Monstrum Interiorem

Inner Monster

For a moment, they held each other, swaying very softly from side to side, and feeling the other as much as they could. Jungkook could feel how the storm was passing, letting him breathe more calmly than before. He knew the subject would still haunt him, it would still hurt if he thought about it, so he didn't think about it, he just thought about Taehyung and how good it felt to be in his arms.

But thinking about Taehyung reminded him of a conversation he'd been having with someone else.

- Hey. - He leaned back and Taehyung looked down at him. - You remember the guy I was talking to when you got here? -

- Yes, who was he? -

- That's Namjoon. -

- Ah, The Librarian's Assistant or Something Like That. - Taehyung laughed, and Jungkook slapped him on the shoulder jokingly while he laughed as well.

- Yes. - He rolled his eyes, but then looked intently at Taehyung. - This is serious, ok? - Taehyung dropped the smile immediately, and he continued. - Yesterday when you left, you left your book here on the floor. - He stopped him from apologizing and moved on. - So I took it and asked the Librarian, (her name's Kacy, by the way), and she told me where its place was, so I went and... - He stopped, it was almost exciting to tell this story. Taehyung nodded hurriedly for him to continue. - I heard him with someone else behind one of the bookshelves. - He whispered and then put a hand over his mouth. It was clear by his expression that what he heard happening behind the shelves was not just a conversation.

- Uuuu, guess we're not the only ones, eh? - Taehyung chuckled, but Jungkook shook his head as he lowered his hand with a little grin on his face.

- That might just be more true than you think. - Taehyung tilted his head, and Jungkook took a deep breath before saying. - It was Namjoon... and a Professor. - Taehyung froze. - ...Males... both. - Still frozen. - And there were kissing sounds... -

Taehyung then unfroze and opened his eyes in astonishment, slapping a hand over his open mouth.

- Wait. - Taehyung seemed like he couldn't exhale, he let go of Jungkook's waist and put that hand on his shoulder to hold himself. - Wait. - He breathed deeply, very deeply, and thought, Jungkook could even hear how hard he was thinking. Then he looked up at Jungkook at last. - ...A Professor... - Jungkook nodded. - A male Professor. - Jungkook nodded again. - ...Another one... - Jungkook nodded more vigorously. - And this Namjoon guy... - Jungkook just kept nodding, more excited by the second. - I knew it. - He murmured more to himself but then kept talking normally before Jungkook could ask. - You were talking with him about it. - Taehyung guessed, and Jungkook nodded once more.

- I thought that he would freak out if I just confronted him about it face to face and he would lie to me right away, denying all of it. I thought then that if I told him I was just like him then he wouldn't need to, but then I thought that he could be skeptical and I really wanted to talk to him. I needed to prove that he could count on me, that he could trust me, and I had it. - Jungkook smiled as he told him. - Yesterday when I heard them the place was starting to get too crowded, I knew they needed help "waking up" so I let some heavy books fall near them so they would get away, and they did. So there was proof that I helped him. You remember that I was drawing the Main door of the Library? - Taehyung nodded. - I put it in an envelope I made on the spot with a note that said "From the one who let the books fall yesterday" and then gave it to Kacy so she could give it to Namjoon saying that it was from the guy he helped to get to the philosophy books. Me. So he'll know it was a friendly face that helped him, knew what happened, and kept the secret for a whole day. -

He couldn't continue, Taehyung's lips on his shut him up.

- I'm sorry. - Taehyung backed away, chuckling with a huge smile. - You're just so smart, I couldn't help it. - Jungkook laughed with him, a red tint on his cheeks. - So he came happily into the arms of a friend. - He tried guessing again, but he failed.

- ...No. - Jungkook chuckled weakly and Taehyung lifted his eyebrows. - When he got to me, he was terrified, he was... shaking, and... - Jungkook shook his head. - He couldn't even talk properly. And when I told him I wanted to stay on that table 'cause I was waiting for someone, he immediately started to ask who I called and to beg, it was... - He shook his head again and held Taehyung's face softly in his hands. - The fear is real. That's why people like us hide away, they'll think we're just like the ones that need to be locked up when we aren't. - Taehyung nodded and softly rubbed one hand up and down Jungkook's back, soothingly. - That was another reason why I wanted to talk to him, so he could have a friend as well as me. - Taehyung nodded again, looking at him with adoration, a little smile on his lips. Jungkook remembered something then, talking about friends in the clandestine world. - Tom doesn't count. -

- Wow. - Taehyung backtracked then, leaning his head a little back and pursing his lips, making Jungkook chuckle. - How did Tom get into this talk? -

Jungkook chuckled again, his hands going down to Taehyung's shoulders.

- Tom has known about us since day one. -

Taehyung did a double take again.

- Us? - Taehyung looked pointedly at Jungkook in his arms and then himself, and Jungkook nodded, not entirely pleased with Tom of course. - ...How? -

- First, he saw at the Banquet how I went breathless when I saw you at the other side of the room, -

- You did? - Taehyung's smile was bright as he got to know this news and Jungkook giggled.

- Yeees? - He went all shy and giggly with Taehyung's smile, and then Taehyung kissed him on the cheek.

- Yes? Is that a maybe? - He repeated his words from the night before and Jungkook slapped his shoulder again as they laughed, then he swiftly moved his head to one side and kissed Taehyung once.

- And then, Monday morning he decided to be old school, and instead of using the internet, he wanted to use an encyclopedia. - Taehyung froze again at this. - Just like Namjoon said people do, Tom got lost on these shelves and was able to glimpse at us for a moment. - Taehyung nodded grimly as he looked behind Jungkook, pursing his lips like he was trying to keep calm. - And when I got to my room, he was there. He pinned me against the chest of drawers and--

- He what? - No, he couldn't keep calm. Taehyung looked at him with angry eyes, anger that Jungkook had only seen directed at Tom. - You said something about him pinning you to get information out of you, was this one of those times? - He asked seriously. Jungkook wasn't sure if he should calm Taehyung down or not. He guessed he'll wait and see if he needs to. He nodded at Taehyung and the latter scoffed looking away. - Yes, now it makes sense. He was acting too strange when I got to your room, saying how you're my favorite student and all that. It all makes sense now. - He shook his head, visibly displeased. Now, it was time to calm him down.

Jungkook leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, successfully softening Taehyung's yaw.

- So I talked to Namjoon. - He continued in a soft voice and Taehyung looked at him, calm again. - And he began to trust me when I told him I was in the same situation and we talked about it for a while. -

Unconsciously, Taehyung started swaying them very softly from side to side.

- And what did you talk about? - He asked, it was evident that he was still in shock to know there were more people like them, and so near in fact, but he was calm as he looked at Jungkook with a tiny smile.

- How awful it is to be scared. - He shrugged. - And then about our situations. He said they have been together for a year. - He told him with a little smile, and Taehyung nodded, thinking.

- A year... - Jungkook nodded. - Did he tell you when the Professor started working here? - He asked, trying to put some pieces together. And Jungkook realized how easy it could be for Taehyung to figure out who this man is.

- Oh, yes, so you can see if you can talk to him or something, become friends like Namjoon and me. - They both chuckled. Taehyung was looking down at him with endearment as he nodded. - He said he came here about two years ago. - Taehyung froze, and then he clasped a hand over his mouth again.

- No way. - His muffled voice was astonished as he looked behind Jungkook.

- Who? Who is it? Do I know him? - Jungkook fired questions at him in his excitement. But Taehyung shook his head as he looked at him, lowering his hand to place it over his waist again.

- No, no, let me check first, I don't want to be throwing names without knowing for sure. Wow... - Taehyung breathed, and they looked at each other in complete connection.

They weren't alone. There were other people just like them, exceptions to the rule that have to live in secret and hide their relationships. And if they weren't alone, if Namjoon was able to be in a happy relationship with his man for longer than a year, what could stop them from being together?

What if there's a story out there, unknown, unwritten, hidden, that told about two men successfully living in love and freedom? What if... they could really succeed in being together forever? They smiled as they saw hope in their eyes, as they shared their love and adoration for the other through their hold, and then... their kiss.

Jungkook sighed against his lips and leaned back to hug Taehyung around the neck.

- I am... I can't even describe how I'm feeling. - He chuckled as he smelled Taehyung's woodsy scent.

- I feel just the same. - Taehyung said in a low voice near his ear with an audible smile. - Aren't you hungry? - Jungkook clicked his tongue in exasperation at the sudden mention of the outside world. - What? - Taehyung laughed innocently.

- Whyyyyyy? - Jungkook whined and he held Taehyung even tighter, standing on the tips of his shoes to do so, and Taehyung chuckled.

- You're so cute. - He said with audible endearment as he held him closer, and Jungkook giggled.

- I don't wanna goooo. - He whined again and Taehyung laughed.

- Ain't that new. - Clear sarcasm in his tone. They both laughed. Jungkook didn't want to go, he hated every time he had to go away even if he knew they would meet again. Taehyung kissed him on the small portion of exposed skin on his neck, the only place he could reach as they were so tight together. And then Taehyung sighed in defeat. - I don't want you to goooo. - He whined the same as Jungkook and it made them both laugh so hard, that their tight hold loosened and they were looking at each other again. - At what time does your next class end? -

- Who said I had classes? -

- The glass board in the Professor's Room. - They chuckled. Jungkook shook his head, having been thwarted. - I saw our first years had two long classes today. One in the morning and one in the afternoon. At what time does it end? - Taehyung asked again with a smile.

- From two till five. - He said, jokingly resigned.

- The same as mine. - They chuckled.

Jungkook held his face softly and looked at him with a pout.

- Do I really have to be three hours without you? -

Taehyung looked at him with endearment and neared his face to his, almost connecting their foreheads but still looking at each other in the eyes.

- For then to have five hours together. - A soft smile started to widen Jungkook's lips until his pout disappeared. - And remember, - He brought a hand up and sweetly touched the tip of Jungkook's nose. - I'll also have to be three hours without you. - Then he made a very small, but deadly cute, pout.

- Awwwwww - Jungkook couldn't help himself. They both laughed and then closed the small distance there was between their lips, smiling as they kissed, before leaning back again. - Ok, fine, I'll go. - He said begrudgingly, but then a sly little smile appeared on his lips. - Can I have one more thing before I go? - He asked innocently, and after all the times that innocent little face had been used, Taehyung didn't trust it in the slightest.

- What do you want? - He asked skeptically, with a chuckle in the corners of his mouth. Jungkook wanted what he wanted because he had to revisit some painful memories and this will make him feel 200% better, it will make him forget again, it will make him forget about everything. Jungkook smiled softly.

- Kiss me... but, - He stopped Taehyung with one finger over his lips as he was already getting closer, and he looked at him, confused. - Like you did before when we were talking about Tom staring at me shirtless. - Taehyung nearly growled and understood what kiss Jungkook wanted exactly. Jungkook nodded as he moved his finger away from his lips and his hand went to the back of his neck again. Taehyung chuckled low.

- I shall give my Angel what he wants of me. -

Then, as strongly and electrifying as a lightning strike, Taehyung kissed him, and he moaned in delight. It was just as exquisite. Fast, fierce, wild, passionate, deep, and sensual. So mind-numbing, leg-weakening good. The force of the kiss was such that Jungkook walked backward until he was against the bookshelf. Taehyung pressed himself against him and a leg got between his while his hands on his waist held him tight against the bookshelf. Jungkook, in a sudden rush of animal instinct, lifted his leg and used it to press Taehyung even tighter to him by his hips. Taehyung felt that and he moaned low, bringing a hand down to Jungkok's tight and grabbing it from beneath, holding it there, making Jungkook whimper.

It wasn't until Jungkook made a trail of kisses down to his neck that Taehyung stopped him by bringing him back up to his lips and kissing him softly, bringing back down the sudden flame of desire within them.

Jungkook let himself be calmed down as his conscious mind reminded him of the real world. Softly, very softly, Taehyung leaned back the gentle kiss and they both opened their eyes. It wasn't so bad, the kiss didn't last long enough for him to get hard but Jungkook did feel really good all over; tingles flowing beneath his skin. He knew that if Taehyung had continued, if he had let him kiss his neck and hear his low moans, then the good buzzing on his skin would've intensified until it was a full untoppable need to cum.

He had done well in stopping. But he was still tight against him and his hold on Jungkook's thigh wasn't getting any softer. Jungkook smiled up at him, they were so close they could still be kissing.

- I can't believe I'll have to be the one to stop this. - Jungkook giggled softly as he whispered, and Taehyung almost grinned, but his eyes were too dark and his breathing was still too deep.

- Yes, push me away. - He almost pleaded as he got nearer to Jungkook's neck, smelling his scent in such an enthralling way that made Jungkook momentarily weak. He gave a faint chuckle.

- I don't know who'll be more disappointed in the way I don't want to push you away now that I have you so near. - He whispered in his ear.

- I could never be. - Taehyung admitted and then left a little kiss on his yaw. - No, no, I need to get away... - He kissed his yaw again, it seemed like he was pleading to himself just now, and that made Jungkook smile as he brushed Taehyung's hair with his fingers.

He thought he'd help him by lowering the leg he was holding, but it just backfired terribly. He lowered it very slowly, but what he never anticipated was Taehyung's hand sliding up beneath his tight as he was lowering his leg, and he stopped with a little jolt when the sensitive levels intensified. His hand was right on that part beneath his thigh where the leg stops and the skin starts to be way more sensitive. They were both holding their breaths.

- ...We both know what the consequences would be. - Jungkook started in a tense whisper. - For the life of me, I can't push you away when I love when you're so near. So if we're going to stop right here, you'll have to be the one to let go. -

Taehyung placed his forehead on Jungkook's neck, thinking, deliberating, weighing his options, but knowing what he had to do. After he took a deep breath, his hand softly let go of Jungkook's leg, as well as his waist, and in one little step back, he managed to let Jungkook go. His eyes were closed for a second longer while he straightened his head and lowered his hands at either side of him, but then, when he opened them, he smiled down at Jungkook.

His eyes were still dark, but his smile carried triumph in his bravery.

Jungkook giggled as he stepped aside from the bookshelf so there weren't any more temptations. He had liked to be against it too much. Taehyung turned with him and Jungkook kissed his cheek.

- See you at five. - Jungkook said with a smile and Taehyung chuckled, holding his waist one more time.

- Go to my classroom. - He returned the kiss on the cheek.

- Ok. - Jungkook giggled and looked him in the eyes. - Bye. - He said before Taehyung had even let him go. Taehyung chuckled and gave him just one more kiss on the lips.

- Bye. - He said as he let him go. And Jungkook, with a huge smile on his face, butterflies on his stomach, and a deep desire to see him again even before he had stopped looking into his eyes; turned around and rounded the shelve to take his bag and go as fast as he could, otherwise he will just turn back around into his arms.

He checked the Librarian's desk before leaving the Library but only Kacy was there, reading her book.

There was excitement flowing thru his whole body as he went to the cafeteria, he even ran a little on the way, filled with adrenaline, and it surprisingly didn't fade when he saw just how full the cafeteria was. He was so happy none of that mattered as much as it used to. There was no sense of someone watching him and judging him while he went up the steps two at a time with a silly smile on his face, only happiness. And, when he saw his friends and Finn at what was now their table, he beamed at them as he got nearer.

- He~llo - He cut the word in two in his singsong happy voice, and they smiled up at him. Again only his tray was full, Emily's empty plate was covering his meal.

- Aren't you all happy? - Emily smiled at him as he sat down.

- Yep. - He said happily as he took off Emily's Plate from over his own. And stopped as he looked at it. - What's this? -

- Spanish Paella. - Answered Finn, he looked at him fleetingly and then shrugged, continuing with his meal.

- I got a new friend. - He said with a smile to the table at large while he took a shrimp with his fork from the yellow rise.

- Aren't you a social butterfly? - Leo exclaimed, slumped in his chair and looking just about ready to take a good sleep. They all chuckled. - I still remember when you were a full-on prat. - They laughed harder at that.

- He was a what? - Finn asked with a surprised chuckle.

- A prat. - Leo laughed again. - Missing classes left, right, and center, being insolent to the teachers and a god-awful classmate. - He laughed while Emily just shook her head. - I even saw him a couple of times on my way out of the principal's office. - Jungkook nodded at Leo like they were partners in crime, his mouth full, making Emily laugh at the exchange. - I never thought much of him, Emily was the one who invited him in. I didn't want him in, Emily was mine and mine alone. - He put his fist down on the table jokingly. - But well, you can't watch someone grow as he had and not feel proud. You go get those friends, Kook. - He cheered him on with a lazy punch in the air.

"You can't watch someone grow as he had and not feel proud" Jungkook smiled bittersweetly down at his meal while Finn told them something about a friend of his, he wasn't really paying attention.

Pride is a feeling that could very easily transform into arrogance, he knew this from experience, not because he had felt it himself, but because he had seen it, he had seen it in his family and their friends, and he had seen it in his schoolmates and his neighbors, and he despised it. Not one single time had he ever seen a good conversation about two different positions in regards to pride, it always ends up in a discussion of which one's the best. He sees no point in such discussions, you gain an enemy and a bad temper. So he doesn't like discussions when it comes to pride, when he feels proud about something, he likes to keep it pure by saying little about it to anyone else.

But there are different kinds of pride, like the one when instead of being proud of oneself, the person feels proud of another. Jungkook has had conflicting feelings about that kind of pride, and it's all because of his father. He hated when he would say over and over again how proud he was of Junior and he would say it to everyone who listened at the celebration dinner they would have just for him. He hated that while still feeling happy for his brother, he's his brother, after all, he must feel happy when he achieves something, but he hated the lengths his father would go to for everyone to know how proud he was of his eldest boy. Because he wanted that. He wanted his father to be so proud he would want to tell everybody, but he didn't want him to tell everybody, he just wanted him to say it to him, that's all he needed. For him to be the one saying Leo's words, because he's his father, Leo shouldn't even sound more of a father to him than his real father does. He needs to hear him say it...

No, that's a thing he wanted. It's not a necessity anymore, is it?

Why was he so desperate to make him proud? He wasn't under his roof anymore, but...

- Kook, you won't believe what happened. - Leo's voice brought him back and he was vaguely surprised to see his plate half empty as he looked up. He nodded once to show that he was listening. - You remember I told you about my roommate? J? - Jungkook nodded. The guy that had a lot of screens on his side of the room and all was strangely still organized.

- Is he still drinking that green juice? - Jungkook asked with a chuckle. He'll think about depressing matters later. Or never. Yes, that sounds better. Leo chuckled too.

- Yes, he does. He told me it's a blend of fruits and vegetables. - All at the table made some kind of disgusted face at that. - Yeah. Well, I wanted to tell you, I already told this to her, - He pointed at Emily. - We met a friend of his this morning. - His face was in between excitement and something else. - We went there after class, - He pointed at Finn. - And, it was all so strange. Before opening the door, there was a conversation on the other side, a really fast one, and some other sound as well, like a lot of tellys were on at low volume, but the moment I took my keys out to open the door, everything went silent. - He motioned with his hands moving slowly horizontally over the table, palms down. - When we got in, no screen was on, only the one J was turning off which was his computer. And there was another guy in the room. - He told them this conspiratorially like it was all a big secret he uncovered.

- And you would've seen. We got in, as normal as ever, and all I did was say "Hello", and this guy scoffed. - He said indignantly. - I heard that and I was so ready to ask him what his problem was, but I stopped, concentrating on my things. - He looked at Emily and she nodded in approval. - I did ask J who this stranger was and when I did, the guy turned around like I just insulted him or something. - He shook his head in confusion. - He told me his name was... it waaasss... September-- August! - He looked back up in triumph and gave a friendly punch to Finn's shoulder which made him laugh. - August, yes. And he looked mean. - He nodded. - All the time since we walked into the room it was either that he had been turned or I had been turned so we couldn't see each other, but then when he turned around... - He grimaced.

- What? He's bigger than you? - Jungkook asked in surprise mid-chew.

- Nooooo, not at all. - He shook his head, even Finn shook it. - He's about Jimin's height as far as I remember. -

- But Jimin curves his back a little. - Emily thought.

- Well, he's like a head shorter than me, or half a head. -

- I'm half a head shorter than you. - Jungkook commented.

- Ok, the point. - He continued, stopping them with his palms up like he was stopping traffic. - He looks mean, but not because he's taller or muscular, which he's neither in the slightest, I say he looks mean because of the stare he was giving me. It was his face that looked mean. - Jungkook opened his eyes in surprise as he finished his meal and took some juice. - Yes, it was his eyes, black, you couldn't see the pupils, as black as his hair, and his skin was paper white, and he even had some scars on his face, those were even whiter. - Leo was in shock as he told them this. - He looked like a ghost. A very angry ghost. With a long sleeve black shirt. He was also dressed in all black as if his face wasn't scary enough. -

- We both usually dress in black. - Jungkook commented as he started on his dessert. Strawberry Shortcake Cheesecake, that cook better be making this for a whole group of people and not just him, this tastes delicious.

- Yes, but we don't look like killers, do we? - Leo answered and Jungkook chuckled.

- That depends on our mood, obviously. - At that, they all laughed, Emily shook her head, and Finn looked surprised. - So this guy, did you talk to him? -

- Not at all. - He shook his head. - Right when J stood up looking like he was ready to go, I neared them to shake August's hand, you know, as polite people do. But he just looked at me in disgust and left. - He looked indignant, opening his arms wide as if to say "What's there to be disgusted about'' - And all J did was look at me, sigh, and leave with him. Like that same thing has happened so many times before that he just gave up trying or something. - He shook his head as he slumped back on his chair, displeased all over. - And just as a side note, this guy looked Asiatic all over, even more than J. -

- When you say all over, you mean he has slanted eyes, and I right? - Jungkook looked at him disbelieving, with a chuckle at the corners of his mouth, and Leo gasped in mocking horror, a hand over his chest.

- I'm not racist. -

- Try "xenophobic", why don't you. - They laughed. - Do you know if he's going to be there more often? - Jungkook asked as he finished his dessert and leaned back comfortably on his chair.

- I don't. I hope he doesn't though. - He shrugged. - So, as you can see, you're not the only one with a peculiar roommate who happens to have a very rude best friend, ha ha. - He said that like it was a competition which made them all laugh at the absurdity.

- I think you won that one. - Jungkook said as he laughed, but internally he was remembering all the reasons Tom told him about why he was being rude. How annoying.

- Op! - Finn exclaimed as he saw his phone screen over the table. - It's two, let's go. - He said that hurriedly to Leo, and all of them started to get up to go to class.

- At what time does your class end? - Emily asked Jungkook and Leo looked at him expectantly.

- Well... it finishes at five but I... - He smiled sheepishly, his face heating up.

- oOoh, our lover boy's all booked for the afternoon, isn't he? - Leo taunted him horribly and then punched his shoulder as he laughed, Jungkook looked at the floor all shy.

- Mayyyybeeee. -

- Eeeeewwwww, let's stop right here, we're acting disgustingly. - Leo said as he laughed and Jungkook laughed with him, standing up straight, shoulders tense. For a second there, he had let himself slip and had acted shy. Good thing Leo thought he was just messing around with him.

- Did you ask her if she was fine? - Emily asked him while they were heading for the stairs. As was natural, Leo and himself orbited around her until they were in their usual places with her in the middle, leaving Finn at Leo's other side.

- She was most definitely fine. - Jungkook chuckled, it was a little uncomfortable to use "she" so it made him have to think harder than he usually would have to. But he had to, so he had to put up with it.

- Are you sure? She wasn't nervous or fidgety? Did she look like she was trying to please you? Or like she was uncomfortable in any way? - Her uncanny ability to transform into everyone's mother was as endearing as it was frustrating because now he had to think way more than before.

If he said the truth with the obvious variations of the pronoun and some of the details, it would all look perfect and happy, a healthy and steady new relationship. But, this was too much of a burden, having to keep it a secret from his friends that he loved was already hard enough but making up a relationship was a little overboard. If they did the slightest digging, they could find out that he was lying and she wasn't real, not even that he was with Taehyung, just that she wasn't real, and that could be too dangerous for their friendship. Their friendship mattered more to him than telling them where his happiness was coming from. He had to start making it seem like the relationship isn't going well so he could eventually tell them they aren't together anymore and finally get out of that burden.

He could tell them he was happy because of his classes, or his friends, or his life, or just another thing he found to paint which wouldn't be strange, he did feel really happy every time he found something new to paint. So, he'll start making it seem all wrong.

- Hmm... - He faked thinking as they went down the stairs. - Well, she did look a little... maybe uncomfortable? I don't know. But I thought that was ok, I mean, you told me she could be feeling that way so I didn't think much of it. - He shrugged and looked at Leo from Emily's other side, he was nodding and shrugging as well in understanding.

- What? No! I said that she could be feeling this way but I never said it was ok. - She suddenly looked in distress and they stopped walking in different steps each. - Tell me you reassured her that it was all ok, tell me that you hugged her and calmed her down, tell me that you helped her feel better, please. - Her slightly tortured expression was suddenly alarming to both Jungkook and Leo.

- Em, what's wrong? Why are you reacting this way? - Asked Leo, looking worriedly up at her from the step he was in.

- Why? - She hid her face in her hands. - Do you have any idea how boys are when it comes to intimacy? They just take what they want and leave. Do you have any idea the repercussions that could leave on a girl? - She shook her head, looking in slight pain. Jungkook and Leo were frozen, not knowing what to do or where this was all coming from. And then, Emily lowered her hands and looked at Jungkook very seriously. - What did you do to her, Jungkook? -

Jungkook didn't know what to do, he suddenly didn't want this fake relationship he had created to go wrong. He was planning on telling them as time went on how he was the one that made everything go to shit, but he couldn't tell that to Emily, not if she was going to look at him with so much disappointment.

- I was hugging her the whole time. - He reassured her with his palms up. - You told me she could be feeling clingy but also nervous so I was the one that hugged her first so she knew it was ok. - He then had a sudden idea. Relationships go two ways, if he couldn't tell her it was him the one that did something wrong... - But she still looked kind of uncomfortable, and I don't know why. - He frowned in imitation of confusion, letting his hands fall on either side of him. - I was a gentleman the whole time, and why wouldn't I? I truly want to be with her. But now that you made me think about it, she did look a little distant. - He clicked his tongue as he lowered his eyes to the floor. - Men, that sucks, I thought I did a good job, but now I just feel horrible. -

- Oh, Kooky, don't. - She stepped down until she was on the step in front of him and hugged him tightly. - I'm sure you were a gentleman, of course, you were, you're not like any other boy, I'm sorry for ever doubting you. It's just that I got so worried for her, I'm so sorry Kooky. Could you forgive me? - She leaned away from the hug and he nodded, a perfect sad expression still on his face. - No, Kooky, don't feel bad. -

- You're the man, Kook. - Leo grabbed his shoulder and he looked at him. - I'm sure it had nothing to do with you. If you would never hurt Emily, you would never hurt any other girl. -

- And that's a promise. - Jungkook said confidently, this time truthfully, as he placed his hand over Leo's shoulder.

- See? - Leo lowered his hand making his lower as well, he had a confident smile on his face. - It wasn't you. Maybe it's got something to do with lady things and that's it, I'm sure she's just as happy with you. Why would she tell you to meet later if she hadn't? -

Confidence fading... aaaaaand... sadness!

- ...I--...I was the one who asked to meet... - He averted his eyes.

- Ask her. - Emily grabbed his attention. - Ask her when you see her again, if you have done something or just how she feels, but ask her. - She said this confidently, like a reassuring mother, and he nodded as he took a deep breath. - Remember, "communication...-

- Is key". - Leo and Jungkook answered at the same time like many times before.

- That's right. - She beamed at them and then kissed Jungkook softly on the cheek. - Now let's go, we're already late for class. - She hurried them all with a deep breath, and they walked faster out of the cafeteria.

Leo and Finn went one way, Emily another, and Jungkook went running down a different one. He didn't want to be late and be put on the spot when he opened the door and everyone else was already sitting on their chairs, so he ran. Until halfway down the corridor to Taehyung's classroom, he realized that he had been going the wrong way and he didn't actually know where his next class would take place. He stopped in the corridor, watching how some students entered classroom C-123 from a short distance and he kneeled, placing his bag on the floor to take out his Map Book.

Good grief, his class was in the M buildings. Jungkook groaned, closing his eyes in annoyance. That was far, he'll never get there in time.

- Hey! - He looked up at the sudden call. It was Taehyung from the classroom door, a hand on the door looking like he was about to close it, and a tentative little smile on the corner of his mouth that he was trying very hard to smooth over. Jungkook nodded at him once.

- What? - Anyone else seeing this would think he was being really rude to a Professor. Good.

- Shouldn't you be learning? -

- Shouldn't you be teaching? -

Taehyung couldn't help the chuckle that escaped his lips but then he put a fist over his mouth, disguising it as a cough. Jungkook smiled triumphantly while he kneeled there on the floor, Map Book in hand.

- Go to class, boy. - Taehyung pointed in a general direction as he tried to say this with authority, but Jungkook just chuckled as he pocketed his Map Book.

- Go to yours, old man. - Taehyung nodded, smiling and clicking his tongue at the challenge. At that very moment, another man rounded the corner into that corridor. It was a stranger and anybody else would just think it was passing by, but Jungkook had lived a long life learning the art of lying enough to know when someone was paying much more attention than they let themselves show. This man had heard some part of their stupid conversation with too much enthralment to be casually eavesdropping. - Fine, fine, I'll leave now. I was lost anyway, so chill. - He huffed as he stood up, rolling his eyes strategically to end up making eye contact with that man, and for good measure, Jungkook nodded a greeting to him just so Taehyung could get the hint.

- I still don't like that attitude of yours. - Taehyung shook his head disapprovingly. It was perfect, Taehyung was acting along as the good influence of the troubling guy, which was very good. The man was almost to the end of the corridor, he had to send a good message if this was going to his father.

- What are you going to do, make me listen to your monologues again? - He started walking towards Taehyung, but went past him, looking like he was planning on ignoring this annoying teacher.

- I'll do it if I have to and you'll listen until you finally understand the words, you hear me? - Taehyung's cold, strict, strong voice, chilled him to the bone as he passed him by without a single glance or last word.

His only comfort was that it was all an act for that man, the students inside the classroom that probably didn't catch anything, and most importantly, his father. Jungkook was sure that the man had been eavesdropping on purpose. Could that man have been following him? No, he came from another way entirely. But then how would he have known who was talking? How would he have known he was eavesdropping on the right target if he hadn't been following him? But if he had been following him, how could Jungkook never notice? His eyes are always looking around, it was second nature to him. Even if his brain was elsewhere, if there would've been someone following him, he would've noticed, he was confident about it.

Maybe the man just happened to find him, he looked like a businessman, with a suit and tie, a briefcase in hand, very generic, and tense, he looked very tense as he walked with strong strides along the corridor. It could also be that he didn't know who they were and he was just eavesdropping like it was natural, maybe he was a man that liked to insert himself into drama and that's why he listened to their fake little argument so intently.

Whatever it was, there was nothing bad about it. If it had been one of his father's men then the message of how his uncooperative child finally found a wall would make him happy. If it was just a regular eavesdropper, then that little show would have sufficed his daily dose of drama and that's it. Either way, it was good that they put up that little show right there, it would show that Taehyung was planning on being a good influence to this troubling child as long as he had to, it also showed that the times he had been on his room had been to hear him doing nothing but trying to teach him a lesson, and finally it would also show how much he needed a good influence because he was highly insolent.

The sudden reminder that Taehyung wasn't the only Professor he had been insolent towards felt like a stab to his side and it made his walking stutter. But he won't let himself think of that, he will only think of Taehyung and his smile.

Yes, that's all he needed. As he walked faster to his next class he only focused on the good things. Taehyung, his smile, his hold, his hugs, his love, his care, his beautiful face, his more than beautiful body, the fact that they'll see later today and what happened the night before will repeat... Oooooffff, no, he went too far, back off, he can't be remembering last night right now, he was walking to his next class, Jesus Christ, now his mind was jammed with last night's events making his skin heat up, oh no.

Triumphantly, and after great effort, he managed to get to his class without a boner!

He opened the door silently and the second he saw Garrett he went straight to the empty seat beside him trying desperately to ignore the painful feeling of judgment on him when he heard the Professor stop his speech mid-sentence and then continue once he sat down.

- What kept you? - Garrett whispered beside him, his laptop out but the screen only had one sentence of information.

- I got lost. - He whispered back as he opened his bag. Garrett snickered.

- Somewhere new? - He inquired, looking at the Professor but talking to him.

- Not at all. - He turned on his computer with a silent chuckle. - Subconsciously I was heading to C-123, and then I stopped when I realized. - They both chuckled silently. - What have I missed? -

- Not much. His name, the class name and then he started with the history of Asian Philosophy. - He was pointing at the sentence he had written on his screen. Really not much of any importance when it comes to the class.

- What about the class? -

- What about it? -

- I mean, the grading or... the things we'll talk about in this class, things like that. - Garret stuck out his bottom lip as he shook his head, remembering none of that. - Only the history of it? Did he even explain beforehand why it matters to know all of this right now? -

- Why does it matter? - An indignant female voice sounded at his other side, startling him and Garrett and making them both look.

Jungkook could see that she was pretty with her blue eyes and blonde hair, but the way her expression was stained with disgust wasn't helping the already low tolerance he had of her. He didn't know her of course, but the memory of all his experiences with girls that had the same expression immediately made him dislike her.

- If you want to eavesdrop, do it correctly so you don't need confirmation. - Jungkook said for her to gawk, and then turned to Garrett again. - Nothing? - But again she didn't let Garrett answer.

- If only you would pay attention to the class, you wouldn't be such a pain in the arse for everybody else. -

Jungkook took a deep breath and saw how Garrett had no idea what to do, his eyes were wide open as he looked from her to Jungkook. And then Jungkook turned around.

- Look at you, cussing because you have nothing smart to say, how pitiful. -

She gawked at him once more and when he turned around Garrett had a hand over his open mouth, and Jungkook rolled his eyes at him as he shook his head with half a smirk, conveying with this that he has done it countless times before so he didn't have to worry, and then he turned to his computer to pass what Garret had in his screen to his.

- I can't understand how somebody can be so unpleasant. - She said in disgust.

- That makes two of us. -

He heard Garrett's faint chuckle.

- Were you raised by animals or something? - She was still trying.

- You would know. -

Garrett had to put a fist over his mouth to shut his chuckles and then Jungkook saw him typing something he had caught from the teacher.

- Tell me your name right now, I'm going to--

- Telltale on me? What are you, a toddler? Did the big bad guy scare the little princess? - He made a mocking baby voice in the end as he turned to look at her.

She was shaking her head and chuckled in disbelief.

- You have no idea who you're talking to. -

Oh how nice, a rich girl. Pretty strange that a girl like that would want to study Philosophy. Jungkook looked her up and down very obviously and then guessed.

- Barbie? -

- What? - She was so confused she leaned in.

- Oh, I'm sorry, you just looked so much like a doll, you know. Fake and stupid. -

- Uuuuuuu. - Garrett exclaimed in a whisper as Jungkook turned to his computer again. And to Jungkook's displeasure, he felt her getting too close for comfort as she talked very angrily to his ear.

- For your information, Punk--

He cut her off by placing a stiff hand in between them.

- Distance, please. You aren't letting me concentrate on the class. I really should report you, shouldn't I Garrett? - He said jokingly and turned to Garrett to see him trying really hard not to laugh as he typed.

- How can you be so rude? - She said bewildered. - I've done nothing to you. -

Jungkook laughed once in complete disbelief.

- You're being intrusive, you cursed at me, got too close to my face without permission, and had the nerve to imply that everyone should know who you are. You're being annoying and a distraction to my learning environment. You're only getting what you deserve, Barbie. Bear that in mind next time you want to insert yourself in someone else's conversation. - He won the second she took her stuff and went to sit somewhere else. Jungkook turned to see Garrett following her with his gaze, a bewildered look in his eyes. - Don't even think about falling for that one, Garrett. - He warned him, only for Garrett to stifle a laugh as he looked back at him.

- Neeeever. I'm already spoken for. - He smiled while he typed, and Jungkook looked at him in surprise because a) He couldn't understand how he was able to pay full attention to the stupid little fight as well as the Professor, and b) Spoken for?

- At eighteen? - He asked as he looked at his screen, typing in his own computer what was written there. Garrett chuckled.

- Way before that. She chose me. - His voice softened, though Jungkook wasn't sure if it was endearment or not.

- And what? Is she as cute as--.... Barbie over here? - He forced a laugh as he pointed behind him. He was about to say "as cute as you", what is wrong with him? Also with Leo, getting shy? He was feeling too damn free for his own damn good, he had to remember where he was.

Garrett shook his head in horror, not noticing anything strange in Jungkook.

- My girl can be cute in her own special way. - He smiled sweetly, remembering perhaps, and Jungkook was taking deep stabilizing breaths to calm himself down.

- That's nice, man. - He grabbed his strong shoulder to give it a quick squeeze and then turned his head fully to the Professor, conveying by this that he would be paying attention to the class now.

This was a problem. He couldn't let himself act freely like that again, it almost happened two times already. No, he'll have to stop, it could feel good to act how he felt like doing but it was wrong, he had to act like every other man, and if not, he had to act like an imbecile, but an imbecile like every other.

He was feeling too good about himself, that's why he was forgetting to be tense and alert with everything he said and did, he had to stop. With Taehyung it was more than fine, but not outside. He thought determinedly about keeping his head and then put all his concentration back on the Professor.

When Professor Wilder said in his calm voice that the class was over, Jungkook got startled in his seat and he looked up from his screen. He had been so focused on what the Professor was saying that he had momentarily forgotten this was a University class, and most importantly, that he'll meet with Taehyung. Excitement bubbled over too fast for him to be able to stop a sudden giggle, he had to disguise it as a cough while he bent down to his bag, pocketing his laptop.

- Do you have any plans right now? - Garrett asked him as he stood up beside him. He sounded almost timid. Jungkook cleared his throat while he straightened up.

- Yep. Why? - He stood up, watching how Garrett lost the slight confidence he had gained when they were laughing at Barbie.

- Just thought... if you wanted we could... I mean--... The arcade room is fun so I thought maybe-- But if you're busy we could-- You know what? See you tomorrow. - Garrett smiled nervously and appeared not to know what to do with his hands while he backed away only for his chair to stop him. Jungkook couldn't help laughing while he saw this. Garrett was indeed so endearing, like a puppy, a very big, muscular, and tattooed puppy.

- Hey, - Jungkook called and Garrett looked back up from his chair. - We could do something fun tomorrow. - Garrett's eyes seemed to brighten.

- Really? - He smiled, and Jungkook smiled too, he felt like he was giving candy to a toddler.

- Yes. And you could meet my friends. - Jungkook motioned for them to follow the crowd of students exiting the classroom and they started walking.

- Really? - He asked again, even more excited this time. - And you could meet Alex. -

Jungkook chuckled.

- Yes, that'll be awesome. So, let's talk about it tomorrow, ok? - They were almost to the door.

- Definitely. - Garrett's smile could be heard a mile away, Jungkook was sure. They got out of the classroom. - See you tomorrow then. - Garrett farewelled while he went another way, a smile never leaving his face.

- Definitely. - He copied him while he took the other way and he was able to hear Garrett's distant laugh.

As Jungkook turned his whole attention to his path, butterflies started to go off in his stomach.

He was happy and bubbly while he walked. Walking through those red carpeted corridors with very high white walls covered in intricate details with the occasional huge windows or important paintings illuminated by crystal chandeliers.

But, as he walked and looked around, his giddiness was leaving him behind, the walls that once looked like never-ending sculptures with all the intricate white flowers were looking different to him somehow, cold and hard instead of beautiful as they used to do before he was living within them. With a tiny jolt, he realized that the sensation he was getting from the place was close to the one he had when he was living in his parents' house. Yes, running to his room whenever he felt in distress, feeling a sense of security surrounded by books, not telling anybody where he was going at night.

It was almost the same, almost like his life really hadn't changed when he thought entering University would be a complete start over.

But in reality, it was different, in a way it was worse than before. His parents ruled the place and had an eye everywhere he went if they wanted to. He remembered that man from earlier and how he looked like he had been hearing Taehyung and him talking. Even if there was no problem with it because they did well, it still raised the other major change in his life that made it all worse in a way.

He didn't like to think that Taehyung entering his life had made it worse because for him, in his heart, his soul, and his body, Taehyung had made it all better, he had made Jungkook finally feel at home, he made Jungkook feel free for the first time in his life in many ways, he had helped Jungkook grow in ways he never thought he could, or would; he had been the reason why Jungkook is loving himself even more because his love was making him see himself thru his eyes filled with stars, and if those eyes looked at him that way, he had to be beautiful.

But in this reality, finding him had made it all worse. In this society, him finding out that his touch was all he needed and all he will ever need, could raise problems for the both of them. Problems he wasn't sure they could overcome. Taehyung didn't like talking about it, he was very sure of their future. He was sure that as long as Jungkook wanted him he could do everything he needed for them to be together, and Jungkook wanted him to be right. However, at the same time, he had to be logical and see that the facts were against them, and anybody just like them.

Jungkook grew angry as he remembered how scared Namjoon was when he realized he knew about him. He was angry with the world, just like Tom had said, angry that the world was the way it was. Because it was wrong. It was the world the one that was wrong, homicides and suicides everywhere, there was no place save enough to just walk out at night without fear, no women could go outside at night without fear, and no weak man could go outside at any time of the day without fear, no person that didn't look like they belonged could go outside without fear. There was fear everywhere. There was fear in his own house, there was fear in Alexander Evans' house, there was fear in Jimin's house, just how many others had to be corrupted by fear? How many kids? How many lives? How many innocents?

Maybe his life right now wasn't right for everyone else and he would most definitely get killed if the wrong people knew about it, but he will under no circumstance ever say that he regrets meeting Taehyung. Never in a million years whether he should live a happy long life or just until tomorrow, never will he say that he regrets being with Taehyung, he will never regret seeing his shiny eyes, kissing his soft lips, holding his strong hands, he will never regret it even if he was afraid for his life because of him. He will never regret falling in love with Taehyung. If he had to fight, then he'd do it, if he had to run, then he'd do it, better run away and live with the one he loves for the rest of his life than trapped in a cold cruel world without him. If Taehyung was so sure he'll do anything for them to be together, then so is he.

Jungkook's strides were determined and he had to purse his lips to stop from smirking. He felt powerful like he never felt before because he finally had a reason to fight.

Right now as he walked through those cold corridors towards his true home, he realized that his monster had been helping him. His monster didn't want him to fall, he wanted to keep him alive, that's why his monster made him do what was needed for him to keep going. The fights and scratches were so he could still feel connected to reality and not lose his head in numbness, the lies were to appear a normal person on the outside so no one would come for him, the need for Taehyung, to hold his face, to go to him as fast as he could, it was because his monster knew, even before he had understood it fully himself, he knew that Taehyung was what he needed to finally be alive.

He felt like crying with a smile. All these years he had been afraid of himself, thinking that the monster inside of him was nothing but that, a monster, and now he felt relief to finally understand, and accept to the fullest and with open arms. His inner monster was his bravest savior. His inner monster was on his side.

He felt the most powerful he's ever felt in his life. And as he rounded the last corner into Taehyung's classroom's corridor, he was not afraid when he saw another eavesdropping-looking man there, he was just focused on his goal as he swiftly put on his character's mask.

________________________________________________________________________________

🌼Thank you for reading Chapter 25 <3 UwU

You can support my writing by giving me a tip in BuyMeACoffee☕Go to my Instagram and click on the highlight story called Coffee. I'm grateful for everything you can give me💜

Instagram: shadowela

Your devoted writer,

Ela Shadow Rose 🥀

Go ahead with the next Chapter ->->->