When I see Draco at night, I am still murderous.

Susan commented on my mood hours before I snuck out, saying that I looked like I wanted to kill someone. I didn't disagree, and I still don't.

How dare he do something like that.

"You dressed well," he remarks, eyeing my new Wizarding robes.

We are in the Room of Requirement, where he works on some magical cabinet. I've learned not to ask, but my back brushes its rough surface occasionally, when our eyes are closed.

Draco smiles at me as if he wasn't cruel to that poor student earlier.

He grabs me by the waist, pulling me in as he presses a chaste kiss to my mouth. My traitorous lips tingle, and my stomach flips.

Draco is leaning in to kiss me again, like he always does, but I turn my head, and his lips are planted on my cold cheek instead.

"We need to talk," I say, and he releases me.

"About what?" He grins at me, as if he doesn't know what's wrong. His clenched fists, however, tell me everything I need to know. "What happened?"

"You happened, Draco," I murmur. "Why would you do that to the poor kid?"

Draco rolls his eyes. "He's just some Mudblood. You know he doesn't belong here."

"Don't call him that!" I almost explode, but reel myself back in. "And he belongs here, like every magical person does."

"He's born from muggle blood, Potter." He takes my hand, intertwining my fingers with his. "Why are we even talking about this? We don't talk this much, you know."

I snatch my hand away, and his eyes glint with anger.

"What's wrong with talking, especially when you did something wrong? And being born from muggle blood doesn't make him any less of a wizard, Draco, and you know that!"

"Do I?" he asks sharply.

I flinch.

"I have always hated Mudbloods," he says venomously. "You knew that, and yet you still see me, Potter. If you don't like it, then deal with it."

"That's what I came here to do," I say shakily. "I'm dealing with it right now. I can't be with someone who ——— who's this horrible."

He bristles, his handsome face contorting into a terrifying scowl. "You're one to talk. You're the one who talked shit about me in front of my friends ———"

"You deserved it!"

"——— and almost told your brother about me!"

I freeze. "I didn't, though."

He grabs my hand again, but his grip is tighter this time.

"You're hurting me, Draco," I say softly, but he doesn't let go.

His hand is choking me, wrapping around my arm. And now I feel something around my neck, a metaphorical hand that strangles me as Draco's palm hurts my own.

I can't breathe.

"It hurts ———" I choke out, swaying.

He pulls me towards him, and I tumble into his chest.

"You would've left me to die, Potter. Are you going to let me die now?"

"I just don't want to be with someone like you anymore ———" I struggle, trying to wring my arm away, but my tears blur my vision and everything hurts. I can't breathe, I can't see, and my ears ring, my throat closing in on me as my stomach tosses and turns.

"Are you going to leave me to die?"

"I won't tell anyone." I choked on a sob. "Just let me go."

"Why?" he snaps. "I know you're going to say this shit and then tell your brother, anyway. He'll put me in fucking Azkaban, Potter!"

He's screaming now, and my hand is throbbing. I don't want to hear him I don't want to hear him I don't want to hear ———

"If you cared about me, Potter, like you claimed you would, then you would stay."

"I don't want to be with someone who has those types of beliefs, Draco!"

My throat is hoarse as he pushes me away, and I stumble backwards.

"You don't care, then." He gives me the stormiest look I've ever seen, so filled with pain and anger and hate. "Fine. Throw us away for a few words."

"Fine!" I shout, massaging my throbbing arm. "That's what I came to do, anyway. Have a horrible night, Draco."

I turn to walk away, but his words stop me, his horrible words.

"Since you don't care about me, I guess you won't care if everyone knows about us."

. . .

When Harry had told me that Sirius was trapped in the Department of Mysteries, I knew something wasn't right. Nevertheless, I followed my brother and his friends into a reckless battle.

It was a trap. Sirius was never captured, and the Death Eaters had taken advantage of Harry and his dangerous visions, spinning it. We'd all ran as the Death Eaters chased after us, my heart pounding a million kilometers an hour. My throat hurt from screaming, and my legs ached from running away.

A Death Eater had found me. His large, scarred hands grabbed my thin hair, and as I shrieked in pain, he tried to rip it off my head. Screaming as everything burned, I fell to the floor, sobbing as my wand clattered to the floor, feet away from me.

He grabbed me, taking my arm and twisting it until a cracking sound rang, until my ears were blurry from my hysterical screaming, loud sobbing, and the searing feeling of my bones and skin.

"This is all so fun," he said, his smile deranged. "I've always wanted to hurt the Potters. I suppose their daughter will do."

No one was coming. They were all being tortured, dragged around, dueled with ...

My raw scream filled the dark room as he grabbed my throat, strangling it. I choked, gasping and coughing for breath. The hand tightened, and a menacing stare chilled me to the bone as my head grew light, my vision swimming.

He may have looked terrifying, but his eyes glinted with joy as I slowly lost the ability to breathe. My skin buzzed as I coughed and wheezed, dying in his arms.

"Little Potter," he crooned, looking like he was going to laugh. "I've always wanted to kill you ——— but maybe I'll torture you a little first ..."

He dropped me to the ground with a thud, my face smacking the cold floor. I shouted in pain, crying and screaming and coughing and begging for my life, that I'd do anything ———

I stared at my wand, hoping to reach it, but he grinned, noticing as I flinched. My entire body was so painful, each shaking feeling like a knife was stabbed into my skin.

"Oh, that?" he said lightly, crouching down to my level, as he touched my cheek. "You won't be having your wand anytime soon."

Horror reached my stomach, and I began to retch. His eyes narrowed, and he grabbed my air, eliciting a loud scream and another stream of tears from my eyes as he used his wand to slash a scar on my right hand, blood spurting out as I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.

It went on like that for who knows how long. By the time Harry had saved me, I was almost dead, barely breathing, barely wanting to breathe. He was screaming my name, saying how he couldn't lose someone else ...

And I could barely hear him, like I can barely hear Draco now.

"You'll tell everyone about us," I whisper. "That we're together?"

"You don't care, do you?" he snaps, walking towards me. I scramble backwards, my hand still throbbing, my scar tingling. "So you won't care about this."

"Draco."

He gives me a cold laugh. "Not only do you not care, but you're ashamed of me. And you said you fancied me? You shouldn't have lied to me, Potter."

My stomach churns. "I'm not ashamed of you, Draco. You know how my brother will feel about this. And I care, but I can't be with someone who's obsessed with blood p ———"

"Then stay!" He cuts me off. "If you care, then stay!"

"Stay with me, Chrys! I can't lose you, too ..."

"Please, Potter," he says angrily. "You're all I have."

"I can't." My voice cracks. "I can't do this, Draco."

I turn around. Outside, my heart is ice; inside, it still beats and it still cries. But I cannot let it show, especially with him.

"And just know that if you tell everyone about us, it'll affect you too. I'm willing to deal with the consequences."

I walk away from him. And this time, nothing stops me.

notes / "please 🥺🥺 potter, you're 🥵🥵 all i have 😭😔" like shut up dear lord