...So....Tom. You honestly want to know why I've been an ass? Jerk? Pain in the neck, figurative and literal? Well...I started to realize one day....that I really hadn't accomplished much in my life...and along with that crushing fact, you treated me exactly how I treat you today...and I'm not sure I'm proud of that...

And then there was the day we joined the army...I felt like I belonged there...had a purpose....like I was needed....

And yes, it was hard for me to leave....and even harder to tell you that I went to the city to "Live my dream".... I suppose I sort of didn't lie...I lived my dream...

But....do you honestly think I enjoy playing the leader!?

Do you think I enjoy this role I play in life!?

I WAS SUPPOSED TO PROVE MYSELF TO THEM THAT I WAS LOYAL TO THEM!!!

But at what cost?.........my only friends.......who loved and cared for me......

Do you think it was easy for me to betray you guys? Edd especially? He let me back into his home with open arms and I destroyed it.......I guess that's my purpose in life........destruction................... I'm sure you agree with me, Tom......with your views of me and all.....

Why........

WHY!?

I have no home! The place I stay, where I'm respected is cold and dark and far too neat to be home!!!

I attempt to smoke to try and help me......but that's not the only reason....

I'm hoping it'll end my life faster....

...............and now all that's left of me......

Is dreams.....

That I know will never ever come true....

Tord....