"He didn't even look at me in the eye, I guess it's not love at first sight after all."

Goth's side of the story...

** Goth's P.O.V **

As I walked away, I couldn't help but be curious about the book that sat on Palette's desk. It looked like a diary, now I know that I'm not supposed to be snooping around someone's privacy but I can't help it. The way he realized that he didn't close it, it was peculiar, it felt like he didn't want me to know but somewhere inside me tells me that I need to know what's in it, but I mean like. What secrets can Palette be hiding from me? From all of us. I hope it's not any thing about our already bloomimg friendship, I hope he doesn't have those 'romantic feelings' for me because like, that's ridiculous. Who would love someone like me? But even if he did have, I would like for him to be just a friend and I know he'll understand when the time he confessess to me and I obviously reject him. I'm happy to stay friends with him, not anything more. But I can't help feel that I wanna be something more with him, but I can't be feeling that. My thought of being friends of him is much stronger than that so it breaks the ties.

I hear footsteps from out the hallway, I see Palette dressed casually like he's going somewhere. "Where are you going?" I asked, he looked up to me, struggling to put his shoes on which I find cute. "To the mall, I'm gonna get some groceries, and run some other errands. I'll probably be back really late, so don't stay up to wait for me. It's not worth your sleep." He explains, I frown at the last part, he doesn't want me to sacrifice my sleep? But I'd rather stay up and wait for him because he probably did have dinner. That stubborn brat. "I'll see you later." He says as he grabs his bag and dashes off the the door.

Now what am I gonna do?

I decided to turn on the the T.V and watch some shows that might interests me.

A few hours of watching TV. I decided to make lunch, I wanted something simple because I know we're running out of food. Especially the time we had a small food fight last night, we wasted a lot of food. But it was good memories though. My mind wanders off into space but I quickly snap out of it. I took some sliced bread, ham, condiments and vegetables. I cut some onions, lettuce and tomatoes. I heated the ham in the microwave for 3 minutes, then placed the two loaves of sliced bread on the toaster. When they're both done, I assembled the whole thing into a sandwich and boi, I was hungry.

Once I finished eating lunch, I decided to clean around the house. I grabbed a broom and started sweeping the floors, I grabbed a dustpan and swept the dirt into it and onto the trash can. Once I finished, I grabbed a mop and bucket of water from the storage room and from there, I mopped the floor until the living room. I moved some chairs so I can mop the floor underneath them, but oddly though, I saw blood stains.

"No way. Palette can't be cutting himself right?"

That's not true right? But I'm it isn't. I've seen his arms, he always folds them up when he cooks or cleans the room. He always does, but what's this blood stsin doing in the floor? But I can't be thinking that, it's probably strawberry jam. I proceed to mop the somewhat blood looking stain and placed the chair back to where it belonged. Now that I'm done, laundry was finished yesterday, what else? Watering the forget-me-not flowers are okay. I grab a watering can from the storage room, filled it with water and proceed to water the forget-me-not flowers. I did the same thing to each vase in the house, I then reached Palette's room, I watered his as well. I was going to leave but something caught my eye.

It was another blood stain, but this time it's on the wall, there were small droplets of it.

"Okay, what is really going on here?"

I was starting to think Palette is suicidal and wants to die, but I can't let that happen. Why would he be suicidal anyways? I look closer but I didn't look at the blood, I looked at the book that was sitting on his desk. The same one I saw yesterday. I decided to open it on the book marked part.

Dear Diary 💕
4/10/1X
Monday, afternoon 2:06 PM

Hey, that was yesterday so this is what he didn't want me to see.

Hello again, it's been just 24 hours when Goth moved in, although, it felt like it was since forever that he did. But that's how hopeless romantics feel right? Right. Here I am pouring all the things I have learned from him, I honestly thought I won't be able to live happy if I wasn't friends with Goth. I should thank Xahji and Fresh for that. They're the best. Yesterday, I have learned a lot of things, we had similar interests which to my point of view was shocking and surprising, but honestly he was the surprised one, you could've seen the look on his face when he found out that I also read books and the fact that we favor the same author, although the reason I read is because of him. He is the librarian of the school so I thought that if I read books, it would get him to like me. But obviously it didn't work and was a waste of my time but I couldn't help but read more books, I craved for the creativity and uniqueness it held when you read the first page. So not that it only became my one of favorite hobbies, I got addicted to reading a ton of books, I finished a total of 500 books during my high school years. I wonder how he didn't notice the fact that I visit the library everyday because I just finished a book in less than 24 hours. I know that it's probably too much for a person but hey, I can't help it. No wonder why he became a librarian. Before I moved out of my parent's home, my room had 3 bookshelves in between my closet and bed, my mom bought a lot of books for me during Christmas and my brother's wedding, it was like a blessing that rained down upon me. Preach, mom, preach. Now that bookshelf is still there, my mom reads the books he bought me because it reminds him of me, when he would bring my dinner into my room because my nose is stuck on a book. He said that it was very unlike me, but guess what mom? People change for the person they love, and I happen to be one of them. But all the efforts you make will all go to the trash because they don't know that it was because of them, or it was because you're in love with them. The truth hurts, reality is there to hit you in the gut for not realizing that. I even told him that I read books because of someone, but guess what? He mistook it, saying that I shouldn't follow someone because you like them. That almost shattered my heart, that really hurt. I couldn't speak but he kept talking like it didn't HURT me at all. I know I read books to get noticed but it didn't work so your point is pretty much broken already. I laughed it off like it didn't offend me or anything but it did, I also found out that Xahji and Fresh made a deal with him that he should be friends with me to make it up to her so he agreed to it, some people say it might be a jerk move, some people might say that it's cute and adorable that he did it for his sister. To me, it felt like I'm nothing to him, to me, it felt like when we're fully comfortable with each other, he's just gonna throw me under bus behind Xahji's back, to me, it felt like I was just used for forgiveness. To me, it hurt. It hurted in some way but I know, I just know but I have to be thankful that he decided to agree because when I die, I can die peacefully, without the feeling of Goth hating me even when I'm dead. When I'm dead, I hope he loves someone he deserves, I hope he lives happy without me. I hope the one he loves treats him right, I hope he trusts the one he loves. Saying these things hurt, but I don't care.

My eyes widened. He felt like this all along? How come a I never knew?

Right.

I'm too oblivious to know that he liked me. Why am I so stupid-but that's also probably why he likes me, yet I still don't get it. I decided to not to peek any more and just leave. I returned the watering can to the storage room. Thinking about Palette thought of me.

Do I feel the same?

"He deserves the best, not me. Maybe one day, if I had the chance, I could take it only if you're comfortable."

- ♡♡Palette xoxo♡♡
(*'˘'*)♡