This chapter is going to be heavier than the previous few, but we have to have our angst at some point. Wouldn't be a bumblvee book without it ;) /lh

CWs/TWs: vomiting, thoughts of self-delete, physical abuse, mention of killing/murder (it's just a dream), counting calories, eating disorder, relapsing

Stay safe, my loves, and enjoy the chapter! <3

.•°*°•.

The rest of the week and the next week went by relatively quickly and Scar and Mumbo spent the weekend with Grian, who spent the entire weekend throwing up.

Grian sobbed over the toilet as Scar pulled his hair back out of his face, the three boys sitting on the tile floor. "I fucking hate this," the smaller boy whined.

"I know," Scar whispered as Mumbo leaned over to kiss Grian's cheek and rub his back. "It's okay-" He jumped a little when Grian began to vomit again. "Oh, babe..."

"How's he doing?" Joel whispered from the doorway of the bathroom, then sighed when he heard more than saw Grian. "Dammit..." He mumbled something about the emergency room before pulling out his phone and walking off.

Grian coughed and started to cry again, Mumbo pulling him into an awkward, sideways hug. "I'm dying," Grian wailed. "I'm gonna die."

"You're not dying," Mumbo said, which only made Grian cry more.

"I wanna," he whined as he sank into Mumbo's hold. He cried as Mumbo and Scar comforted him. "I hate chemo," he practically screamed into Mumbo's shoulder.

"Hey, at least your hair hasn't fallen out yet," Scar said, and Grian paused before crying harder. "Oh. Oops..."

Mumbo kissed Grian's head and slowly rocked back and forth. "It's okay, baby," he said. "You're going to get better." He ran a hand through Grian's hair, unintentionally pulling out a small bit without Grian noticing. He froze and looked with wide eyes at Scar, who gave him the same slightly terrified look.

"Right, you'll get better," Scar said awkwardly, and Grian shifted so he could see the brunette. Meanwhile, Mumbo hid his hair-covered hand behind his back. "And this'll all be worth it because you won't have cancer anymore, you'll be healthy." He gave Mumbo a quick nervous glance, at which Grian grew suspicious.

Grian looked at Mumbo, who smiled innocently, then turned back to Scar. "Why did you look at Mumbo?" he asked, sniffling.

Scar blinked. "Hm?"

"You gave a Mumbo a weird look," Grian said, audibly upset. He turned back to Mumbo. "Why did he look at you?"

Mumbo shrugged. "I don't know," he fibbed. "Scar's weird."

"Hey!"

Grian sighed. "You guys are both weird." He pushed his hair out of face, looking down and blinkng when a few strands fell out. He furrowed his eyebrows and combed his fingers through it again, more hair falling out. His lower lip quivered, then he began to wail again.

Mumbo and Scar looked at each other after sighing, the both of them thinking: This is going to be a very long weekend.

.•°*°•.

"I'm going to kill myself," Grian grumbled as Joel sat a plate of food in front of him.

"Bud, if you keep saying that, I'm going to have to send you to the hospital again," Joel murmured. "I promise that you'll be fine without your hair."

Grian glared at him. "I will do it."

"And I will do what I said," Joel huffed, then kissed Grian's forehead. "Now hush and eat your food."

Grian whined loudly. "I don't want-"

"There's a lot of things we don't want to do, Grian." Joel poked Grian's cheek, then started to walk away. "But we do them anyway because it's good for us. Eat."

"I hate you."

"Love you, too, buddy."

.•°*°•.

Joel screamed as his father picked him up to toss him across the room to get to his mother. "Leave her... alone," he panted, feeling warm blood dripping down the side of his face. He couldn't get up off of the floor, he could hardly even move. There was nothing he could do to stop him from hurting her again. He was useless.

He knew it was just a dream. He's had this dream a million times before, and he hated it. It always ended the same way, with his father killing his mother.

Sobbing, Joel watched hopelessly as his mother was beaten to death by the only man he could ever hate.

"Joel!"

The brunette gasped as his eyes shot open and he bolted upright. "What? Where's Mama? Did he hurt her? Is she o-" He stopped himself when he realised he was panicking over a dumb dream.

Lizzie blinked at him, then frowned. "Babe..." She reached over to cup a hand over his cheek. "You fell asleep on the sofa again," she whispered. "And you were crying... Are you okay?"

Joel wiped at his eyes. "Oh." He shook his head and took a deep breath. "I'm fine," he said. "How's Ma- Grian?"

"He's... finally asleep," Lizzie said. "Mumbo had to call his mother, so he's in the office." She stared at Joel for a moment, looking like she was about to cry. "...You're not lying to me, are you?" she asked, and the way her voice cracked broke Joel's heart. She sniffled, her eyes red and teary. "I don't want you to suffer by yourself if you're not actually okay."

Joel sighed. "No, I'm not fine," he said. "But it's not a big deal-"

"You're lying."

He paused. "I'll be okay."

"You're lying," Lizzie sobbed. "Why are you always lying to me about this stuff? I'm your wife, I'm here to help you- I-"

"I will be okay, Liz," Joel said again. "I may not be okay now, but with you, I'll be perfectly fine." He leaned forward to kiss her. "I'm not trying to lie to you, I promise. I love you."

Her lower lip quivered and she sniffled a bit before crying again and rushing to hug him. "I just want you two to be okay," she wailed, melting in Joel's arms. "I love you both so much, and you've had to go through so m-much-" She cut herself off, crying almost too hard to speak. "I love you so much."

Joel smiled, gently rubbing circles into her back. "I love you, too, my dear."

.•°*°•.

Amanda and Nathan worked on washing dishes whilst Scott and Jimmy laughed in the living room.

"Scott's back to counting calories," she said quietly to her husband, who sighed. "They won't eat more than a thousand a day."

Nathan nearly dropped the dish he was holding. "Only a thousand?" he gaped, perhaps a little too loud because Amanda swatted at him.

"Shh!"

He sighed again. "Then he can't go to the gym anymore," he said quietly. "He's going to destroy his body working out and eating only a thousand calories a day."

"But they love going to the gym with their boyfriend," Amanda pouted. "We just have to get them to eat more."

Nathan quirked a brow at her.

"I know it's hard to help them eat, but we have to try," Amanda said. "We're their parents. It's our job to take care of them and make sure they get the protein and energy they need. They're still way too skinny to be eating only a thousand calories." She set a plate to the side to dry and took off her gloves. "Besides, I don't want to punish them for their eating habits by taking away their gym membership."

"It's not a punishment if it keeps him safe," Nathan huffed, glancing to where Scott and Jimmy were cuddling on the sofa, Jimmy leaning down to kiss Scott. "He deserves to be happy and to be able to do what he wants, but he's endangering himself. He doesn't need to find out what happens the hard way if he doesn't have to."

Amanda chewed on her lip for a moment. "Okay," she said. "But don't bring it up in front of Jimmy. Scott's already embarrassed enough about being anorexic."

Nathan nodded and continued washing dishes.

.•°*°•.

"What?!" Scott looked on the verge of crying.

"You can't go to the gym until you start eating healthy again," Nathan repeated, and Scott sobbed.

"But, Dad-"

Nathan shook his head. "I'm not changing my mind. You need to have good eating habits if you want to workout and one thousand calories isn't going to get you anywhere."

Scott's eyes widened. "How did you know I was counting calories?" he asked, dumbfounded.

"Amanda told me."

"How did she know?"

"That's not important," Nathan said, his tone angry now. "Your health and safety matter to us, Scott. You're putting yourself in danger by eating so little and then putting so much strain on your body. Not to mention you're supposed to be gaining weight."

Scott furrowed their brows. "I'm a hundred and twenty pounds," he said.

"You're supposed to be a hundred and forty."

"That's not fair!"

Nathan sighed. "You want to know what's not fair?" He stepped forward, and Scott jumped a little. "The fact that your mother and I are putting so much effort to helping you, and the fact that you aren't reciprocating that. We've invested so much money into a therapy program so that you can get better, and all you do is continue to try and lose all of the weight that you gained in an extremely unhealthy way. Amanda has cried night after night over not knowing what to do for you because you are so ungrateful and-" He stopped when Scott started to cry and sighed again. "I'm done talking to you."

As he started to walk away, Scott shouted, "I am trying!" Nathan turned around to face Scott, visibly upset about being yelled at. "I'm putting more effort into this than any effort you've put into anything in your life!" He wiped at his eyes, breathing heavily after screaming. "I gained thirty pounds because I put in the effort, Dad," they said, their voice a bit quieter. "Thirty pounds. If I wasn't trying, I would have lost weight instead. And I am grateful. I tell myself all the time that I don't deserve you and Mom because you're too good to me." They paused and took a deep breath as if preparing themself for what they would say next. "I hate you for what you've just said to me. You're an awful person for that."

Nathan didn't know what to say as Scott turned around and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

"Nathan-Edward Harding."

He pursed his lips at the sound of his wife's voice, but didn't turn around.

"I'm disappointed in you," she continued, shaking her head. "I get the frustration, but you need to be patient with him. He spent the first fifteen years of his life believing he'll never be good enough for anyone or deserving of anything good. And most of that came from his father, Nathan." He turned around to face her. She was crying. "He is trying so hard to make us proud. He's not even doing any of this for himself, he's doing it for us."

Nathan glanced away. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not the one you need to apologise to."

"He just left."

"So?" Amanda took her glasses off to wipe at her eyes. "When he comes back, you need to make it up to him for invalidating three years of his hard work."

Nathan sighed. "Yeah, yeah."

"I'm being serious!"

"I will make it up to him."

Amanda huffed. "Good," she said. "Now you can make it up to me by cooking dinner tonight."

.•°*°•.

Scott knocked on Jimmy's window, startling the boy, who was building something.

"Hi," Scott said, sniffling, as Jimmy opened the window and let his partner inside. "What're you making?"

"...Are we not going to address the fact that you're crying and your voice is wrecked?" Jimmy asked bluntly.

Scott ignored him. "Is it a bookshelf?" They picked up two pieces of wood that were fastened together in an L shape. "I didn't know you even built furniture."

Jimmy blinked. "Uh, yeah, it's a bookshelf," he answered. "My dad taught me how to make them." He shook his head. "Are you okay?"

Scott set the wood down and walked over to the bedroom door to shut it. "We should watch a movie."

Jimmy watched as Scott grabbed the remote to Jimmy's TV, turning it on and putting on Netflix. "Babe, I'm being serious," he said, moving to stand between Scott and the television. "Are you okay?"

Scott looked Jimmy in the eyes for the first time since they got there, then broke down crying.

"Oh, Scott..." Jimmy wrapped his arms around the shorter boy and Scott clung to him like a leech. "What's wrong?"

"Dad yelled at me," they sobbed, then held onto Jimmy tighter. "H-he said I was-wasn't trying to gain weight-" He cut himself off with more cries.

"That's the biggest lie I've ever heard," Jimmy huffed. "You've been trying so hard to get healthy, and you've been doing so well. Even if your parents aren't proud of you, I always will be. You've gained thirty pounds since freshman year and it's amazing that you were able to do that." He pulled away a bit. "Do you know why he said that?"

Scott sniffled and wiped at his eye with the palm of his hand. "He... found out I've been counting calories again," they murmured.

Jimmy frowned. "Babe-"

"I know I'm supposed to be gaining weight," Scott interrupted. "I just- It's hard. Controling my calorie intake is safe and... it feels good."

"Scott, you know that counting calories is a trigger for you," Jimmy said quietly, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Scott's ear. "You stopped doing it for a reason."

Scott whined. "But it's safe-"

"It's not safe." Jimmy and Scott locked gazes. "You're the most unsafe when you count calories. How many meltdowns have you had because you were starving but couldn't eat anything because you were controling how many calories you ate?"

Scott didn't answer.

"You can't be doing that, love."

Scott's lower lip trembled and they took a shaky breath before nodding and hugging Jimmy, now beginning to cry again.

"It's just like when you stopped weighing yourself every day," Jimmy said. "It's unsafe for you."

"I'm sorry..."

Jimmy shook his head. "Don't apologise," he whispered. "Just work on getting better."

"I'm trying, I promise," they murmured.

"I know, love."

.•°*°•.

Scott's trying his best.

Just so you guys all know, you all deserve good things and especially to eat. Eating isn't a privilege, it's a need and nothing you do will ever take away how much you deserve to eat all the food you want to eat. I love you guys, take care of yourselves and go eat something yummy <3 /gen/p