❝I keep remembering--I keep remembering. My heart has no pity on me.❞

HENRI BARBUSSE

✩

3.4 : kung pao chicken

(tw: death)

"WELL, HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED." Fin's grinning as she holds the car door open for Spencer. "I'm driving you home, from the hospital no less."

"It physically pains me," Spencer says, grimacing as he slides into the passenger seat, maneuvering his new crutches out of the way. "Literally."

"Do you think Hotch is gonna be okay?" Fin shuts his door and walks around to the other side of the car, sliding into the driver's seat and starting the engine.

"I think so." Spencer sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I mean, it's Hotch. He'll be fine."

"I just–" Fin stops herself from saying I know how he feels, and instead says, "I think it's a lot for one person to go through at once, you know?"

"I know." Spencer reaches over the console and rests his hand on her knee. Fin's stomach flutters just a little. "Hey, remember: you're staying with me tonight."

"Oh, shit, that's right." Fin fumbles for her phone and dials Nick's number. "I've got to call Nick and tell him, make sure Lars can stay with him."

It rings once...twice...three...four times, then there's a click and Nick's recorded message says, "Hey. You've reached Nick's phone. I'm probably busy, so just leave me a message and I'll get back to you. Thanks."

Fin waits for the beep and then says, "Hey, Nick, it's Fin. One of my coworkers was injured today, so I'm staying over to help them out tonight, and I was just making sure that Lars can stay with you tonight, too. If not, I can head over and pick her up. Just let me know."

"Everything okay?" Spencer asks, when Fin puts her phone down.

"Yeah, just... His phone went to voicemail and that's not really like him." But, Fin realizes, she doesn't know that much about him now, all things considered. "I think I'll try Lars."

But her phone goes to voicemail, too. "Hey. It's Lars. You know the drill."

"Okay, that's a little weird." Fin sets her phone down, feeling slightly nauseous. "Her phone went to voicemail, too."

"They could just be watching a movie with their phones on vibrate," Spencer suggests, but Fin can't believe him. Not after everything.

After a moment of silence, Spencer tries again. "Let's just go back to my apartment, and if they don't call you in an hour, then we can try Garcia and see if she can track their phones or something."

Fin swallows hard, exhales. "Spencer, I'm just–"

"I know." Spencer squeezes her leg gently. "But give them an hour. Don't freak out." And then he turns the radio to the alternative station she loves. "Mona Lisa" by The All-American Rejects is playing.

Spencer's apartment is in a cute little neighborhood that's very quiet, and he tells her to park on the side, rather than in front, because there's an owl that particularly likes to puke on his car when he parks in front.

Fin helps him up the stairs and into his apartment, which is small, but perfectly Spencer. There are books everywhere. On shelves, stacked on the floor, resting on every surface he has. Everything is dated, from the old leather sofa to the curtains hanging above the windows, but it's neat and organized. It's cozy. She likes it.

Spencer shuts the door behind him, sighing contentedly, and then looks questioningly at Fin. "Hungry?"

As soon as he says it, Fin realizes she's starving. She nods vigorously. "Very."

Spencer points to the doorway on their right. "The kitchen's through there. I'm going to change clothes, but I think there's some leftover Chinese in the fridge."

Fin slips off her shoes and pads into his kitchen, looking around curiously. It's small, like everything else, and slightly bare, but she didn't expect him to have much. There are a few books stacked on top of the microwave, and a little fake succulent in a clay pot (probably courtesy of Penelope) sits on the windowsill above the sink, but other than that, the decor is minimal.

Sure enough, there is some leftover kung pao chicken and rice in the fridge, so Fin pops that in the microwave and climbs up onto the counter, curling her legs underneath her while she waits for the food to warm up.

Spencer appears after a few minutes, now wearing a pair of plaid pajama pants and a black t-shirt with a picture of Beethoven on it, and chuckles when he sees Fin sitting on the counter.

"Hey, don't laugh!" Fin pretends to be offended. "This counter is very comfortable, mister."

Spencer makes his way over to her, sets his crutches against the wall, and rests against the counter next to her, grinning adorably. "Is it now?"

"I like your shirt." Fin points to the Beethoven photo on his chest. "Doesn't really seem like your style, though."

"A gift from Garcia," Spencer explains, shrugging. "It's pretty comfortable."

Fin reaches up and runs her hands through his hair, playing with his curls. "You're cute," she whispers.

"Am I now?" Spencer moves so that he's facing her and tilts his chin up. "Well, so are you."

"Spencer Reid, you flatterer, you." Fin can't help but grin. He's the most adorable thing in the world.

Spencer just smiles and then kisses her softly, hands resting on her waist, pushing her into the cabinets behind her. She cups his face in her hands, pulling him closer, keeping him anchored, wanting him near.

The microwave beeps behind them and Spencer pulls away, grinning shyly. "I think that's dinner."

Fin hops down off the counter (very reluctantly), hands him his crutches, and grabs the two containers of chicken and rice. "I got these. Go sit down."

Halfway into the living room, Fin realizes she doesn't have anything to change into. "Ah, shit."

"What?" Spencer looks up from the sofa, concerned. "What's wrong?"

"I just realized I don't have any other clothes." Fin shrugs. "I can go home and get some, it's not too far–"

"Hazel." Spencer's looking at her like she's an idiot. "You know you can wear my clothes."

Fin's not sure how to respond. Wearing his clothes... That's a very we're-together thing to do. But she is very tired and very much does not want to drive to her apartment. So she nods and plops down on the sofa next to him. "Okay."

They sit and eat their Chinese in silence, each occasionally glancing at the other shyly, unsure of how to approach this–their first night alone in several weeks, and their first night alone since the confession in the hospital–until Spencer sets down his carton and looks over at her. "Do you mind if I turn on the news? I like to listen to it before I go to sleep."

"You are such a nerd." Fin can't help but smile at him. "Sure, I don't mind. I'm gonna go change out of this–" She gestures to her practically-ruined blouse– "and I'll be right back."

"Okay." Spencer gives her a sweet smile.

She leans down, kisses his jaw, and then, before she can be tempted to kiss him anymore, hurries into his bedroom. It's also very bare, but cozy. There's a purple knit throw on his bed that looks homemade, and Fin would bet a lot of money that it's also a gift from Penelope.

There's a click and then a male news anchor starts droning on about weather. Fin mostly tunes it out as she scans through his clothes, trying to find something she'd feel comfortable sleeping in. Definitely not a sweater... Or a cardigan... He does have, surprisingly, a few hoodies in his closet (and they look worn!), but it's never cold enough for Fin to sleep in a hoodie.

"Hazel?"

Fin pauses, leans around the corner. "Yeah?"

"Can you bring my glasses when you come back in? They should be on the dresser."

"Sure."

She looks a little further, past the myriad of cardigans, and digs out an old white button-down. It's wrinkled from having been shoved in the back of his closet and there's a decent-sized hole in one of the elbows, but it smells like Spencer and is very soft from years of wear. So Fin slips it on, along with a pair of Spencer's boxers (sorry, not sorry), and pads back into the living room, Spencer's old man glasses in hand.

Spencer's intently watching the news, but he turns around immediately when he hears Fin. A huge smile appears on his face. "You look so beautiful."

Fin plops down next to him and hands him his glasses, butterflies in her stomach tickling pleasantly. "You're just saying that."

"I'm not." He slides his glasses on and pulls her into his chest, running his fingers over her arm gently, tracing patterns there. "I could get used to seeing you in my clothes."

Fin takes his hand in hers and kisses his palm softly, the butterflies in her stomach rejoicing over the gasp it elicits from him. The news anchor is droning more about the traffic in D.C., so Fin just lays her head back against Spencer's chest and listens to the sound of his heartbeat, focuses on his fingers on her arm, writing invisible words on her skin. It's steady, comforting.

And then the news anchor pauses.

Frowns.

Says, "Hang on, folks, we've just gotten some breaking news. A young Hispanic man has just been found dead in his apartment. Murder is suspected, due to the unusual nature of the death. He was stripped naked–"

Oh, my god.

"–stabbed seven times in the chest–"

Oh, my god.

"–and, we're just hearing now from police, his genitals were mutilated."

The glass of water on the coffee table clatters to the floor.

Fin can't breathe.

Spencer's saying something.

She doesn't hear it.

Focuses on the footage of Nick's apartment.

The sirens.

The lights.

The body bag being shoved into the ambulance.

She's back.

Hands pull her back down onto the sofa.

She didn't realize she'd stood up.

Spencer pulls her to face him, tells her to breathe. "Hazel, what is it? What's wrong?"

When Fin regains her breath, her composure, forces the lump in her throat to go down, the bile to recede, she turns to him. Forces her voice to stay calm. "Spencer, I need to tell you about my life. But first, we need to find my sister."

"What? Why? What does Lars have to do with this?"

"Because I know who killed Nick, and so does she."

"Who?"

"Our mother."

END PART ONE

~

o.O

guys 29k reads?? what?? that's insane and i love you all so much, so enjoy this surprise update.

also shoutout!! this chapter is dedicated to the 1.3 readers from SLOVENIAAA because your country is literally my dream country. i want to live there so badly and please don't stop reading, that's literally been fueling me for days lmao. ljubim te <3

this is also *sigh* the end of part 1, so bear with me as i plot out part 2 and work on getting it uploaded! i hope you enjoyed the first part of fin's and spencer's story :) and much more is coming! stay tuned.

xx maia