𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝖣𝖺𝗒⎯⎯  𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝗍𝗐𝗈

𝕵ack steps back after ringing the doorbell, waiting with barely controlled patience out on the porch. 

He wrings his hands, taking in a deep breath as every second that passes feels like an entire lifetime.

Finally, Maureen's face greets him through the crack in the door which widens with her stepping aside to let him in.

"Is she here?", he asks though he knows that she wouldn't say she'd be at home all day if she were planning to leave at some point.

"In her room".

He nods gratefully and moves over to the staircase, quickly ascending the first two steps when Maureen's voice makes him pause.

"Jack?".

He glances over his shoulder, waiting.

She purses her lips, directing a somber smile at him.

"Good luck".

He stills, finding himself smiling back because he is just so fucking grateful that Maureen, of all people, seems to be in his corner.

And then, he resumes ascending the stairs with purpose.

Walking over to the familiar door with his heart in his throat, he suddenly realises that no matter what happens today, it is definitely going to change his life.

And that makes him pause, fist hovering in the air and anxiety coursing through him, threatening to consume him to the point where he might just be compelled to crumble under pressure, turn heel and run.

Run far far away from any possibility of having to face reality and maybe losing June.

No.

He knocks with a shaky breath and when he hears her loud, "Come in!", he all but stumbles over his own feet in the rush to open the door and get inside to her, her voice drawing him in like a siren, the nerves momentarily taking a backseat with the prospect of seeing her after so long finally looming closer.

She stands with her back to him, rummaging through a box and his breath falters momentarily at the sight of her, feeling as if years have passed since he was last considered lucky enough to be in her presence.

The sound of the door clicking shut behind him draws her attention, she pivots on her heel then stills upon seeing him standing there speechless.

Looking at her now with her hair down and the familiar faded blue sweatshirt engulfing her, no makeup to help mask her vulnerability and raw emotion behind, a lump grows in his throat.

He feels tempted to abandon all efforts at consolation or even explanation and simply fall down to his knees, beg her to never leave him no matter what.

Because suddenly, the idea of a life without June burns his lovesick heart with a scorching heat so profound that he could double over and surrender himself to the universe, let himself go completely for if he can't be the one for her then what can he be?

"Hey", his voice comes out hoarse and he clears his throat.

She blinks.

"Hi".

"Luke said you told him I could come over. To talk".

"I did", she gulps, fidgeting with her hands, "I did say that".

"So", he inhales, shrugging sadly, "here I am".

Her lips curl ruefully.

"Here you are".

They stand there, motionless and quietly sizing each other up. Jack feels like he could do this forever — stare into her big brown eyes and forget about everything else but he doesn't want to do it like this, with a heavy silence hovering in the air between them.

"I hate this", he shakes his head and she looks doubtful so he clarifies knowing full well that once he's started talking there is no going back, "I hate this. This . . . this awkwardness, we're not like this. We can always talk to each other and sure, we've definitely been awkward over the years but it's never felt this . . . . weighted. Like if I don't speak and if I don't hold your hand and refuse to let you walk away, the world will end".

June simply stares at him in shock.

Her mouth opens and he knows that that is his cue to keep going because fuck it, he's here and she is right there and it's been years, it's not going away and honestly he doesn't really want it to because God, June is everything.

"Jack, I—".

"No. No, let me finish. Let me speak. Please I need this", he steps forward and she looks at him with so much . . . . something that his heart begins beating rapidly, a rush of impending doom or eternal salvation.

"I have been such an idiot, June. I hate myself for everything I've done. Especially this past summer. And no, it's not because of you. It's because of me, because I haven't been honest with you or myself for a very, very long time. I should've said this sooner, I shouldn't have gone around in circles, dragging you with me to insanity but shit, Bug, I was just so scared".

He takes another tentative step forward and the fact that she stays rooted to her place, waiting for him even after all this pain, fills him with confidence.

"You scare me. The thought of losing you due to my own stupidity and cowardice scares me. I can't even begin to explain what it was but somewhere over these years, I've started . . . I've started to absolutely lose my mind. Every time I came close to being someone you deserve, I ran. Because I was scared. I wanted you to choose me but I also physically couldn't handle the pain of your rejection", he breathes out, her gaze on his firm and desperate.

"Every time I saw you with someone else, heard you talk about someone else, the idea of you someday falling in love and choosing someone other than me made me sick. It hurt so much, June, I—I'm such a fucking mess. I never wanted to hurt you and I know I've done it countless times over the years. I know I don't deserve you. But that's the thing, no one does. You're just that incredible. Everything about you is incredible".

He swallows, taking another step, now only separated from her by a few inches — still, it feels too far away.

"I have never, ever felt so much about someone besides you. At one point, I almost thought I was going crazy that there's no way what I'm feeling is normal, you know? That feeling this way about someone probably isn't healthy. Maybe", his head tips down, their eyes still fixed in a wordless dance, "maybe you're supposed to go your entire life only feeling normal about someone you claim to love. Maybe it isn't supposed to be all-consuming. Maybe when they walk away, it isn't supposed to feel like your entire world has been shattered to pieces.

"Maybe it has to be just alright for you to continue with life. Maybe life isn't supposed to feel unbearable without them there. Maybe you're not supposed to wake up in the middle of the night and look at them sleeping and think, "Fuck. I can't live without this person". Maybe you're not supposed to sit around on a lazy beach day and just look at them there, smiling and gracing someone fortunate enough for their attention and think "That smile. I want to be the reason for that smile, always. For as long as I live". Maybe", his throat constricts and he looks at her, really looks at her, unshed tears teetering on the edge of her eyelashes and her mouth parted as she takes in everything he's saying.

"Maybe it isn't supposed to hurt so much when you realise that you could never be enough for them. But I think, for me, that is all there is. All the maybe-nots. All the gut wrenching pain. The realisation of how you're simply my favourite person. Ever. Because I've always done everything in the extreme, June and with you, what I feel about you, it feels limitless".

His fingers twitch, his body fully aware of their proximity, of the possibility that if he just reached out he could touch her.

But he holds back. He has to.

This has to be her decision.

"I'm in love with you. I have been for a really long time. And this summer has only confirned what I'd feared would happen if I gave in to the temptation of being yours. That you're it for me, June. There's no one else. There can be no one else. Maybe someday you'll find someone better but I know I won't. Because there is no one better. I'm incapable of moving on from you".

He takes a ragged breath, "I love you. I love you so much it hurts".

She looks at him, tears freely streaming down her cheeks and the warmth in her eyes pouring something like relief all over him.

Because it feels so fucking good to finally say it.

June blinks, her gaze searching as she continues staring waiting for him to take back everything he's said or for the world to come crashing down.

But it doesn't. Nothing happens.

And Jack waits. He will always wait.

She brings her hand up, her fingers gently stroking his cheek.

His eyes fall shut, her hands cradling his face as she steps closer eliminating the few inches between them.

He can feel her breath on his cheek as she brings his face down, leaning their foreheads together.

Her fingers slowly tip into the hair at the nape of his neck, her breath warm and enlightening over his skin and he thinks I could stay like this forever, eyes closed and June touching him as if he's the most precious thing she's ever seen.

"Will you look at me?", she speaks for the first time since he started talking and her voice is soft, a little rasp around the edges because it feels like she is a word away from letting the dam break and allowing the tears to rush out, well and fast.

His eyes flutter open and there she is.

Her gaze runs back and forth between his, her fingers still on his face.

"You are enough for me. You've always been enough for me. Sometimes I have wondered if I'll ever be enough for you", she laughs and oh, he loves it. He loves her laugh.

"I don't know why you could ever be scared that I wouldn't choose you because the truth is, Jack, I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I've tried to find someone else but no one has ever come close", she bites her lip and his eyes follow the action.

"I love you. I love you so much it's devastating".

His breath catches in his throat and no, this doesn't feel real.

"You mean that? You love me?".

She smiles wide, eyes lighting up and face dissolving into that favourite grin of his.

"I do. I could never not mean it".

That is all it takes for him to lean down and capture her lips in his, her mouth complying with his desire and letting him taste and feel, and grab her hips and push her against the boxes behind her.

Their lips move in an unlearnt, perfect symphony, her hands burrowing into his hair and his hold on her hips tightening as he pulls her flush against him, trying to be as close as possible.

His hands roam over every dip and curve of her body he has so religiously memorised over the past months, teeth lightly biting down on her lower lip as she arches against him and roughly tugs his hair bringing his face closer if that is even possible.

"God, I've missed you", he murmurs against her lips, a smile tipping up her mouth.

She goes in for another kiss, tongues battling and his hands going lower, lower, lower, tugging her hard against his chest.

Her lips taste and taste and taste the feeling of his kiss, his weight leans her back against the boxes behind, a conspicuous creak sounding from the cardboard lined up behind her back.

He pushes her even farther, her back digging into the boxes and his hands come up to grab her thighs, her legs wrapping around him in an instant.

She pulls back slightly, forehead leaning on his, their heavy breaths mixing together in the space between.

Her hands settle on the back of his neck, "What does this mean?".

He looks up at her, breathless.

"What does what mean?".

"What are we?".

He releases a breath, walking them over to the bed where he sits at the foot allowing her to pull back as she straddles him.

"Juniper Raine Bauer, will you be my girlfriend?".

Her fingers tighten on his shoulders and a smile breaks out on her face.

June tilts her head, playfully sizing him up.

"I guess".

"You guess?", he faux-gasps making her shrug.

"I might need some convincing".

"Convincing, huh?".

Jack immediately leans in, peppering her neck with kisses, his hand moving up her shirt and she tilts her head back with a small chuckle.

"Is this convincing enough?", he speaks into her neck.

She shakes her head.

His thumb brushes the underside of her bra, hand slowly trailing up to cover her breast over the material of her bra.

Still kissing her neck, "What about this?".

"No", comes her breathless reply.

He squeezes her breast, throwing an arm around her waist and pulling her down on the bed, hovering above her on his elbows.

"What are you—".

Slowly, he sinks down on the floor, one knee at a time and he watches her with a smirk, June's eyes widening at his sudden change in position.

She props herself up on her elbows just as his hand comes up under her knees, parting them.

"Are you about to go down on me just to convince me to be your girlfriend?", she asks in amusement.

He shrugs, the smirk firm in place.

"If you want me to".

"Jack, no. My mom is downstairs".

"Oh, were we not about to do something we shouldn't do while your mom is downstairs?".

She snorts, sitting up and leaning forward towards him, still on his knees in front of her.

"I just thought we'd make out".

"You are very noisy even when we're just making out".

June gapes at him, "No, I'm not".

He shrugs, "You still haven't given me a good answer".

She blinks, smiling.

"To your question".

He mirrors her smile, "To my question".

She takes a deep breath and takes his hands in hers.

"Jack Rowden Hughes, will you be my boyfriend?".

His smile takes over his entire face.

"Yes".

She nods and squeezes his hands.

"Then yes, I will be your girlfriend".

"Was this a feminist thing you needed to get out of your system?".

She raises a brow.

"Say that again and see what I'll do".

He looks away, laughing.

"Sorry".

"We'll have to tell everyone. Today".

Jack groans, shaking his head as he takes a seat beside her and pulls her into his side, kissing the top of her head.

"Can't we just stay in here all day?"

"No", she buries her face into his tshirt.

"Please, Bug?".

"Only for a while".

He inhales her scent, tightening his arms around her.

"I'll take a while".

***
chat don't be like me, i'm crushing on a man i am #cooked