⁺ 𓂋 𓈒

"How is the—"

"The week going?" I interrupt her. I already knew what she would say because it's how we start every session. She knew I wouldn't be the first to speak up and that's how she chose to start it every time.

She put on a small smile "Yes, how is it going?"

I stare into her eyes for a bit longer and shrug "It's going, isn't that all that matters"

"Well, it depends on how you spend your time" She had a soothing voice, one that will make anyone want to open up and she knew how to hold back unwanted expressions. She always had a sincere look, like she really cared about me but then I realize this is what she is paid to act like. Like she cares.

I was aware that anyone that goes into this field has to care to do what they do and choose it for a reason but there has to be some irritation on her side when she had to deal with people like me, right? Completely closed off and continues to lie, to her and my parents.

"How about we start with home life, how is that? Did anything change?"

"No, my mom and dad are still treating me like I'll run away again," I said "Oh, and they have my little sister check in on me every night," I said in a slightly irritated tone.

I watch her write this down. She didn't tell my parents what went on in this room but still, I think saying things out loud made them real and it wasn't like I was fully unaware of what I was doing. I knew I had horrible habits and maybe an addiction to the feeling of freedom. The way I tried whatever can give me that feeling, was to make whatever was trapped in my mind loose for at least a few hours.

"How does that make you feel?"

I look down at the carpeted floor "Trapped" I let the words leave my lips. I said I lied to her but mostly about my late-night rendezvous. Sometimes—Not often but I do let her in my mind. I do want to get better, but why was it so hard to allow that for myself?

She was silent, letting my mind fill up with things I was ready to throw out onto the table so she can dissect each word and label me a problem. Well, maybe not that but that's what I label myself. A problem—someone that can never get their act together because they are just never satisfied—or at least that's what my older brother said to me.

"Why does that make you feel trapped?"

"It just does," I said, looking back at her. My voice raised slightly but still, her face remained neutral "It just does" I repeated lowly.

She puts her notebook down and looks at me "Jisung, Your parents want to see you get better. That's why they have you come to me to talk about these feelings you don't talk to them about"

"I already know this"

She nods softly and continues "Change doesn't come from others telling you that you need it, change comes from you telling yourself and giving in to that change"

"I'm here aren't I?" I said, but I knew deep inside that these sessions didn't really help me.

"Yes, you are but the change we need in this room is for you to open up, let me in and let me try and help you"

"I don't need help!" I stood up and looked at her while she watched me "I-I'm fine and everybody is overreacting" I said lowly, walking to the door "I'll see you next week"

⁺ 𓂋 𓈒

The door opens to reveal a confused Minho. "Slow down there sweetheart," He says as I push past him.

He closes the door and I throw myself onto his couch with a groan "Do you think my parents with be mad if I completely stopped going to therapy?" I asked, staring at the ceiling.

I heard his low chuckle, making me turn my head to see him staring at me as I lay sprawled out on the couch "I think they will drug test you as soon as you walk through those Christian doors"

I grab a pillow and throw it at him "Fuck off" I said and he grabs my legs and lifts them slightly to sit down, letting them lay over his lap. "I'm being serious, she keeps trying to make me open up"

"Isn't that the point?"

I sit up and look at him "Well, yeah but I don't want to. She a stranger and it's weird" I said "Plus, I have you"

Minho gives me a soft smile "If you weren't totally straight I would think you were into me"

I punched his shoulder and took my legs off his lap "This is why I can't be serious with you"

"Aw, did I hit a nerve" He pinches my cheeks and I slap his hand away.

"No, you just get on my nerves"

"Do I now? Says the one who spends most of his time at my house"

I scoff "Fine, I'll stay home more"

Minho wraps his arms around my waist and lays his head in my lap "You get worked up fast babe, all this anger and you'll be worn out"

I push him away and stand up "You are no help, I came so you can convince me that dropping therapy is a good idea but instead you gave me a reason to stay in it"

Minho looks at me from where he sat "Just stay clean and when they give you the drug test it will be fine"

"Stay clean?" I repeat his words "I will if you do" I cross my arms

"Why are dragging me into this?"

"So you can be my support system"

Minho furrowed his brows "I will support you but on the sidelines and very much high"

I sigh loudly and sit back down, facing him "So I stay in therapy?"

Minho nods "I think you just need to show her that you're trying"

"I am trying"

Minho laughs loudly "No offense but the only thing you are trying to do is not get caught"

I glare at him "This isn't very best friend of you to say"

"Did you want me to say how much you are trying? I can lie if you want"

"Im leaving" I stand up and walk away but Minho was quick to grab my hand and pull my back down.

"Okay, stop being a drama queen," Minho says and I look at him, "How about we both try to slow down?" I look down and he grabs my chin to force me to look back at him "Can you do that?"

"Yes"

"Good, this is a step towards getting better"

I frown as the memory of last night pops back up in my head  "Nora knows" I said lowly, "She saw me getting home last night"

Minho's eyes widen and without realizing he grabs my hand "What did she say?"

"She said my parents had her check on me every night—meaning she knew for a while now"

I felt his hand smooth over mine and he said "She said something else didn't she?"

I chuckle bitterly "You know Nora, she always has something to say and they are never good"

"Don't listen to her"

I shrug "Why? She's right, I mean I know she is. I should have left that day Minho, I shouldn't have stayed here"

Minho shook his head "Don't say that" He said sternly "You have your reason just like everyone else"

I look away and let a soft sigh leave my lips "Maybe I would have been better and back already"

"We can't live our lives on what ifs Jisung" He spoke softly, almost like my therapist but his voice did allow me to open up.

I look at him again, "Your right, she's probably just  still jealous that you go over for me and never to see her"

Minho laughs loudly and pushes me softly "It's in the Han genes to love me"

"Not my brother, he despises you"

"Oh come on, I can handle a little bit of tough love," He says with a smile. "How about we watch a movie?"

"Changbin wants to hang out"

"So what? Changbin can see us tomorrow, tonight we binge movies and not drugs"

I glare at him "That's not funny" he laughs loudly.

We never binge movie's completely sober like this but we did just promise to slow it down and maybe that's a good thing.

I'm exhausted and have school in the morning so please just drive me off a cliff now.