For context for this chapter:

This takes place in Scott's junior year of high school. Joel and Lizzie graduated at the end of the first book and they got married a few months after graduating. They're both in college, officially adopted Grian, and bought a small house together about a month before this chapter takes place.

TWs: mention of abuse

*  *  *

"Wow," Pix sighs as he reads the last sentence of the diary. It's been almost two years since I started therapy, and he has finally finished reading it after reading one every other session.

"I... would've written more about recently," I say, "but I, uh... ran out of pages."

Pix looks up at me. "Scott, you have come such a long way," he says, closing my diary and handing it to me. "Going from believing you deserved everything that Zach did to you to blindly trusting those that tell you you're important because you know it's good for you and that's what you truly deserve... That is such amazing progress, especially in the amount of time that it took. Most people don't heal so much so quickly. I'm very proud of you."

I feel my face heat up as tears fill my eyes. "R-really?" I mumble. I didn't know I needed to hear that. "You- you're proud of me?" At his nod, I start bawling, covering my face with my hands.

"And though you have a little ways to go still," he continues, "you really have come such a long way. You've done an amazing job overcoming so many obstacles."

I look up at him, still sobbing. "B-but I relapse like- like all the t-time," I hiccup. "How is that-"

"We all have setbacks, Scott," he tells me. "We all have bad days that make us want to fall back to where we were before. But what matters is what happens after. What do you do when you have a meltdown and harm yourself?"

I sniffle. "I-I talk to my boyfriend," I cry. I don't know how Dr. Pix put up with patients sometimes, I'm practically hysterical at this point. "And I-I- I spend t-time with my par- parents-"

Pix smiles at me. "Good," he says. "And what would you have done before all of this? When you were with Zach?"

"I wouldn't have told anybody," I sob, then I shove my face in my hands again as I wail.

"See how much better you are now?" he asks me. "It isn't about stopping these habits and these feelings, it's about dealing with them in a healthy way. We do have medication that suppresses bad feelings, but we also need to learn how to cope with them when we feel like that. That's the important part."

I cry for probably ten whole minutes after that before finally calming down. It was so fucking relieving to hear him say that, even more so to believe him.

I never trusted anyone in the beginning when they would tell me I mattered, but once I started to listen and trust them even though I didn't believe it, everything seemed to get better. And having my boyfriend Jimmy, my best friend Fwhip and my parents Amanda and Nathan with me made even the bad days good.

And eventually I did believe that I matter, and I believed that I deserve better than how Zach and his stupid friends treated me. I deserve better than Zach.

"Feel better?" Pix jokingly asks me, and I laugh.

"Yeah," I answer, nodding. "I do feel better."

"Crying makes me feel better, too," he says, then he changes the subject, "As for what you still need to work on, I think your anger is a big one." I wince at that. "From what you've told me in previous sessions and from what I've read in here" - he lifted up the diary - "I think most of your anger comes solely from being hurt."

I pause, thinking about it. "I... guess so?"

"So, let's tackle that part first," he says, then starts flipping through the pages in the diary. "Why don't we talk about when you lashed out at Gem?"

I sigh, wishing he didn't bring that up first. "What about it?" I ask semi-nervously.

He closes the book. "Why do you think you hurt her instead of simply yelling at her?"

Groaning, I sink in my chair. "I dunno," I lie. It's easier when he tells me what he thinks before I say anything.

"I think you do know," he says slyly with a slight, cheeky grin. "Come on, tell me what dyDYQyou think."_

"...Because Zach hurt me first?" I say unsurely, even though I'm certain.

Pix smiles at me. "Precisely!" He sits the diary down on his desk. "All of our habits were seen done by someone else first."

I look away. "Meaning I would have reacted differently had I not been beaten by Zach beforehand," I murmur, and Pix agrees. I let out a long breath. "I just... I don't want to be like him." I cover my face with my hands and chew on the inside of my lip so I don't start crying again.

"You're not like him, Scott," my therapist tells me. "You are nothing like him. It's not your fault you were never given healthy options to deal with your emotions, and it's not your fault the only way you know how is to hurt people or push them away. That's why you're here, to fix that and change your bad habits to healthy ones."

I peek through my fingers to see him smiling softly at me. "You promise I'm not like him?" Jesus, I sound like a four-year-old.

"I promise." There's a beat of silence before Dr. Pix continues. "I have a suggestion on how to deal with feeling hurt or angry."

I uncover my face so he knows I'm listening.

"Write down why you're upset, and burn the paper," he says. "Or just burn some paper. Just... don't hurt you or anyone else. Or, write it down on coloured paper, rip it up, and make a picture of something happy with it. Thise two are my favourites, and they're not super cheesy like count to ten or scream into a pillow." He laughs a bit. "But anyway, do you have any plans after this?"

I smile a bit thinking about my planned date with Jimmy. "Yeah, actually," I say. "I'm going on a picnic date with my boyfriend at the state park."

Pix's eyes widen. "Really? I have a date planned with my fiance at the park, too," he says, laughing. "What a coincidence."

"Can I finally meet him, then?" I ask excitedly, to which Pix quirked a brow.

"Why do you want to meet my fiance so badly?" he asks.

I groan. "Because," I say. "You two are so cute! And besides, I want to see how tall he actually is compared to you."

Pix sighs. "So you just want to poke fun of my height, huh?" he teases me.

"Nooo, of course not, Pix," I say, purposely not hiding my intention. The look on his face is too hilarious to not laugh at.

He sighs. "Why am I not surprised?"

*  *  *

"Petal!" I hear Jimmy call my name as I enter the park, and I smile at him as he waves me over. "What took so long?"

I sigh. "Amanda wanted to go shoe shopping, so Nathan dropped her off at the store before we came here," I say, my dad following me into the park before wondering off somewhere. He's with me because he wanted to take pictures of the mountains behind the park.

"Well," Jimmy says, taking my hand and kissing it. I giggle. "I have everything set up over by the willow tree. And I brought some of Lizzie's macarons!"

I gasp, clinging to my boyfriends arm as he leads me to our picnic spot, underneath the same big willow tree that we sit under every time we come here. "Are they the strawberry flavoured ones?" I ask eagerly.

Jimmy kisses my cheek. "Just for you," he says, then we sit down and he opens a medium sized cooler. "Amanda taught me how to make pasta salad and those little triangle sandwiches for this." I wait, impatiently rocking back and forth with my legs crossed, as he pulls a few bowls, a platter, and a few other dishes out of the cooler. "But you have to eat some actual food first before you have any macarons or frozen custard."

"You have frozen custard?!"

"Yes, but you need to have at least one little sandwich first," he says sternly. "I don't want to force you to eat too much, but promise you'll eat a cute little dainty sandwich?" He holds out his little finger for me to interlock mine with.

"Fine," I pretend to grope, but really I'm excited to have one of the sandwiches. I take one that looks like it has salami, a slice of a pickle, and mayonnaise on it and take a bite. "Jimmy, this is so good," I say with my mouth still full.

Jimmy laughs and sheepily tucks his hair behind his ear. It's just barely long enough to do so, which means he needs a haircut. "Why, thank you."

Before finishing the sandwich in my hand, I reach for a plastic fork to take a bite of the pasta salad, nearly falling over as I relished the taste. "This is better than Amanda's," I say, much to Jimmy's amusement.

"Maybe finish your sandwich first?" he suggests, obviously trying not to laugh.

My face flushes and I turn my head away. "Right." I notice Nathan taking a picture of a St. Bernard with a red boomerang in its mouth before my eyes drift to land on Joel, Lizzie, and Grian nearby. "Oh, look," I say, tapping Jimmy's arm.

The dog Nathan is trying to taking a picture of suddenly darts away toward Grian after he whistles, tackling the short boy to the grassy ground and licking his face. It was just about the size of him.

"I didn't know they had a dog," Jimmy says. "Want to go say hi after we eat?"

I nod, quickly finishing my sandwich as some pasta salad, as well as munching on a few macarons before packing everything back into the cooler and walking over toward them.

"Pfft- Duncan-" Grian's on the ground giggling wildly as his dog, Duncan, sniffs all over his face. "Stop, I already ate it!" He snorts. "That tickles!"

Lizzie laughs. "Duncan, come here," she says, and the dog listens. "Good boy." She pets him with both hands and scratches behind his ears, which has him panting with his tongue stuck out and his tail thumping against the ground.

"Hey, lovebirds," Joel teases when he notices us approaching.

"Hey, Joel," Jimmy says, hugging him. "When did you get a dog?"

Joel sighs. "A while ago, actually," he says. "A little bit after we got our house. Grian saw him and practically fell in love with him. He's... a cute dog."

"You love him," Lizzie teases, nudging him.

"Hey, Scott," Grian says, waving. His hair is much longer than I remember and the tips are dyed red on one side and orange on the other.

I wave back at him. "Hi! I like your hair."

His smile grows when I say that. "Thanks! Mom did it for me!" My heart melts at the fact that he's already comfortable calling Lizzie his mom. It's been two years, and I still call my parents by their names.

Lizzie smiles proudly. "Yep, that's all me."

"You should do my hair sometime," I say.

We hang out with them for a while before going back to the willow tree to hang out alone. He reads Little Women to me as I nearly fall asleep on his shoulder.

The date went by a little too quickly for my liking, and the sun started going down before we knew it.

"I don't wanna leave," I whine sleepily, leaning on Jimmy as he practically drags me out of the park.

"You're coming to my house," he says, chuckling. "We can watch Harry Potter."

I gasp. "Really?"

"Yes, really."

"Yes!"