♝♗

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍:

𝑁 𝑂 𝑀 𝑂 𝑅 𝐸

          It was once said that Jax Hatter always lies.

          It's an unfortunate truth. Whether to his friends, his family, or to himself, he was never fully honest. Even when he told himself that Harry was the exception to that rule, he knew deep down it was just another bit of pretty words to convince himself and sleep through the night.

          There came a time when Jax Hatter didn't know what was true and what was not. Where he would wake and enjoy a calm breakfast with his boyfriend only for the next night to wake in an alley smelling worse than the dumpsters on the island. He remembered dances with Uma and swordfights with Gil. He remembered burning a late customer's house down and almost drowning another. Flashes of joyful smiles mixed with flashes of hateful snarls. There came a time when Jax Hatter didn't know what happened in between the flashes. There came a time when Jax Hatter didn't know himself.

          Ruby's face was filled to the brim with regret. Regret and guilt and sadness plagued her thoughts constantly. But not for the reasons Jax would believe, "Jax," she started, her voice soft and motherly like she was waining him off an incoming tantrum, "I am sorry that you had to go through that experience, that you were sent away from us and had to endure so much of it alone. But my dear friend, I didn't know," she shook her head as unspilled tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. "The day they took you was the day I started stretching my memory again. I wanted to make sure that what happened to you wouldn't come to pass to anyone ever again."

          She took a step forward to approach him, which was easy since he was stuck like a statue withholding his tears as well. Ruby pressed her hands to his cheeks and leaned in touch her forehead with his, "Oh my dear Hatter, you've suffered too much." She whispered.

          It took Jax a while to find his voice again, "I hate this place," He sounded rough and scratchy and it took him a long time to figure out what to say. But he knew one thing, he believed her. Ruby removed herself and stepped back a foot but remained in front of him. He had spoken aloud and so everyone paid attention to what he'd say next. Jax had been so fed up with everything that had happened since getting to this realm. It drove him to do a myriad of despicable things and pushed him past his limits more than once. And now here he was, paranoid and accusing his queen. Accusing a girl he'd known since he was a boy, a girl who was a great friend. "I hate this island. I hate that kingdom. I hate the people that lived there and did nothing to help us. I hate so many things and I don't want to hate anymore. I don't want to live like I have to watch my back or stay up for days to make plans so I'd be steps ahead of my enemies." He let out a heavy, pained sigh. "And I especially hate what this place has turned me into." He let out a breath that felt like it had been building up inside him for years. "Let's go home." The minute he said those words Ruby's face lit up with a sad smile instantly. "Let's go find Allie and go home."

          She nodded in response, agreeing with him. She wanted her people back on their own ground once more. She'd be back for revenge later. She knew she would.

          "Let's go home a-and walk through your mum's gardens and argue with the flowers. Let's get spooked by the bodiless smiles of the Cheshire cats. Let's get annoyed with that stupid caterpillar every time he smokes his ridiculous hookah pipe." That bit actually made some of the Wonderlanders grin and simultaneously almost made them weep at spoken memories of home. Jax took that moment to grab Ruby's hands in his to bring her attention to him directly, "I want to go to my father's shop and introduce him to my boyfriend. And the first big thing we all do together again will be to have a tea party at the March Hare's. Just like when we were little." Even though he was smiling, silent tears came out and not just from him. There was a part of his heart that just elevated at the thought of things finally being okay again. He could stop fighting and he could stop worrying and he could stop hating.

          Jax didn't understand why Ruby wasn't sharing his smiles anymore. Why none of them were, but they were also so intently focused on him. Ruby's hands were still in his, only this time they switched, she was holding him now. His gaze left their friends and found hers again, she was— sad. She had tiny shocks going on in her eyes and Jax had never seen it before. She made a tiny gulp before speaking, "Jax, what did you say?" Her voice was eerily nervous, she chose her words very carefully. "About your father?"

          "I-I want him to meet Harry. I want to celebrate all that we've done to get back."

          Ruby nodded slowly before lifting her head, "Jax, do you remember why you stole the Fairy Godmother's wand years ago?"

          Jax answered despite not knowing why they were rehashing old affairs, "I was fed up with how slow everything was going. Ben wouldn't help us get home, no one would at all. They were forcing us to forget our home daily. And one day when Allie couldn't remember the name of your mum's castle— a castle that Alice practically raised her in— I knew I had to act fast. I snuck into the museum, I took the wand, but something was messed up. It doesn't work properly with a Wonderlander, it snubbed me. And then they kept me in the dungeons for three days and then they threw me into this wretched island." He took a quick glance at the VK's, "No offense." They shrugged in response just as quick as he turned back to the queen, "Why are we talking about this?"

          "Jax," Ruby started, he noticed the way her voice changed. It was cautious. "It wasn't Allie that couldn't remember my mother's castle. It was you." She said, and she didn't miss the way his eyes shifted, "You were so angry with yourself for forgetting it. You were always so angry either at them or you. They kept giving us special food, do you remember? Stolen ingredients from our home, mixed especially to keep our memory hazy. You wanted to protect us and made sure to eat the majority of it all so they wouldn't force it down our throats."

          "What? What are you talking about, when was this?" Ben asked.

          None of the Wonderlanders volunteered to explain, so it was Jane that took a step forward. "Do you remember when the Wonderlanders first got here? Everyone talked about how they were still adjusting to their new home. They called them troubled—"

          Binx interjected, but his tone was more aimed at Ben than Jane. "They called us crazy, deranged, unhinged. The list goes on,"

          Jane went on, "So, they used some herbs they had stolen from their land, mixed it with ours, and planted it in some of their food. I remember reading about it in my mother's notes."

          That was when Jax let go of her and took a step back. She kept going anyway, and it absolutely broke her heart but she knew he had to hear this, "You didn't forget quickly, it came in bits and pieces but when it did it hit hard. And then came the day you stole the wand. You didn't just steal it to try and open a portal back home. You believed that since the Fairy Godmother played a part in resurrecting all the dead villains on the Isle of the Lost, then maybe you could use it to bring your father back."

          "No,"

          "Jax—"

          "No,"

          "He died fighting, do you remember that? They took you from his arms and he fought off every one of them to get you back. I saw it with my own eyes." He heard her say.

          Memories came pouring in like a waterfall. They flashed in his mind like a flipbook. Suddenly, it was like extra moments of his life that he forgot to remember. Things he didn't know, either because he locked it away or they did. It didn't matter.

          He was lost, in more ways than one. His head swayed as his mind wavered in pieces and it was like the entire world slowed down. It felt like he couldn't breathe. Something was taking all the air out of his body. Yes, that was it. That had to be it. Something was paralyzing him. Paralyze. Sleep. Paralyze. Your body gets paralyzed. Sleep paralysis. This can't be real. This isn't real, this is a dream. This had to be a dream. None of it was real.

          "Jax—" he heard the voice of his beloved Harry trying to reach for him, to comfort him. But he turned away, no that wasn't Harry. It couldn't have been, it wasn't real. Harry wasn't there.

          "Stay away from me," He warned him, he warned them all, "All of you, stay away." He backed away from them and walked dizzily but his eyes were widened and hyper. "I know what this is. I know how it goes."

          "Jax, whatever's going through your mind," It was Jane that spoke, "Trust me, it's not going to help," She shook her head at him.

          "Help," he said with an empty laugh and wet eyes, "Do you know what kind of help I need? I need to wake from this nightmare. I need to get to Wonderland and get to my father and I can't do it if I'm still here." He all but growled at them.

          "Jax, this is real. This is happening." It was Uma's that told him that.

          "No," he shook his head, "No, no, no, no, no, no!" he yelled, "It can't be! Because if this is real then that means—" his voice cracked and got low, "that means that my father really is dead and I have nothing to gain from going back," Jax whispered solemnly.

          "That's not true, Jax."

          "He would have wanted you to go back home. You know that."

          "Jax, just-just take a moment. Calm down,"

          "Jax—"

          "Jax?"

          "Jax, wait,"

          Their voices mixed together, everyone trying something and everyone trying to reach him. But the more they tried the more he wanted to back away and crawl into a dark hole.

          "Jax!" The loud booming voice of Nathaniel Knight made everyone shift toward him. He knew what he was doing, yelling his name like that, he took control of the situation. He took responsibility for what happened next.

          "Hey, look at me," Nate didn't bother trying to be gentle like Ruby, he walked fast and grabbed the back of Jax's neck to meet their foreheads. "Jax, look at me." He ordered once he saw how hard Jax kept his eyes shut. "Open your eyes, Jax." He said once more, and the Hatter finally did. He could only imagine what the Knight saw in them, madness, hurt, fear. Probably all of the above. "Tell me your name, tell me your full name."

          "What?"

          "Just do it," He pressed harder on the back of his neck. It felt like they were a pair of stags fighting with their antlers.

          It took him a minute, but he answered in a quiet voice, "J-Jackson Tarrant Hatter," he squeezed his eyes shut once more.

          He felt Nate nod his head, "Good. And who are you to Wonderland?" he asked, "Who are you in Wonderland?"

          This time he answered faster on account of Nate still applying an annoying pressure, "I'm the Hatter's son!" he spat out.

          "And why are you here?" That was the final question.

          There was a beat of silence.

          "I—"

          "Why are you here, Jax?" He repeated, his voice rising and the pressure still building.

          "I'm here— I'm—" Jax went through his brain, coming up with the best answer, he didn't know which, he didn't know what to pick.

          "Answer, Jax, give me an answer."

          As he kept pondering, it was Jax who used his head to push Nate's this time.

          "Jax!" He all but warned.

          "Harry! I'm here for Harry." Jax finally chose the first thing that came to mind, not caring who heard. He breathed in deeply, the sweat between them was slick and the top of his head hurt from the pressure as he finally let go of his neck and they took a step back. Jax took a deep breath before searching the crowd for his beloved, and when his eyes finally landed on him, the pirate didn't hesitate to leap forward and capture an already weeping Jax in his arms. As the lovers fell to the ground, everyone around them backed off and gave them space.

          "Shh, I'm here," he whispered into the Hatter's ear as he coddled him. "I'm here."

          Jax had tears falling down his face, shaking his head, "I didn't know. I didn't— I didn't remember." Harry held onto him even tighter, "How could I not remem—" his voice cracked as he let out more sobs and the pirate kissed his forehead for comfort.

          "It's not your fault, Jaxy," he said, "It's not your fault."

♝♗

          The Wonderlanders, Mal, Uma, Jane, and Ben all headed closer to the shore.

          "What the hell was that?" Uma asked the Knight, genuinely curious.

          "I've been alone for a couple of years now. I'm ashamed to admit that there were times when my faith in the plan lagged and I felt isolated, forgotten, desolate. So I created a mantra to remember. I made myself repeat my name, who I was, and what I'm here for. I said it over and over again until it stuck." Nate said, "There's a strange thing about logic and honesty that brings a certain vulnerability to our kind. Not just Ajedrezians like the queen and I; all of us Wonderlanders. With a good concentration and focus, something as simple as logic can be extremely revealing." He then nodded at the pair still hugging on the floor thirty feet from them, "He needed to remember. He needed to look the truth in the eye and not run from it."

          "I hate to ask, but that special food they were feeding you? That's really how they controlled you?" Mal asked as carefully as she could, she didn't want to offend them or make it sound incredulous.

          It was Wyc that spoke, "We resisted at first, it's not difficult to sniff out dearmad lilies. It's a forgetfulness plant, meant to confuse a wandering soul that gets lost in the Ma'ad Forest. If you don't know where you are or where you were going, the forest takes you, and the lilies help to do that. It took years to properly navigate through it, to avoid the smell of the sweet flower meant to draw you in. I remember hiding there, using it to trick them and when they finally found me—" He cut himself off to cough for a second, burying down whatever emotion came up. "When they found me they realized they could use it against us."

          "Every time we refused to eat it, and every time they'd force it down our throats one by one," Binx interjected.

          "For the first couple of months, they affected us greatly." Said Ruby, "The only thing that gave me hope was that they didn't know a thing about how it grew and so their supplies would run out one day." And then her eyes shifted regretfully down to the  Hatter. "But it was still difficult to manage, so Jax decided he himself would take it. He'd pay the price." The way she said it, it was like it was yesterday— and for someone like her, it might as well was. "There were times after he finished eating that he couldn't recognize me, couldn't recognize his own face, couldn't tell me his name. Once I had asked him, why would he keep going at it? Hadn't he suffered enough? And he told me—" her voice got low and whispered, she didn't even notice it herself, "'I just to want to forget. I want to forget it all.' And that broke my heart."

♝♗♝♗♝♗

i know this chapter is shorter than my usual work but it felt like what it needed to say, and i tried to fill in as much as i could. next chapter will be more action forward

what do you think will happen next?

what do you want to happen?

what were your thoughts on this chapter?

so the Mad Hatter's dead. thoughts?

Nate got to help Jax out, thoughts?

I decided last chapter that Ruby did betray him but once i got to writing this i realized she wouldn't, and plus that would create another shift between them and i dont want my two babies against each other, no no. but im happy with the turn out bc it honestly makes sense that Jax being thrown to the Isle is what would've driven Ruby to 'stretch her memory' again and that Jax at this point has become too paranoid because of everything.

we've basically confirmed that it was a mix of trauma and this forgetting food he kept eating that did some real damage to his brain and memories that is the reason why it's kind of jumbled up in there. poor thing, why'd i do this to him?

anyway,

i would like to dedicate this to SamSunrise
they were re-reading my stories and made a comment about Jax being an unreliable narrator. when i read that i was struck with inspiration that i hadn't had before for a while with this book.
i would like to thank you so much. i love this book series, i love these characters that i made, but i found myself lost in writer's block for months. it was thanks to that comment that something jump-started in my mind and the creative juices started flowing again and i finally felt like i was moving in a better direction. thank you.

no mundanes allowed

- polaroized