Waking up to the bed being empty made James push his face more into the pillows as he listened to the distant sound of Ruby walking around her bedroom. James let out a light breath when Ruby pulled the blanket off of him "you need to take your medication". He huffed as he sat up and looked at Ruby "what if I just go back to sleep and pretend this is all one big dream or something".

Ruby handed him a glass of water "At least take your medication in your dream then". He grumbled as he took the glass of water and small cup that she put all his medication inside of. It was pink which made him chuckle slightly as he looked at her.

"It was the only cute one I had" he nodded and then looked towards her door when he heard knocking on her front door. "Expecting Olivia and Anwar? I haven't seen them since last month when we all went to that creepy looking restaurant".

The boy sat up as he fixed his hair slightly "Rubes! The person who I'm not allowed to mention by name is here!" James frowned deeply as Ruby walked towards her door "and who exactly is that? Ruby what on earth have you done this time?".

She let out a light breath "look don't get upset, it doesn't mean anything. I'm just helping him with this whole campaign against O, she can't win". She opened the door to leave and James groaned as he stood up "I'll tolerate him, but doesn't mean I'll even remotely enjoy his presence".

Ruby walked towards the front door looking at Otis with raised eyes "why do you look like a French pirate?" Otis smiled awkwardly "I'm going to".

"No, I don't have all day. I'm meeting Anwar and Olivia. You'll just have to lose the eyeliner and borrow some of Dad's clothes, okay? He's helping us with the video and James will behave, promise".

James grumbled "I never agreed to behave, Otis what on earth are you wearing" they walked into the living room as Ruby ran off to fetch Otis clothes. Ruby's dad smiled "I'll get you boys some refreshments" he walked off and James glared at Otis.

"Think you're being smart using my girl as a way to help you with your life issues. Totally not cool by the way, she's only doing this to get back at O". James sat down and Otis chuckled weakly "I don't really want to do this, but Ruby was pretty persistent about the whole thing. I didn't really know what to expect when I came here to be honest".

"You're going to that dance with Eric tonight then, he invited me but I told him I wasn't really sure if I was going since I'm trying to avoid parties. I mean half of the people there are high or wasted and I can't really do any of those things anymore". He leaned back into the couch as Otis sat down beside him "yeah we're gonna meet at his house then go from there. Figured I'd get this over with first, so how've you been?".

"Like you care" Otis smiled awkwardly "I do, uh I know things have been rough for you lately. Since you got back to normal routines, Ruby's told me about you almost hitting a year mark of being clean".

"Hopefully it sticks this time around" he grumbled to himself as his eyebrow twitched "do you remember what happened then? When you overdosed?". James turned and looked at Otis "why are you being so damn noisy Milburn, we're not friends anymore. Not since you've fucked my girlfriend a billion times and then to make matters worse you've got with Maeve, who's a really good person and doesn't deserve you. Yet she still picked you over everyone else".

Second choice, always. Never the first priority or pick, never put into perspective. Ruby, Maeve's it was all the same and James was stuck on the wrong side of things, Otis seemed to be perfectly in the middle.

Each turn he'd make and he'd be facing either Ruby or Maeve, a constant loop of never ending development. James would turn one way and be greeted by darkness, perhaps him being here wasn't the best idea anymore. Decisions were confusing.

"Don't you think I should wear something a bit more hip? This isn't exactly very hip" James held in his laugh at the sight of what Otis was wearing. "No. This outfit is great. You could be anyone.Which means people can project what they want onto you".

Ruby smiled as she reached for her makeup bag while Otis looked down at his phone. His eyes widened at the sight of Ruby holding onto a brush and makeup "oh, whoa. I don't need that, do I?" Ruby's father smirked. "He does need it" Ruby sighed as she pushed the brush onto Otis's face "your skin looks like an onion, Otis". Otis struggled to stay still and when Ruby was finally done he let out a breath of relief.

"Alright there, you look less dead inside now" James' comment made Otis look at him "or as Ruby said, you don't look like an onion anymore. I'm gonna go and get my phone from Ruby's room, I'm totally filming this as blackmail one of these days".

The boy ran off and entered Ruby's bedroom. His phone was on her desk and he grabbed it before looking down at all his messages. Maeve with her daily update on America which was endless paragraph after paragraph and then a brief message from Eric.

Just a simple photo of his outfit that he wanted to show off just in case James didn't attend the party later. Given his track record he would probably force himself to stay inside with Ruby and watch a movie or something. After reading through the messages he made his way out of the room where he ran into Ruby's father. The man held onto a tray full of cups filled with ice and soda, given Ruby ever really drank Diet Coke that's what James imagined was inside.

"I can grab those for you" James grabbed the tray from the man's grasp "you make my daughter happy, you know everyday when she gets home all she ever does is talk about you. I can never get her to shut up about you, that Otis boy though, he's a real asshole for breaking my daughter's heart. At least she has you now, and if you break her heart".

Ruby sighed deeply "dad, leave him alone" her dad chuckled slightly "we're just joking around, getting to know the boy who has my daughter smiling all the time, that's a rare thing these days Ruby". James smiled "well it's my honor Mr.Matthews, uh I'll go set these down in the living room".

He walked off and Ruby watched him slightly before she turned and looked at her dad "maybe don't scare him off dad, he's not gonna break my heart". Her dad shrugged "doesn't seem the type like that Otis boy, he looks at you like I used to look at your mother. You better keep hold of him before you lose him".

James sat down on the couch as Otis stared at the computer screen anxiously "if it makes you feel better, I guess I'll vote for you. Even if you'll likely lose". Otis sighed slightly "thanks I guess". James nodded as he looked down at his phone to make the conversation less awkward, he could see the way Otis would look at him every so often then look away when James would look up at him.

Ruby walked inside her father sitting down beside James as Otis kept his gaze on the video that was repeating every few minutes. "If I was still a teenager, and not an idiot. I'd vote for you" Otis smiled weakly at Ruby's father "thanks, ooh, it's already got views".

Ruby scoffed as she looked up from her phone "forty views is shit, Otis" James chuckled "half of them is probably you rewatching it over and over again, but it's the effort that counts I suppose".

"Yeah, well thanks for all the help today. You guys were great and I suppose it was nice being able to hang out again James. Despite circumstances". James blinked slightly as he looked at Ruby then Otis "don't flatter yourself Otis, I was here making sure you didn't do anything stupid".

Ruby's dad stood up from the couch "righty-ho. I'm gonna get the nachos ready. We're watching Third Wives of Miami tonight" the man smiled before he walked off into the kitchen. Otis frowned deeply "I thought you were seeing Anwar and Olivia tonight?".

"Oh, our plans changed. Didn't you have somewhere to be tonight?" Otis looked down at his phone "yeah, I need to find out where I'm going".  James sighed slightly as he leaned back into the couch, Otis spoke rather loudly on the phone making him chuckle underneath his breath.

"Did you get uninvited?" Otis turned at Ruby's comment and quickly raised his eyebrow "uh, no I decided not to go" she chuckled. "You got uninvited. Eric's friends with the popular kids now, and he doesn't want you tagging along".

Otis sighed "that's harsh, even for you" Ruby stood up quickly and sighed "oh my god. No, you're actually upset. Do you wanna stay for nachos with me and my dad? James will behave himself".

James grumbled "sure by all means, steal my nachos too while you're at it Otis". Otis scratched the back of his head "uh, I don't know, Ruby. I'm with Maeve now. Kind of. It's a bit weird".

Ruby rolled her eyes "and why is that so important? I'm with James and you don't see me hiding it or acting weird about it". Otis shrugged "it's just that you're suddenly being very nice to me. And you're helping me with this campaign, which is odd".

Ruby rolled her eyes "don't flatter yourself. If you must know, I went to primary school with O. Except she was called Sarah Owen back then and she was a real bitch that's for sure". James stood up off the couch "I'm gonna go out for some air, preferably catch a smoke or something".

The boy smiled weakly before he made his way towards the front door. Ruby looked at him as he walked outside and closed the door behind him "has he been getting any better? I've seen him sleeping a lot around school, he's like rarely ever awake".

Ruby sighed "he's dumped all his medication down the sink, getting refills wasn't exactly ideal but given his doctors concerns they let us get refills at a discount, wasn't very easy getting him to take it this morning. He literally hates them".

"So did you really know O then, in primary school?" Ruby grabbed her phone out of her pocket "it's better I just show you, so you can understand who she is".

James sat down on Ruby's steps as he kicked at the ground to ease the headache that was slowly seeping into his skull. He sighed slightly as he looked at the carton of cigarettes in his hands, it was empty. He must've forgotten to replace them this morning.

He got so distracted by Otis's presence he didn't think about it, normally he runs to the store in the morning for a fresh carton before he starts his day. He crushed the box in his hands before putting it into his pocket and kicking at the ground once more.

Ruby looked at Otis "look, it's fine if you can't stay. James would probably kill you if you stayed any longer, I just think him being surrounded by people he knows. It'll help him get better. It's always just been me and him since he's started recovering but it's like he's drifting away, it's a challenge".

"I can stay, I really want to, I know it's my fault James hates me and will never see me as his best friend again. No amount of apologies will change that, but I can still try and be there for him. He'd do the same thing for me if our roles were reversed".

"Me and James went to primary school together, I don't know if I ever told you that, I doubt he even remembers it really. It was so long ago and he was a really quiet kid who kept to himself".

"I didn't know that, I thought you two meant at moordale" Ruby chuckled "I guess in a way that was us seeing each other again after years, I mean primary school was hell, but he made it manageable because he didn't care that I was the bed wetter, just like I didn't care that he was the weird junkie kid".

"So you've both known each other for a long time then, that would explain why he's so fond of you. He always used to tell me he'd never see him settling down with anyone, that he'd end up like his parents and everyone would just forget he exists".

"I don't think I could forget James" the door opened and James walked inside holding onto a bag "did you go to the shop?". The boy looked at Ruby as he nodded, he threw himself down onto the couch as he took a bite out of a licorice. He pushed one into Otis hand and then Ruby's before he grinned weakly.

"I was getting this really strong urge out there, so I just went and grabbed snacks to distract myself. Shop was out of the smokes I liked so this is the next best thing until morning when they restock. I ran into Lily, she gave me a rather long hug and it was kinda sweet. She's been busy working on a novel, she said she could become this big celebrity one day. Glad she's doing good, given what happened at moordale with that head teacher wench".

He leaned back into the couch as he shoved another piece of licorice into his mouth. "Don't spoil the nachos, I'm about to see if they're ready" Ruby stood up and James watched her as he sighed. He looked down at the empty bag of licorice and he felt sick as he stood up "I'm gonna go help her".

"Do you need any help" he looked at Otis "she'll likely make me come back so don't worry about it". He walked into the kitchen where Ruby was carefully preparing the nachos for everyone. "You'd never hate me would you Rubes?" the girl turned and looked at him as he stood beside her with a slight frown.

"Of course not, what's wrong?" He sighed "because I hate me, the way my mind works, the way I can't even function a single day without thinking about relapsing. The way my body hurts all the damn time? It's like I'm a freak who can't even breathe anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore, was I ever me? Or was I this junkie freak who just ran around hiding behind everyone, behind you. How could you be with someone like me who could self-destruct any second".

He looked down at the empty bag of licorice. "I can't breathe, I can't even exist without wanting to stick a needle into my arm and hoping I don't open my eyes again. Because then I don't have to feel this way anymore, I won't be guilty for everything I've ever done to hurt the people I care about. Andrew hates me, I know you probably hate me. I fucking hate me".

—
authors notes: so close, yet so far with completing this story. I already started writing a bit for the last chapter, I literally don't want to part ways with James but I knew it was bound to happen eventually. There's five chapters left before the end of this book all together, I might do an epilogue but I feel like with the way I'm ending this book, it's not needed. Anyways it's 4AM, I'm tired so I'm gonna dip. Anyways enjoy, I made this chapter a bit longer since the last one low key sucked lol.