Sed... Quare?

But... Why?

Leo closed the door of Finn's room behind himself as the latter went ahead and laid down partially on the bed, just like the day before, with his feet still on the floor and the inside of his elbow hiding his eyes. They had just left Emily in her room after calming her down as much as they could and promising that she would feel better if she took a nap. Gratefully, Alex wasn't there when they left her.

It wasn't that he didn't want to be with Emily, it was simply that... He needed to breathe. He was feeling so... off. His heart was still going a mile an hour.

Slowly he made his way over. But over where? He stopped walking in the middle of the two beds. One was the one he had used the night before -the one Finn had asked the university to leave vacant- and the other one... That was Finn's.

And yes, they had been laying there last evening but...

He could only remember that glimpse he saw at the cafeteria before everything turned to chaos. The glimpse of that hand... Finn's hand...

Why was there a tingling feeling flowing down from the top of his skull?

Leo took in a deep breath and stopped looking at Finn to look down at the floor, but all he saw was him. He closed his eyes but all he saw was him. He looked up at the other side of the room and out the window at the unusually bright sky which was softly ebbing away and... he saw his dream once more.

- What are you thinking of? -

Leo took an involuntary deep breath as he closed his eyes. The sound of his voice as soft as it got only whenever they were alone brought such comfort to his body that he begged his brain to stop thinking so much so he could enjoy it. And he opened his mouth.

- I'm... kind of tired. - He said softly, feeling weak in the knees. Only Finn had elicited this side of him, this kind of voice from him, this way of being, it was all because of him, but... - And I'm also thinking of two days ago. - Because Finn had infiltrated his walls that day. Friday. Because he understood why he was being rude towards him all of a sudden, and he said firmly that he wouldn't leave him even then.

He was too tired; mentally, physically, the more he thought about it, the more tired he got. But there was a need growing inside of him that he couldn't understand.

- Come here then. -

Oh, Jesus...

Leo swallowed and followed what he wanted to do, turning around and sitting next to Finn to slowly lean back and lay with him. He was so tense and he hated it, but then the idea of surrendering in his entirety to these unknown feelings made his walls strengthen their hold.

Until he heard Finn speaking softly next to him, and his breath hitched in his throat at the softness, the closeness... the sound...

- You said you were thinking about Friday. But, what exactly? -

Leo closed his eyes and bought his hands up to rub them with the heels of his palms.

He wanted to--... No... no...

- The, ummm... When you said you wouldn't be leaving... -

It was baffling. Three days was all it took. Not even three days, but two days, two days in which: Finn let him open up, he saw Finn opening up, and they have learned from each other the things that matter to them the most. Just two days...

And he wanted to--... Goddammit, no...

But Finn chuckled a bit, and Leo's throat closed off. Slowly, he lowered his hands from his eyes and instead crossed his arms over his chest, trying to keep himself together.

- Why are you thinking of that right now? - Finn asked with an audible grin on his face.

The honest answer would be that he was thinking of him never leaving because... because he wanted him to leave? No... Because he wanted him to stay forever? His heart was beating like crazy because craziness was what he feared the most. A few days ago, he was afraid of missing some pieces on his chessboard of life, then Finn made him completely forget about his usual controlling and possessive tendencies by God knows how, and now... he was feeling like he was losing control over himself.

One thing is crying about not knowing what was going on with his feelings but another thing entirely is to know what the feeling was, and knowing he shouldn't be feeling it.

But why was he even feeling this absurdity in his chest? It was unnerving. He shouldn't be feeling this anomaly, it only meant trouble, it only meant sickness and craziness and... And he already had a problem with losing to his anger. He already was sporadically violent. He already had a symptom... He couldn't have two. He shouldn't be lying with Finn right now, he shouldn't have accepted his help, he should've pushed him out the moment Finn had said he wouldn't leave, he should've... He should've, and yet... he didn't want to.

But that's the whole reason why it was wrong in the first place.

Leo blinked as he realized another thing. Yesterday he had realized he never allowed people in for fear that they would leave behind an aching hole, and today he was realizing that he didn't want people to get too close in fear of what they might see. Because not even himself has dwelled that deep.

Does that mean that he had always known he was a monster waiting to happen? Does that mean he should walk out of this room?

But his chest ached at the thought of leaving...

What to do... what to do...

- Leo? -

No, no, don't call him, he shouldn't answer him.

- Leo... -

No... why is Finn's voice softer? Why does he sound understanding? Why does Leo feel like he wanted to close his eyes and sigh?

He felt the bed moving a bit and he realized that he had indeed closed his eyes.

- Leo--

- Have you ever had a girlfriend? - Leo's sudden question as he opened his eyes was meant to open up a conversation in hopes that his guilt will be forgotten in the back of his head as they spoke. He also wanted to know him more, he did want to know all about him, which was as undeniable as it was unnerving. But the way he saw Finn freezing over as he held himself up with one elbow to look down at him made him realize that the actual question that got out of his mouth hadn't even passed through the filter of his head before coming out. - I... You... don't have to... answer if--

- No, no, I'll... - Finn frowned down at the bed and blinked a few times before looking back up. - It just caught me off guard a bit, don't worry. - He gave him a comforting little smile before lying back down again, and this time, Leo followed him with his eyes, not wanting to snap out of his concentration in fear that the guilt would come back. Guilt that he was doing something he shouldn't. - So... - Finn tried to start but grimaced and swallowed, averting his eyes for a second before going on in a small voice, - I have--... I havennnn, hmm. Look, it was a... I-It wasn't--... I'm sorry, give me a second. - Finn placed his hands over his face and tried to take deep breaths. He got so tense all of a sudden that Leo worried.

- We really don't have to talk about this if--

- Have you? - Finn cut him off, apparently without meaning to, as he lowered his hands and crossed them over his chest just like him. - Have you had any? I thought maybe Emily and you had something going on. -

Don't they all.

Leo rolled his eyes at the ceiling.

- Yes, everybody thinks that. - ...why...did he react sulkily about it? He blinked a few times, trying to snap out of it again. - No, we haven't had anything. I... I haven't had any girlfriends. But it was partially because I was waiting to marry Emily once we grew up, so... - He shrugged, but his neck was so tense. He hasn't admitted to this many times and, the few that he had, men hadn't reacted kindly about it, so he didn't know--

But Finn chuckled.

Leo looked beside him and there it was, Finn grinning at the ceiling.

- I bet you broke a lot of hearts. - And this was so unexpected, and so nonthreatening, that Leo chuckled with him. - But that's nice. The fact that you're waiting until you're married to her, it's quite romantic. I just know she's happy she'll have you one day. -

He should be happy hearing that cheering, shouldn't he? Yes, he should, he really should. Then why didn't he? Why didn't he?

What was wrong with him?

Leo didn't realize it, but his previous grin slowly disappeared, and the moment he answered, it sounded mournful.

- Yeah... - As he cleared his throat to forget about it, from the corner of his eye he saw Finn turning his head to look at him.

- You're not happy about it. - There was not a hint of any question in Finn's voice. And Leo had no idea how to get out of this one.

- No, I... - He ran out of ideas, so he tried his last resource which was saying what he would've said to anyone else, or what he would've said before he met Finn. - Obviously, I'm not happy about the fact that I'll be tied down to just one person someday. -

However, he simply made himself cringe.

- Yeah, that doesn't work on me. - Finn answered, looking right through him because he knew him, for fucks sake, he knew him already.

He knew him better than he knew himself. Of course, he's not some ladies' man, of course, he's not a player, of course, he wouldn't mind being tied down to one person if this person stayed through all his attempts at making them go away. The only thing he just did was prove to Finn that he was right in many different ways.

Leo just wanted to kneel on the floor--NO... no, no, no, stop it...

Leo placed his hands over his eyes once more and turned to swallow down whatever excitement had suddenly flared up in his throat as he listened to Finn. Trying desperately not to succumb to whatever he was wishing to do.

- It's completely fine if you don't want to be with her, what is not fine is you forcing yourself to do something you don't want to do, alright? -

Yeah...

Fucking hell, where did that pleading voice get from?

- Ummm... yeah, alright. - He answered in a low voice. There was seriously something wrong in his head. - So, have you had a girlfriend? - He tried asking as he lowered his hands once more.

- Yes, but it was terrible. - Such a simple answer, but he knew that it had required strength to admit it.

Leo turned his head to look at him seriously, and the moment he did, Finn's previously unwavering eyes averted down towards his shoulder.

- Why? - He asked softly, completely enraged at the thought that the world had done Finn even more wrong than it had before. First, the loss of his mother, then the loss of his family, the loss of himself alongside the loss of his friend, and now a terrible relationship?

But Finn shook his head as he frowned.

- I'll tell you later. - The same answer he got when he asked about why he asked for a room alone.

Leo's chest puffed up as his muscles tensed over.

- Did she do something to you? -

Finn immediately sat up as if a shock wave had hit him. And Leo sat up with him, afraid that he had said something wrong as his already frantic heart fastened its pace.

- I said... that I would tell you later. - His voice was still soft, but now it was in a way that hid beneath too much to unravel. And it was the fact that this ex was way harder to talk about than the snapping of the rope which made Leo want to punish himself.

He had triggered him. He had hurt him.

- I'm so sorry. - He whispered back, but even as he saw Finn taking a calm and deep breath all Leo could see was that place on the floor, right at his feet; and he grabbed his head and groaned.

There was something wrong, there was something wrong with him. Why was that need growing? Why?

- Leo? -

Now he was making him worried.

But there was not a more frightened person in this room than him.

- It's just... the exaltation of what happened at lunch, I'm too... I can't calm down. Something's wrong, I need to... - He stood up. His heart was in his throat, his knees were weak, he wanted to kneel down where he was. - I need to... - Go, go, he needed to be gone from there, he needed to run out of there before doing something he shouldn't.

But the sound of Finn getting to his feet, knowing that he was worried for him, got him frozen.

He wanted to stay, he wanted to stay with him, he wanted to... he wanted him to... But he should go, he should go, he should go but he wanted to stay. He needed to be away from Finn but he didn't want to go.

So, the next second he felt Finn trying to approach him, he walked fast towards the bathroom and locked himself up. He placed his forehead against the door as he maintained his palms over it and only then did he notice his fast breathing.

His body was too warm, his knees were too weak, and it had nothing to do with their previous conversation but everything to do with the actual exaltation of what happened at lunch. His blood had been pumping too hard since he saw Finn's hand trying to do something before he finally passed him that napkin. And then it doubled when the chaos took place, so now that they were alone...

- Leo...? - Finn asked in a little voice from the other side of the door.

Leo swallowed and breathed out shakily so he could answer.

- I just need to... clear my head a bit. - He sounded out of breath, but because his mouth was right against the door, he was sure he heard it.

This was just because of the adrenaline, that's it, that was all there was to it. Simply adrenaline because of fear. That's normal. It could happen to anyone.

But... He heard Finn taking a step closer to the door... And felt him sliding a hand over the wood as if he was in the same position he was now.

Which was not helping his case.

- You need to talk in order to organize your ideas better. - Finn reminded him but...

He felt his mouth watering... the heat rising in him...

Leo closed his eyes and damned the consequences for just one second as he turned his head to rest his temple against the wood.

- But I'm not sure what ideas I have, to say them. - His voice was so low, so raspy. There were beads of sweat forming on his body. He should step away from that door.

- Then, answer. Why do you need to lock yourself away from me? -

...Because he wants to kneel at his feet and rest his forehead on his leg again. He wanted to feel him again, he wanted to know what that hand would've done if it hadn't stopped, if it had just been the two of them, if the dessert he had been eating had been for Finn instead of Jungkook and... and he wanted to...

He wanted to know what it felt like to be touched by someone who wanted to touch him.

His skin was too hot all over, this was way too much for him.

His face screwed up in pain as he flattened his ear against the door.

- Answer me, Leo. -

His voice was so soft even with a door in their midst, and Leo wanted to cry at the knowledge that he wanted to hear that voice right at his ear; right against it. He wanted to cry at such a need because why...? Why?

- I need to clear my head... - He repeated, both for Finn and for himself.

He couldn't succumb to the ache growing south of his midriff, he couldn't do it even if he wanted to claw at his legs for the need of it; he couldn't do such a thing in this room, with him so close by, he couldn't.

It was just adrenaline, adrenaline, adrenaline... Nothing more than that. It was just shock turned to adrenaline, that's it, that was simply it.

- I can help you with that, Leo. Open the door. -

...Leo wasn't sure anymore of what he was offering, not with the way his mind was beginning to slow. Could Finn possibly know what was happening to him right now? And if so...

- Help me how? -

Shit, no, no no no, he should shut up, he couldn't think right, his brain was simply... He was lightheaded. He was lightheaded? He was breathless too. And thirsty... and weak in the body, and a bit... a bit... Maybe his hand slid down the wood in a fraction of weakness, but he stopped it immediately. He couldn't succumb; wouldn't succumb.

- I won't know how to help you until you talk to me. -

No... Finn's voice... his vooooice... Mhhhh...

Leo snapped his eyes open and jumped a step away from the door. His heart was hammering against his ribcage at the fright and rush flowing through his veins, but he had done enough damage already.

- I think I'll better take a cold shower. I'll come out in a second. - He tried informing him without his voice wavering too much and then took another step back to kick his shoes off.

- Alright then. But don't make the water too cold, maybe tonight will be colder. -

Leo took his shirt off and tossed it to the floor, remembering with a frown that he will indeed sleep here tonight as well and that he'll need to go back to his room to get more clothes.

He bit his lip harshly at the fright of what his inner monster might do in the night with Finn so close, and also because of the heat. He was too hot to be able to think right.

- Alright. - Was all he breathed out before starting on his pants.

He unbuttoned them, sipped them down, and took them off to then hold himself up with the door once more. His limbs were too weak and tingly to work right. He held himself there, breathing deeply, and then dared to glance down at himself. But instead of guilt or disgust when he saw what his underwear was covering, he felt an overwhelming need.

He didn't care what brought this on, he loved it when he was hard.

His fingers curled against the door as his knees bent the slightest bit. But he forced his head back until he was only looking at the ceiling, and even if he was panting for breath and begging for relief, he pushed himself to remember that this was simply adrenaline and fear mixed together with--... No, wait, it was anger and fear mixed with--... No... wait, what was it? It was adrenaline and... and fear-- oh, yeah, and guilt. Yes, yes, a lot of guilt, yeah... yeah... yeah... mhhh... Oh, no... no, no...

Fucking hell.

Leo swallowed and was just about to force himself to walk straight towards the shower... when he realized... and he stopped moving and breathing altogether as his eyes widened at the wooden door.

He never heard steps retreating from it.

Oh, the thought of Finn having stayed to listen to him taking his clothes off made his underwear twitch and he just wanted to scream at the heavens to light him on fire for his sins. But if Finn had stayed to listen... would that mean they'll burn together? His skin was certainly hot enough for both of them and he was crazy already, crazy and needy; crazy, hot, throbbing, and needy, and he should be killed for being so sick but still he thought about just how much he wanted to be on his knees at Finn's feet.

He was sick in the head, he was crazy... and he wasn't thinking when he leaned forward and placed his forehead against the wood once more. He had been sane all his life and all he had found out was that the only things that brought him excitement were the wrong ones. So yes, maybe he was crazy after all, but he only bit his lip and flattened his ear against the wood.

Yet he couldn't hear anything.

For a second, he was disappointed while also relieved. But then he had an idea. And if this didn't work, he would take a cold shower and be done with it, but if it did work...

Leo tentatively scratched his nail against the wood and heard it right there in his ear...

And a moment later, he heard a reply.

...why was he still there? Finn was there, he hadn't left, and he had answered the scratch he had made. He had heard as he took off his clothes, heard him panting, heard him leaning against the door once more, and he was fully aware that Leo could be downright naked as he scratched the door a bit; Finn knew he was aware that he had been there to listen to it all the moment he heard that little scratch of a reply, and still, he answered the sound.

They were both guilty. They were both crazy. They were both--... This was too much to process.

And Leo was about to explode at the amount of adrenaline pumping through him. A sinner he could be, and a crazy one at that, but as long as there remained consciousness in his mind, he would do what's right (so long as he was willing). So at last, he stepped away from the door and made his way over to the shower to turn it on as hot as he could take it and finally freed himself from his underwear.

He couldn't wait for a second longer.

The moment he stepped into the warm shower, he fell to his knees.

Garrett coughed and gasped in a deep breath the moment he woke up once more. He was still laying on the floor just as he had fallen, so, with stiff limbs, he tried to move in place.

Painfully and gasping as if he had run a marathon, he managed to push himself up to his knees and crawl over to be right in the middle of the circle. Once there, he let himself fall once more, but this time he turned around to lay comfortably on his back and stare up at the sky.

He blinked a few times and concentrated on nothing more than his breathing simply to calm down again, and then, when he managed it, he started to do a sweeping of his personal state.

Aside from the fact that he was aching all over, most of all the injuries he received earlier today from his mate, his organs remained fine. It was the lack of oxygen that made him lose consciousness, but his heart kept on pumping blood through his body even if quite slowly, so that's why his limbs ached a lot as well. He moved his fingers and toes and closed his hands into tight fists just to make the blood pump a bit better, and he went on. He noticed that his lips were chapped and his eyes were dry as well as his mouth, but that was expected, and there was a growing pain in his head that had nothing to do with the one he buried some minutes before.

Or... had it been hours? Considering the color of the sky and how it was getting to a pale shade of cold blue, he would say that it was around five o'clock in the evening, so yes, maybe he had been unconscious for about two hours, or even three.

So long as he hadn't worried anybody, it'll be fine. But maybe he really hadn't, considering how Hoseok and Yoongi were preoccupied with things and...

Arne had been killed on live television...

His chest tightened and his throat closed for a bit. Arne had been a close friend of the second twins of Luz, and so, he had been at the house a lot of times for dinner. He always was really funny and liked to make people laugh, and even if his central core was Warrior Core, his Joker Core shined through at the best of times. He liked to learn why other people liked to do certain things, he often liked to ask Garrett why he enjoyed cooking for the rest; he genuinely liked to understand people and get to know them well. He was so kind and hardworking since he was old enough to walk, and Garrett had known him since then as well.

It took him by surprise to see him holding that red rose today, but then again... it wasn't. Because that's something Arne would've done to spare others from being an easy target. So he took the red rose, the original symbol of The Rose himself, and held it up high for everyone to see and for all the cameras to record.

It was a calling. A cry for their leader to come home.

Arne died fighting for the people he knew and loved, he died protecting their beliefs and goals, and he died as he raised up the beacon that would bring The Rose to them.

He died, so Jungkook could come back to them.

A tear slid down Garrett's temple, and then another one slid down the other, just as he pursed his lips and looked up at the sky; a sky he had shared with Arne Warrior Core. And he muttered for the wind to carry...

- Just like the eagle who you were named after... fly high and sure, my friend. -

His voice broke and he sobbed. Death had never been easy for him to accept just like it wasn't easy for anyone else. And they talk about it and reflect on how they as The True Ones know that souls never die, and still, they cry whenever the body perishes. Because that mind would leave them forever. The memories will stay with the soul, but the new brain won't have them when they're born again. So yes, death might not kill the soul, but they still lost a friend forever.

That's why it still pained Luz whenever he thought of The Rose and his mate. Luz had lost both of them, and he knew that even if he found them and he could connect with his soul's memories, it still wouldn't be the same people that he used to love and who loved him too. Even with all the fighting, they all loved each other like family.

And that's when it hit Garrett, just like it had hit him countless times before, that he doesn't think he would be able to survive it if he lost someone as dear to him as Luz or any of his children. They were his family, they had taken him in, and accepted him; Luz had given this little orphan a home since he was five years old, and for many, many more things that have happened between them, he wouldn't be able to take it if something were to happen to him.

He cried and sobbed silently at the sky in grateful agony for giving him Aureoluz and his kids; for giving him a family and a home. And he cried, pleading to the Sun to please take care of the second twins as they fought in the capital, and to take care of everyone else. Yes, he cried, and he was so vulnerable that every single reason there had been to cry about, came to him in sobs and waves of tears: He loved Alex, but she wasn't the kind of lifelong partner he would like to have. He loved Hoseok, but he wasn't as interested in him as the latter was. He loved Yoongi, yes, he did, even if he gave him a hard time sometimes. He loved both of the first twins even if they were polar opposites. He loved both of the second twins even if they resembled a couple of hungry hyenas. He loved Luz... but not like a father.

And he had so few ideas on what to do regarding Jungkook that he felt like a little kid, not knowing what to do with such prized possession and fearing he would break it or that it would be stolen away from his inexperienced hands. He knew he had to tell Jungkook who he had been in his past life and why they needed him, but that was way harder to do when he didn't exactly have all the information. All he had were the stories Luz would tell him about the three of them fighting side by side, but that was about it. He had home stories, not strategies he had made up for their people. And Luz had said something about teaching him how to connect with his soul, but he had a mirror around himself, so how on earth will he teach Jungkook to connect with his own soul when he himself didn't even know what to do when it came to mirror-shields?

It was simply too much and he was tired and hurting and he was certain that he was still bleeding from somewhere on the scratches, and... and he couldn't hug Luz... to take the heartache away...

Maybe it wasn't a good idea because they were probably busy, but Garrett still slid his arm over the grass to reach for his phone. He simply needed to do this bit of selfishness if he could, just a call to hear him once even if it was to tell him he couldn't speak at the moment, just that would suffice.

He swallowed and, as he lifted his heavy arm to search for the number, with the other hand he reached up to dry his face. Then, he placed his phone over his ear and waited.

But it wasn't long until he answered.

- Garrett, thank God... - Luz sighed, completely relieved as if he had been in terrible worry.

Garrett frowned a bit, even if the sound of his voice brought calm to his body.

- What happened? - The tone of his voice was low and a bit raspy.

- ¿"What happened"? Hoseok told me he hasn't seen you for hours. He called me to ask if I could call you because you wouldn't pick up his calls and then you wouldn't pick up mine either. Not even Alex knew where you were. And the last thing they knew was that you had gone to talk to Jungkook for a bit, but now, they can't find either of you. -

Garrett frowned worse than ever and let out a deep breath. Luz sounded so concerned, he was breathing too fast. And it was his fault.

- I'm so sorry for worrying anyone, I'm... I was... - His words dragged a bit as he tried to think around the pain in his body, but it was a battle. - I... yes, I went to talk to Jungkook and-- because he had been looking a bit sad when he left Hoseok's room. Or a bit overwhelmed. And then... I told him a bit about who we were and the Cores and our purpose and... Well, he was just too tired so I didn't tell him much, and then... he had a headache so I took it out. But it was too heavy so I had to walk out into the woods to bury it because I couldn't... I couldn't... get rid of it by myself. My energy was a bit... low... after... this morning with....... Yeah... -

His eyes closed as his head fell to the side so his ear could still be against the phone even when his arms fell beside him.

- Garrett... - He heard the tentative calling from the other side and he instinctively took a deep breath at the sound.

- Yes? -

- You're in the woods right now? - Again that soft voice, as if he was frightened to make any loud sounds.

- Mhm. - Garrett muttered back.

- Ok, then, let me hang up for a second so I can call--

- No... - Garrett whispered as he felt his throat closing again and he frowned at himself. If Luz had to go, he should let him. - I'm sorry, I know you're really busy right now, I should hang up. -

- No, wait. - Luz stopped him frantically before his hand could move the phone away from his ear. So he listened. - I'm not busy right now, I was thinking of calling Hoseok so he could help you--

- Why aren't you busy right now? - He opened his eyes as he frowned. It struck him as odd that he wouldn't be working at a time like this, it was really unlike him.

- That... doesn't matter. I'm going to call Hoseok so he can get to you. I bet you blacked out and that's why you sound so tired right now. You need help recharging. -

- Wait, wait, wait, hold on a minute. -

- No, you need help, your health is at risk right now. - Luz's voice went harsher and stricter. A sound Garrett knew the meaning behind because he had received the tired hugs Luz would give him after using this tone of voice. He was terribly worried.

Something wasn't right.

- My health is not a risk, I managed to get inside my meditation circle before blacking out. - Scarcely. But he didn't have to know that now. - And even if you call anybody else, they wouldn't be able to find me. It's too hidden, and I'm not that bad to make them meander around blindly so they could find me. I can meditate on my own once my circle finishes cleaning my aura. But you... Why aren't you working? -

Once he felt he could do it, he pushed himself up on his other elbow so he could start sitting upright again. All while looking with furrowed eyebrows down at the grassy floor and waiting.

Until he heard a very deep sigh.

- I'm glad to hear you're ok--

- You're avoiding my question. -

- I'm not. - He answered softly. - I really was worried for you, Garrett. I was too worried when they said they had no idea where you were. Most of all after what happened... We all saw it happening, so... I got worried. - After what happened on the telly.

Once he was sitting, he placed a hand over his chest. The ache was physical and yet he didn't remember ever getting hit.

- I'm sorry for worrying you. - He genuinely was, even if he couldn't have done things differently. - And I'm also glad... I'm sorry to say this but I'm really glad that you're not on the front lines, I.... - He swallowed and pursed his lips, trying to take a deep breath and blink away the wetness in his eyes.

- Garrett... - The way he said his name so softly had always been his safe haven, but it hurt so much now that he was away. He had never been away. - I'm happy to not be there if it means you'll have peace of mind. -

This...

Garrett closed his eyes and let the drops fall anew as he lowered his head. Once his chin was against his chest and he swallowed the sobs, he took a deep, unwavering breath.

It was things like what Luz had just said that made it so hard to accept the mate he has. Because he knows, even as lovely as she could be, that Alex wouldn't say things like this to him. And he wanted to hear things like this, and for them to be as true as Luz's.

- Yes, I'm glad... - He said, testing his voice to see if he was ready to talk. And he swallowed once more. - But still, as Second in Command to the Warrior Cores, you should be taking Cadoc's place at Aloisia's table right now. Why aren't you there Luz? - He asked the question with softer tones, tilting his head and feeling his heart in his throat as he waited for what it could be.

- I... - Speechless? Garrett straightened a bit more. - The, umm... Something--... - Luz sighed deeply and tried again. - I'm not that... stable, right now. So--

- What...? - Garrett could feel his soul cowering away at the thought, at the words, at the knowledge that just got into his mind, and his heart started to palpitate harsher than before. - What...? - He asked again breathlessly.

- No, no, shhh, Garrett please don't... - Luz tried to calm him down soothingly but desperately. - Please, don't get worried... - He pleaded in a whisper as if it pained him just as much.

- That's why you fell and got breathless too easily when you ran to Aloisia's... - Garrett could not be calmed down, not until he knew exactly what was happening to him. His heart couldn't stop hammering against his ribs as if it wanted to jump back to Luz himself. - How long has your health been... And it's getting worse? I... Why didn't I see anything? I'm a fucking healer, so why...? -

- Do not blame yourself. - He told him harshly, but with pain. - It's not you, Garrett, it's me, it's my Lover Core mark, please stop worrying. -

- Stop worrying? - He was in disbelief as he clutched at his shirt over his chest. - What's wrong with your Core? What is it? - He tried really hard to not grit his teeth in anger at himself for not having noticed anything.

- It's just the usual--

- It's not the usual, don't give me that crap! - He jumped to his feet in a burst of anger. Garrett had been feeling so useless since the first night when he called Luz and the latter told him the plan would start on Saturday, then it simply built up and overflowed when Alex used him again after she had promised him that she wouldn't and then Jungkook and Hoseok and Yoongi and Tyr and Arne. It was simply too fucking much and he hadn't been able to do shit about anything. - Don't you dare tell me it's the usual when I'm the one who has been there every time it was "the usual". Don't you dare downplay your pain when I've already held you through it all and you know that I would do it again in a heartbeat, don't you stand there and lie to the only one who had stayed with you all these years, Aureoluz. Don't. -

He heard a thumping sound from the other side, as if he had fallen to his knees on the garden's grassy floor, and then... Luz sobbed.

- I'm so sorry. - Garrett's eyebrows lifted right in the middle as his shoulders rose, and softly, he knelt as well as if he could see him right there at his feet. - I'm so sorry, please, I didn't... I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to worry you and I'm not a weak person, I'm not... I'm not this, I'm not... I don't know what's happening. I don't even know why I'm crying. I'm sorry. -

- I prefer to be worried than lied to. - Garrett whispered back as he brought a hand to grab the collar of his shirt. He never wanted him to cry, to hurt him. - Tell me, Luz. Tell me what's wrong. Please. -

Luz gasped a shuddering breath and tried to let it out slowly.

- I don't know. Neither does the Healer. A few days ago, it dried up like usual, but... it's worse. Way worse. It dried up completely and cut open. It's been bleeding constantly and nothing can close it up or make the pain go away. - Luz's Lover Core was right where Garrett's was, in the middle of the shoulder blades. - I went to the Healer but all she could do was bandage it up. And my mood is so... I'm so emotional, so pissed off and tired all the time; I don't want to eat, I don't want to sleep, I don't want to be awake, and she doesn't know why that could be. So I have just... I've been leaving my place at Aloisia's table to the first twins every time I need to just take a walk. And I... I'm... - He sniffed and chuckled sadly. - I'm in your garden right now. -

Garrett bought the fabric he had been holding up to his mouth and bit down as hard as he could.

Luz was in the garden he had made in his house. A garden of plants for medicinal purposes that he started to build up the moment they learned how to use the different kinds in his Healer classes. A garden he had made right against the back of the house where it could still be covered by the roof if it rained too hard. A garden Luz had helped him grow and keep beautifully.

He could've said he was in the garden, but no, he said he was in his garden. And he had said it with a sad smile. Meaning that whenever he felt in a crappy mood, he would simply walk towards his little garden and sit there, hidden by the plants, just to breathe.

It was comforting in a heartbreakingly beautiful way to know that even if he was away, the memory of him could bring calm to Luz. But even so, he was in pain.

His Lover Core was dry once more, dry enough to be bleeding terribly.

And only he knew the solution.

- Luz... - He whispered to the phone as he let go of his shirt.

- Yes? - He answered him just as silently. And Garrett smiled sadly as he tilted his head to the side and said,

- You need love. - It was simple to say but hard to acquire such medicine. He would know, for he had a similar problem with his own Lover Core. But while Luz's dries up and bleeds, his own looks like the printer ran out of ink. That's why they had reached the same conclusion that day three years ago, and so that's when they started locking the doors when they were together, even at their own home.

"Two birds, one stone" they had said. But even if it was a means to an end, Garrett was too foolish to stop his heart from lurching when he heard Luz whispering,

- Then come home. -

Oh, what a mess he was in.

- Buy me the ticket and I'll be there. - He whispered over the phone as the darkness of the approaching night started to surround him. He whispered because he feared his wishes being overheard either by foes, friends... or mates. - Just say the word and I'll be there. -

But he heard Luz taking a sharp deep breath.

- But you... you have classes tomorrow, you're studying two majors, you want to become a professional, you--... Alex would wonder where you are. -

It's a bit funny how Luz sounded much more surer when he talked about Alex than when he talked about his studies. Because he was right, even if he did just start classes and had two majors and everything, coming here hadn't been his first decision. But whenever Alex was in the picture, it was like a handcuff to his wrist. She was the reason he was here.

It wasn't even the fact that Alex would wonder where he was if he ever were to suddenly disappear, she would be angry and possessive about it when he came back to her.

The thought of it made him so tired that his limbs felt heavy and he hung his head in defeat. It had been easier when they were living under the same roof, but now their movements were more closely watched.

Even Aloisia and the others would wonder why he would suddenly come back home when there wouldn't be a reasonable excuse to do so.

- Shit... - Garrett sighed deeply and closed his eyes. Then suddenly he straightened up again. - But you people would either need to come here or we would have to go back so you could talk to Jungkook in person. - But if they decided to take Jungkook there, only Hoseok and Yoongi would be the ones taking him because they were the ones in charge of finding him here. So Garrett added rapidly. - Thinking about it better, I think it's best for you to come here because it doesn't seem like this Jungkook would take it too nicely if we simply took him for a ride to a hidden location, you know? -

Then he waited and cursed himself for being so desperate for someone he couldn't have. But then he heard the tentative little,

- Yeah... - Which made him bite down a smile. - Yeah, but... that wouldn't be for another couple of days or... weeks. I don't know. I really should be there to be discussing this but... -

- Go, Luz. - He encouraged him, just above a whisper. - They need you. Go get the information we need here. And the garden will be waiting for you when you come back, alright? -

Luz let out a deep breath that wavered in the end and then answered in a voice he hadn't heard before.

- But... I want to be no one for a second longer. - He sniffed a bit. - They'll be expecting me to be all strong like I always am, but I'm not in the mood to be strong or funny. And I know I'm making up excuses, but it's true, I'm tired. I really would like to get up and work like I always do, but I don't want to right now. And most of all, I don't want them to look at me like this and talk shit because of it like they always do with everything else I do. - He sighed deeply. - I just want to be a nobody and do nothing in my bed. My back's bleeding, my chest hurts, my eyes burn, I don't want to eat, my limbs are heavy, I miss you... - Slowly, he started crying silently. - I fucking miss you, you punk. Why the fuck would you leave me, huh? Why?-- I... I... Fuck... No, I shouldn't have said that, you want to study, I'm being so selfish right now, shit, no, just forget I said anything, I'm sorry... -

- ...I miss you too. - Garrett whispered back as dark night enveloped his surroundings and cold wind caressed his wet cheeks. - I really miss home, the twins, my friends, my teachers, I even miss that wretched cat; I miss cooking for the whole family, I miss training with the other warriors, I miss my own bed... and the place right beside it. - For it was right between his bed and the wall beside it where the slanted ceiling opens in one skylight that had illuminated himself and Luz as they laid there on the floor over a fluffy duvet for countless lovely days. - I miss you too, you dummy. - He said again with a sad little chuckle filled with tremendous worry for what he was going through. - You don't have to force yourself to be strong if you don't feel like it, Luz. Go to tonight's meeting and stand in a corner simply to listen with your own ears, and then if you hear something you don't like, you can intervene. I'm telling you to go not simply because we need this information, but because I know that you wouldn't like to be pushed to the side. Even if you feel like doing nothing right now, that's the tiredness talking for you, not yourself, you wouldn't like other people to talk on your behalf at such an important meeting. You're a warrior, Luz. I'll be damned if I ever saw you give up so easily. -

He heard a rustling of leaves on the other side and then a sure voice answering,

- Who the fuck said I was giving up? -

Garrett smiled and nodded.

- Exactly. Go do your work, my man. -

With a chuckle, he heard how Luz got up from the garden bushes and walked off. Not with his usual strong stride, that was clear, but still, it was something.

- You're truly something else, Garrett. - He said with a sniff and a little chuckle, probably drying his face of any remaining tears.

- How? - He asked as he looked down and played around with the grass absentmindedly.

- You always know what to say to make me get up. Or back away, or stop talking, or go to sleep; you always know how. -

Garrett smiled, feeling warmth enveloping his cold cheeks.

- Well, that's what happens when you grow up with someone else. -

- Not necessarily. - Luz answered with an audible small smile as he muttered. - My kids grew up with me as well, and they have no idea. -

- That's just because you need to open up to them a bit more. -

- You're right, I only open up to you. - Garrett didn't know how to reply other than smiling because he could hear the wide smile on Luz's face as he said that. - And talking about opening up to people we care about... Could you remind me why your energy was so low after this morning? -

Oh, shit. Garrett's smile disappeared as a grimace took its place and then he changed his sitting position once more to hug his legs to his chest, noticing distantly that the circle had finished its work on him. Then he placed his temple over his knee and spoke at last.

- I didn't want to tell you this because I knew how you would take it. -

- Buuuuuut? You know you're still telling me. Come on, you know the rules, a secret for a secret, I told you something I didn't want you to know either. -

Garrett sighed.

- Fine. She... Her parents called her to argue with her because... you went to argue with them about the bite and stuff, so... she was a bit angry with me for telling you. - Yeah, she got angry that he told Luz that it was her fault when "in reality" it was his fault that it hurts when it shouldn't. But then again... - In a way it is my fault because I should be--

- Stop. Right. There. Please tell me you're not going back to that guilty mentality that it is your fault she's hurting you, Garrett. -

The latter sat silently, mind splitting in half as he thought. - Because, if you are, I'll throw caution to the wind and kidnap you until you're brainwashed-free, understood? -

Softly, a corner of Garrett's lips lifted.

- Hey, don't threaten me with a good time. - He repeated one of Luz's most famous lines and heard how the latter chuckled unwillingly.

- Garrett, I'm serious. - And once he spoke again, he really was. - I know you have your own reasons to stay with her, which I know nothing of because you don't like to talk about her with me, (you little punk). So just promise me that you will fight her off if she tries to do something you don't want her to do. It doesn't matter what she says she needs, if you don't like it, it's game over, alright? Promise me, Garrett. Please. -

It sounded simple enough. It wasn't like he was asking something impossible of him, he was simply telling him to take care of himself. So he nodded.

- Alright. I promise I will. -

- Thank you. - He sighed. - Alright, so... I'm... entering Aloisia's gates. -

- Should I hang up? -

- No, please, stay. - He whispered as he went on into the house's grounds.

Garrett noticed as he gave Luz a little smile he wouldn't see, that the fact that he hadn't greeted the gate guard would mean that even he was inside the house which must mean they were talking about something really important in there. Maybe that's why Luz told him to stay because he had also said his mood had been all over the place lately.

- Do you feel too sensitive to enter on your own right now? - He asked in a low, soft voice as he hugged his legs tighter to himself.

- I was literally crying on my knees a minute ago and I'm sure my eyes are still red. So I'll be entering with dirty trousers because of being in the garden; with a face that had obviously been crying, and I'm sure I'm pale too because I just feel... fantastic, yes, I'm the shit. I just... I want to concentrate on something that isn't their stares on me, so... talk? About anything? I'm gonna step inside right now. -

Garrett could only hope he could be there right now to give him even more comfort than this, but if all he could do was talk, he would do so.

- Ok, now that you said something about being pale, I think that's because you need to eat. So, once you get back home, forget about making meat for dinner because you need something lighter. - He heard Luz's steps over Aloisia's polished wooden floor as he neared the room where they will be all gathered. He was walking slower than usual.

- Like what? - He whispered, to make him continue talking.

- Alright, you're going to do this, ok? I'll tell you what to cook. - They both knew it was unlikely that he would remember a whole recipe, but for the sake of keeping him talking about something wholesome, Luz answered,

- Ok. - He was a bit breathless and Garrett heard the squeaking of a door opening wider, and the unmistakable sound of people stopping their muttering. - Go on. - He told Garrett with a low, sure voice, to appear as if he was taking a serious phone call as he stepped in. And, slowly, the chatter on the other side continued once more.

- Ok, you have to heat vegetable oil in a large frying pan, put the heat at medium-high until it starts to simmer, then add kimchi and a bit of gochujang, (not too much or it'll be too spicy), and stir until it's a bit fried. Then add rice, (I bet there's a bit left on the fridge like always), and stir some more. Then add greens, scallions, and one teaspoon of soy sauce and stir until the greens are wilted. You can add more salt if it needs some and an egg if you want to. -

- Sounds simple enough. - Luz answered low and let out a deep breath, probably crossing his other arm over his chest. Garrett was about to continue with something else when he heard Elliot on the other side -one of the first twins-, his voice low and close to Luz.

- Found what you were looking for? -

Garrett paid closer attention than usual, even putting some of his newly acquired energy into his hearing sense so he could get every sound he could.

- Umm... Yeah... What have you been talking about? -

- Who're you talking to? - Elliot asked in turn. And Garrett was completely sure his blue eyes were squinted as his brown head tilted to the side.

He missed him so much that Garrett smiled a bit at the mental image before Luz answered.

- ...It's... Garrett. -

- Oh, of-fucking-course it's Garrett. - Rixon chimed in with the same low whisper as if he just arrived at their corner. These twins were as alike in looks as they were different in personalities, just like Aloisia and her sisters. - You really can't go a fucking day without your favorite child, can you? We're over here doing you favors but, who do you call? The only one who's not here, yes indeed. Ain't that wonderful Elli? -

- Oh, shut your face. - Luz answered with an exasperated sigh. - Maybe if you were nicer to me, you would be my favorite too. -

- He literally left us for uni and a girl that treats him like a doormat. If you call that "being nice", I would rather keep on being your least favorite. -

- Rixon. - Elliot snapped at him.

However, Garrett had heard it all. The knowledge of Rixon's feelings regarding him hurt deeper than he ever thought it could. He called him Alex's doormat, he felt like he had abandoned them for uni, and he could even detect the jealousy coming from him when he called him Luz's favorite child.

- Rix, you know very well dad doesn't have favorites, he simply likes to spend time with Garrett because he's the calmest of all of us, so take it down a nudge. -

At least Elliot knows the truth that Luz doesn't have a favorite between the five of them. He loves them all differently yet equally.

- Let him vent. - Luz sighed with a bored voice. - I'm actually thankful you're speaking your mind right in Garrett's ear so he knows just how highly you think about him. Oh, you haven't realized? Garrett can hear everything you're saying, yes. What? Feeling ashamed? Oh, poor you. Well, at least you're not in a completely different city without your family and being mistreated by the ones you called friends. -

...for example, this would be something Garrett would prevent Luz from ever saying to his children even if he was angry. Because, if he's angry, it doesn't matter who it is so long as they've learned their lesson.

- Drop it, Elliot. - Luz cut him when he tried again to be the bigger person. - Just tell us what's happening right now. -

- "Us." - Rixon scoffed.

- If you say one more word, I'll drag you out of this room. -

- Hey... - Elliot stopped them as softly as he could. - I'll tell you. When you left, they were talking about--

- Why did you leave, huh? -

Garrett leaned his head back to look exasperatedly up at the sky because why, why would Rixon be so unable to simply drop it?

- To talk to Garrett, what do you think? - Luz answered because, yes, he's just as unable to remain quiet. - Now, get out. -

- What? -

- I said that if you said another word I would drag you out, so get out. -

- Drag me out then, old man. - Rixon challenged. And Garrett just knew Elliot was looking at them with grimaces, not knowing what to do anymore.

- Oh, don't tempt me. - Luz answered with a sure, angry voice. But Garrett knew he didn't have any strength because he had said so himself, however, he would never back down in front of anybody else, including his own children. Still, if he goes through with this, he will only injure his back further.

- Ha, just look at you, all pale and sick-looking, you don't have a prayer at moving me from this spot. -

Does he actually look worse than Garrett thought? Could he be needing his presence after all? Could Luz still be downplaying his pain?

Garrett's worry only grew by the minute.

- Take this. - Luz whispered rapidly to probably Elliot and it seemed like the phone changed hands before the unmistakable sounds of grunting could be heard as Luz did something to make Rixon fall to the floor and then slide him across it until he was out of the room. All the while, the other people present gasped or stood silent as it all happened until the door closed.

Garrett could simply shake his head.

- Garrett? - Elliot said on the other side.

- Hello, Elli. -

- This would be nice if the circumstances were better, don't you think? -

- Absolutely. - Garrett sighed. - Tell me the truth of his state, please. I think Luz doesn't realize how bad he actually is. -

- Well... We've never seen him like this. He looks pale most of all. Also tired, but we all do. A bit edgy and silent but maybe that's just because the plan isn't going that well and we desperately need The Rose. I don't really know what to tell you, but it's not as bad as you think it is, honestly. -

Of course, they don't know about Luz's Lover Core. The only ones that know are Luz's private healer and him, Garrett.

He couldn't have asked that question to the worst possible person. Asking Luz's children about his feelings will never end up with a satisfactory answer. Because they know nothing. He doesn't like opening up to them, they don't like opening up to him, and talking about feelings with them only makes them uncomfortable. It's one of the downsides of being a family of Warrior Cores, but though he had tried to make it better, they still don't listen to him.

- Thank you, Elli. - Garrett said simply yet crestfallen. - What did you talk about in the meeting? -

- Actually, Aloisia wanted to wait for him to arrive so the proper meeting could begin. - Garrett grimaced, worried about what being the center of attention and being expected to give a proper answer might do to Luz in this state. - But we talked about... Arne. - A moment of silence passed between them. - He's currently being returned home so we can give him a proper goodbye. - Elliot finished in a low, grieving voice.

- Along with the second twins, no doubt. -

- Actually, no. They said their goodbyes already. They said they want to be wherever they are needed the most right now. -

Garrett thought of those two fireballs and saddened at the thought of their grieving.

- I wish I could be with them. With you all. I'm... I'm sorry if you guys feel like I left you. -

- Oh... No, Garrett, Rixon shouldn't have said that, it wasn't--

- No, he isn't the only one who feels that way. - Garrett whispered down at the floor. - Luz also feels like I've left him. - Silence enveloped them again, and Garrett's eyebrows pulled up in the middle. - I'm really sorry. -

- But why, Garrett? Why are you sorry for leaving if you wanted to leave? -

He didn't want to leave...

- I'm sorry for making you all feel abandoned by me, it was never my intention. - He felt so ashamed he had never thought of the possibility that they would feel that way. He never even thought they would be happy if he left, he simply chose to follow Alex here because she... told him to.

- Well... as long as you're happy, you have nothing to be sorry about. -

Garrett swallowed down a lump and blinked the blurriness away.

- Yes. - He whispered in a convincing tone of voice that hid away just how happy he wasn't.

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