As far as waking up on birthdays go, I'd had much worse. The sun was filtering through the gap in my curtains that I hadn't closed properly the night before, casting a warm golden glow over the room and my face. That was the good part of having a June birthday, I had found - the weather was usually pretty nice, a complete washout of a day was very unusual. The house was quiet, but I didn't really mind. It was quite early, only around 5:30, but since I was awake, I got up and pulled open my curtains. A small smile creeped onto my face, because there was something peaceful about seeing the world wake up before anyone else did. Pushing open my bedroom window, I breathed in the smell of summer, the sort of freshness and heat that you can't smell at any other time of the year.

I managed to stay in my room until nearer to six o'clock, distracting myself by reading a chapter of my book and then looking through my wardrobe in an attempt to find something to wear. The attempt was unsuccessful, and I ended up just going down to the kitchen for breakfast in the same oversized band t-shirt and shorts that I had slept in. After all, it was my birthday and nobody could tell me not to. As I came to the bottom of the stairs, I saw that the door to the kitchen was ajar and I could vaguely catch hushed voices coming from inside.

"Hello?" I called out, slightly apprehensive but more intrigued than anything else. The hushed voices turned into stifled giggles and I rolled my eyes in a mix of exasperation and happiness. I pushed open the door and felt my heart lurch with surprise and love and shock as I saw the kitchen, fully decorated, a pile of cards on the table and gifts in the corner, my parents and sister letting off party poppers from their positions behind the island.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNIE!!!" I froze for a couple of moments, before falling into floods of noisy tears. I hadn't had a proper birthday since I was 14, and now they had taken the time to go to all of this effort... It was heartwarming and kind and, well... much needed.

"Thank you..." I hiccupped between my sobs, pulling them all in for hugs, first my mum, then my dad and then Tara. They ushered me towards the table, sat me down on a chair and pushed the cards toward me, smiling as my dad turned on the morning radio in the background. Yes, as far as birthdays go, this one would be a good one.

The day rolled on, and I waved off my parents and sister as they went to their respective jobs and school before flopping down onto the sofa. After a pleasant fifty minutes of opening cards and laughing and thank you's and hugs, it was nice to know that I had the rest of the day to myself to do whatever I wanted all day long. A day where I could start the rest of my life in the right way. Starting off by making myself a nice lunch to eat in the garden, because that's what I wanted to do. I walked back through to the kitchen and reached out a slightly shaky hand until the tips of my fingers made contact with the shiny, plastic surface of one of my '18' balloons. My breath rattled slightly in my chest, as yet again my mind trailed back to when I was adamant that I would not be making it to my 18th birthday. After all, if I had found life that hard back then, I wasn't sure if there was any point in me hanging on for that long. But, pulling my hand away, the feelings of relief flooded back in and I knew that I was glad to be standing in my kitchen on a Wednesday in May.

The light breeze ruffled my hair as I leaned back into my garden chair, feeling the joyful light of the sun cover my face and remembering the joys of summer... Family barbecues, water balloon fights with Tara and Miles, trips abroad to Croatia, German, France, Portugal... I smiled sadly as I remembered the victory lap that Miles would always do when he had finished beating Tara and me with dozens of balloons. Maybe, this year, that could happen again?

Only, of course, now I would win. Without a doubt.

Standing up to clear my plate, I then thought about Milly. What did she used to do in summer? When she was younger? And then - had she responded to my message? I hadn't checked and wasn't going to yet, despite the fact that I was yearning to know. I wasn't going to check because of the prospect of her saying no. The prospect of Milly saying no, saying she didn't want to? That was enough to completely ruin my birthday, and this was the beginning of the new Annalise. I had to start as I intended to go on, happy and optimistic and trying to grow towards the sun. Sort of like a sunflower, just with a little bit less photosynthesis. And also less yellow. I didn't particularly like the colour yellow, and I also didn't want to be jaundiced. What part of "start as I intended to go on" did jaundice fall into?

"WE'RE HOME!" I heard my dad shout from downstairs just before five o'clock and I grinned before racing down the stairs. I was starting to dislike being alone for long periods of time, the introvert in me was slowly dying and being replaced by an extrovert, not that I minded but it was a little bit of an issue on my days off, where I was home alone for eight or nine hours every time. I swung off of the banister and landed directly in front of Tara, pulling her in for a tight squeeze. She winced slightly but tried to grin through the evident discomfort I had put her. I felt a fleeting pang of guilt and worry before it subsided, leaving us to head into the living room.

What was wrong with Tara?

Settling deep into the cushions that rested upon the sofa, I pulled my little sister gently over to the spot next to me and combed my fingers through her coffee coloured curls. The noise of my family having a conversation hovered around my head, but never quite managed to make its way into my ears. Instead, there was just a feeling of calm and content. It was difficult to think that the inside of my mind had ever been anything different and had ever been capable of conjuring up the dark and unfamiliar place I had once found myself in day after day after day.

"Annie?" I heard my mum's voice float across the room, piercing the bubble I had been in. My eyes jumped up to meet hers, my lips wearing a smile as I did so.

"Sorry? I didn't get that, my head must have been... elsewhere," I finished, just as I looked around to read the room, a way of checking that the mood hadn't dramatically shifted in the time that I had lost. Luckily, to my relief, not much seemed to have changed - only now all eyes were on me.

"Oh, honey, don't worry. Your father and I were just going to go and get your presents, we will bring them through in a couple of minutes time," She smiled softly at me and Tara as her words trailed off, then she left the room and the two of us were curled up, alone. There was a silence at first, it felt like an attempt on breaking our fresh bond, stifling and judgemental and uncomfortable. I spoke up first, knowing deep down that the longer we both left it, the worse it would get.

"How was your day, Taz?" I asked, shaking her carefully yet vigorously. She smiled again, in a very similar way to how she smiled when she first returned home. A very similar, almost staged, way, but I let it go.

"It's your birthday not mine, silly," she laughed, the noise sounding like a peal of bells announcing some form of joyous occasion. "This is your day, we shouldn't be talking about me, Annie," She dug her elbow into my side in a teasing manner and I shook my head in mock exasperation.

"Ok, maybe we shouldn't be. However, it is my birthday, and I want to know what my little sister has been up to - and if she doesn't say anything I may have to resort to torture..." I stuck my tongue out at her before starting to tickle her, and watching her shake with laughter.

"Fine, fine," She gasped, a grin on her face as she pushed herself away from me on her hands, propping her body up on the sofa arm. "I don't really know what to tell you, but if you wanted to know about my day, I guess you are going to be getting mundane and ordinary," she sighed, clearly bored and slightly confused at the prospect of telling me every detail about her day. "I got to school, registered, had double English first thing and spent an ungodly amount of time analysing poems written by bigoted white men a couple hundred of years ago. I then had biology and a clarinet lesson, had lunch on the field with a couple of friends and then had a lacrosse match last..." She glanced expectantly as her voice fell away and we both heard footsteps coming our way from the kitchen. "Anything else?" she asked. I gulped.

"Actually, there is one thing I have to ask..." I started.

"Go ahead," she shrugged. I hesitated, the question, the words feeling heavy and poisonous on my tongue.

"Tara, you know you can tell me anything, right? If something is wrong, you can always come to me, I promise." I looked deep into her eyes, willing for them to tell me a well-hidden secret or anything at all. They gave nothing away.

"Of course, Annie, you know I would," she said, a flash of darkness falling across her face and then disappearing an instant later, just as our parents came back into the room. She might have given me an answer, but it hadn't put me at ease at all. The seed of doubt in my mind was only just starting to grow.

The rest of my birthday was well beyond anything that I could have ever wished for, there was cake, generous gifts and a general feeling of belonging. I couldn't recall a better day, in fact I wasn't sure I had enjoyed myself so much in a very, very, very long time. To prove that, it wasn't until I was lying in bed at night that I thought of Milly. I was angry at myself for half a second, but then I remembered the email that I had sent two days ago. Two whole days ago. That was plenty of time to think about my offer, plenty of time to think of a response, plenty of time to write it and even more time to send it. Despite my fatigued limbs, I found myself sitting at my desk in seconds, opening up the screen on my laptop and typing in my password to wake it up. It could have been an age as I watched the circle go around and around. Just as I was on the verge of shaking it into gear, it awoke, the blue light casting a calming glow over my room as I clicked repeatedly on my mouse like a crazy person. I made my way through the passages of the internet into my inbox, my heart making a conscious effort to beat louder and faster than ever before as I saw the words I had been waiting for.

One new message: @lostcqlibre

I felt myself freeze in a mixture of shock and excitement. I wasn't one to get scared, but I waited for a short time before allowing myself to open it. I couldn't build my hopes up too high, that would be foolish. I shut my eyes as my finger pressed down, taking me to the message.

To Annie,

Firstly, I'm really really sorry that I took longer than usual replying, I had a hospital stay and my dad wouldn't let me bring my laptop along with me (yes it was incredibly dull without it - who have I become?). I did get into reading more though, there wasn't a lot else to do 😂

This part, I'm not entirely sure how to word this next bit, just because I'm so shocked and emotional over the whole thing. Let me just start with a simple:

Yes. Yes please, Annie. One hundred times yes.

I can't think of anything I'd like more. Spending a day with you would probably change everything. I don't know when it will happen, how it will happen or what we will do, but the fact that you are willing to even try, willing to offer? That means more than you will ever know, and you know an awful lot about how the world works.

I know this bit might make you uncomfortable, but I do believe that you need to hear this. Because, as I said, you know a lot of things, Annalise. But I'm not sure you know how amazing you are. All of the silent battles you have fought may have been difficult, but they've been worth it. You're amazing, and you're my favourite person who has ever walked the streets of London and the surface of the air.

See you soon (It feels so strange to write that-) and thank you, Annie. I love you xx

Milly.