'are you hanging on the edge of your seat? out of the doorway, the bullets rip.' - queen

"i'll be gone for a few hours. stay out of trouble." joel says standing beside the car he and a few others are taking on a run. "what am i supposed to do?" i whine. "go hang out with that kid." joel says throwing his bag in the back. "he's with those other kids. they bug me." i answer. "go find something." joel says. "thanks. helpful." i reply with a smirk. "maybe i'll just go drink the rest of your gin." i add. joel climbs into the back of the car. "don't. goodbye, be good." he scolds before shutting the door. the car pulls away and loud music plays to drag away any infected from near the camp. 

"isa. can i speak with you?" deanna asks standing alongside her husband reg. "i guess." i say turning on my heels to face her. "i have a job for you." she says walking up to me. "a job?" i ask almost letting a laugh escape. "i want you to find any job you think you'd enjoy." she explains. "can i do runs?" i ask and she laughs. "no, joel specifically said no runs." deanna answers. "you said my job was to pick any job." i argue before walking off to find something to do. the whole job thing is stupid anyway. while walking back to my house i notice the girl from eariler, enid, climbing over the giant wall separating us from the dead. i jog over and look up at her. "hey!" i shout and she quickly looks at me. 

"why don't you just use the gate, much easier than tryna be tarzan." i say and she ignores me as she continues climbing. "where are you going?" i ask her starting to climb after her. "out, alone." she answers. "you do that a lot? can i come?" i ask. "won't carl be looking for you? you're like his pet." she says hopping off the other side of the wall and i join her. "woah, and no he is actually more like my pet." i say dusting off my hands and following her through the trees. "what's your deal?" i add and she looks over at me then back at the trees in front of us. "my deal?" she replies. "yeah, why are you such a grump." i ask and off in the trees the leaves crunch. enid grabs my hand and pulls me into a hollow tree—about 10 infected pass by, groaning as they kick the leaves around. 

"it's their world now, we just live in it." enid whispers and i peek out of the tree looking for any stragglers. the coast seems clear and enid quickly walks back to the wall leaving me to follow behind her. something about enid in this setting jogs a bit of my memory but i can't place my finger on it. same with rick's face, i swear i've seen him before. "nice trip we had." i say jumping off the wall into the grass. commotion by the gate draws us down the road. a very bloody rick is punching out a man i haven't seen before. "dad, stop!" carl yells, enid and i jog over to him. carl attempts to push rick off of the man but rick hits him backward. i help stabilize him after almost falling. "stop it! rick, stop it!" deanna shouts running over. 

"you touch them again, and i will kill you." rick mumbles to the man he's holding in a chokehold. "damn it, rick! i said stop!" deanna shouts again and rick gets up waving his gun around at everyone. "or what? you wanna kick me out?" rick asks. "put that gun down, rick." deanna says carefully backing away. "you still don't get it. none of you do!" rick exclaims lowering his gun. "we know what needs to be done and we do it. we're the ones who live. you, you just sit and plan and hesitate. you think you know when you don't! if you want this place to stay standing, your way of doing things is over. things don't get better because you want them to." rick shouts.

"starting right now, we need to live in the real world. we have to control who lives here." rick says pointing to the man he was beating up. "that's never been more clear than it is right now." deanna says sternly. "what? me? you mean me?" rick laughs. "give me this." i say taking carl's gun that is hiding behind his flannel stuffed in his belt. while rick continues to shout at deanna i walk up behind him and hit him hard over the head with the gun, knocking him out. i pick up his gun and hand walk back to carl handing both guns back as i casually walk back to my house. 

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i can see why joel enjoys this spot on the couch so much. it's soft but not too soft where you sink in and you have the perfect view of the outside. a knock on the door interrupts my daydreaming and i groan standing up from the couch. "whoever it is better be bringing me somethin' real good." i say walking up to the door and swinging it open. "just me." carl says walking through the door. "hello, cowboy. nice to see you too. would you like to come in?" i say sarcastically closing the door behind him. "deanna is talking about kicking out my dad. if that happens it means me and my group go with him." he says grabbing the gin from off the counter where i left it. 

"you come in unannounced now you're drinking my shit." i say. "sorry." he apologizes and i grab two glasses from the cabinet. he slides the bottle over to me and i pour some for the both of us. "you really did a number on my dad." carl says taking a sip and setting it back down after making a face. "it was that good of a swing, huh? it better be, i'm skilled at it now. just another thing to add to my list of all the amazing things i can do." i joke taking a sip of my drink. "they're back!" someone yells from outside. carl stands up and we run out the door. the gate opens and the car that joel took drives back in. 

the man with the mullet, a korean guy, and another man who is scared shitless pile out of the car as a few others come and grab an unconscious girl from the back. as i scan the crowd for joel two guys open the back and pull out joel who is covered in blood. i run after the guys following them into the infirmary. "what the fuck?!" i exclaim bursting through the door. "you can't be in here." a lady with glasses says as she stands there alone trying to address joel's wounds. "bullshit." i say standing on the other side of the bed. "what's wrong with him?" i ask turning to the two guys who brought him in. "explosion happened, he got caught in it." the korean guy says. 

"good news is i've got a pulse. it's faint but it's there. he's probably knocked out from the impact of the grenade. bad news, his whole left torso is shattered." the woman says. "isa, my name is denise and i'm gonna help him, okay, but right now i need space." she adds and i pull up a chair beside his bed. "i'm not going anywhere." i say sitting down with fear building up and she sighs grabbing a bunch of things to patch his wounds and wrap his broken bones. 

a few hours pass and things have calmed down. it's dark out and we are just waiting for joel to wake up. denise said it could be hours or even days. it's late, leaving just joel and i in the infirmary. the door opens and carl walks in holding a blanket and a plate of spaghetti. "it's cold out. thought you could use this, and you didn't eat." he says handing me the blanket and plate. "thanks." i say unfolding the blanket and tossing it over myself. "you gonna stay here all night?" carl asks and i nod. "yeah, someone should." i reply. "i'll come back tomorrow, bring you breakfast." he says. "bacon and beer pancakes?" i ask with a smile. "you're weird." he laughs turning to the door. "night." he says before shutting the door behind him.

i don't remember falling asleep but i wake up warmer than i was last night. "finally." joel mumbles groggily. i quickly sit up tossing the blankets off of me and standing beside his bed. "holy shit, joel. i thought you were dead, again. that's 2 times this month. cut this shit out." i exclaim and he laughs. "sorry, i'm just prone to it i guess." he adds. "what happened out there?" i ask him, and his face changes. "we lost that kid. the boy a little older than you, noah, i think his name was. he was ripped apart in front of us 'cause of that asshole, nicolas." he explains trying to sit up. "relax man, gosh. you got blown up, take a second." i say grabbing another pillow and stuffing it under his head elevating him a bit. 

"thanks." he groans and holds his head. "dizzy?" i ask and he nods. "that's what happens when you have a concussion. don't move." i add sitting down on the end of the bed. the door opens and carl walks in, holding a plate. "what did you bring me now?" i ask and he smiles raising his eyebrows. "bacon and beer pancakes." he answers and i laugh. "isa, seriously?" joel asks trying to sit up more. "come get it then, old man." i say taking a big bite and joel sighs. "thanks, carl." i say and he nods. "i'll get denise." he says leaving. 

"at least give me a bite." joel says watching me eat my pancakes. "don't get your spit on my fork." i say with a mouth full of pancake. "shut up." joel replies taking a whole pancake and shoving it in his mouth. "gross." i laugh.

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denise had come by later in the day and let joel go so now i'm stuck at his side all day and he's using it to his advantage. "isa!" he shouts from his room. i groan and jump up the stairs dragging myself to his door. "can you hand me the cup, i can't reach it?" he asks. i sigh and walk over to him. "you know you still have one good arm." i say handing him the cup and walking back downstairs to find carl sitting on the couch. "is this gonna be a thing now? you entering my house at unexpected times? what if i was dancing in my underwear out here?" i ask sitting beside him. "you do that?" he questions and i shrug. "no, but maybe one day i will." i reply. "okay, well we don't need to worry about that then. what we do need to worry about is that deanna is having a meeting tonight to discuss my dad and michonne doesn't want me there so i was wondering if you would go for me? you know, put in a good word for me." he asks and i can tell this whole situation has truly upset him. 

"yeah, sure. who's michonne?" i ask him recalling i left before he could introduce me to his family. "a member of our group. one of the ones we've known longer. she helps out with judith from time to time along with carol and maggie. she was one of the sheriffs you met." he says. "got it." i reply. "well the meeting isn't for a few hours so you wanna hang out?" carl asks and his emotion immediately changes. "yeah why not." i reply. "i'm leaving joel, ill be back later!" i shout before shutting the door behind me. carl walks down the street toward his house and i follow. he opens the door and we walk into his nicely decorated house. "i know. it's a bit much, michonne has a taste for strange art." carl explains as i pick up a rainbow cat sculpture. "clearly." i reply sitting it back down. 

"carl? is that you?" a voice calls from the kitchen. i follow him to the kitchen and see a woman holding a baby. "isa, this is michonne and judith." carl introduces. "hey." i reply staying clear of the baby. after a moment of awkward silence carl and i walk up to his room. "lots of comics." i say walking in and looking at his bookshelves. "yeah, i kinda collect them." he says sitting on the side of his bed. "that's cool. my brother used to love these." i say without thinking looking at the batman comic. "brother?" carl asks and i immediately regret coming over. "yeah." i reply shortly and he gets the memo. "you can pick out some if you want." he says walking over and standing next to me. "oh, sure. thanks." i reply looking at him then picking a few comics off the shelf and sitting on his bed. he takes one himself and joins me. 

hours pass and together we've almost read a whole shelf. "okay, i'm done. my brain hurts. let's do something else." i say closing the comic and sitting up from my position on the bed. "like what? the meeting starts at sundown so it won't be long." carl says taking his hat off and putting it on his nightstand. "where did you get the cowboy hat from?" i ask him. "it's a sheriff hat. it was my dad's when he was a cop before the outbreak." he explains and the connection between him and his new job hit me. "was michonne a cop too?" i ask recalling her outfit the day joel and i arrived. "no, she was a lawyer, and a mother." he says adding the mother part after. 

"what happened?" i ask and he sighs. "kid got bit." he replies and i feel bad knowing how that feels like to lose someone so young. "you mentioned a brother earlier. i was gonna let it go but since your asking questions i wanna know at least something about you." carl adds and i shrug. "he got infected too, i had to leave him behind. my dad got killed the year of the outbreak over some food so i had to leave him too. it was just me and my brother zephyr after that. then after i left zee i met joel and his friend tess a few months after but she got infected too. " i explain and he looks at me with apologetic eyes. 

"i get it. my mom died when judith was born. i was the one to put her down." he says. "look at us, bonding over what family members we killed." i reply and out of the corner of my eye i watch people walk down the street. "it's starting. let me know what happens as soon as they're done." carl says as i quickly stand up. "wait." carl adds grabbing my hand and i feel my nerves tense up strangely. "take this, just in case." he says handing me his gun. "you sure?" i ask and he nods moving over to his window to see if he can see down the street. 

i jump down the steps and out the front door looking at carl who's up in his room watching me. i walk down the street as the cold wind blows in my face making my eyes water. i reach the group of people and notice deanna and her husband sit in front as others gather around forming a circle around the fire. i walk up with my hands in my pockets and stand next to a younger woman with shorter hair. "they start yet?" i ask her. "not yet." she replies with a heavy southern accent. im guessing she's from rick's group. "i'm isa. i came with joel a few days ago." i say introducing myself. "i'm maggie. i remember joel. he went on that run with my husband, glenn. how is he doin'?" she asks and i put two and two together finally giving the korean man a name. 

"better." i reply watching as deanna stands up. "we're going to start." deanna announces. "can we wait?" maggie asks after looking around her shoulder and i do the same to see no one there. "there are still people coming. glenn, rick." she adds. "we're going to start. it's already dark." deanna repeats. "we're gonna talk about what happened. not the fight. not what started it. we're dealing with that. we're gonna talk about one of our constables, rick grimes. we're gonna talk about the gun that he pointed around at people, and we're gonna talk about what he said. i was hoping he'd be here." deanna explains. joel had told me that deanna is extremely strict about guns and how only a few people in the community carry them, rick, carl, michonne, and her sons spencer and aidan, who had died on the run, along with her husband reg. 

"she said he's coming." michonne says. "i'm sure he'll be here and i'm sure we can work this all out." another woman says i assume that that's carol the woman who brought joel and i clothes. "after being out there and then being not who you were out there it can drive you crazy. rick just wants his family to live. he wants all of you to live. who he is is who you're gonna be if you're lucky." michonne explains and i understand the transition from being out there to being cramped in here. i make a mental note to show carl the woods around this place.

"rick grimes saved my life over and over. there are terrifying people out there and he rescued me from them. people like me, people like us, we need people like him. i know what happened yesterday was scary and i'm sure he's sorry for that. but maybe we should listen to what he was saying." carol smiles sitting back down and i wonder how a weak woman like herself survived this long. "simply put, there is a vast ocean of shit that you people don't know shit about. rick knows every fine grain of said shit and then some." a man with ginger hair and a ginger mustache says and i like this guy. 

"my father respected rick grimes. rick is a father, too. he's a man with a good heart who feels the things he does, and things he has to do. and all of us who were together before this place, no matter when we found each other, we're family now. rick started that and you won't stop it. you can't. and you don't want to. this community, these people that family you want to be a part of it, too." maggie says to deanna. "before we hear from anyone else, i would like to share something in the spirit of transparency. father gabriel came to see me the day before last and he said our new arrivals can't be trusted, that they were dangerous, and that they would put themselves before this community and the people in it. not one day later,  rick seemed to demonstrate all the things father gabriel said. i had hoped gabriel would be here tonight." deanna explains and i call bullshit.

"i don't see him here, deanna. so you're just saying what someone said. did you tape him?" jessie says with her face covered in bruises. "he's not here." maggie agrees. "neither is rick." deanna says and maggie sighs. "excuse me." she says before walking off leaving me standing beside carol. "deanna, i just want to keep my family safe. i don't even know what that means anymore but if it means we got to get rid of-" a man wearing a flannel jacket says before looking off into the distance. footsteps approach us and i watch as rick throws a dead infected on the ground as he's covered in blood, again.

"there wasn't a guard on the gate. it was open." rick explains and deanna looks to her son spencer. " i asked gabriel to close it." he stutters. "go." deanna says sternly and spencer runs off to the gate. "i didn't bring it in. it got inside on its own along with 2 others. they always will, the dead and the living 'cause we're in here. and the ones out there they'll hunt us, they'll find us. they'll try to use us. they'll try to kill us. but we'll kill them. we'll survive i'll show you how. you know, i was thinkin', i was thinkin' how many of you i had to kill to save your lives? but i'm not gonna do that. you're gonna change. i'm not sorry for what i said last night. i'm sorry that i didn't say it sooner. you're not ready, but you have to be. luck runs out." rick explains and everyone watches him. 

"you're not one of us! you're not one of us!" the man rick beat up shouts. "pete, you don't wanna do this." reg says walking over to him and i gatch a glimpse of the katana that was hanging on michonne's wall in pete's hand. "get the hell away from me, reg." pete says walking closer to rick. reg tries to hold pete back as he shouts for him to get off. finally, pete has enough and pushes reg and accidentally cuts reg's throat open with the sword. people scream and deanna catches reg before he falls and blood drains out all over the two. deanna sobs and so do other people as pete is tackled by the man with the ginger hair from rick's group.

deanna screams and holds reg as he gurgles and holds his throat. i stand there next to carol and rick shocked out of my mind. pete shouts from under the ginger man's grip as reg stops struggling in deanna's grip. she shouts and cries for him but his eyes give out and he stops moving altogether. "rick, do it." deanna whimpers and rick turns to pete and shoots him in the head causing more people to scream and jessie anderson to turn and sob into her friend's arms. 3 men appear in front of rick. one cleanly shaven, a grungy man holding a crossbow, and another man who looks traumatized from rick's appearance. "rick?" the last man says and i feel like everything i just watched was fake.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

long chapter for today. 

i loved this episode in season 6 so much i just had to incorporate some of it in.

also, i pulled out my spotify playlist from a couple of months ago when i was obsessed with reading and it makes me so nostalgic. this book and my whole account really wouldn't be here if i i didn't have the inspiration and motivation from books/authors like malevolent by clampdown , extinction event by disturbedia , all the lovely bad ones by neverclear , and cold hands by wheredidmysoulrunoff . their work is so good and i highly recommend looking through their accounts!!

this wouldn't have happened without these authors and many more and i just want to say a big thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed TORN APART so far!!

make sure to comment and vote!!

A

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