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- Reviewer Nat -

Book cover- 1/10

The cover's vibe didn't match the theme of the story. The face claim chosen for the male lead wasn't the best. The font too didn't match with the theme of the story and the color scheme was visibly wrong. Considering the plot of the story, a more dark themed cover with bolder fonts would've defined the story better. I suggest you also change the face claim and drag the author's name to the top centre or bottom centre. Covers play a major role in attracting readers, so make sure you redesign your cover well.

Title- 2/5

The title used is pleasant to hear, but I don't feel it matches the storyline in any way. Also it's a very common choice for book titles, so I would suggest you change the title so that your book is recognized easily.

Description- 1/10

Descriptions are one of the main things that attract a reader into a book, and I was disappointed that just two sayings were randomly placed there and quoted to be a blurb. Here's how you could rewrite the blurb- divide the blurb into two short paragraphs. Import a sentence from the story that you think might hook readers, and write a few sentences about the rough idea of the plot and end it with suspense.

Storyline and twists- 2/25

If I were to sum up the whole plot in one word, it would say 'cliche'. Stories with little cliche are acceptable but if not plotted well, the huge storyline might be messed up, and this story did give few of those vibes. The storyline shouldn't have escalated real quick and the characters were all confusing. Initially, there's Jimin's flashback and then there's Jisoo's. Following that, Jungkook was added. You should've focused on a single plot and mustn't have included more and more, which ultimately makes the plot confusing. Also the scene at the cafe was very bemusing, considering how it was written differently in each chapter. I had high hopes that there would be at least a good plot twist, but all are very predictable, failing to amuse the reader.

Characters and emotion- 1/10

Adding almost one character per chapter is not at all encouraged. Because that would mean readers getting confused about who was who and it is also normal for readers to assume those characters are boring, if they have no significant part in the story. There weren't any character emotions spotted in your writing either. It didn't sound like actual people were conversing at all. The descriptive language wasn't up to the mark and they lack emotions a lot because right now it sounds like a script that goes on and on without any message to convey or any sort of feeling or emotion to deliver. One more thing is that your way of writing the dialogues was just utterly wrong and while reading it, I was very disappointed. While writing, being formal is the best thing to do. You just wrote it like-

"(left jennie. Right jisoo)

Unnie, why arr you here? (In a cold voice.)

l if u are here to say anything about Kai then i am not intrested.

Ok.now listen."

This doesn't make sense and it isn't pleasant to read at all. And the emotions, like if you write it in the way you did now it sounds just like a robot reading out scripts. No emotions were felt whatsoever.

Writing style- 1/15

Your writing is very informal and hard to read. You've added italics, symbols, bolds etc. at the wrong places repeatedly. And your dialogues were just not okay. Here's a part of your story given below:

" (left jenni right jisoo)

Stop unnie! Enough! I am not listening to any of your cock and bull story.

Ok. Do whatever you wish to. But one day the truth will come to light.

What do you mean?

The one you are taking bullet for is standing behind the trigger. And it is your responsibility to understand it.

You knoe what jen? The saddest thing about betratal is it never comes from an enemy."

This kind of writing style must be let go immediately. This is not what people expect from a story. Firstly, you're going to have confusion understanding the speaker of dialogues. Secondly, it doesn't look like a proper book or story or even an essay or whatsoever. Your writing had tons of typos, not to mention the grammatical mistakes. Your description language was also very dry. While reading it, I felt like I was reading a song lyric without a tune or rhythm, plain and emotionless. These are some points where you have to improve a lot. Better descriptive language and a wider vocabulary should be the things you've got to learn. Also work a little bit on sentence construction. You have potential in writing and you've put a good amount of effort but I'm afraid you'd need to work harder.

Grammar and vocabulary- 1/20

As I mentioned above, you need to work on your vocabulary a lot. It's messed up everywhere and at places, your subject and verb don't agree with each other. And forget about mistakes in your action tags and verbal tags, because they weren't even there. I'm stressing again that the way you wrote, including the dialogues, is not acceptable in any way. Besides the grammatical errors, lack of emotion and basic vocabulary are also areas you're facing difficulties in. You had many typo errors and from my point of view, it seemed like you wanted to finish it as quickly as possible, not caring about the quality of writing.

Reviewer's opinion- 2/5

This book has to improve a lot in all the categories. Right now, the whole story is jumbled up. The writing style, vocabulary and grammar needs to be worked on a lot. I would suggest you consider editing the book once. And the cover needs to be changed if you want people to have a better impression on your book. Work some more on conveying emotions and the descriptive language needs to be changed wholly. I hope you revamp your whole book with the suggestions I gave you in mind. Best of luck!

Total- 11/100

bxephr0dite

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THC