THE ALLURING ABYSS | KIM NAMJOON FANFICTION

Author: Ana_2504

• TOTAL MARKS- ①⓪⓪

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.
~ 5/5
The readers were pleased with your work, I saw that.

|-  ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ.
~ 7/10
The cover looks simple and sweet giving me a feeling of 'Boy next door '. Fonts choice was equally good, I think love how the 'Alluring' was written. Well, the cover matches well with the story and the personality of Namjoon the sweet goofy clumsy yet mature guy but I feel the addition of some small quotes would make it better.

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ.

~ 3/5
The description was good and has the point it should carry to describe the story but it was a little long which can make readers bored and the writing was not creative which can make readers lose interest. I will suggest you make the description a little short if you can no forcing it if you can't but do use some good quality vocabulary to make it creative for the reader.

|-  ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ.
~ 9/10
I do love the title and it's also apt to use for the story you have created. It depicts the story of two hearts who fell in love in the middle of their sweet simple friendship.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴘʟᴏᴛ.
~ 5/10
The plot felt like a cliche plot to me. The same thing repeating like a record like in any other love story. The same concept where the sibling hates the protagonist for their mother's death which is not their fault actually, the rude brother who comes anytime and every time to check on their sibling. The careless father who is marrying again the love life who always stand by them. I found nothing new in this book Jihoon and Mr Shin the evil brother and father respectively who made Yuri's life a living hell because of her mother's death. Namjoon the Romeo who always stand by Yuri's side. I felt the main gist of the plot was cliche and it does make the book boring. 

|- ②⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠᴏᴄᴀʙᴜʟᴀʀʏ.
~ 11/20

I found lots of grammatical errors in your story which did not create a very good impression for me while reading your book.
1. "Suddenly her phone started buzzing.” ~ Add a comma after “Suddenly” to create a better impression. {Chap 1}

2. "Why would you call me here Joon?” ~ Add a comma before “Joon” as it’s the name of a person. {Chap 1}

3. "Well well, who do we have here. Heya,  Miss Shin Yuri” ~ Use exclamation marks after both the “Well” or it will be considered as a grammatical error. And use an exclamation mark after “Heya” to show the feeling of fake happiness which according to me is needed. {Chap -2}

4.“Don’t you dare to call me that ever again Shin Jihoon.” Add a comma before “Shin Jihoon” as it’s the name of a person. {Chap 2}

5.“Calm down calm down Miss Yuri did you forget to respect your elders, well, brother?” ~ The sentence is written in the wrong way please write this like this “Calm down! Calm down! Miss Yuri. Did you forget how to respect your elders, well, brother?”  {Chap 2}

6. "I always knew it Jihoon, you don’t need to tell me.” Add a comma before “Jihoon” as it’s the name of a person. {Chap 2}

You need to add an exclamation mark when you are writing repetitive words in a sentence to show emotions. And do add a comma before a name or it will be counted as a grammatical error.
Moving on to the vocabulary part I will not say you used a very high-quality vocabulary to attract readers.

The vocabulary used in the book was simple and easy for readers to understand but if you want your book to stand out and attract more readers then I will suggest you use a little bit of creative writing in your book.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs Fᴏʀ ᴘʟᴏᴛ ᴛᴡɪsᴛs ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.
~ 8/10
I did not found any major plot twist in your story but I can sense a plot twist in a near future. Maybe Jihoon will change, maybe he will help Yuri, but the author only knows what she/he is planning in her head for the future of the story.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴇᴠᴇʟᴏᴘᴍᴇɴᴛ.
~ 8/10
Well, the development of the emotions of Yuri was fair enough to attract readers to the story. But the hero which is Namjoon's feelings emotions were not that much developed, I was not able to connect with his emotions neither of Jihoon's but Song Jiwon's bitchy feeling was quite annoying so it means you were able to develop it well. I figured out a thing which is you were able to connect the female's emotions but not the male's one.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴠɪᴛʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀʏ ᴏғ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ.
~ 5/10
The way of writing is good but it was not creative. Make your work a little creative to attract readers.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴏᴋ.
~ 6/10

Total Marks: 67/100

🆈🅾🆄🆁 🆁🅴🆆🅸🅴🆆 : I will suggest you proofread your book before publishing it on Wattpad to avoid grammatical mistakes. Use high-quality vocabulary to attract more readers. And develop on your male characters to create a better impression for your reader.

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