Dear universe,

It's actually been quite a long time since I was last here, not because I don't feel like I'm able to stop writing these letters but because I guess I've forgotten what with all that I've been up to. I guess I have been writing them mentally, so to speak, but there have been no words typed into my laptop in the middle of the night for a good month and a half. And here are my reasons (Or excuses if you're going to be like that-) :

The biggest update? I've moved out.

Now that I'm 18, I decided that I needed to move on, grow up and get some space of my own. It's only a small garden flat but I've made it mine and now I have somewhere that doesn't hold the same bad memories of my last bedroom. I still go back home occasionally, I still talk to my parents and my little sister and I've even started trying to talk to my older brother. "Trying" because he is so busy that he forgets his family exists. Anyway, I've sent the emails so he may see them some day. In the not-so-near future.

I do feel a bit shit about leaving everyone behind as soon as I've improved our relationship, but I'm happier away from them.

I also never mentioned that I finally met Milly! It happened in June, and now she also lives with me. I don't think I would rather live with anyone else. I'm honestly glad that we both disobeyed the whole "Don't meet people from the internet" speech because now I'm just so happy. So is she - I hope... Right Mills? 😂

I also met up with my ex a few more times, and although we're mutual now, we're civil to each other but we don't speak very often - if at all. I'm ok with that. She knows that I'm extremely apologetic and regret everything but it's better for both of us if we move on, keep living and surviving. She's going to be one of those people that I will always remember but will never willingly speak to again. So will Seb (I can't remember if I have spoken about him but I met him in a park in a tree). It's actually not that I don't want to see him, I just have that gut feeling that our paths will not cross ever again and I'm perfectly happy with that. He was nice and all but he was just meh... I wish him well in life.

I'm not sure how regularly I will remember to update you but I will make three promises to you now:

I will always look up to the sky to look for the best in life.

I will always make my own happiness and live like life is the best gift.

I will always keep the ones I love safe and close to me.

So there. This is what I'm going to do. I'm going to live my life and maybe you will be kept in the loop, maybe you won't. But, I hope that if you never come across my corner of the internet again, you have a good life and try to make your own magic, appreciate the little things and have relationships with those who truly value you.

It feels weird to not know if I will be signing off on one of these again, so this is me procrastinating on a task that I really don't want to do. I know that I can always log in again but it still feels special. I got this. You got this.

Thank you for everything you've done for me, universe,

Annalise (who is alive for a reason and will continue to be that way) <3

Posted at 12:06pm on Thursday the 13th of August 2009

2 comments:

@lostcqlibre - I love you so much xx

@user784111 - I like this corner of the internet xx