⇢ ˗ˏˋ Aɴɢᴇʟ Bᴀʙʏ ࿐ྂ

December nights are cold, the paths glistening with the rain.  This winter has been especially cruel, and as if the cruel weather itself had heard my despair, it has chosen now to come and steal my last breath away. No one expected it to rain, but then again, not everything about life is good.

However, I am thankful.

It's my last rain, the last time I could feel those freezing little droplets hitting against my skin.  It's the final goodbye, I hope, my final tears falling down on my cheeks. It will be the end of everything, but it is all worth it, because even if I can never feel the warmth again, at least I'll die knowing that I'm finally going where I always wanted to go-- far away from this world.

I will finally be free, I will finally have no more burdens to carry onto the grave I am going to leave behind.

I close my eyes, smiling. "Goodbye." A gust of wind caresses my hair, calling me. Calling my name.

"Goodbye." I whisper once again with finality, giving in to the dark embrace, letting myself fade from existence as I fall to my impending doom.

~~~

"... although he is alright now, I suggest a session with the therapist. This is a suicide case and  it's imperative we take care of it before he does it again. We might not be as lucky the next time."

The air... it's warm.  So warm.

My entire body feels like it's on fire. I want to move. To breathe.  It hurts, I can feel the erratic beating of my heart inside my chest.
Everything is blurry, I don't know if I'm awake or asleep. I don't want to be awake. It sounds so loud, so much louder than usual.

"Will there be police involved?"

"I believe. But you don't need to worry about that."

My head feels heavy, almost too heavy to keep up with my body.

"He's waking up!"

"Mr. Choi, please wait outside."

"But-"

Beep. Beep.

My whole body is throbbing with the sound, it feels as if every cell in my body is pulsating at the same rate. It hurts, it hurts a lot. It feels like I'm being ripped apart from the inside out, it feels like someone is squeezing the last bit of my blood in between their fingers.

Beep... Beep... Beep. Beep... Beep. Beep...

The sound is getting louder and stronger, the noise becoming deafening. The pain becomes unbearable and overwhelming. I want to scream, scream for mercy, for peace, for escape. It's suffocating.

"Nurse, bring the anesthesia. Quick! And you, keep your eyes on the ECG."

"On it!"

My breathing is harsh and fast; ragged, uneven, shallow, laboured. Each inhale stings my insides, searing my lungs. Each exhale burns my throat and lungs.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The pain intensifies, making it impossible to catch my breath. My heart skips beats, my lungs fill with the air that cannot be released. My eyes shoot open, meeting with  the white ceiling.

"Sir, please try to stay calm!  You're hyperventilating," someone instructs. I try to follow them,  closing my eyes tight, holding back the urge to throw up. They must be seeing how sickly pale I am right now, how sweaty my palms are. What am I doing? How did I get here?

The words replay like broken record on the edge of my mind.
No. This isn't real. This can't be.

Memories flash through my mind like a movie playing back, each image painful and raw, making it so hard to think straight. It makes me dizzy and I blink, trying to clear the memories, the emotions.

I gasp for air, desperately, feeling the room spin. I struggle to sit up, only succeeding because a hand presses firmly against my shoulder. There's another hand on my waist, helping me raise myself up.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Mam his pulse rate is dangerously high!"

"Fuck! I think it's not just a fall damage."

"What do you mean?"

"Give me some time, Mr Choi."

My vision turns black. The darkness surrounding me, engulfing me. My heart beats like crazy, thumping against my ears, beating so loudly that my whole world is drowned out by it.

I wish I could sleep, letting the world disappear. Once and for all.

~~~

"You are disgusting, Gyu. Your kinds disgust me."

"Change yourself, it's not late. I will forget I ever knew anything about this."

"Oh, you have the audacity to act stubborn when all you are is a filthy whore?!"

"STOP!"

My eyes shoot open, my chest heaving. I can feel the sheen of sweat on my forehead, my cheeks burning up. Tears pooling at the corners of my closed eyelids. I can feel my legs trembling.

"Are you okay?" I hear a voice call.

I don't know if I was expecting anyone to be present. Where was I before? And where am I now?

I can feel something under my nostrils, like a thin pipe. My eyes wander to other things in the room and for the first time I register my surroundings.

It's a ward. There are nurses walking around, checking some machines attached to me. I try to look at the person beside me, but they are blocking my view of their face.

"His pulse rate is in the normal range, along with his blood pressure." One of the nurses says, observing the readings on the ECG monitor.

"Great, hand me that vial of amiodarone." A woman says, although I am having a hard time finding them. And my head hurts, a dull pounding at the back of my skull.

I feel a pinching pain on my arm. I wince. "Okay, now he'd be better. Inform Mr Choi he could meet the patient. He is out of danger at the moment."

"Yes, Doctor." The nurse responds before taking the vial.
She places it on an empty shelf near my bedside. She moves around the rest of the shelves, collecting various bottles and medicines before leaving. The person, or  maybe she was the doctor? She leaves as well, leaving me alone in the ward.
Silence fills the room. Nothing but my own heavy breathing. I inhale deeply to steady myself.

I close my eyes, hearing the rhythmic beeping of the ECG. But just then, the sound of the hinges creaking and a pair of footsteps stopping somewhere not very close drag me out of my reverie.

I open my eyes, blinking slowly until I adjust to the bright light filtering into the room. My gaze falls upon a man leaning against the ward door. His dark hair is unkempt, huge bags under his eyes. His white shirt is smeared all over with blood, a little crumpled.

My brows furrow. This man isn't someone I know of. "Hey..." I start, surprising myself with my hoarse voice.  I cough once, twice and then swallow. "Do... Do I know you..?"

He looks up. "No." He pushes himself off of the door, approaching me, his hands still in his pockets. His face... it looks so... solemn? Is that the word?

He stops right next to me, resting his hands on the side of the bed. He's looking straight at me now. I notice how his eyes seem to linger for a bit. Like he sees something deeper than what meets the eye.

"How long has it been..?" I try again.

"I don't know, around seven hours." I blink. Wow. I was out for that long?

I look away from him, drowning in my own thoughts. "Was it you?"

"What?"

"Was it you who, well, saved me?"

The man doesn't answer. His expression seems so... cold, detached even.

"Yeah, it was, wasn't it?"

I am thrown dumbfounded when he takes hold of my collars.  "You are pathetic." His tone is cold and bitter, devoid of any feelings. His grip on my collar is firm and forceful, yet careful. I stare at him wide eyed.

"How do you have any rights to say that about me?"

"Because at least I wasn't the one who gave up on life and overdosed on alcohol." He growls, releasing his hold on my collar and shoving me backwards onto my pillow, his face mere inches away from mine.

"Why do you care?" I retort, glaring at an equal intensity. "Why do you even care when you aren't even aware of my name?"

"Because you-" He stops himself, something changing in his eyes. His grip loosens. "I- I am sorry." He steps back, staring where his hands were a few seconds ago.

This man is so hard to understand, so confusing.

"Beomgyu."

He glances up. "Huh?"

"My name is Beomgyu."

♪ ғᴏʀ Idly_Insomnia