Book Name: Stay

Author:  selenophilicsapphire

Reviewer: Cey ( ceyshells )

Cover: 04/05

I really like the cover: it's simple, but I know immediately who the main character is, and the overall vibe of the book. A minor change I might suggest would be shifting the author's name to the centre rather than being at the right corner. For now, since the title and short quote is at the centre, the overall alignment feel is slightly off.

Title: 04/05

Much like the cover, the title is a simple one word, but a single word that holds so much meaning. It makes the reader wonder what happens despite not saying much.

Synopsis: 08/10

The story description contains quotes at the beginning to draw attention, and a rough description of the plot with less elaboration which will perk the reader's curiosity.

Execution: 08/10

Overall, the story is great, although it can still be improved.

Plot: 15/20

Tara gets an internship in a country far away as a good opportunity, but it's also a chance for her to escape her abusive father and neglectful mother. On the first chapter, she meets a drunk Jimin and accidentally gets assaulted by a group of guys, but is saved by Jungkook. She's brought back to the bts dorms, where she's asked to stay so they can help her.

At around 40 chapters into the book, the author mentions that this is half of the book: essentially finally reaching the climax of the story.

This is considered very long for a story, and although each chapter ends nicely, it might be better to combine some chapters. Personally, I am also guilty of writing a story with many parts, however, each of my story parts were short, so even a "boring" part is not dwelled on for too long.

Additionally, for a climax, it lacks a bit of drama and important events. Hopefully this will be added in the next chapter, since that is also part of the climax.

In terms of events, the plot has clearly has no lack of them, however, the timing of the events has begun to feel repetitive.

Tara goes to work, encounters things at work, tries to find part time work or already found part time work, goes back "home" to bts, and another incident occurs at home. This pretty much sums up majority of the story.

And although the events are varied, they still all revolve around Tara's issues and not about how to make her feel better, since that was the other main character's intention. Falling in love with her and being protective of her does not mean he is helping her get better, if anything, it's making her feel worse.

Writing Style: 17/20

A preferential thing, but personally I don't like when authors include pictures in the middle of a chapter. Although a picture speaks a thousand words and can give more detail to a paragraph since you don't have to mention everything, I find it distracting to have a picture in the middle of a passage. Also, from "Welcome to our house", 12am not 12pm! 

The length of each chapter is good, not too short till it lacks details and plot line, but also not too long that it becomes tiring to read. (although each chapter is a little too long for me)

The pov jumps around, though most of the time it is Tara, and if there's any change, it is informed. Second person pov is really difficult to write, and not the easiest to understand, but props to you for carrying it out well.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 16/20

Minor grammar issues such as missing punctuation and spelling errors. Spelling errors can be easily found (bare vs bear)  and the missing punctuation can be located simply by reading out loud. However, there is one punctuation issue that I must bring up.

From "She Stays": Oh god, why am I even alive?!?
(a single question and exclamation mark is enough, there is no need to include additional marks)

Edited: Oh god, why am I even alive?!

There are also some tense mistakes, but I'm assuming these are typos as there are very few.

Example from "Holding Hands": He speech was met with silence.

Edited: His speech was met with silence.

Another example from "Know You Better": After looking up prospective part-time jobs for an one hour

Edited: After looking up prospective part-time jobs for an/one hour (there is no need to use both words at once, though I'm guessing this is a typo)

Some instances of run on sentences:

From "Holding Hands":

Jungkook dimmed the lights in the living room before sitting on the carpet facing the couch she was lying on with his back against the tea table.

Edited: Jungkook dimmed the lights in the living room, before sitting on the carpet facing the couch she was lying on with his back against the tea table. OR Jungkook dimmed the lights in the living room before sitting on the carpet. He faced the couch she was lying on with his back against the tea table.

There's a variety of grammar mistakes, but though varied, there are quite few. So far, I brought up examples of the issues, but these are not all that I encountered. I recommend you read through your drafts and edit it accordingly, or to look for an editing shop for a second opinion.

We can also use this same sentence as a vocabulary example:

Edited: Jungkook dimmed the lights in the living room, the bulbs emitting a faint glow, much like fireflies. Delicately, so as not to wake the sleeping one, he crept onto the carpet and gently sat himself with his back pressed against the hard tea table, facing the couch she lay on.

Characters & Development: 07/10

Tara has a lot of character development right from the beginning: we know that she has a rough past, a fiery spirit, but in reality, she's also weak inside.

Jungkook doesn't have much character development: frightfully caring and slightly overprotective, and possibly some jealousy involved, but other than that, there isn't any elaboration on any of those feelings.

Namjoon, Yoongi and Taehyung literally just express distrust towards Tara, that's all so far. Jin is very caring, Hobi is really concerned and worried, and Jimin is neutral but kind of cheeky.

However, the more the story goes, Namjoon, Yoongi and Taehyung learn to accept Tara, Jin and Hobi are still kind and helpful, and Jungkook is really messed up. He's grown to an obsessive phase: I know he cares about Tara, and wants to protect her, but being overprotective doesn't do anything to help her. (This is probably a bit of my personal feelings, but overprotective people infuriate me.)

A lot of the characters development is placed on the main characters, which I understand. But, I want to see more in depth details on the side characters too. I want to know more about Daehyun, I want to know more about Yoongi and Taehyung's feelings since they're not the closest to Tara. Those parts are lacking.

Further reading: We got some in depth on Yoongi, and we also find out why the 95' liners were feuding in the first place, even before the events of the first chapter. In terms of the Yoongi situation mentioned, he's such a conflicting character for me,

Total: 79/100

Final Note:

Hi selenophilicsapphire, thank you for applying in my slots. I hope this review will help you to improve your story. After looking through this, please do leave a comment tagging me so I may know your thoughts. If you require any clarifications, feel free to pm me @ceyshells.