'it seems that anger is my specialty and it sometimes comforts me.' - aveline waliflower

hours pass and after patching up rosita's cut and getting her in bed i walk home in the crisp night air. i reach carl's porch and open the door. rick is sitting at the counter waiting for me, a lot like joel used to. "what you did today..you could've gotten people killed." he says as i sit beside him. "i know. i'm sorry. i was just thinking maybe if i could kill him i could end all this." i say backing myself up. "i'm proud of you, isa. you are persistent and stubborn, but i need you to realize there isn't anything we can do. we are stuck like this. i got us here." he explains. "you're wrong. there's a lot of them, i know. we are outnumbered, it's not even close. but that doesn't change how i feel, because it doesn't change how things are. we're still alive, rick." i explain. 

"so much has happened that we shouldn't have lived through. and..and in spite of it or maybe because of it, we did. we're still here, you, carl, judith, me, daryl, michonne, we're still standing and we are gonna keep standing. so, what do we do with that? how do we make that mean something? 'we're the ones who get things done' you said that. we're the ones who live. that's why we have to fight- for our future, for judith, for maggie's baby, for mine." i say and he looks at me with wide eyes but speaks no words. "we can fight them, rick. we can find a way to beat them. we can do this. but only if we do this. no more doing stuff alone, i get that." i add.

"yeah, you're right. you are right." he says and i smile. "you and carl are in so much trouble." he says hugging me and i laugh through my teary eyes. "after the fight." i chuckle. he laughs a little too and i stand up. "thank you, rick. for everything you did for joel and i, everything you're doing. we are lucky to have you." i say and he nods. "thank you, isa. carl needed someone. i couldn't be his friend and his dad at the same time." he says. i smile and walk up the stairs towards carl's room. the door is cracked and he is laying on his bed reading a comic. "i know you are mad at me." i say sitting down by his feet. "no, not anymore. after today i realised that you are right. we need to fight them, i know that now. i was scared before. i was scared of losing you..the baby. i can see it now thought, you two will be safer with the saviors gone." he says getting up and sitting beside me. 

"i have something to ask you." he says and i worry it's something bad. "do you want to come with me on a run? it will be a good couple days. michonne and i were going to go but i offered to bring you, i'd rather not leave you here alone plus it could be fun. we would leave in about a week. give or take a few days." he says and i smile. "of course i would, have you met me? when have i ever turned down a run?" i say and he chuckles a bit. "i love you, isa, and i'm sorry for being a dick." he apologises. "me too, i'm a dick." i say and he kisses me. i roll over onto my side of the bed and he lays down next to me with his comic in his hands. 

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

the ride to hilltop after the news that daryl had escaped last night was extra long. my mind was racing with thoughts. this will be the first time i've seen maggie since that night, does she blame me? my head hurts just from thinking. "you okay?" carl asks while i play with the collar of his sleeve as we sit in the back of the RV. "yeah, just thinkin'." i say looking up at him and smiling. the bumpy roads smooths as we drive up the dirt path. my stomach is filled with butterflies as we exit the RV and walk up to the gate. 

the gate creaks open and maggie, daryl, sasha, and enid stand there waiting for us. i run up to daryl and hug him tight. "i'm sorry, kid." he says. "it's okay, it wasn't your fault." i say still hugging him. my eyes drip tears onto his shoulder and he pulls away wiping his face. he goes and says hello to the others and i see maggie. my tears just immediately fall down my cheeks as i walk up to her and she wraps her arms around me. "i'm so sorry, maggie. i feel absolutely awful. it's all my fault he's gone." i say and she pulls away resting two hands on my shoulders. "don't say that. it is not your fault. it's no one's fault but negan's. i'm so sorry about joel, isa." she says hugging me again. when she says negan's name her voice breaks a little each time.

everyone hugs each other and cries and laughs. after a few moments, jesus comes out and says hello to everyone. we came to speak with gregory about joining us for the fight. we need everyone we can if we want to beat the saviors. "you two look like shit." enid says walking up to me and carl, hugging me as we follow the rest of the group inside. "feel like it too." i add and she smiles. "how's that thing in there?" enid asks looking at my still extremely tiny stomach. "it's still there." i say and both enid and carl look at me with straight faces. enid is more excited for this baby than i am. she's given me a list of names she found from the hilltop's library that were 'appropriate for today's time' whatever that means.

the group of us walk into the house and gregory sighs as soon as he sees us. "gregory, rick and his people have come to make us a deal and i think you need to hear it." jesus says. "great another deal with these people. what now? you want my socks and my hair products? yeah, just come and strip me of everything that the saviors claim 'useless'." he rants and really no one knows what he's talking about. "no, we wanted to come and tell you we are planning to fight the saviors and we want the hilltop to help. we would split everything 50/50." rick offers. "no! no way in hell. you people swore you could take out the saviors the first time and you failed. so no, and any arrangement we had before is done now." he exclaims.

"we aren't trade partners, we aren't friends, and we never met. hmm? we don't know each other. i owe you nothing. in fact, you owe me for taking in these refugees at great personal risk." gregory adds. "oh, you were very brave staying in here while maggie and sasha saved this place. your courage was inspiring." jesus says and maggie is chuckling a little bit beside me. "hey, don't you work for me? aren't we friends?" gregory asks jesus. "gregory, we already started this." rick says walking up to gregory's desk. "you did." gregory replies. "we did. and we are gonna win." rick adds. 

"these are killers." gregory exclaims. "is this how you want to live? under their thumb, killing your people?" rick asks. "sometimes we don't get to choose what our life looks like. sometimes, ricky, you have to count the blessing you have." gregory says. "how many people can we spare?" maggie asks him. "how many people here can fight?" she adds. "'we'? i don't even know how many people we have, margaret. and does it even matter? i mean.. what are you gonna do? start a platoon of sorghum farmers? 'cause that's what we got. they grow things. they're not gonna want to fight." gregory argues. 

"you're wrong. when people have the chance to do the right thing, they usually step up. i mean, people just-" tara says before gregory cuts her off. "let me stop you before you break into song, okay? and by the way who would train all this cannon fodder?" gregory asks. "i will." sasha says. "give me a week." rosita adds. "rhetorical, okay?" gregory answers singsongy. "i don't want to know. i don't want to hear another word about it ever." he adds. "would we be better off without the saviors, yes or no." rick asks sternly. "yeah. sure. okay." gregory answers. "so, what will you do to fix the problem?" michonne asks. "i didn't say we had a problem. you did. and what happens outside my purview is outside of my purview." gregory answers turning his chair away from us so he faces the wall.

"what the hell, man? you either with us or you ain't. you're sitting over there talking out both sides of your mouth." daryl asks. "i think i've made my position very clear. and i want to thank all of you for not being here today and not having this meeting with me or being seen on your way out. in other words, go out the back." gregory says and rick nods as the rest of us follow him outside. "walking ballsack." i whisper to carl. "i wanna knock his teeth out." he says and we both chuckle a bit. "we don't need him anyways." daryl says as the group gathers in the hallway. "that's right, 'cause we have maggie, sasha, jesus, and enid here." rick says. "where is enid?" i ask looking around to see she disappeared. 

the door opens and she walks in all out of breath. "what's wrong?" maggie asks. "nothing. just..come outside." she says and we follow her out all confused. "what's going on?" maggie asks the group of people standing on the dirt path below us. "hey. so, i don't know if you remember, i'm bertie. and i owe my life to you all, twice over. a bunch of us do. enid says that you want gregory to get us to fight the saviors with you. is that ture?" berite asks maggie. "yes." maggie answers. "do you think we can win?" bertie adds. "i do." maggie replies. "well, enid said you could show us the way. i'm ready." bertie says with a sigh and a few others from the crowd agree with her. 

carl looks down and me and i smile. rick turns back and looks at me as i smile back at him. "it still won't be enough." sasha says as our group walks back to the gate. "no, it won't." rosita adds. "well, we'll find the right stuff, maybe we don't need the numbers. blow 'em up, burn 'em to the ground." daryl says. "you said there weren't just soldiers with the saviors, that there were workers there too?" tara asks. "we gotta win." daryl answers. "we need more hands, another group. negan has outposts. the geography, the distance doesn't work for us. we gotta get back. if they come looking for daryl we better be there." rick explains.

"you don't have to get back. not yet." jesus says pulling out a walkie-talkie. "it's one of theirs, long range. we can listen in, keep track of them." jesus adds. "so, if we aren't going back where are we going?" michonne asks. "i think it's time i introduce you to ezekiel. king ezekiel." jesus answers with a smirk. "king?" i whisper to carl and he shrugs his shoulders. "king?" rick asks repeating what i said. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

not much to say today other than thank you all so much for the reads, it motivates me a lot!