F A L L O N

"Oh I don't have you here with me but at least I have the memory, I try to make it through the night but I can't control my mind."

. . .

I raise my head from the floor and meet Nicholas' eyes from above me, who's looking down at me with a frown.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Shh!"

His frown deepens. "Mom can't hear you!" I whisper-shout. "Why?" he asks.

I frown and sit up, feeling dizzy at the fast movement.

Why can't mom know about me? Did I do something bad? Why am I paranoid again?

"I don't... remember," I mutter and look up at him. Nicholas keeps on looking at me with the same expression and picks me up, gripping my jaw so I'm looking at him.

"Are you okay?" he asks. I want to tell him that I'm just peachy, but I'm distracted by his touch.

By the way his hand is gripping my waist so possessively that it turns me on. By the punishing grip his fingers have on my jaw.

And the memory of his lips on mine. Of him breathing against me and asking me those ridiculous questions that got me wet after the picnic with Reed.

"Nicholas," I breathe and lean in, brushing my lips against his. My body turns into a puddle and I press my lips firmer against his. My fingers itch to explore his body, but he pushes me away.

"You're not nice," I pout.

"Are you drunk?" he asks, his voice hardening. "Nope," I grin, "I didn't drink anything. Cool, right?"

He clenches his jaw. "Your eyes are bloodshot, Fallon. How the fuck are you going to tell me that..."

He trails off, and he looks as if he realizes something.

"Stop being so mysterious and just kiss me, dumbass," I groan but straighten up when his hard gaze lands on me again.

Definitely not calling him dumbass again.

"No," he grits out and takes me in his arms, bridal style. "Why not?" I frown.

"I'm not touching you when you're like this."

When I'm like what?

God, this man is so confusing. He carries me upstairs and into my room, placing me down on my bed.

"Stay here," he orders. I pout and cross my arms. "Why?"

"I won't let you go outside like this," he snaps back. "God, Fallon. What were you thinking?" he asks and looks into my eyes.

"I wasn't thinking anything!" I slur out and sit up in my bed, feeling the paranoia and anxiety rush through me again.

"I swear! All I did was eat some brownies and watch a movie, dude," I reply and take his face between my hands. "You have to believe me."

He takes my hands away from his face, making me frown. He doesn't want me to touch him. He doesn't want to touch me.

Fine. He wants nothing to do with me. I'll never do anything with him.

I won't beg.

"You need to go to sleep, Fallon. Nothing will happen between us," he barks out and then storms out of my room.

"Fine," I grit out and give my door the finger.

"Nothing will happen between us," I mock and fall on my bed, glaring at the ceiling. "Fucking douchebag."

Not wanting him to enter my room anymore, I get up from bed and lock the door before falling on top of my mattress again.

I don't know for how long I'm lying on my bed, but I still feel Nicholas' touch on me. Very vividly.

My mouth has run dry and my skin is tingling. I get myself out of my clothes and lay in bed, lying in my panties and sweater.

Without a second thought, I creep my hand down to my stomach and into my panties, sinking my teeth into my lower lip as I meet my wet folds.

I close my eyes and let out a quiet breath as I imagine Nicholas laying next to me, doing it instead.

The memory of his grip on me, his breaths and groans resurface. I raise my hips a bit as I massage my clit and I turn my head into the pillow, breathing heavily.

He'd kiss me while having his fingers in my panties, swallowing my moans and thrusting his fingers in and out of me roughly.

He'd drag his lips down to my jaw and neck. Sucking, kissing, biting...

Like he's done before. The first time we kissed. He claimed my mouth and let his hands explore.

"Fuck," I moan as I recall his hand on my leg, drawing circles and being so dangerously close to my throbbing sex.

If he'd gone a few inches higher, he would've felt me. Maybe taken care of it.

Another sigh leaves me and I arch my back, my other hand fisting the sheets between my fingers as the pleasure courses through me.

I'm never eating shit that Donia offers me, again.

A knock on the door gets me out of my thoughts and daydreams. With a furrow between my eyebrows, I get up from bed and walk over towards the door, unlocking it and swinging it open.

Nicholas' eyes gaze back into mine, before traveling over my body and stopping for a fraction of a second on my panties before going back up.

"The fuck were you doing?"

"Actually, I should be asking you what you're doing here," I retort and raise a brow. He clenches his jaw.

"Checking up on your stoned ass," he grits out, his eyes spitting fire. "Now, I don't like repeating myself, Fallon. What were you doing?"

I go to slam the door shut in his face, but he presses one hand on the door and holds it open, his stern eyes finding mine again.

But never crossing the threshold.

"Making myself feel good. You're distracting me of that right now," I say, and it feels like my mouth is moving in slow motion.

He takes one step towards me, but I keep standing where I am, tilting my head back to be able to look at him in the eyes.

And then I bring my fingers up to my mouth, sliding them between my lips and licking the taste of myself off of them.

His eyes zero in on my fingers when I slide them back out of my mouth and I lick my lips, having no idea what the fuck I'm doing.

"You know," I begin and lean against the doorway, looking up at him and being aware of our proximity.

"I'd want to say that I was thinking about you when massaging my clit and touching my drenched pussy, but I know that you don't want to hear about it because nothing will happen between us," I slur out and push myself off, taking a step back and holding on to the door like it's my lifeline.

The look in his eyes is a mix of rage and... lust?

He looks torn and confused, though the clench in his jaw is obvious that my words are provoking him.

"In fact, I'll think about Reed. I'll imagine Reed who is touching me and giving me the pleasure I want. Because he wants me and I want him. I'll think of him who is fingering me and fucking me," I spit out and want to close the door before I spit out any more bullshit.

But before I do so, I halt and meet his raging eyes again. "Thank you for carrying me to my room and checking up on me, though," I murmur, and then I close the door, locking it again with a pounding heart.

I walk over to my vanity and look at myself in the mirror. "You're so stupid, Fallon," I whisper and shake my head.

But I don't want Nicholas to think that I want him. He needs to get over himself, and so do I. This needs to stop because if he won't, I know I won't stop either and I'll ignore all of my morals.

Taking my phone, I text Reed and ask him if he's interested in having dinner with us. I hit send and close my phone again, laying on my bed and exhaling.

All my horniness has disappeared, and now I'm fully aware of my state. I'm high. And I feel relaxed yet paranoid.

For a second, I forget why I'm anxious and panicking, so I relax all the way only to tense up again when I remember that I'm high and my mom could find out.

I just know she's going to be disappointed and mad at me, probably grounding me even though I'm twenty but she couldn't care less.

And I don't want to find out if she's still going to pull out la chancleta at my twenty years of age. I'm not taking that risk.

I don't want Stella finding out about this either. Fuck, what if Nicholas tells her? I know she's going to shake her head at me but have my back.

But I don't want to see the look in her eyes. She has caught me once before high and said she didn't like me seeing under influence of something since it could be dangerous.

As if she's never done that.

Thirty minutes pass, of me being in an anxious state of mind all the time when the thirst hits me. My throat is dry and screaming for water.

I should drink something. But I'm not risking drinking tap water. Even though I'm tempted to go into the bathroom and latch my mouth to the tap.

The sun has already begun to set, and I know Nicholas is downstairs in the library and mom is already inside, either talking with relatives on the phone – she's got her ear plastered to the phone whenever she's not working – or working in the garden. Or cooking in the kitchen and I don't want to risk seeing her.

It's either go downstairs and risk my life with mom or dying out of thirst.

I'll take my chances with mom.

Opening the door, I look into the hallway and see it's empty. Blowing out a breath, I tiptoe down the hallway and go down the stairs, looking for support everywhere I can find since I feel like my legs are going to give out any second.

I stand up, exhaling once again. Come on, Fallon.

Continuing to walk down the stairs, my anxiety wears a bit off when I don't hear loud chatter coming from the kitchen.

Mom is always on the phone with either cousins, siblings, or her parents whenever she's cooking.

The lights are turned off, and I enter the kitchen, exhaling in relief when I see it's empty. Making a beeline for the fridge, I get two bottles of water and then take the third one for good measure.

"What are you doing?" dad chuckles from behind me, making me let out a startled scream and turn around.

He's entering through the backdoor, probably coming from the garage.

"Just... taking some water," I bring out breathlessly and clutch the bottles closer to me. He drops his eyes down to the bottles I'm holding and raises his eyebrows.

"All of that?" he asks. I nod. "Yeah, I don't want to come down in the middle of the night because I'm thirsty, so I decided to prepare myself," I chuckle.

He smiles. "I understand," he chuckles and looks in the fridge as well, probably looking for some food.

My paranoia is wearing down a bit, but it's still there because I know that anyone can walk in at any moment.

"Dad, what would you think if I got high?" I blurt out and turn around so he can see my red face. The fuck am I doing?

"What are you talking about?"

I shrug. "I– I don't know. Like weed or something?"

He snorts. "As long as you're doing it around people you know and trust – and only once or twice, don't want you to abuse it – I'm fine with it. You need to try things out in life. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering," I squeak out. "Why? Do you plan on getting high? To be honest, I'm not the biggest fan of drugs and would prefer you don't do it. But you're twenty already – even though you still live under my roof."

"Okay, thank you, dad. I love you," I rasp out and with that, I dash out of the kitchen and go upstairs, flying into my room and closing the door behind me.

I unscrew the cap of one of the bottles and gulp almost everything down, exhaling in relief and satisfaction once I'm done.

"Fuck yes," I sigh and walk over to my bed. I place the bottles on my nightstand and rid myself of my sweater, before crawling in bed and immediately falling asleep as soon as I close my eyes.

. . . 

First of all; thank you so much for 150k reads!! It means so much to me and I love you guys so much!

I'm like super tired but decided to stay awake and finish this chapter, which I'm never doing again.

I'm not satisfied with this chapter but I'm too tired to give a fuck. I'll stop myself next time since I want to release good-quality chapters. 

I finished the second season of Outer Banks today. I'm in shock but also relieved but also in shock.

JJ be hitting a side of me I didn't know existed, I do not need to go simp again pls. 

Go stream Take My Breath.

Now thank you so much for reading!

I love you.