Wishful Thinking

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I'm seated at my desk in the staff room, trying to occupy myself with grading my students' tests and assignments but my thoughts are straying away from my work and dwelling on the incident that happened back at the apartment, and I can't help but feel worried. 

It's probably nothing, is what I've been telling myself since I got here. I keep telling myself that Feenyx is probably overwhelmed by her work as a secretary. I mean, I did walk in on her sleeping while her laptop was on her laptop. Try to add that with her working as my co-teacher, you can imagine the pile of work she has to deal with.

My train of thought is cut short when my ears pick up indistinct chatter coming from the entrance.

"Where is everyone?"

"Who cares? We have the whole staff room to ourselves."

I look up and Sid and Vinny sauntering towards my direction, each holding two cups of coffee. "Wazzgood, Urie! We brought you some coffee." Sid greets with us a grin.

"Thanks," I reply, graciously accepting the cup and taking a sip.

"Where's Feenyx?" Vinny asks. "I thought she'd be with you."

"At home. She's not feeling well." I tell him.

"Oh damn." Sid frowns concerned.

"Ah, man! Right when we bought coffee for her." Vinny whines.

"She'll end up throwing it away and say that it's lukewarm no matter how many times you tell her that it's hot," I tell him. "She held the up the line arguing with the barista over it one time."

"Well then. More coffee for me." Vinny comments. "That reminds me, have both of y'all made up?"

"Made up?" Sid crows confused.

"They fought after he told her that he and Toni fucked." Vinny informs him.

Sid throws an incredulous look at me. "Dude! You had sex with Toni while she's engaged?!"

"Shh! No need to announce for everyone to hear." I hiss. "And to answer your question; yes, I slept with Toni and that's as far as I'll go 'cause I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay, but like, isn't that against the bro code or something?" Sid asks. "Jesus, man! Sleeping with another man's woman while they're engaged? That's fucked up."

"Not like the man in question even cares enough to keep his woman," I mutter, rolling my eyes.

"Still though. He drew the line when he put the ring on her finger and yet somehow you crossed it with no sense of guilt." Sid points out.

"Dude, you're acting like it's the first time he slid the shlong into the cave. He's been doing it for two years." Vinny reminds him.

"Well damn! Talk about having zero fucks to give." Sid comments.

"I'm right here, you assholes. There's no need to be talking about me like I just left the room." I reply, already irritated with them.

"Back to the main issue, did you and Feenyx make up or is your war of passive aggression still ongoing," Vinny asks.

I pause briefly, dragging my tongue across my cheek and tap my forefinger against my cup. "I guess I'll have to find out when I get home. She did say there's something she wants to talk about with me."

"And if she doesn't?"

"I don't know." I shrug.

"Dude, you can't keep avoiding her and expect the problem to just disappear." Sid reasons. "And since both of y'all live together, you should address the elephant in the room and maybe just maybe she won't poison you or kill you in your sleep."

"That's ridiculous. There's no way she would kill me oversleeping with Toni." I state, lidding my eyes.

"You need to tone down on the crime thrillers and documentaries, my guy." Vinny agrees.

"But it can happen in real life though!" he insists, pouting his lips. "There's this mean girl at my sister's boarding school who had bleach and hair remover put in her hair conditioner and lotion."

"Jesus Christ!" Vinny exclaims while my eyebrows fly up shocked upon hearing his story. "RIP that hair and scalp. Now that's a level of petty I didn't know existed."

"Right!" Sid agrees. "But the point is, you two need to sit down and talk instead of waiting for the problem to go away and resolve on its own. You two are both adults."

♡

"Y'all are adults. Start acting like it." I hear Feenyx, as I enter the apartment. "I don't care, Aphrodite! That's between you and Ares. I already have enough to deal with ever since I started filling in for Eros. Go talk to Hera. She's the Goddess of Marriage."

I enter the living room, where I find her seated on the sofa with her laptop on her lap, balancing her phone between her ear and shoulder. "I have work to do. Goodbye." She hangs up and tosses her phone on the coffee table. "Eros better pay me extra when he gets back."

"Shouldn't you be resting?" I ask, catching her attention.

"'Hey, Feenyx. How's been your day?' Fine, thanks for asking." Feenyx replies sarcastically, making me roll my eyes. "And to answer your question, I've been asleep all morning and got super bored when I woke up. So, I decided to clean up the apartment and was generous enough to do your laundry - you're welcome by the way. Then I decided to call and check in at the office to make sure the employees didn't burn the fucking place down. Then Aphrodite called me to rant about Ares being on his bullshit since her son ain't around." She rolls her eyes. "So, yeah. Nothing much on today's agenda. I hope I didn't miss anything at school today."

"Meh, there wasn't much on today's agenda at school either." I shrug, tossing my bag on the sofa. "Friday is the least busiest day of the week after all."

She hums nonchalantly until I hear the doorbell.

"Are you expecting visitors?" I ask.

"Nah, that's probably the delivery guy. Hope you don't mind us having Uber Eats for dinner."

"Couldn't you cook?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Gee! Why didn't I think of that? It's not that your fridge is on the brink of being empty." She remarks sarcastically. "Seriously, you're a sports coach yet you ain't got enough food to sustain yourself and keep yourself from looking like a pile of bones."

I roll my eyes as I stride over to the door and to my surprise, I see Hermes standing there dressed in the Uber Eats uniform. "Ey, man! It's been a while." He grins at me.

"What are you doing delivering Uber Eats?" I ask. "I thought you're a messenger god and a soul collector."

"Hermes Delivery Express remember?" he reminds me. "I do all kinds of deliveries for the gods and mortals. Besides, being the gods' messenger and collecting souls for Thanatos for the past millennia got kinda boring. So, I decided to take up a new hobby. And I gotta say, I am loving it."

"Okay, but how were you able to carry out these deliveries without blowing your cover?" I ask.

"Hecate cast an illusion spell that enables me to create an image of me riding or driving a delivery vehicle when I run and when I vibrate. Check it out."

Hermes starts vibrating his body and lo and behold, a motorcycle appears right behind him.

"Whoa!" I exclaim impressed.

"Pretty cool, I know. Anyway, here's your delivery. Oh! And a package." He hands me the plastic bag with the food Feenyx ordered and a small box wrapped in a khaki cover. "Just need you to sign for that package."

After I scribbled my signature on the paper, Hermes says, "Thank you for supporting Hermes Delivery Express. Enjoy your evening."

I feel a whiplash hit my face upon his departure.

That's going to take some getting used to. I sigh closing the door.

"Food's here," I call.

"Put it in the kitchen," Feenyx calls back.

As I saunter past the living room to the kitchen, I catch a glimpse of her laptop screen and see webpages for apartments available for occupation. I don't know why, but I feel my heart drop to my stomach and my chest tighten for some reason but I quickly shake off the feeling the moment I enter the kitchen and start setting the table until the small package catches my attention.

Curiously, I take it and rip the khaki cover off only to have amusement lingering in my eyes the moment I see a box with a picture of a plug-in night light with a Hello Kitty head covering the bulb.

"I can smell that delicious food all the way to the living room - what in the almighty fuck are you doing opening my package?!"

I look at Feenyx and see that her cheeks are as red as her hair. An amused smirk makes its way to my lips. "You ordered a night light?" I ask, letting out a chuckle.

"Yeah? So?" she snaps, snatching the box from my grasp as she glares furiously at me.

"Don't tell me you don't like sleeping in the dark?"

She lets out a growl as she averts her eyes from mine, basically answering my question without even saying anything.

"Holy shit! You're lying." I burst into laughter.

"Yeah, laugh to your heart's content, asshole. Good to know that you find the idea of me having a night light funny." She grumbles.

"Not at all," I say between laughs, waving her off. "I just find it funny how you're embarrassed over it."

"That's because it is embarrassing."

"Hey, if it gives you any consolation; I don't like bugs, especially spiders and cockroaches the size of my fucking hand," I tell her. "I see those fuckers and I'm screaming and crying like a baby."

".... well, I suppose that does make me feel better." She mumbles.

"But seeing you blush and flustered over this whole thing is just so cute." I coo at her, pinching her cheek which results in her slapping my hand away. "Aw! Is Nyxxie mad? Do you want me to buy you some ice cream to make you feel better?"

"I will delete you from life and moonwalk on your grave." She growls.

I laugh. I don't know why but I kind of like seeing her this flustered and embarrassed. I don't know if it's because it's nice to see a different side of her when she's not her usual sassy and arrogant self or if it's because for once I'm not at the receiving end of the teasing and trolling.

"Keep laughing at me and I'm giving your dog your food." she threatens.

"Alright, alright, alright," I say, my voice being an octave higher as I compose myself. "Let's eat."

♡

Feenyx and I were silent for the greater part of dinner. The atmosphere was tense or awkward but I couldn't help but feel that there was a need to clear some things between us - to see where we stand after everything that happened. Not to forget, I couldn't shake off the thought of her moving out after seeing those websites on her laptop.

"Are you moving you moving out?" I ask.

"Had no idea that you already issued an eviction notice." She remarks.

"No!" I respond, subconsciously using a sharp tone in my voice. "No. It's just that I saw you browsing the web for apartments and assumed that you're going to move out."

"I did promise not to overstay my welcome in your home when I first got here." She reminds me. "Plus, your girlfriend was pretty much inconvenienced by me staying here."

"Were you eavesdropping on us?"

"It was hard not to when both of y'all were screaming at each other like Hera when she finds out about one of his affairs and his bastard kids."

Point taken. I purse my lips.

"I'm still searching, so I won't be moving out anytime soon." She shrugs.

"You don't have to move out," I tell her.

Her eyebrows fly up surprised. "Why not? I thought you would be happy that I'm keeping my word."

"Yes, but..." I pause briefly. "I've already gotten used to having you around and grown to tolerate your company."

"What about Taelynn? She's not going to like having me stay here."

"She might not be happy about it but she knows that she can't tell me what to do," I tell her. "If that was the case, she would have told me to stop being friends with Vinny a long time ago."

"Hmph! Well, if you say so." She shrugs.

The silence returns.

"You said there was something you wanted to talk about with me earlier," I recall.

"Oh yeah." She answers. "I want to apologise for the stuff I said to you a week ago."

I gawk at her surprised before I start looking around the kitchen.

"What in Hades' name are you doing?" she asks, not amused by my behaviour.

"Checking if there are any hidden cameras up in here 'cause there's no way that you're actually apologising."

"I can take back the apology, you know? And you ain't gonna hear me say it again." She glares at me.

I chuckle. "It's okay. I'm sure you didn't mean what you said."

"Oh no. I mean everything I said. I'm just sorry I said what I said."

"Oh..." I slump my shoulder disappointed.

"Now before you start sulking, hear me out." She says. "I'm not going to apologise for speaking my mind and the truth about the situation you've put yourself in. But I'll admit that I could have phrased my words differently and I shouldn't have used your insecurities against you just so I can win the argument and have the last words. It's a horrible habit I have and I understand that not many people will put up with it. I guess I was more confused than I was angry over the matter when you told me.

"It's just..." she trails off with a sigh as she puts down her fork, leaning her crossed arms against the table, exasperation lingering in her hazel eyes. "I don't get you." She confesses. "You want someone who genuinely wants to be with you but here you are with someone emotionally unavailable. What's even more aggravating about all this is that you know that what you have with this woman is one-sided, but you still go for it."

I press my lips together, looking down at my plate. "I know."

"So why? Why go through the trouble?" I can already feel the aggravation building up in her tone when she asks.

I'm silent. My eyes are still fixed on the plate as I poke around what's left of my dinner, contemplating how I'm going to answer her question.

"I guess it's because part of me still hopes that she feels something for me even if she denies it." I start. "Part of me, still believes there's a reason why she always comes to me when she can go to any other man." I smile sardonically. "Part of me is still holding on to the possibility that she wants to give me a chance - the same way she gave me a chance when we first met."

There's a loud silence in the kitchen until Feenyx sighs. "Your heart really is stupid." She tells me.

"I know," I answer.

"That wishful thinking is going to get you hurt."

"Maybe."

She sighs again. "Your wish seems pointless now."

"Wait? Are you going to leave?" I ask, looking at her.

She pauses briefly, pursing her lips. "That was the initial plan because honestly, I don't want to stick around and get fucked over by some broad who's too co-dependent on her emotionally unavailable fiancé." She tells me. "But a friend told me that you need someone to set you on the right path and that person happens to be me. So I guess I'll stick around and see through the process."

I smile, feeling relieved for some reason I can't explain. "Sounds like you have a good friend, Nyxxie."

"Yeah well, I can't exactly say no to him even if I want to." She shrugs. "Also, Nyxxie?"

"Yeah, from the 'Nyx' part of your name," I tell her.

"That's the nickname Erebus calls, Nyx."

"Oh, well if you don't like it - "

"Relax, pretty boy. I didn't say I hate it. Kinda like it actually." She cups her chin thoughtfully. "'Nyxxie', has a nice ring to it. It's cute and spicy. I ought to have that tattooed on my arm. Oh! Hold still. You got some sauce on your face?"

She takes one of the napkins and reaches for my face, wiping the corner of my mouth. "You know, for a grown-ass man in his thirties, you sure are one heck of a clumsy eater. I should get you a baby bib in case you end up messing with your clothes."

"Funny." I deadpan, lidding my eyes.

"We cool?" She asks.

I smile. "Yeah, we're cool."

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