'just one more tear to cry, one teardrop from my eye you better save it for the middle of the night when things aren't black and white.' - djo

"okay. what did the grape say when it got crushed?" i ask joel reading from my joke book. "i don't know." he answers. "nothing he just let out a wine." i say and joel stifles a laugh. "that one is good." i say shoving the book back in my bag and tossing it into the backseat. "where are we gonna go now, joel?" i ask him as i look out the window. "anywhere." he answers. "how about hawaii? i've never gone." i say and he laughs. "if you can find a working boat we can go to hawaii." he says as the hood of the car flies up. "shit!" joel exclaims as i tighten my seatbelt. he swerves off the road and hits the brakes. my heart is beating fast and he looks at me before getting out. 

"fuck." joel mutters waving the smoke out of his face. "looks like we're on foot now." he says opening the door and grabbing our bags. "we had it going for a while." i say. "yeah, it was a shitty truck though." joel answers as we walk along the road. the trees sway in the wind and it is beginning to get even more warm out which is even more dreadful. i hate the summer now. you are all sticky from the sweating and everyone smells bad. "it's gonna be summer soon." i say and joel nods. "too bad we don't have a pool." he says. "too bad we don't have a house." i laugh. 

"let's cut through here." joel says pointing to the tree line. he walks out onto the road first and stops in his tracks "isa. stay there." joel says holding out his hand but i walk over to him anyways. large walls with a gate stop us in our paths. i spot a man on top of the guard tower.

we walk up very cautiously and the man looks down at us. he has a mullet and he stutters in fear as he speaks. "state your name." the man says. "why?" joel asks. "it's for safety purposes." the man replies. "eugene, do they look harmful?" a woman yells up the man. "that would be a negative." eugene replies. "then open the gate." the woman adds. the gate rolls open revealing a small woman with two police officers standing beside her. one looks extremely familiar. "please take all your weapons off and place them in this cart." the small woman says rolling a cart out to us.

i take just one of my knives out and place it in the cart and joel places his rifle and one of his knives in there. you'd be stupid not to keep some weapons hidden, even i know that. "thank you. welcome to alexandria." the woman says as eugene closes the gate behind us. "these are our deputies rick grimes and michonne." she adds and joel nods at them and i almost laugh. "deputies? what is this candy land?" i laugh. "i will need to interview you each if that's alright." the woman asks joel. "no, she's right. what is this? we were just trying to cross the road." joel asks. "this is our community and in order to let in for anything i must interview you. is that alright?" the woman asks more sternly. joel just looks at her. "great, i can take you first." she says to joel and i follow close behind him. we walk up the steps and into her house. it looks like something out of a magazine. "i'd like to interview you both separately." she says and i look at joel. "you can wait out here he'll just be a moment." the woman adds and i stand next to her door listening as she closes it.

"i'm deanna monroe." deanna says. "joel miller." joel replies. "you mind if i record?" deanna says through the muffled door. "what?" joel asks bluntly. "do you mind if i film our talk?" deanna explains. "go ahead." he answers and i hear deanna's footsteps patter across the floor. "why film this?" joel asks. "we're about transparency here. have a seat." deanna responds. "how long have you been out there?" deanna asks. "since it all started." joel sighs. "i was a congress person, ohio, 15th district. you?" deanna asks. "does it matter?" joel answers. "it does to me." she adds. "i was uh- a carpenter. what is this place?" joel asks stringing from her absurd pre-outbreak nosiness. "this is the start of sustainability. that's what the brochures we found say. this was a planned community. with its own solar grid, cisterns, and eco-based sewage filtration, starting in the low $800,000. if there is such a thing." deanna laughs.

"how'd you end up here?" joel asks. "well my family and i were trying to get back to ohio so i could help my district manage the ohio qz and the army stopped us and redirected us here. they were supposed to come later. they didn't, but there were supplies here and we made the best of it." she explains. "you put up the wall?" joel replies. "there was this huge shopping mall being built nearby, and my husband, reg, is a professor of architecture, and who he was mattered quite a bit. he got the first plates up with our sons the others came along and helped." she explains. "you've been behind these walls this entire time?" joel asks. "we need people who have lived out there. you and your daughter and the second group we've considered letting in since the start." deanna answers and i get goosebumps at the word 'daughter'. i'm not joel's daughter.

"you should keep your gates closed." joel answers. "why?" deanna asks. "because it's all about survival now. at any cost. people out there are always looking for an angle, looking to play on your weaknesses, they measure you by what they can take from you and how they can use you to live. so, bringing people into a place like this, nah." joel says. "are you telling me not to let you in? joel, i feel like i can trust you." deanna asks sternly. "you don't know me. i've killed people, i don't even know how many by now. but i know why they're all dead. they're dead so that my family, that little girl out there can live. so i can be alive for her. we struggled for a long time with surviving. but no matter what, you keep findin' something to fight for." joel explains. his words sink in and it makes me smile. "sounds like i'd want to be a part of your family." deanna replies. 

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

deanna quickly interviewed me then sent joel and i off to the infirmary to patch up. my body still aches but i refuse any help from the doctor here, i don't want to owe anyone anything. "you should get checked out." joel says quietly to me as the doctor examines his gunshot wound. "no, i'm fine here." i say to him. "you did a great job treating his infection, isa. what did you use?" the doctor, denise, asks. "it was some penicillin i was given." i mutter. "we could use some here. do you remember the person who gave it to you?" she asks of course not knowing. "no." i reply bluntly. 

she goes quiet and takes off her gloves. "deanna is waiting for you two at her house." denise says with a warm smile. joel stands up and buttons up his shirt. i follow him outside and scan down the houses lining the street. deanna stands on the porch of one farther down waving at us. i sigh and follow joel down the sidewalk. "be nice." he says before walking up the steps. "feeling better?" deanna asks. "fucking fabulous." i answer and she attempts to awkwardly chuckle before inviting us in. joel lightly smacks my arm and i shrug my shoulders at him. "i figured a home cooked meal would be nice." she says and i take a big sniff but i can't determine what it is.

deanna's husband i assume and two other men are cooking in the kitchen. "welcome!" the man says. "this is my husband, reg, and our two sons, aidan and spencer." deanna introduces her family. "i'm joel. this is isa." joel replies and i just stare. they made fucking chicken pop pie. you have got to be serious. "i hope you're hungry." deanna says grabbing the oven mitts and taking the pie out of the oven, placing it on the counter. "very. it smells great. thank you for this." joel says kindly. for once the tables are turned joel is kind and grateful while i'm a grump with an asshole tone. i have a reason though, i swear.

the more family finishes setting the table and brings in the food. we all sit they all join hands to pray. "you pray?" deanna asks joel. "oh, not me personally, no." he answers caught off guard by the question. i watch as the family says a quick prayer before serving out the pie. joel drops a piece onto my plate and reaches over me to pass the dish to i think spencer. i watch him pick up his fork and chew a piece before shoving more in his mouth. i mimic his behavior and start swallowing the pie before i can taste it. my stomach was so empty i felt sick so this dinner is amazing. 

"there's more if you need it." deanna says watching us eat. "thank you, ma'am. it's been a while since we've had a proper meal." joel replies. "i don't think i've ever had a proper meal, this is fuckin' amazing." i mumble still chewing. "sorry. isa, let's mind our manners." joel says wiping his mouth. "i want my gun back." i say to her setting my fork down after i cleared my plate. "no one here is armed unless you are on gate duty. that is a very strict rule that everyone must follow." deanna explains. "ma'am we're grateful for your hospitality and all but what exactly are we doing here?" joel asks. 

"well, to be honest as much as we look like we may have, this community is extremely unprotected. we got a new group a couple of days ago that seems eligible to help strengthen this place but i can't do it all on my own. it's time to start recruiting more people and if you'd like alexandria can become a permanent home for you." deanna adds. joel looks at me and i shake my head 'no'. "can we sleep on it? we've had a long couple weeks and it may be nice to just clear our heads." joel asks. "of course. you can stay in the empty house a few houses down. it can be yours if you decide to stay." deanna says. "i'm leaving." i say standing up and walking outside. joel calls after me and i stop on the road. 

"isa! these people are offering us a great life here! why can't you see that?" he yells. "i don't want to be stuck here! i like our adventures. i don't wanna be stuck in some wimpy town where they eat fucking chicken pot pie for dinner!" i yell back. "i don't get it why can't you see how perfectly safe it is here?" he adds. "that's not the point, joel." i reply before continuing down the street to the empty house. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

my birthday is coming up!!

also thank you so much for all the reads it means a lot!

A

<3