mentions of suicide and things like that, don't read if this makes you uncomfortable. :)

🖤

you finally got home from a long day of work. you wanted nothing more than go home and cuddle with your boyfriend, jimin. you've been together for two years now, and you were talking about marriage. it's difficult because he's an idol, you two fought of lot to make his manager accept you. you had to prove him that you wouldn't distract him from his job. he eventually trusted you enough to make your relationship public after a year. some fans had a hard time when they found out their idol was taken and they didn't support you. but a lot of fans did, they liked you and even made fan accounts about you and your couple.

you opened the door, took off your shoes and expected to see jimin coming to greet you. but nothing came, no sounds were heard except for the TV that was on.

"jimin?" you called, no answers. "babe?" still no sound.

you walked around the house. no one in the living room, nor the kitchen. no one in the bathroom. you entered the bedroom and saw nothing but a note on the bed. it seemed old, and it was a bit torn.
you took it carefully in your hands, and started reading.

« y/n,
if you're reading this, I probably left the house already. I didn't know how to tell you, or maybe I just couldn't. so I wrote it on this paper.
I hope you won't be too mad at me.
It's been a while since I've felt this way. you know, being famous isn't easy. sure, our fans are amazing and really understanding. they always cheer me up, and they accepted you too.
what's hard about being famous, is getting threats. everyday, seeing mean messages directed to me. everywhere. everywhere I go, on the internet. even at fanmeetings. I always try my best to smile though, that's what I'm known for. always the one cheering the others, the one who always smiles.

I'm tired. honestly, I've been feeling this way for awhile. but I smiled through it, as I always did. it came to the point where it's all too much for me. life is stressful. always trying to meet people's expectations is stressful. I felt pressured. I always tried to do my best. but my best didn't seem to be enough.

and because I was stressed out, I felt like I neglected you. I didn't treat you how you deserved to be treated. you deserve so much better. someone who will treat you right, make you feel loved. I'm sorry.
I wasn't good enough for you and never will.

poease don't try to find me, it's probably too late when you read this.

tell the boys I love them, and I'm sorry I failed them.

I hope you'll find it in you to forgive me.
please don't try to find me. please don't cry.
I'll always be in your heart,
I love you y/n.
take care of you.

JIMIN »

you couldn't believe what you just read. I must be dreaming, you thought. but no, all of this was real. you pulled out your phone.

📤To: Chim💕

Jimin

pkzase

answer me

pickz up

god jimin pleasee

I can't do thsi

not withuyt you

📩From: Chim💕

I'm so sorry y/n.

please don't be sad

I love you so much baby

📤To: Chim💕

pleasez dont leave me

tellme where you are

please

📩From: Chim💕

It's useless.

I'll always love you, alright baby?

don't forget me, I'll always be by your side.

tell the boys I love them

And I love you 💖

📤To: Chim💕

JIMIN

PKEASE

STOP

_🖤_

your hands were shaking as you ran around the house, trying to think of where he could be. you decided to text the members.

to: bangtan guys🙄 (Joonie ; Jin ; Yoongs ; Jhope ; Chim💕 ; Tae ; Kookie)

📤y/n:
GUYS
WHERES JIMIN

📩Joonie
he left two hours ago
Said he was going at yours

📩Jin
yeah
why? isn't he at your place?

📤y/n
NO
thats thr thing, he left a letter and i
pleasez h^lp me find him
it's urgent

📩Tae
he said he was going to the studio to practice
what happened

📤y/n
he left a note
I'm scared
PLEASE
we need to find him

📩Kookie
Shit
I'll go to the studio right now

📩Tae
I'm coming with you koo

_🖤_

the boys went separate ways, trying to find jimin. you were nothing but a sobbing mess. you couldn't lose him.

"shit shit shit..." you said repeatedly. you didn't know where to look for him, and it made you feel helpless. if something happens, you feel as if it will be your fault.

you tried calling jimin, a thousand times but he didn't reply.
you were walking around the house, trying to think of places.
you ran outside, it was starting to rain but you didn't care. you ran to the park you always went to together. then you basically ran around town, looking up on buildings, searching for him.
you called the police while running, you also called the emergency to check if they didn't see him.

you were running around, feeling helpless and hopeless. there wasn't much you could do, but you feel like you should try harder.
you ran past a TV store, and you stopped when someone caught your attention. on the TV was a picture of jimin.

«breaking news, kpop idol Park Jimin from BTS committed suicide.»

you felt as if your whole world collapsed. you fell to your knees, rain pouring on your face. you were the only person in the street as people choose to stay at home.
you felt so numb, you felt the tears rolling down but you couldn't think straight. you stayed there for a while, before getting up and going home. you could feel your phone buzzing like crazy inside your pocket. you didn't care.

you opened your door house and were greeted by the TV which was still on.

«Park Jimin from BTS committed suicide a few hours ago. we don't have much information for now. our thoughts are with his family.»

you suddenly started kicking everything. the vases, the flowers he bought you two days ago, everything. you needed to destroy things.

you were crying, screaming, destroying, you didn't hear the front door open.
you felt arms around you, stopping you from continuing. you fought back for awhile, but eventually gave up as you were too tired. you let yourself fall down on your knees and noticed that the person holding you was taehyung.

"shh y/n," he rocked you from left to right. you also noticed the other members, still standing by the door. they all had puffy eyes, it was obvious they cried.

"h-he, Tae" you sobbed, "he l-left. he left and-"

"I know, shh please call down," he said, kissing your temple.

"I can't, I don't t-think I can," you cried even more when you heard sobs coming from the maknae, standing at the door. "It's t-too hard,"

"I know y/n," taehyung whispered in your ear, "we're here. we're all here for you."

just hearing this made you feel a bit better. It was true, they were here for you. they came to your house. you weren't alone.

after what felt like years, which was actually 2 hours, everyone had calmed down.
but the pain in your heart didn't. and you don't think it ever will.

_🖤_

𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗙𝗨𝗡𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗟

you sat alone, watching around you. everyone, or almost everyone was crying.
you looked to your left and saw jimin's family. his two parents, his sister and his brother.
his dad was doing his best to comfort his wife, though he himself couldn't stop shaking.
his son, Jimin... he has always been his pride. he was so proud of him. he used to brag to all his friends about how his three children had a successful life. he couldn't stand being far away from his son, but as he thought he was happy, he didn't really mind.

his sister was a sobbing mess. and though she kept hiding her face, you could tell she was crying and had puffy red eyes.
his brother was side hugging his sister, wiping a single tear away. he had to be strong, for his family. for jimin.

you let out a quiet sob and looked to your left, where the rest of his family was, his uncles, aunts, cousins...

you were sitting in the middle, the others members were going to sit next to you, the manager was also there behind you with a few members of the staff and some bodyguards.

you jumped when you felt a hand on your shoulder, you looked up to see namjoon smiling down at you.

"It's gonna be okay, y/n." he said and you smiled back at him

you nodded, without believing his words. he sat next to you and the others members greeted you before sitting. taehyung sat on the other side of you. you felt like he was the closest to you, right after jimin. because jimin and him were 'soulmates' as they liked to call themselves. he was always around you two, and often used to have sleepovers at your house.

you sniffled and laid your head on his shoulder.
"you're strong, okay? we won't let you on your own." taehyung whispered before kissing your head. you nodded, and took a deep breath when you noticed the ceremony was starting.

_🖤_

"now, his girlfriend wished to say a few words. y/n, please come up here."

you shakily stood up, feeling like your legs could give up on you at any moment. you started walking towards the little stage, hearing encouragements from the members behind you.

you adjusted the microphone, inhaling deeply. you cleared your throat, trying to remember what you wanted to say.

"jimin is... jimin was, an amazing person. he was always there for everyone. he always put his family and his friends over his own well-being. he loved to talk about his dreams, his achievements and what he wanted to achieve next. j-jimin was caring, and had a heart of gold. never have I ever seen him being mean to someone. jimin was trustful. I, I knew I could always count on him." you breathed in, "I couldn't have wished for someone better than jimin. h-he always had the right words to comfort people. he was my first l-love, and I wanted him to be my last. he talked about how he wanted to m-marry me, and start his own happy little family. and I wanted nothing else than to give him all that.
he was and will always be my first and true love. and- jimin, if you hear me, I love you and I miss you so much." you sobbed out, "I'm sorry..."

you couldn't stop the tears, everything became too hard to handle. you noticed taehyung ran on stage to your side to hug you tight. you let yourself go in his arms.
he helped you down and helped you in your sit.

"you did so good," taehyung whispered in your ear, "I'm proud of you, we're all proud of you."

"I love you all so much," you cried, "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"let's not think about it." taehyung smiled, "do you want to come at the dorm with us?"

you smiled back at him, it was difficult not to. you then nodded, hugging him tightly.

FIN.
____________________

words count: 1964

So,,, I wrote this a long time ago and wasn't sure if I was going to post it or not but as I was feeling sad about a lot of things, I decided to post it. I never wrote anything sad, or anything about bad events happening to the boys but I thought I could give it a try, just remember this is fiction, not real life.

Also I don't know if anyone is going to read this story or even read until here, but I just wanted you all to know that you are loved. Life is hard, it's complicated and as we grow up, we face new responsabilities that can be overwhelming for a lot of people, including me.

I just want you to know that you are not alone, you are loved, by your family, your friends, and by me. I don't know any of you but I love you, and I feel a deep sadness when I think about the amount of people who feels SO down, they think the only answer is to end their life. I wish I could take everyone's pain away, I wish I could save people. But I can't, I'm just like you all, I get insecure, I get sad, depressed, I feel down, really down to the point I wanna end my life too.

I love you, please remember this <3