horrified to see Richard himself standing in front of me, with two Slytherin acolytes whose names I couldn't remember. They were so dumb that I haven't run into them in any other environment. Let's face it, there were very few such people at Hogwarts. "Lyra!"

"Get the hell out!" I hissed at them softly, but firmly, I continued to stare tensely in front of me, without turning my head towards them.

"Oh, Lyra, stop! You are a star!" Richard laughed forcedly and maliciously. The sound of crackling finally made me look up. In his hand he waved a picture that I also rotated between my fingers. "All of Hogwarts is looking at you. You can be proud."

Both Richard and his followers began to giggle. Their voices flowed almost like poison into my ears and the tense feeling almost attacked my spine with strange, bitter waves.

"Richard, I'll repeat it one more time so your single-celled friends can understand!" I spoke up, this time in a more threatening voice, and stood up from the step I was sitting on, taking a few steps closer to him. "Get. The. Hell. Out!"

But he just stared at me, nodding his head. He had no intention of stepping down. So I had to go. I couldn't bear to be near him. He was a snake. The worst kind. And I've had enough of the fight. I just wanted them to finally leave me alone.

Quickly getting to my feet, I tried to force my way through the Quidditch-trained shoulders of the three Slytherins, elbowing them in the side.

But before I stepped down to the top step of the spiral staircase, a hand gripped my wrist and yanked me back, making me dizzy.

"Stop, Lyra! Do not go away!" Richard cooed, tugging at my arm again. I wasn't strong enough to break free from his grip, so I had to take a step back so he wouldn't rip my arm off. As a result of the sudden jerk, my robe, which I had just thrown over my shoulder, fell to the ground, and my ankle almost turned out, as my body painfully followed my clenched wrist.

"Let me go, Richard!" I squeezed out, looking into his eyes over my shoulder. It wasn't a game. It went beyond play, fun, pre-sex play. It was violence, harassment. And I didn't find a way out. If I reach for my wand and start dueling, the boys will definitely report me to my father and the word of the three of them will be against mine. I wasn't strong enough to get out of there. Physically.

Maybe I would have tried harder if I had known what was coming next. Maybe I would have bitten Richard's hand. Maybe I would have kicked one of his followers in the leg.

But I didn't do anything. Because I was weak, cowardly and tired.

"Have you thought about what we talked about last time?" Richard still didn't let go, he pulled me back between his two friends. I immediately felt that my wrist was going to go numb. I tried to hide how much it hurt, because then I would only give him more power.

"About what?" I asked in a daze, almost growling, baring my teeth like a dog. I was already standing completely in front of him, his two henchmen were panting behind me, and Richard was already holding both of my arms, I tried in vain to get out of his grip.

"Aw, Lyra, you don't need to act any more like an empty-headed bitch than you actually are!" Richard insulted me with a grin. I wasn't taken aback because of the word itself. I've heard it a million times. But the way he caressed my face with one of his fingers... It was almost sadistic. He took pleasure in insulting me. And his friends behind me were having a great time too. "You're among friends. We just want you to help us out a little."

"I do not want!" I snapped at him, trying to break free once more, and swung my leg to kick Richard. But one of the assholes behind me grabbed my waist before I could do anything. Richard continued to grin and in a quick motion pressed my back against the wall.

I couldn't escape anywhere anymore. His body covered my entire field of vision. As he leaned into my face, I smelled his cologne and almost threw up on his green shirt.

Maybe it would have been best if I actually threw up.

"Didn't you enjoy our little... Adult game last time?" Richard grabbed my chin so I couldn't look anywhere but at him. During our short time together, I allowed him many things in the name of an exciting sex life. We tried many things.

But if he feels that I think this is just a violent foreplay, as he does, he have a very sick mind.

"No!" I almost spat out the word, hoping that my saliva would hit Richard's skin and he would finally stagger away. My heart was pounding in my ears. It was the only part of my body that didn't freeze. The only one that still worked despite everything. I have no idea how.

A desperate sentence emerged from the depths of my mind. In this lonely, cold place, there will be no one to save me. There will be no one to hear my screams. No one.

And Richard knew exactly that.

"Lyra, we both know this is bullshit!" Richard raised one hand and slowly began to pull the skirt of my uniform up my thigh.

"Let me go, Richard!" I finally exclaimed. And the boy's expression suddenly changed.

Before I could react, he swung his arm and slapped me. With such force that my head hit the wall. I felt dizzy, I could have vomited, my face was burning.

Tears gathered in my eyes. I quickly, reflexively, raised my knee and kicked Richard in the groin.

It didn't make any good. The two henchmen grabbed me by the shoulders a moment later as I was about to step away from Richard. Their fingers dug hard into my flesh.

My head was buzzing and splitting, but the violence came even more suddenly. I tried to pull myself out of their grip, but it didn't work. They outnumbered me. There were two of them and I was alone. And Richard...

If only I could scrape his eyes out... If only I could reach my wand...

"You always want the same thing, Lyra!" Richard got up from his crouch after a minute, as soon as the pain between his legs passed. He placed his hands possessively on my thighs and pulled my skirt higher and higher as he spoke. "To play with people a little, to control them by their dicks. Well, let's play! The way you like it. And you know, I love it too."

I understood the situation before it happened. I saw everything before me. I was there, but still not.

Richard tore my blouse in half, pulled my skirt up to my waist, and then... In a moment, he also mercilessly tore my underwear.

And the two assholes next to me just laughed.

"Don't! Don't do this! Wait..." I begged one last time as Richard pressed closer to me, breathing into my neck, his hand between my thighs. I blinked the tears from my eyes, spoke in a choked voice and begged and protested. "Don't!"

But nothing happened. As if he enjoyed my suffering and the way I was begging. I asked him to stop. I tried to get out of the grip of the other two.

And when I realized that I couldn't... I tried to convince myself that I wasn't there.

That I don't experience the unbearable pain I felt.

I screamed as Richard Flint penetrated me against my will and his friends held me down. My wrists, my legs, my waist... I could feel the bruises everywhere.

But it wasn't over.

It wasn't over even after Richard came in me.

They pushed me to the ground, everything was visible as they climbed on top of me.

I screamed as their wands penetrated the skin on the inside of my arm. Like something was etched into my skin.

Like I was just a rag doll. An object. Or even less.

They left me lying on the cold floor with my skirt pulled up, no underwear and a bleeding arm. As I felt it, my lips were also bleeding, probably from the blows, and my head was throbbing.

This is not reality. That didn't happen. You're not even here.

But I couldn't believe it either. I tried in vain.

I couldn't go away, it was a while before I could move. At first I just turned my head to the side.

I slowly stood on all fours and climbed up to one of the railings of the Observatory Tower, crying like a dog in need.

Blood dripped from my arm, but I couldn't look down. My wand was thrown to the other side of the Tower.

The wind picked up in the Tower, my almost naked, already trembling body started shaking even more, I almost shook as if I was having a seizure. The breeze picked up my hair, my original bun was long gone, only the clips were hanging in my hair.

I wanted to die. And I felt like I was going to die. I felt all the strength, happiness and spirit coming out of me. It's like being kissed by a dementor.

If a person's dignity and free will are taken away, then what remains? Just a shell, a frame that is no longer good for anything.

Maybe if I don't die, I should end this life myself. I thought a lot about this every time I stood up in the Tower and looked down into the depths.

But at the moment when I almost couldn't think and wanted to climb the railing... I heard voices again from the stairwell.

I flinched and tried to wave my wand towards me with a nonverbal incantation. With the last of my strength I succeeded and pointed my wand at the approaching figure.

I almost had a heart attack when I saw that it wasn't Richard or one of the Slytherins coming.

Shaking with relief, the wand fell from my hand when I could recognize the Hufflepuff colors on the arrival's robes.

He was in my year, I was sure of it. We had classes together. But I couldn't recall his name. Especially not in my condition.

"Sorry, I didn't see that... Someone else... is here," the boy stopped at the entrance of the Tower when he saw me crouching in terror by the railing, practically naked, trembling, bleeding. On the floor next to him, he noticed my fallen Ravenclaw-colored robe, the pieces of material from my blouse, and my torn panties. His face contorted for a moment as he tried to process the sight. I didn't have enough strength to try to cover myself. It didn't matter anyway. He hurriedly approached me and carefully crouched down next to me. "Are you okay?"

I have never heard anyone speak so gently in my life. No one in my family was so soft and delicate. So caring. Especially not with a stranger.

"Hmm," I groaned out of myself and gave a careful nod. However, due to the head movement, I started to feel dizzy again, my vision went dark.

"You don't look like that, though," he remarked almost to himself, not to me. "Can you stand up?"

"Yes," I nodded hastily, praying that my limbs would start moving very soon. Whatever this guy wanted in the Tower, I didn't want to interfere. I didn't want to be a burden. Just as I didn't want anyone to find out what happened to me there. "One... One minute..."

I couldn't move no matter how hard I tried.

"Wait, I'll help..." the boy noticed that I was trembling when he hesitantly touched my hand. Another person's touch only brought back what had happened. I swallowed and tried not to scream for him to let me go. I just let him try to set me up. I managed to get up with one leg, but my knee buckled under me and I ended up on the ground again. So I tried the setup again. But the boy stopped me. "No, you'd better stay seated. Here's my robe."

He took off the mentioned piece of clothing and spread it over my body. I wrapped myself in the warmth and was glad to finally be able to cover myself. I could see him trying not to stare at my bare bottom or my breast and bare waist. He didn't want to offend or upset me.

I appreciated that. And I was beyond grateful.

"Thank you..." I groaned and squeezed the strange-colored robe even tighter. It smelled delicious. Fresh, clean. Smells like herbs and grass. As if he had just arrived from the wilderness.

He was unlike anyone I had ever met. I didn't even think that such a boy still existed in today's world.

"What happened to you?" he asked gently, not letting go of my hand and staring at my bleeding lip. It was obvious that something had happened... That something bad had happened.

"Nothing," I shook my head. "Everything... Everything is fine..."

I was excellent at lying. But it was pretty weak. I was too impatient to lie. Too broken.

"You're bleeding. Nothing is fine..." Anyone else would have left already or wouldn't even come there. Anyone else would have left me to my own devices and wouldn't have helped me. He, on the other hand... He was like the light in the dark, foggy night.

This light does not need Lyra Alura Black to break it. To blacken it. To spoil it.

"Just a little scratch," I said, putting my hand protectively on my forearm, right above his palm. My little finger brushed his. Even this small surface of skin was so warm and comforting that I wanted to stay there forever.

"Who did this to you?" His fingers... they glided soothingly over my wrist, which was already shaking. His voice was as troubled as his touch was calm.

"Nobody, I told you," I replied, still intent on not dragging him into this. I can not do that. So I grabbed the railing with my free hand and stood up, this time successfully standing on both feet. Roaming, but standing. "I'll leave you to it..."

"No, you can't go anywhere alone," he said at me immediately, standing protectively in front of me in case I tripped over my own feet. "Stay here. I'll heal your wounds."

Tears gathered in my eyes. My throat tightened, I don't know why.

"Nothing's wrong. You are safe."

And I believed him.

I will never forget the look on his face when he soldered the writing on my arm. To this day, I can feel where one of Slytherin's knife-like wands sank into my skin. Each letter felt like it took years to carve it into my skin.

Whore. That was on my arm.

Until Theseus Scamander removed it.

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I was still sitting under the door of Theseus's office, my back against the cold wood, recalling one of the most horrible nights of my life.

Theseus sat on the floor next to me, waiting for me to speak. But I didn't. I just poked my forearm through my blouse. I knew exactly where the letters were on my skin, which had disappeared from there a decade ago. But they were burned into my brain forever. Sometimes it was like I saw it. When I was tired or upset or embarrassed after a terrible night with Nash.

I relived that night over and over again.

"I'm ashamed," I finally said. I turned to the side, resting my head on my shoulder, looking at Theseus. "I'm ashamed we met like this."

"I'm grateful to have found you. That it was me that found you there," Theseus said, his face contorted with rage as he often did when Richard was mentioned. "Those... rats left you after... After they did terrible things to you. You could have died from them up there."

If you hadn't come up to the Tower, I would have died.

"Yeah..." I breathed out.

"And Nash doesn't even know about it?" At the thought of Nash, I became even more gloomy. In that class of Slytherin, almost every boy was an asshole, raised in a terrible ideology. My brother Cygnus was the exception that proved the rule.

"I'm sure he knows about it," I snapped at him angrily, and Theseus hummed in annoyance, indicating that he was waiting for more explanation. "I mean... I never told him. Like no one else but you and Cygnus. But... Back then, Nash and Richard were in the same circle of friends. Cygnus also heard the rumors the next day and that's why he sought me out. I'm totally amazed that Nash wasn't with Richard that day."

The whole idea shook me so much that I was horrified.

"Shouldn't you tell him?"

"Why?" I asked back in awe. Theseus just stared at me, trying to express with his eyes that I was dating with him and that's why I should. I never thought of that. "He wouldn't understand what's so... Wrong about it. Why is it so reprehensible. Why is it terrible. Traumatizing. After all, I had slept with almost everyone from that group before. Once I gave him permission..."

"It doesn't work that way, Lulu," Theseus didn't accept this right away. That I blamed myself. He always reminded me, even when we were together, that it was not my fault.

Of course in me... It always came out differently.

"Richard Flint certainly thought so, Thes," I protested, as I always did. "Sometimes I think I'm overreacting it. That it's my fault. I let him take that picture of me. I teased everyone. I was looking for trouble for myself. I only have myself to blame for the picture going around Hogwarts and Richard..."

"No! No, Lyra!" Theseus interrupted seriously, putting his hand on my arm. As I heard my real name from his mouth... I broke down a little and realized how much this topic upsets him too. "It's only his fault! He did this. Not you. Never you. You are the victim, Lulu! If I couldn't find you..."

"But you found me."

That was the important thing in our story. That he found me. That he was there for me when everything fell apart.

"I could have gotten there earlier," Of course, the heroic spirit in Theseus was overpowered. He wished he could change that night. Ten years ago, he regretted not leaving the Great Hall sooner to look at the stars. "I could have stopped them."

"Then they would have tried another time," I protested and leaned my head on his shoulder, sighing heavily. "Nothing and no one would have stopped them."

My heart pounded when I realized that we were sitting next to each other like before. Like when we were together.

I felt the change in myself. Everything changed when we were together. I've changed too, deep down.

You radiate a strong light, I wanted to tell him when I looked into his eyes. Let me bask in it! It makes me feel like I matter. Even if it's all a lie. With you I am better, cleaner.

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hello dear wizards, witches and muggles!

I still have some chapters pre-written in hungarian that i can translate for you, so here is another one!

I hope that everyone took the trigger warning seriously at the beginning.

and with that, we learned one of Lyra's secrets and the first time she met Theseus. I'm sure many people didn't expect that.

but be sure to comment down what you thought of this chapter and what you expect to happen next.