Draco stops crying eventually, and lifts himself up.

"I shouldn't have done that," he says eventually.

"Yeah," I say. I don't know what else to tell him. He shouldn't have blackmailed me. He shouldn't have become a Death Eater in the first place.

"I just have a lot going on," he says, his voice dull and resigned. He looks at me. "I'm supposed to kill an unkillable man, Potter. Or I die. And my family does, too."

My eyes widen. "Dumbledore."

He nods. "I can't do it, Potter. It's all their fault ——— my parents, my friends, they've all put this on me and I can't do it."

"I thought you wanted to do this," I whisper.

He laughs coldly. "I never wanted to kill someone, Potter. I have morals."

Barely, I want to say, but I keep my mouth shut.

"And I thought I was stuck, pretending. And it's eating me up, Potter." His voice cracks at the end. "Potter, please. I don't want to do this. But the Dark Lord, he'll kill me and my family; my father's on thin ice already."

"Dra ———"

"I won't blackmail you, Potter. I'm sorry," he says, his eyes shining with tears. "But please don't tell anyone. If Dumbledore finds out, then he'll put me in Azkaban. My family will die when the Dark Lord finds out ——— and he will."

I don't know what to say. My ears are ringing, and I'm stuck.

"I don't want to die," he whispers as he touches my shoulder, shaking.

This is the most vulnerable I've seen him, and I feel like retching. I can't not tell anyone. If he keeps going, it may not be his family who dies, but an innocent.

"You don't want me to die either, do you?" he asks, and that question hangs in the air, right above me.

"I don't," I say truthfully, perfectly frozen. "But others will die ———"

"So you're just going to let me die," he whispers. "You're going to tell Dumbledore, and me and my entire family will be gone. I shouldn't have blackmailed you, Potter. But my whole family's in danger. You can't tell anyone."

"Draco," I said softly. "I understand what you're going through, but ..."

"I knew you would," he says, voice soft and so unlike him. "You're different, Potter." He lifts his hand from my shoulder and cups my cheek. "No one else would've understood."

I'm full on crying now, tears dripping on my clothes. "You're going to kill someone, Draco."

"I have to, Potter," he says desperately. He uses his thumb to wipe my tears. "It's one life over my whole family's. You understand, don't you? Wouldn't you do anything for your brother?"

I open my mouth, before closing it. He's right. I would kill for Harry. "Katie was a mistake, wasn't she? What if that happened again? What if someone innocent dies ———"

"No one else is going to die, Potter." He gives me a look so stormy, so full of desolation that I believe him. "I promise."

There is nothing else I can do. He is right, isn't he? One life for his whole family. He is right. He is right. He is right.

"You promise?"

He leans in, our lips almost brushing. "Yes, Chrys. I do."

I stare at him, still feeling the ache in my stomach, still feeling the ache around my neck. But there is something else, building up in my heart, fluttering. Draco's warm hand is still cupping my cheek.

"I don't know why I'm like this, Potter," he admits. "I'm not a good person. I may be the worst of all. And everyone around me is just as bad ——— until I met you. You had no accomplishments. You're Potter's sister. But for some reason, I can't stop looking at you. You made me feel while everything was happening. You still do."

"You're interested in me," I say softly. My stomach flips, and my heartbeat is so loud, that I'm sure he can hear it too. "I don't even know why."

His eyes are so intense that I can't look away. "Because you're goddamn special, Potter."

Special. I am special.

"I never wanted to erase your memories," he confesses. His other hand snakes behind my back. My eyesight blurs. "It was stupid of me to even suggest it. I wanted you to remember me."

"I fancy you too," I find myself mumbling, my face burning. "I don't even know why, but ..."

"But you still do," he murmurs, before kissing me.

notes / ew (sorry) (actually i'm not sorry)