Night Stalker | 18+ | 

by: KINGA61313

 TOTAL MARKS- ①⓪⓪

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.

~ 5/5

The readers were pleased with your work, I noticed that. 

|-  ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ.

~ 1/10

The book cover is not all suiting with the story you have written. It's a dark series story so the cover should carry some elements of scare and fear but I only see a city night in your book cover. Moreover, it's a Jikook fanfiction so where are our boys? I understood you don't want to put Yoongi's face claim on the cover to keep it for the last moment surprise but you can clearly put Jikook's face claim on the cover. I will suggest you, please change your cover to something suitable maybe a face split of Jimin and Kook with mirror and blood and face mask will be the element needed for your cover. 

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ.

~ 3/5 

Well, the description did no magic to attract me but it was okay. It did not give out extra information about the plot. It was okay but it described both the protagonist and the hero, it did not give a proper idea about the book directly. The method you have used was unique. 

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ.

~ 8/10 

The book title is not unique but the story is formed based on the book title so I will never ask you to change it. It holds a special meaning so according to me, the book title is perfect.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴘʟᴏᴛ.

~ 9/10

The plot was well-formed. It was unique and not all like those old cliche dark story where the protagonists is a psycho and all those stuff. The story idea was quite good, the author connected every case so well. The starting and ending were in the right space neither too fast nor too slow. And how the author kept us excited for every chapter was worth praising, she/he wrapped every single crime so well. And in the end, the author was able to confuse everyone at the end with the night stalker. For a moment also I did not think Yoongi will be the black sheep, it was something unexpected. It was a dark story but the last chapter was equally sweet and bright. Overall, I love the plot of the story you have created. 

|- ②⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠᴏᴄᴀʙᴜʟᴀʀʏ.

~ 5/20

I found lots of mistakes in your work.

“How do you think they died Park?” Put a comma after died or it will be considered as a grammatical error, change the sentence to this “How do you think they died, Park?” {Chap – 1}  

‘“Relax Park, we have been trying.” Jimin scoffed'. Instead of writing this, please write “Relax Park, we have been trying,” which made Jimin scoff in anger. {Chap 1}

“He's murdered fifty people on one month. What's the worst part is that he doesn’t leave a pattern?”  ~ Change the preposition, please use ‘in’ instead of ‘on’. And “What's the worst part is that he doesn’t leave a pattern.” In this sentence instead of using “What’s” please use “And”.  {Chap 1} 

“Plus who listens to hormonal teenagers” ~Add a comma after “Plus” to give the reader a better impression. {Chap – 1}

‘“I’m here!” A young voice said making groan when knew he who it was' Add Jimin after “making” to show who groaned at the arrival of the person. {Chap – 1}

“How could not I notice you when you are the only ostrich In the fucking room who talks twenty four seven” ~ Add a hyphen between “twenty-four” and add ‘by' after “twenty four” {Chap – 1}

“Stop it Jimin!” ~ Add comma before Jimin. {Chap – 2} 

 “Guess what when I went to... in my bank account.” ~ Add a comma after “Guess what” to show a separation of the sentence. {Chap -2}

“The man groaned his head being thrown back” ~ Add a comma after “groaned” to show a separation of the sentence. {Chap - 2}

“That’s the problem what did the victim had that it did not make him them.” ~ Add a comma after “That’s the problem” and “him” to create a proper impression for your reader. And add a question mark in the place of a period after “them” to show the vibe of a question asked by Jimin. {Chap – 2} 

“...to scared that he might do something to her.” ~ Use “too” instead of “to” or it will get counted as typos.

“Your kidding” instead of writing this, please write this “You’re kidding” {Chap – 3}

“Go to sleep it one on the morning and I know both of us are tired” ~ What do you mean by this sentence? Not at all clear to me. {Chap- 4}

“I still have something to do you can go home” ~ Please put a comma after “do” to make a good impression and it's needed to show the separation of the two sentences. {Chap – 4}

“Okay.” he walked toward the coffee machine...the table. ~ write “towards” and not only “toward” as we add ‘s’ with an adjective when there is one person. It’s a rule of grammar. {Chap – 4}  

‘“I like to wear them...you already did.” His whispered...kisses on it.’ Use “He” instead of “His” and use a comma instead of a period. 

   “You are too annoy!” ~ Please add ‘ing’ with “annoy” {Chap – 6}

There was lots of mistakes in your book with punctuation marks and typos mostly commas after before name, the comma after 'yes' or 'no' and everywhere I saw 'too' is being written as 'to' which changes the meaning of the sentence, well, doesn't even make a sense. I have pointed out some of them, please correct them to create a better impression for your readers, it was annoying to read every page without not finding any grammatical mistakes.

Moving to vocabulary, I will not say your work was much creative but some uses of good vocabulary was there. 

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs Fᴏʀ ᴘʟᴏᴛ ᴛᴡɪsᴛs ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.

~ 9/10 

The plot twist was awesome. I was really shocked to find out it was Yoongi at the last. I was shocked when the girl pointed at Jungkook but the whole twist on the next page was something we all want in a story.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴇᴠᴇʟᴏᴘᴍᴇɴᴛ.

~ 9/10

I was able to connect with the people in the story. It was an amajin journey through your book with them though rocky but still good as hell. It gave me a creepy feeling, *ugh* your story was so good. I loved it.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴠɪᴛʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀʏ ᴏғ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ.

~ 7/10 

The writing was good. The story was creative but the vocabulary was simple. I will suggest you use some good quality vocabulary to attract more readers.

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴏᴋ.

~ 7/10

Three marks cut due to:

1. Not a good choice of the book cover.

2. Grammar and vocabulary.

3. If any mistakes I overlooked. 

Total Marks: 63/100

🆈🅾🆄🆁 🆁🅴🆆🅸🅴🆆 : Change the cover according to the suggestion and proofread your book before publishing a chapter to avoid any grammatical error. Well, change the description as well and be more creative while writing it. Except that the book was worth praising. 

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