THERE WAS A HEAVY PAUSE.
something in the atmosphere changed dramatically.
Livia's heart skipped, her eyebrows were drawn together.

"What?" She asked and James sighed. He let out a heavy breath.

"The night he died.. I saw him."

"What? Why?" Liv asked, not being able to make sense of anything he just said.
Why would James Beaufort visit her brother in general and especially before he was found dead.
A sudden fear overcame her as she saw James's jaw clenched.

"He was in contact with a friend of mine. He texted him and asked for some stuff so we came over. I gave it to him. I didn't think he'd.." He paused, his eyes closed for a second before they opened again. Blue meeting blue.

"I didn't think it would be the last time I saw him."
Livia stared at him, stunned.

"What did you give him?" She asked and saw how James body language had changed. He stood before her, stiff and almost.. emotional.

"He was in the middle of exams and I- I didn't know he was.. spiraling." He explained further and Liv immediately threw in.

"He wasn't spiral-.." she wanted to say but James interrupted her.

"He was. Believe me he was." The blonde boy said.

"So you gave him the drugs that night?"
He didn't respond, just looked away.

James and Theo were rivals by name, strangers by choice. But in some moments they shared a silent nod in the corridor, or a lighter outside a party. They stole each other's customers and girlfriends most of the time but sometimes helped each other out.
No words. Just the understanding of two boys raised in the shadows of strict, ruthless men. It was complicated

"What the fuck James?!" Liv hissed at him, her face furious.

"You gave him drugs, when you saw that he wasn't doing good?! These drugs killed him!" Her voice started to get louder, the walls around her crumbling down.

"I told him not to swallow the whole thing." James said, remembering the Moment so clearly.

James handed over the small bag with the capsules.

"It'll calm you down. That's what you want, right?" He asked as Theo gave him the money in return.

Theo just nodded.
He looked pale, sweaty, like he hadn't slept in days. James hesitated, having a bad feeling in his stomach, as he saw the brunette open the bag, quickly with sweaty fingers.

"Don't take it all at once." He had said and Theo had given him a crooked smile. His eyes had looked tired with deep circles under them.

"Relax, Beaufort. You think I've never done this before?" He teased

And then he had swallowed the whole thing.

James had stood there for a second too long. Watching. Wanting to say something. But he didn't.

He left.

"And I left him there. I thought he'd be fine." James said and an awful silence spread between them.
Livia shook her head slowly, trying to understand what it meant.

"Why would you do that?" She asked and James could have sworn that he saw tears in her eyes.

"Why didn't you stop him from taking it? Why did you bring it in the first place?" She asked and James couldn't meet her eyes.

"I didn't think much of it, Livia." His voice sounded more upset now.

"We weren't close, I didn't know." He tried to defend himself. The pst year all he had done was ignore the feelings of guilt, pushing it deep down and throwing the rivalry he had with the Ashwand boy over it. But now, the closer he had gotten to Livia, the more he had started to like her, he didn't have a choice but to face what had happened between him and her brother.

James looked at her now, eyes dark with something like regret, maybe. Or guilt.

"I'm tired of pretending I'm not involved. Tired of my father using this to keep me in line." James said, thinking about how he had cried and told the thrush ti his father. And how his father had used it recklessly against him just this afternoon.

Livia's lips parted, but no words came.
What was she supposed to say? Should she punish him in the face and walk away? Should she ask further? Did she even want to know further information?

James took the initiative and took a step closer to her, to which Liv got pulled out of her thoughts.

"I'm supposed to bury you tomorrow," he said quietly.

"In that press conference." He said and Livia was immediately alarmed again. She took a step back.
She opened her mouth, her voice came out, trembling.

"My father wants me to tell them you have a problem with drugs too-.." He stwarred but Livia pushed him back by his chest.

"I told if you tell anything-.." She hissed her hand still on his chest and James caught it.

"I'm not gonna." He said quickly, which confused Liv even more.

"What?" She asked and James made the final step, now standing directly in front of her.

"I'm gonna say nothing, nothing that could hurt you." He shook his head.

Her wrist was in his grasp. Livia looked into her hand, her heart slightly fluttering. They suddenly stood so close to one another, that their chests almost touched.
Livia stared at him, jaw clenched.

"Why now?" she asked.

"Why would you confess that? Why do you act like this suddenly matters to you?" She asked, her tears finally filling with tears. She couldn't hold her walls up anymore as the moment was so overwhelmingly vulnerable.

James didn't answer immediately. His eyes flicked to the side, his jaw clenching as he gulped. When he looked back at her, he had a weird sparkle of tenderness in his blue eyes.

"I told you, I'm not going to say anything about you. That's all that matters." He said, building his walls up.

"No," she said, slowly shaking her head. She moved her wrist out of his grasp and took a step back.

"I don't believe you." She said, shaking her head.

"You let him take it. You left him there-.."
James followed her step so he was standing in front of her again, dragging a hand through his hair.

"You think I haven't gone over it a hundred times? I know I screwed up but I didn't care about you stupid brother, now I do!" He hissed.

"Why now?" She asked again and James shook his head. He looked to the side, searching his words.
Livia studied his body language and it almost seemed to her as if James didn't even know the answer himself.

James just knew one thing that evening. The more time he had spend with Livia, fighting with her, infuriating her and having all these moments full of hatred with her, the more something inside of him had cracked up.
And the moment he had seen how her dad treated her, seen how vulnerable and fragile she actually was, something inside of him had changed and he didn't wanna fight her anymore.
And that terrified him more than any threat she had thrown his way.

Livia folded her arms tightly, waiting for his answer.
James studied her, her long brown hair, her piercing blue eyes and her slim tanned legs. She was beautiful, he knew that from the day she had started going to Maxton Hall a few years ago. He had just never allowed himself to be drawn closer to her.

"I don't know." He finally said, shaking his shoulders.
Liv's demeanor changed as she saw his guard dropping. But she was too careful to fall for any trick.

"You used his death to vex me. You blackmailed me for months, James. You threatened to leak it if I didn't—" She said and James interrupted her by putting his hands onto her shoulders.

"I know what I did," he cut her off, his voice sharp.

"You don't have to remind me."
Livia let out a breath as she was frustrated with his behavior.
James sighed.

"The moment I saw what your father did to you that night, I didn't wanna fight you anymore-.." James said quietly, eyes avoiding hers. Livia shoved his hands off her shoulders.

"I don't need your pity!" She snapped at him but James shook his head.

"I'm not pitying you." He said.

"The moment I saw what he did, I didn't wanna fight you anymore.." He took a breath, his eyes locked with hers.

"Because I saw myself." He then revealed and Livia's eyes went wide. Her whole body stiffed
and she stared at him for a long moment. Her hands dropped to her sides, her shoulders tense.

"What?" She asked, her heart fluttering again. James once again took a step closer and took her hands in his.

"You and me Livia." He said, and fear crossed his face for a second.

"We're the same." He said.
Livia didn't know what to say, she didn't know what to think. She slightly shook her head again.

"No.." she said quietly.

"You threatened me, you tried everything to destroy my reputation." She argued, taking a step back and James followed her again. From the amount of steps she had taken back, she now was close to the little old sculpture that was standing in the backyard.

"Oh and you didn't blackmail me with my sister and Mr. Sutton?" He asked.

"I did that out of necessity! I only defended myself!" She said and then felt the cold stone touching her back. She was now backed up against the sculpture and James right in front of her.
Livia wasn't someone to be backed up, so she took a step forward, her chest touching James' as she did so.

"You could've ruined me," she said, her voice quieter now.

"And you almost did. I don't forgive you for that."
She said and her sharp eyes pinning into his own.
James nodded once.

"I'm not asking you to."
Another pause. The tension between them rose.
James leaned forward, just a bit. Livia felt his warm breath in her lips.

"I don't need you to forgive me, I just wanna stop this." he said, his voice low and quiet.

Livia looked down to his lips, debating whether this was a good idea. She couldn't push away the thought that he was just using her, to get what he wants.

"Stop what?" She said and held her breath. He was way too close for her taste, but she actually didn't want to push him away either.
The blonde boy shook his head as he looked away, his jaw clenching.
He then looked back at her, his eyes guarded.

"There is no way I can ruin you without ruining myself." He said and was angry all of a sudden. He took a step back as he was frustrated with himself.

"And there's no way of you ruining me without ruining yourself. I'm supposed to end everything tomorrow and I can't, you made sure of that."
James' eyes searched hers, they stared into each other's souls as he moved closer.

"Of course I made sure of that I'm not stupid!" Livia scoffed and shook her head.

"I thought we ended this whole thing long ago but then you had to drag me out of Cyril's house, to your car so that you made everyone think I have a problem and you're my savior or some shit!" She accused him, at first pointing to herself and then to him.

"That's not the reason I dragged you out!" James said,

"Then why did you?!" Liv snapped and him and he raised his voice.

"Because I care!" He snapped back at her. The brunette girl tilted her head, her heart fluttering at his words.

"That's the problem, I care." He said.

"Even though I shouldn't." He stepped closer to her.
His hands found their way to her hips, softly pushing her back against the sculpture and Livia let him.

"Even if you wouldn't know about Lydia, I still wouldn't say these things about you tomorrow." He said, shaking his head.

Livia processed his words. He cared about her? The reason why he confessed to her about seeing her brother. The reason he took her to his home and let her sleep in his bed was because he cared?
The girl couldn't help but felt the want inside herself to believe his words.
Maybe it was him standing so close to her. Maybe it was her back against the cold stone or his hands on her hips, or his cologne rose to her nose..

But when James gave her a chance to pull away, she didn't. So he closed the remaining distance between their faces.

His lips were landing on hers and pushed her head back against the cold stone. Livia placed her hands on his arms that were holding her body in place.
Her eyes were closed as their lips moved against each other.
The tension that had been building between them for months finally snapped. Her hands moved almost instinctively, one tangling in the fabric of his shirt, the other gripping his arm.
His kiss was firm and confident.

Livia felt her heart pounding against her chest and her breath caught in her throat as James moved one of his hands towards her lower back, pushing her hips closer to him.
Her head was foggy as his smell clouded her senses.

"No." She then said and pushed him away. James looked at her confused and almost worriedly.

"I don't believe you until you proof it to me." She then said. James, who seemed to have forgotten everything about their earlier conversation drew his eyebrows together.

"You said you don't wanna fight? You care? You won't tell anything? Prove it tomorrow." She said, stepping away from the sculpture.

They didn't shake hands. They didn't look at each other for more than a second.
She simply walked past him, completely unfazed from the kiss. Her lips were tingling and her heart was still racing as she stepped away from the backyard and walked back home.

She needed time to think.

Authors note:
Updates are gonna take a while, the next few weeks cause I'm writing my final exams!
Please be patient

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