Et Orabat

The Creek

His mind shut down, he didn't care anymore what happened to his body as long as he had peace of mind, and he had been so happy before all of this, he just wanted to feel that happiness again, to feel blissful and relaxed, to feel perfect. He wanted to feel fine so badly that his mind blacked out and all he could see and hear was that moment, that perfect moment, where he and Taehyung were lying on the bed, smiling at each other.

He was in his happy place inside his mind. He didn't care what would happen to his body so long as he had peace of mind.

- Alexander, leave. -

- Well then. I'm glad about what I found out. I think that's all I can do for today. Good evening. -

- ......what does he mean "for today"? What... Jungkook? -

- ... -

- Jungkook... -

- ... -

- Taehyung... I think it's best if we bring him to Poppy, she'll know what to do. -

- No, he doesn't like hospitals, maybe we could... -

- Taehyung, look at him, he's completely frozen in place, I think we should take him, or call his father or... --

 His father? The best friend of the man that caused Jungkook to get in this state? No, we'll take him to his friends, they'll know what to do. -

- But this looks serious. He needs a professional. -

- He needs someone that knows how to handle this situation. Jungkook knows how to help Leonardo, I bet Leonardo knows how to help him. I'll take him to his friends, alright? -

- ...Alright then, but if it gets worse... -

- I know. -

- Fine. How... How are you going to make him move? -

- ...I think I know how... and I don't like it... Jungkook, let go of my arm. -

He did it.

- Yeah, I don't like this either. ... I'll talk to you tomorrow, and ask you how it all went. Alright, my boy? -

- Yes, I will. Don't worry, I have it under control. Thank you. - ... - Kook, I'm... I-I'm sorry... -

- ... -

- ...Jungkook, follow me. -

He did.

He could feel his body moving...

Was it moving?...

Yes, he was moving. He was walking. The floor was somewhat soft like he was walking over a carpet.

A carpet... A red carpet.

He could see.

Or could he?

All he saw was red. And a foot. And then the other. Oh, he was walking. Walking over a red-carpeted floor.

But why was he here? Where was Taehyung? He wanted to go back to bed with him, to lie down and be happy. He wasn't happy here, his body ached, and was tired. He didn't want to walk, he wanted to sleep in Taehyung's arms.

But then a flash. Of what? The back of a foot? In front of him. A foot, and then another. Ankles. Covered in dark blue dress pants. One, two, one, two, follo-wing the feet. One, two one, two, order in the fleet. One, two, one, two, we do what we're told. One, two, one, two, never break our hold–...

What–... A song? How weird. Oh! The feet turned right, so he followed them.

Why was he following?

"We do what we're told"

Aaaaa ok, ok.

...but who told him to follow the feet?

"We do what we're told"

Yeah, yeah, but... why...? Where was he heading to? Whose feet were these? Where was this red-carpeted floor from?

Evanthe...

...These are the red-carpeted floors of Evanthe's corridors, his parents' university, where he came to study with his friends Leo and Emily. He was currently studying Philosophy, a teacher of which is the love of his life, Taehyung, and another is a man he admires greatly, Oliver. And the two of them combined had twice protected him from--...

Jungkook's step stuttered, and that change in flow startled him into blinking which then made him suddenly and very harshly reconnect completely with his body. The result caused him to stumble and fall to his hands and knees.

- Jungkook? -

He looked up in utter alarm, starting to shake with the immensity of how it was to be pounded with previously muffled feelings all of a sudden. Fear. He was scared as he looked around and behind him towards the deserted corridor. He fell to the side and onto the floor. His bag unbalanced him.

- Jungkook, Jungkook, look at me. - He knew that voice, he loved that voice. Jungkook looked around hastily and found him kneeling on the floor beside him with an anxious look in his eyes. - Can you hear me? - He asked unsure but otherwise hopeful. Jungkook frowned.

- ...yes? - He was confused. Of course, he could hear him, his heart was pounding harshly in his chest but not so much he wouldn't hear. Nevertheless, Taehyung sighed as though it was a relief and put a hand over his shoulder.

- Do you want to stand? - He asked this slowly, accentuating the "want"...

Why was he acting like this? How were they even here? What happened?

Jungkook looked around again, at the end of the corridor, his body aching all over.

- ...what happened? -

Taehyung didn't answer. And then he muttered under his breath,

- That's what I would like to know. - Jungkook looked back at him, but not fast enough. - Well, let me help you stand, we're already there. - Jungkook grabbed his arm while Taehyung held his and placed him on his feet.

- Already... where? - His voice was almost a whisper, little and brittle, sounding as vulnerable as he felt.

- Your room. Let's go. - After that, he averted his gaze, let go of him, and hastily turned around to keep walking with strong steps.

Jungkook felt kind of hurt by that, and the worst part was that he knew it wasn't Taehyung's fault that he had to act distantly outside his room. However, he was in dire need of a hug right now, he felt cold and lonely.

Wrapping his arms around his middle, he followed him around the corner where sure enough, there they were, the glass doors to the Students' Living Area.

They kept walking in silence. There were a couple of people in the sitting areas at the entrance and they stared around at him. It was just obvious that they would. He was looking miserable as a teacher walked him to his room. Just what kind of rumors were there beginning to spread about him, he wonders. Students talking stopped their chatter when they saw them pass, and others closed their doors as soon as they saw the sight of Professor Taehyung.

But Jungkook did a double-take.

There Garrett was, looking at him in full worry with a backpack on his shoulder and the keys to his room on the other about to open his door. Jungkook averted his eyes immediately, but movement in the corner of his eye made him look up again, and he realized Garrett was nearing him as fast as he could.

- What happened? - He whispered to him, walking by his side. Jungkook opened his mouth, still not knowing what he'll say.

- Who are you? - Snapped Taehyung, and they both looked up at him.

They were about to turn the last corner but Taehyung had stopped to frown deeply at Garrett as he looked him up and down. It looked like he didn't like what he was looking at. But then his eyes stopped on the tattoos Garrett had on the insides of his forearms, a wide circle in the middle of each with symbols on their center, and Taehyung's frown deepened, mixing with a disgusted tug at the corners of his mouth as if he could recognize those tattoos. And he didn't enjoy the sight of them.

Jungkook's eyebrows knitted in confusion, and then he looked to Garrett to see how he reacted to this more than hostile welcome.

But Garrett was frowning back at Taehyung as Taehyung had done to his tattoos. With confusion and yet recognition.

- Garrett White, Sir. - His voice was low and sure, but also kind of slow. Tentative. - I'm... - But then his voice trailed away and he looked sideways at Jungkook to whisper. - We are friends, right? - Jungkook gave an incredulous little laugh and nodded, for Garrett to turn back at Taehyung. - I'm Jungkook's friend. - Taehyung nodded, still with a stern frown. And his eyes glanced down to Garrett's forearms once more before looking away.

- Well then, you'll talk tomorrow. Jungkook. - After the dismissal, he extended an arm towards him, not for Jungkook to take his hand but to separate Jungkook from Garrett's side and show him a clear path to the next corridor.

Jungkook ignored the way Taehyung had looked at Garrett's tattoos since this whole situation was just confusing him into dizziness. He lowered his head and walked forwards, passing the two of them to the desolated, doorless corridor with his door right at the end of it where the other corridor started.

- See you tomorrow then. - Farewelled Garrett with worry in his tone, and Jungkook turned around just in time to see a frown being exchanged between him and Taehyung before he turned around towards his own room.

- Come on. - Taehyung said simply as he turned and walked on, and Jungkook looked down again to keep walking.

On one side of the corridor, there was a wall, and, on the other, there was a long window that stretched until the end of the corridor. He looked outside for a while as he walked, at the trees and the night sky, the dark clouds covering the stars. On the ground, there he could see the white path disappearing into the tree line and his heart longed painfully.

He was longing to go to the meadow where that white round pavilion was beautifully placed, he was longing to be able to get out of here without having anything to tie him down to it, with no classes to get up early for, with no exams to look up to, with no expectations to have to fill. Freedom.

He just longed for beautiful freedom he could enjoy with Taehyung, his Taehyung, the happy one that loved flowers and likes to cook, the one that loves his family, the one that has a heart of gold and makes him feel perfect, and makes him feel at home in his arms. Jungkook was logging, wishing, begging for freedom. For himself and Taehyung, and anybody else that might be feeling just as horribly trapped as he was. Trapped inside a cage.

- Do you have your keys with you? - Taehyung turned to look at him as he asked, and once Jungkook turned his stare from the windows to look at him, his serious expression completely shattered. - What...? - He managed to whisper very low before he caught himself up short and blinked away from Jungkook, putting his stern expression back on, painfully.

Jungkook knew he was crying, he could see the blurriness on the edges of his eyes, feel the silent tears running down his cheeks, and the lump in his throat that made it painful to swallow. And he did nothing to stop them, he couldn't, his sadness was greater than his wish to stop crying.

So he just unfolded one arm from around himself and rounded Taehyung to knock on the door.

- Fucking finally--... - Leo stopped talking the second he saw Jungkook's face. - ...Kook... - Jungkook looked past him inside his room.

Every-fucking-one was there, Emily, Finn, Jimin, Tom, and Leo.

Emily and Leo. The two people that would make running away very hard indeed. Because he would miss them a lot. He was longing to be free, but, even if he ran away, if he left them behind, he would never be truly free. His eyes locked on Emily and, with tiny steps, he passed the paralyzed Leo on the doorstep towards her.

The second her arms wrapped around his neck and he hugged back, he broke down. Silent sobs made him tremble all over as never stopping tears fell from his eyes, and still, his agony could never be truly washed away, no amount of tears was enough to cleanse his body of sadness, not even screams could make his aching heart feel better. No hug from Emily could ever feel like it was coming from his mother, because he didn't even know what a true hug from her felt like.

Taehyung was just outside the door, a lump in his throat as he saw Jungkook's back trembling with silent sobs. And the worst part was that he could do nothing, not with this audience, not in this room, not in this university, not in this country, not in this society.

He could do none of the things he so desperately wanted to do.

He just wanted to be the one hugging Jungkook right now, the one holding him while he crumbled, and then the one consoling him into feeling better, the one drying his tears and swaying them from side to side as softly and slowly as they often do. But instead, he had to watch as Jungkook hugged the only person he was allowed to hug, which wasn't him.

To add weight to his misery, he was also the teacher that brought him back in tears.

Leo looked from Jungkook to him with a murderous stare. Of course, he was "the bad guy", "the grown-up", and "the man just like Jungkook's father". Leo took a very deep breath, but it didn't seem to be able to calm him down, so he walked back into the room, rubbing his hands against his face, towards Finn who was beside the drawing table. And Finn was looking just about to cry as his eyes were glued to Jungkook.

Then, Taehyung realized this was the first time he ever looked properly at the drawings Jungkook had on his wall. The lump in his throat grew stronger, making it painful to swallow and keep a straight face. These drawings, these paintings, they were nothing like the ones in his sketchbook. They were beautiful, much more than beautiful, much more than marvelous. Not only was the beauty so much that he wanted to cry, but it was also the meaning behind them. There were woods and oceans, lakes, meadows full of flowers and butterflies, mountains with an eagle flying against the wind, and one of a beautiful sight above the clouds with the sun setting orange and yellow while the starry night was closing in over it with dark blue and purple colors. These paintings all gave a sense of freedom. Because that's what Jungkook was longing to have.

"You often take pictures of the things you can't live without." His mother's words, explaining to his chortling little self why she was always taking pictures of all of them together.

Taehyung's eyes fell slowly. It was impossible to pretend he wasn't hurting, he wore his heart on his sleeve without a choice, that's why it hurt twice as hard when he forced himself to be serious when his heart told him otherwise.

Although, a sudden movement made him look up again. It was Tom, looking at him with a frown and pursed lips. Taehyung returned the frown easily. But then Tom took a step towards him to stand right on the doorframe and create a barrier between the people inside and him.

- Did you break up or something? - Taehyung looked around, scandalized but otherwise tried to suppress it. - Relax, so long as you whisper they can't hear. Answer me will you? -

Taehyung looked back at him, now seriously angry.

- No. And for the record, that will never happen so back off. -

Tom gave a weak grin then.

- So he told you, didn't he? - About how Tom felt for him. Yes, he told him, and he still wasn't happy about it. But his anger was halted when Tom said suddenly, - I'm surprised he even remembered, that night he looked completely out of it with exhaustion. -

- What do you mean "out of it"? - Taehyung asked hastily, but Tom shrugged, leaning on the doorframe.

- He was very quiet, shook his head a lot like he couldn't concentrate, and pouted like a baby when I told him to go to sleep. You know. He was tired. - He shrugged again.

However, Taehyung was really focused now.

- But did he go to bed when you told him to? - Tom frowned again, not knowing where he was going with this.

- Well, yeah, I mean, he did say "don't tell me what to do" and stuff, like a toddler, but, otherwise, he went to sleep without even changing. He was that tired. -

Taehyung thought that one over, but otherwise he knew he needed to talk to someone that knew a little better about all of this. So he looked inside the room past Tom and noticed how Leo was turned from the door, holding onto the chest of drawers like he needed the support, but Taehyung needed him right now.

- Finn. - Taehyung tried to call Finn's attention in a whisper as right now Emily was talking very softly to Jungkook. Tom looked around at Finn the moment he looked at them with raised eyebrows, and then Taehyung moved his mouth without speaking so he could read his lips. - I need Leo. - He said this as he pointed at Leo's back.

Finn's eyes widened when he understood and he looked beside him at Leo, then he neared him, and whispered something to him, pointing at Taehyung. But Leo's answer made Finn look at them with a grimace. However, his hand motioned for them to get closer. So Tom and Taehyung did, but Tom was looking at Taehyung just as questionably as Finn was.

- Leo. - Taehyung talked to the back of his head.

- What the hell do you want? -

Taehyung pursed his lips, but there really was no reason for formalities here, and this was a very serious matter that they needed to discuss quickly.

- I need you to tell me something–

- And you really think I would answer? - The room went silent at the coldness of his tone. - You come here with Jungkook sobbing and you think I'll help you with anything? The worst part is that I almost trusted you when you said you only wanted to help him. - He straightened up slowly and turned around with a frown on his face. - What have you been doing to him all day, huh? Lecturing him? Making him feel worse about himself than he already was? Reminding him how he'll go nowhere in life if he keeps being the way he is, just like any other teacher has? Have you even given him food, or have you just left him locked up like his father used to do? Answer me, you little shit. -

- Shut your fucking mouth. - Taehyung's answering tone was even worse. But it was his sudden cursing that stunned the other three. - How dare you compare me to that disgusting excuse of a father? How dare you think even for a second that I would ever treat Jungkook with any kind of disrespect? Or that I would ever make him do something he doesn't want to do or punish him in any way? I've had it with you thinking I'm just like any other grown-up you all detest so much. I'm as worried for Jungkook as you are. -

- Why the fuck would you be, huh? He already has us to help him, he doesn't need someone who brushes shoulders with his father to be his nanny. -

- I am nothing like his father's butler was. - That brought Leo up short, it made his eyes widen and his mouth shut as his head leaned back. Taehyung realized his mistake. He had let his mouth run free in his anger.

- How...? - Leo shook his head in disbelief and looked past him at Jungkook who was still being comforted by Emily, but he burst their little bubble. - Kook, -

- Leo, don't. - Finn tried to stop him.

- Oh, boy. - Tom sighed.

Taehyung lowered his head, placing his hands on his hips as he heard Jungkook clearing his throat.

- Yes? -

- You told him about your father's butler? - He asked in utter disbelief, a soft little gasp was heard from Emily, and Jungkook took some time to answer but then he did, just above a whisper.

- A little. Yeah. -

- A little? - Taehyung frowned and turned to the side to look at him. Jungkook was still hugging Emily but was looking at them from the other side of Emily's head with tears in his eyes. - A little? - Taehyung asked again, and Jungkook looked unsure for a moment.

- Yeah. I mean, I told you a summary? Like, the overview? No details. I was telling you something else at the time, remember? - His lips were hidden by the top of Emily's head, but his words were very clear.

- Oh, so you told him more? - Leo's voice was a little louder now. Angry.

Taehyung looked back at him with a grimace.

- What's the matter? If he wants to tell me something, he can, he doesn't need your permission, so why be so offended? -

Finn hissed as he grimaced and looked at Leo who looked about to tear his head off. And Jungkook spoke.

- It's just like when I joined them. Remember that story? - Leo didn't like Jungkook at first because Emily was his. Oh.

Leo looked at Jungkook then.

- You told him that too? - He looked really betrayed, but like the betrayal was all because of Taehyung.

- This needs a little more fuel. - Said Tom placing a hand on Leo's shoulder.

- Tom, no. - Jungkook pleaded hastily, letting go of Emily with hurried movements. But Tom just went on.

- Leo, my man, Jungkook lied to you about hating Taehyung. - Softly he let go of his shoulder and backed off.

The room stayed silent for some agonizing beats where Leo just stood there looking at Jungkook with a deep frown on his forehead and his fists tight at each side of him.

He took a step towards Taehyung. And then stopped short.

His teeth unclenched, fists loosened, frown softened until he looked nothing more than just mildly surprised. Slowly, he turned his head, and there it was, the thing that had stopped him. Finn had grabbed the end of his shirt from behind him in a tight fist, eyes wide and frightened but lips pursed in determination. He stared back at Leo until the latter turned fully, freeing himself from his clasp, and went back to hold on tight to the chest of drawers with his head down.

The room stayed more silent after this turn of events took place, for it seemed as though even Leo's best friends were in more shock than the newcomers. Even Finn looked surprised at Leo, chest heaving with silent gasps and hands tight against his thighs like he couldn't believe he managed to stop him right when he was about to have an anger attack. But it was precisely for this last fact that Jungkook and Emily looked in disarray. Because that has never happened before, Taehyung was sure as he looked at them that they've never managed to calm him down so easily, it was always a 50/50 when they talked to him and told him to breathe, but this, Finn just grabbed him and he completely stopped, without needing to tell him to breathe deeply or close his eyes.

What cut the silence, was Tom suddenly kneeling and then flattening himself onto the floor.

- Hello there. - He spoke softly to... Taehyung followed where he was looking and it was beneath the bed against the window. - There's no danger, little one. - He was still talking very softly like he was talking to a toddler.

Was there a toddler under the bed? Taehyung turned around fully and tried to crouch down a little to see, but he couldn't, whoever was under must be really tight against the wall.

Taehyung got a little startled when, all of a sudden, Jungkook also flattened himself against the floor to look like Tom was. He was right beside the bed while Taehyung had Jungkook's bed in between.

- Do you want to get out? - Jungkook asked, and Taehyung still had no idea who was under the bed. From his perspective, there was no one missing, Leo and Emily, Finn and Tom, and then there's Jungkook, who was missing?

Now, Emily also went to the floor.

- We can help you get out of there if you give us a hand. - She suggested with a soft voice. And out of the shadows, Taehyung saw a tentative hand showing thru, but it was directed at Tom.

Tom immediately stood up and got closer to grab it and gently pull the person out of there. The guy knelt there, head down, hands to the neck of his big black hoodie. Jungkook got up as well while Emily knelt there beside the guy when finally Taehyung realized who he was. Jungkook's big-clothed wearer and scared-looking roommate.

- Is he ok? - Taehyung asked, concerned about how this guy just got under the bed when he thought danger was near–...

Wait... He got under the bed when he thought danger was near... just like Jungkook with his father this morning...

Jungkook scoffed at the floor, arms folded over his chest.

- Are you enjoying this? Huh? - He talked to Tom who was sitting nonchalantly at Jimin's other side. - Don't you realize that you can't set the world on fire without injuring everyone in it? That shit about liking to see the world burn is so fucking immature-- I cannot comprehend how a wanker like you ended up friends with Jimin. No, one better, I can't believe you would ever think I would be your friend. -

Tom chuckled darkly.

- Go on, let it all out, you clearly need to blow off some steam. - He challenged, but Jungkook just sighed greatly and let his head fall back.

- Fuck off. - Jungkook muttered, looking really tired. And Taehyung was just in pain having to restrain himself from going over and holding him.

As if Jungkook had heard his thoughts, his head turned to the side a bit and stared at him through half-closed, hurting eyes. And frowned as he said to no one in particular.

- Is there a time limit to be outside the rooms? -

Taehyung thought it over, but he had no idea, he just knew students weren't allowed in the Professors' living area after ten o'clock.

- No, there isn't. - Tom said, and Jungkook sighed again.

- But--... - Emily gave a little jump, a hand on Jimin's hair while he rested his head over her shoulder, and she looked worriedly up at Jungkook. - You're not thinking of going out right now, are you? You're tired, we have to study tomorrow morning, you... You're still mending from what happened last night. Jungkook, if you want, we can leave so you can sleep, don't just run off, it's cold outside and–

- Let him. - Leo cut her off. - He's already doing whatever he wants anyway. -

At this, Jungkook straightened up and looked at Leo's back with the look of utmost hurt on his face.

- Leo, - Called Emily in an outraged tone. But Jungkook cut her off.

- So what, I can't have other friends or something? Because you won't allow it? - Leo chuckled once and punched down onto the dresser hard enough to make Jimin flinch so hard he nearly went under the bed again. But Emily stopped him as Leo turned slowly to look at Jungkook, a hand still grasping the wood.

- You would call this... - He looked Taehyung up and down before looking back at him. - a friend? - Taehyung frowned, offended. But nothing as offended as Jungkook was.

- What the hell do you mean by that? -

- ¡He's just like your fucking father, Jungkook! - The scream made Jimin hide his face on Emily's neck. And Jungkook scoffed with a grimace, not noticing the state of his roommate as he bellowed back.

- ¿¡Do you really think I would ever be a friend of someone like my father!? -

- You have! -

The third chilling silence of the night took place after these words. Leo pursed his lips, Emily looked at Leo like she couldn't believe he had done something like that, and Jungkook... was frozen in a state of pure betrayal.

Until he started to breathe faster and harder than before and his eyes filled with tears, and a terrible smile spread over his mouth as he chuckled with a tear rolling down his cheek, his dark eyes never leaving Leo's blue ones which showed nothing but regret as he saw the state of his friend.

But the coldness in Jungkook's tone was nothing like Taehyung's or Leo's. It went so deep, like the tip of a massive, ancient iceberg, as he said in a chuckling whisper...

- Fuck you. -

And then, as tears rolled down his cheeks and a chuckle left his chest, he just walked out of the room. He didn't run, he just walked out, and everyone was simply too frozen to stop him, or too afraid to do so.

Taehyung wanted to go after him, to stop him, to hug him, to tell him everything would be alright even if he himself couldn't believe it. He just wanted to make him feel better. But he stayed put. He still had to talk to Leo, or at least to Emily. Although his heart physically aches with the need to be with Jungkook right now, he reminded himself that he was staying precisely for him. So he walked forwards until he was in front of Emily, Tom, and the frightened one on the floor, and sat down on Jungkook's bed.

- Emily, - She turned her head from the door to look up at him. She was a very pretty girl, with long red hair, fair freckled skin, and wide pale-blue eyes. She looked as gentle as her hands caressing that boy. - I know he's a bad father, but I have to know... How's Jungkook's relationship with him? - Her eyes turned sad, and Leo scoffed behind him.

- So now you're interrogating us about him? -

- Leo, please. Come here. - Emily called him softly. It took nothing less than half a minute before Leo moved from where he was and walked with heavy steps towards her, for then to fall to the floor beside her and rest his back against the bed, looking at the floor with a constant grimace on his face. Finn had followed as well, but he sat on the bed behind Leo. Emily turned her attention back to Taehyung once everyone was seated, her eyes still sad. - Truthfully, their relationship is very inconsistent in every aspect. Sometimes they're happy, sometimes they're angry. It never stays put. But, Jungkook's feelings never seem to waver. Even when he was cursing his father's name, he would always crumble in the end, crying and reminding himself that he loved his father and his father loved him too. The reminder was the only thing that would calm him down. -

- Even if he was suffering. - Leo intervened, his angry grimace increasing as he looked unseeingly at the floor. - We always hated talking about our parents, because talking about them just made us question whether or not they truly loved us or not, so we just preferred to not overthink it. -

That made sense, when Taehyung had said to Jungkook how he couldn't tell if his father loved him or not, that must be why it had hurt him so much to hear it.

Taehyung took a deep breath.

- That's why he doesn't like to talk about his family. It makes him overthink it. - Taehyung concluded, and Emily nodded, her eyes slightly surprised while Leo's frown ebbed the slightest bit.

- Exactly. - Emily answered. - He would only talk about them if it was something good he wanted to tell us. But there were these times when any of them would do something that would really hurt him to the point of needing a hug. -

That made Taehyung frown. Here in England, they were much more strict when it came to how a man should behave, so a man needing a hug was very "uncommon". He would just grab the girl and hug her.

- What would they do? - Taehyung asked, he wanted to know anything he could. But Emily shook her head.

- He wouldn't really tell us. If he told us anything, it would have no details, just one line saying something like "my father locked me up again", and he would leave us with the question "but if it had been done before, why does this one hurt more?". He wouldn't really open up, and even when I know that, as men, they should be strong, I don't like to see my friends hurting by trying to keep inside something bigger than them. "That's why I'm here", I try to remind them. - Her words were so honest even as softly spoken as they were that they made Taehyung realize why this kind girl that came from a truly loving family would want to study Psychology. It's to be able to help her friends.

- I think so too. - Finn agreed, looking at the back of Leo's head before averting his eyes at the bed covers once more.

- Me too. -

- Fuck off, Tom. - Leo scoffed, making Tom chuckle.

- Think whatever you want. - He shrugged. And Taehyung remembered something.

- What did you say to Jungkook last night? - He asked with a confused frown.

- That I wanted to help him. - He answered with a shrug and looked away.

His words made an impact on the rest of them, excluding the frightened guy, they all turned to look at Tom with a confused frown of their own, while Tom looked the other way out the door with an uncomfortable expression.

- How could this piece of shit help anybody? -

- Leo, I'm begging you, please stop talking so awfully. - Emily pleaded once more.

- Help him how? From what I've heard he doesn't even talk to you. - Finn inquired. And Tom's brows knotted in deep discomfort.

- That's my business. - He answered the room at large, turning his nose away.

But Taehyung could clearly see his face unlike everyone else, and he was very uncomfortable even if the way he was seated said otherwise. So Taehyung just thought it better to move on.

- So, you guys know nothing about why Jungkook would hide under the bed when his father approached him this morning? - Their heads turned towards him so fast and with such concerned frowns that it startled him.

- He did what? - Leo asked.

- What did his father do? - Emily did so at the same time.

- From the beginning. What happened this morning? - Finn asked as well.

- Wait, just like Jimin? - Tom pointed to the frightened guy beside him. And Taehyung nodded.

- Yes. -

- Well then, that's easy to answer. - Tom went on. - Jimin's frightened of violence so he flees whenever things get a little scary. - Tom answered like it was nothing.

Taehyung could understand that to some extent, but it didn't answer his question.

- I get why they would hide under the bed, but what I want to know is why he ran from his father when he said they love each other. - He placed his elbows over his knees. Leo and Emily wore expressions of worry like he'd never seen before. - If you two know something, anything, please tell me, because I'm really trying to understand and it's rather hard when I have so little information, so please, for Jungkook's good, you can tell me everything you think you can't. He's told you I'm his friend, that means you can confide in me. - But Leo shook his head.

- He could've made a mistake with you. He lied to us about you. -

- Because he's done it before with someone else? - Taehyung inquired, making Leo stop short. - You have insinuated twice to me that he's trusted someone he shouldn't have, someone that was close to and resembled his father. Who was he? - This was the question, just the thing he had been wanting to ask him since he came to the room. But...

- We don't know. - Answered Emily.

- You don't know? - He asked for confirmation. And she nodded, ashamed.

- We don't know who he was, Jungkook never told us. He just mentioned him once. If I remember correctly, when we were little, he said something like "my father's friend is also my friend" because Leo was taunting him about not having any other friends. And then we never heard about this man again. It was later when something happened when Jungkook was fourteen and... like... he started fighting at school, and the next time we saw him he crumbled again. And while he cried he was saying how we were his only friends, the only ones he had. So we just concluded that this man had been the cause of his breakdown and they weren't friends anymore because of that. But we don't know anything for certain because we've never asked. This... Today was actually the very first time Leo ever brought that up, and... - Her voice trailed away. Discomfort and worry distorted her pretty features, and Leo looked very regretfully at the floor.

- But... Did he really never say anything about him? - Taehyung sounded slightly desperate now, but he really couldn't help it. - Anything? -

- No, never. And if he did, I don't remember. Do you? - She asked Leo.

- No, me neither. -

Taehyung hesitated for a moment, but then he asked.

- Couldn't it have been... Alexander Evans? - Leo and Finn stilled in their seats while Emily trembled and Jimin jolted upright out of Emily's hold as he looked frantically over to the open door, looking like he feared the man himself would enter the room.

Taehyung was bewildered by this. Such a small gathering of people and that man's name had a negative impact on every single one of them.

Leo unfroze with a stern shaking of his head.

- No... No, no, it couldn't have been him, he met him just two days ago. -

Taehyung's confusion increased past endurance.

- Has he ever talked about Evans with you? -

- Not really. - Emily answered. - He just mentioned him, like, once or something, it was in passing, "my father's best friend is friends with the prince". He wasn't showing off, we were actually talking about how every grown-up somehow knew each other, and when he said that, Leo asked his name, he told him, and that was it. We never spoke about him ever again. Until two days ago when Jungkook met him getting out of the Professors' living area and he acted slightly rudely towards him so Leo got worried and he told us–... he– umm... -

Taehyung nodded, still confused but wanting to get to the bottom of something.

- Leo told you all what he heard about this man's past. - He concluded. Again Leo looked at the floor, he seemed to be in a very painful deep thought that was pulling him apart.

- Yes. - Emily answered.

- And how did Jungkook take it when he heard it? -

- ...He froze. - She grimaced. - He tends to do this when he needs time to think so we just silently left him alone. -

Taehyung tilted his head to the side.

- You left him alone? - He couldn't comprehend so many things. They were the best of friends, and still, the three of them acted as rigorously bound by the rules as a group of strangers would.

- Because he usually asks that of us, so we just know when to leave him with his thoughts. - She tried to explain. - If he's having trouble breathing or needs some time alone he would tell us "I'll be right back" and we let him go for as long as he needs. -

- But what if he needs someone to hold him through something? - Taehyung leaned back a little in slight surprise when she frowned, confused.

- But... that's what men do. They fight their own battles to come out stronger each time. Don't get me wrong, if he needs someone to talk to or to receive a hug from, I'm here, but that's the role of the woman, to be there for the man, not really to help him fight on the battlefield but to comfort him before he goes back out again and wins the fight for both. Maybe... Did you grow up here? Because that's what they have taught us since we were little, it confuses me how you would consider for a man to need to be held through anything. -

Taehyung was speechless. Just aghast to be hearing this from a truly sweet girl who honestly loved and wanted to be there for his friends. It was him who had gotten it all wrong, Emily wants Jungkook and Leo to open up not to get vulnerable with her but so they could share some of their burdens with her so they could keep fighting alone. She didn't mean to hold their hands through battle, she would just sit there and take in every single burden the boys had, to make their backs a little lighter so they could go on. The role of the woman is to be the gentle comfort of a man, and because she grew up with that mindset, that's what she was meant to be.

- Emily, - Finn started. - Have you ever gone through something so harsh that, if you didn't have your friends by your side supporting you, you would've never come out of it alright? -

Emily frowned.

- Not really. My mom always said, "You're a woman, you can keep it in for the rest of your life." -

That's... fucked up.

- And did you feel fine keeping it all inside? -

- Yes. -

- Why? - Finn seemed determined with something as he stared intently at the back of her head.

- Because... Because my friends were happy. Their happiness made me happy so I forgot all about it. - She looked down at the floor.

- Did you really? - She didn't answer. - So you do know what it feels like to keep it all inside. Even if your friends were happy and they made you happier, what happened the moment they were gone and you were alone? You remembered all the things you forgot when you were with them, and why? Because you can't move forward from what happened. Your mind's like a creek, and the flow of the water gets obstructed by that awful memory. But if you walk on, ignoring how dirtier the water seems to get, ignoring what's clogging your mind. Then, other heavy thoughts will get trapped in that obstruction, until one day you might run out of water and you can't move forward any longer. Talking about something that makes you feel bad is like cleaning the creek, bit by bit, day by day, you talk about it with the right person, a clear creek that can help yours flow stronger so the obstruction moves forward at last. So you can move forward at last. -

- And that goes for everybody, - He went on. - Not only women, not only men, for every person alike. Because we all have feelings and we all go through heavy things that we need to talk to someone about and free ourselves from the burden of feeling alone. We all need someone, no one is or should be strong enough to never need someone else. When I agreed with you about wanting to be there for my friends, I meant it wholeheartedly, not just as long as it is within what's right for men to be like, because no man deserves the loneliness of going to battle alone. What are you fighting for if you don't have anyone to fight by your side with? -

The silence that followed was a very meaningful one.

Taehyung lowered his head in sorrow, looking unseeingly at the floor as what this twenty-one-year-old said cut him open with words of wisdom he associated with his own father or grandfather.

Keeping it all inside, being happy with your loved ones until you're alone, the creek analogy, the battlefield, it all made so much sense. And it all connected to him so deeply that he felt, indeed, cut open.

Old wounds made themselves noticeable as he was reminded that he had been trying to fight all alone because he was sure he could win on his own, so he could be perfect for his loved ones without them ever needing to get their hands dirty for him. But the loneliness that comes from fighting alone only pushes it all back and back and back until fighting became a monotone, an everyday thing he just did without noticing. Without remembering what his purpose was in the first place.

Looking away from the window when he saw a flower shop and yet accepting his little girl's wish of having flowers in the house with a smile on his face. Even if it hurts really deeply entering those places, he would do it for her. He would fight for her, without her even knowing. He would hear his little boy talk on and on about a book almost like his brother used to do, with a smile on his face, while holding back tears. He would fight for him, and his kid knew nothing of it.

And now with Jungkook, he promised him he would eventually tell him everything, but deep down he knew he just wanted to get strong enough so Jungkook wouldn't need to hold him while he told him all of it. Because he wanted to fight for him, without letting him know about it.

What if the water runs dry? What, his loved ones would lend him some? And what about them then? If he runs out of water, then he wouldn't be able to help them. He wasn't only being selfish with the people he loved, but he was also injuring himself. Is a vicious cycle, by injuring himself he injured his loved ones, and by injuring his loved ones he injures himself. The only way to stop it would be to stop injuring himself. To open up and let the water of another creek help him clean his.

They could help each other. By talking about it, both of them would help clean the other's creek. They could fight together instead of just being there to hold the other through it. So they could come out of it with victorious crystalline waters.

He looked up again and noticed how they all were looking down in silence, all but one. Tom was looking at him intently like he somehow knew what conclusion Taehyung had reached and was just waiting for his next move.

- We'll keep talking another day. - Taehyung muttered as he got up from Jungkook's bed and straightened his suit jacket, eyes stopping on his reflection in the windows as they all looked up at him.

- Where are you going? - Asked Leo, a little skeptical.

- To my room. It's very late. I'll talk to Jungkook tomorrow. - He turned and walked towards the door, not before glancing down at Tom who had the tiniest of grins on his face. Somehow, looking satisfied.

Taehyung walked out and shook his head to clear it a bit. He walked on and on, ignoring the laughter and happiness from the students that were still up past eleven and having a blast with their friends, ignoring how some were singing and others were talking in a tight circle. He was ignoring all of the obvious things, and looking closely at the rest, at the way boys and girls held each other tightly if they could or else always kept contact and the way the boys and girls that didn't have any contact were hugging themselves, either around their middle or hugging their knees close to their chests. He even heard "that's it, now's my turn" and they passed the girl around to hug her very tightly while she had the biggest smile on her face.

He also noticed how, wherever two boys or two girls touched each other without meaning to, they would look uncomfortable or awkwardly away.

As he got out of the Students' living area, he thought of how this society was really fucked up. These young adults were completely touch-deprived by their restrictions and lacked any aptitude in regards to how to interact with their own gender. They can only open up to the opposite gender, and what happens when they don't have friends of the opposite gender? They can't open up or receive physical contact, which leads to... being completely fucked up.

No wonder how there's been more trouble than before in this country, more young adults uprising and marching in the streets for then the police to shut them down immediately in a way that showed plainly why no one else should ever have an inkling to break the rules.

One of Jungkook's fears. Breaking the rules in front of the wrong kind of people. One of many, many, fears.

Taehyung's brain was breaking in half with the exertion of trying to figure out exactly what his other fears were because Jungkook's fears always seemed to get triggered specifically. So it is not like Jungkook could tell him "I'm afraid of crowded places" because that wasn't the case all the time. He could go to the cafeteria which was completely crowded and not have any hesitation when walking in. There was also the thing with his family, his father, how he seemed to be "certain" his family loved him and wouldn't hear the contrary, but still, he would act like he hated his father sometimes.

Whatever his fears might be, Taehyung had made a bow that very morning and he was not going to break it even if hell broke loose.

"I promise I'll love you thru sickness and health; I'll hold your hand in dreams and as we go thru your nightmares; I'll bandage up your heart and kiss your scars till they're as white as the clouds on our blue skies; I'll sing for you when the storm outside tries to get in, and I'll stop it with my own hands. For you, the love of my life, I'll stay with you no matter what."

He took a determined deep breath and walked out into the night, the white path at his feet, as he headed towards a very special clearing.    

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