disclaimer :: mild sexual content

seventeen, sparks dimmed - sorry pt. 2

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"I saw her. She was," Jean pauses, looking down but the gaze in his eyes said he was thousands of miles away. "Beautiful. Ethereal."

Your brows furrow in concern. "But, Jean,... she's, I mean, she has to be nuts. She's stalking you, it's not healthy. She's no better than Kruger. Matter of fact, she most likely knows him. This whole situation couldn't be a coincidence."

Jean looks up and sighs. "Y/n. I don't know if you remember, ... but that night we went to Kruger's, the girl on stage,... the Scorpion, she's the one who's stalking me. So, she definitely has a connection to Kruger."

Your heart stills in your chest, the confirmation chilling you. Of course, it's not that surprising. You already knew you had more than one person to worry about. But... in the back of your mind, part of you thinks something else is going on... and it terrifies you.

Noting the look on your face, Jean quickly continues, "One more thing... It's... bad. Like really bad,.. and embarrassing."

"...It's okay. Tell me." You say, despite the nervous butterflies in your stomach.

"I... slept with her."

You blink. "You what?"

"Listen. I know what you're going to say. So,... just don't alright? I know it was wrong."

"No,... I mean, she-she forced herself on you. That's the only thing that makes sense. Jean, just tell me what happened. Please."

"I need you to really listen to me, Y/n. Don't just deny the truth as much as you might not like it. But I spent weeks with her. At first, ...I hated it. I won't lie, I was intrigued but obviously, you were in the forefront of my mind and I thought I had it all figured out. I thought she was there to hurt me... or you. I guess I can't really speak for Kruger,... but she's been transparent with me."

"Transparent with you?" You deadpan, giving him a look.

"Just listen. I'm not saying that her methods are healthy or right but I don't think she's as bad as we think. She told me she wasn't there to hurt me but rather..." Jean sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Wait until I was infatuated with her."

"Infatuated? Seriously?"

"I thought she was nuts too, but I... discovered she's just really kinky."

"Oh, gross, Jean! Didn't need to hear that part," You groan.

He continues. "But she didn't hurt me. She didn't force me. She just... stayed with me. I'm not saying she didn't... make it tempting, because she did. Always wearing," Jean pauses, swallowing softly. "Provocative outfits. But... even before, Y/n, I was intrigued. She's gorgeous, talented,... strong, almost everything I fantasize about."

"You don't know her, Jean. You can't be so naive."

"Hold on. She also, ... told me there's something deeper going on. Something she can't reveal. But that it would unravel on its own at some point. To just be patient. Even if I stray away from her, I should never forget that. She said she can't prove that she's trustworthy so easily with a few visits, but that with time... the truth would make itself known without any interfering."

You stay silent for a moment. It's a lot to take in. Is it too much to ask, to be able to live peacefully and quietly in your home? "...And do you have any theories as to what this 'something deeper' is?"

"I think,... it involves Kruger. But... there might be something else. Something else that's not so obvious at this point. I... just have no idea what."

You nod slowly, staring off in deep thought.

"Do you?" He asks.

Looking down at your lap, you mutter, "...No. No, I don't think so."

"For a moment, ... I considered... telling the police to drop their slow investigation on the situation," Jean suggests, a clear awkwardness in his voice.

"...Damn, Jean, was her head game that good? No. We're not doing that, ... dumbass. Just... please promise me you won't do anything without talking to me first?"

He rolls his eyes. "Fine, fine, of course not."

You side-eye him. "I don't know... I feel like the time you spent with her has you brainwashed."

"I'm not brainwashed. Relax. We're good. At the end of the day, it's me and you, and I promised to protect you," He reassures.

You sigh softly in relief. "Okay."

ARMIN'S POV

It's true that Y/n is not in a good mindset right now. She's decided to hole up. Worse than before. She's sent Anonymous an email saying she's not going to be able to work on the painting and that he would have to find someone else. She didn't explain why but of course, she didn't have to. She's gotten extremely paranoid.

Am I a bit peeved? Yeah, a bit. Shit, this isn't going the way I planned and Eren is straying further and further away from it... although, this isn't good. She's not okay and it's because of us. I never intended for her to get in the car and wreck. Had both me and Eren pacing back and forth, waiting for updates from Dr. Jaeger.

He's started to ask questions which is also not what I had planned.

But it's okay. If it's one thing I'm good at, ... it's adapting. Assessing the problem and coming up with a solution.

Which, unfortunately, for right now, I believe it's dire that we fall back. Pushing her any further might be irreversible. And we won't lose her. I won't. Because I don't lose.

Eren's pissing me off. Go figure. All he thinks about is himself. He's the one that botches up the plan and he thinks we should go with his way now? He's annoyed with me?? Why doesn't he understand why we can't just rush in?

"Eren, it's simple. We leave her alone for a while. No phone calls, no deliberate noise making, no nothing. And especially no chasing after her around at night in the woods," I start. He interrupts.

"Okay, first of all, it wasn't in the woods, and second, we're not going with another one of your fucked up plans," He scoffs, his arms crossed over his broad chest.

"I've never steered us wrong before. With anything. It's you that's fucking it up. You scared her. She doesn't even know I'm a part of this remember? So, if there's something else you'd like to say, say it to yourself."

His eyes narrow slightly. "Well, clearly you didn't calculate that in your little plan, did you? You think you know everything? How come you didn't know that? Even though you always have something you like to complain about when it comes to me."

"Oh, I'm sorry if I wanted to believe for one second that you could get your shit together and act right. Guess I had too much faith in you."

"There you go again, blaming it all on me. There's no way when you had a huge part in messing with her mind. 'Member when you called her from a contact that said, 'Anonymous'? Yeah, what's she supposed to think now? She's not only worried about herself. But for her friend too. As much as we may not like it, she cares a lot for him because he was there when we weren't." Eren snaps back, stepping a bit closer now.

"Don't you think I know that??" I raise my voice slightly. "You're not the only one feeling like shit right now! I don't want to fall back but we have to! For her! We can't scare her any further, Eren, from now on we have to take things slow and delicate! Distract her from us as much as we can, get it?"

"Distract her? And just hope she'll forget about us? Yeah, that sounds real smart." He runs a hand through his hair and runs a hand down his stubble-covered chin. Looks like a real hobo ever since the wreck. Yeah. It's clear this has affected both of us. Worse than I fathomed.

"Forget about us for a time. Okay? We'll do one last thing for now. Deliberately place an interesting article or two about the unsolved case that's up in her attic and let her lose herself in something other than the extra bullshit we've caused in her life."

"And you think that'll work?" He asks, looking at me. He seems a little less tense now.

I sigh. "It better. But after this,... it's clear nothing's set in stone. It could go either way. But unless you have a better idea..."

"Gambling. Typical," Eren scoffs, walking closer so that he's right in front of me, making me crank my neck back a bit. "I'm in."

"Good," I mutter.

Eren looks down at me and it's silent for a while. There's clearly something else he wants to say. I don't make a move but I hold his gaze.

"Sometimes, when we argue like this; the type of arguments where even you, the level-headed one, snaps, ..." He pauses, his tone much softer now, and I catch the quick glance at my lips. "I find myself intrigued. Intrigued and wanting to know just how far I can push you."

I stay silent, waiting to see how he'll continue.

"How far,..." He leans in and whispers in my ear, his arm resting against the wall beside my head, his stubble tickling me. "I can make you snap."

I relax slightly, almost easing into him. It's not like he's giving me much space here. ...Not that I want him to.

"Why don't you act on your wants?"

"Because I'm not entirely sure what you want. You're... difficult."

"Right, I'm the difficult one," I huff.

"We're going to have to do a lot of waiting soon," Eren tenses against me. "For her. Is this something you're willing to wait on too?"

"...I don't think so," I say, turning my head slightly to whisper in his ear. It was odd. It was almost like we fit like a puzzle. "I think I want you to push me. Test my boundaries. Can you do that?"

Like two puzzle pieces waiting to be pieced with the rest. Two puzzle pieces clinging to each other while we wait. To cope with the desperate yearning to be put together. We need her... but we rely on each other to keep us sated for the time being.

Suddenly, my body's being pinned down tightly against the wall and Eren moves to brush his soft lips over mine. "I think so."

Y/N'S POV

Being discharged from the hospital was like rushing right back into a cage. A cage filled with so much fear. About everything.

You've always refused to take medication. Thought you were mentally stable enough to get through the grief... you never wanted to fall so deep into the abyss that you got lost and never found yourself again.

It's one of your biggest fears.

But with all these other fears running your heart and mind ragged, the lines were getting blurry and you didn't know what to do.

So as you're defense/coping mechanism (you didn't know what to call it), you decided to minimize your social interactions with anyone. The first thing you did, was tell Anonymous you couldn't do his painting. He said it wasn't a rush but you can't. You just can't think about painting or him or anything related to Kruger in the slightest.

Then before you knew it, you started to jump at the sound of knocks on your door. Whether it was Levi or Jean, you weren't letting them in willingly. They'd have to break down the door again for them to come in.

Because as much as you hated this, Jean was related to Kruger in a way. So was Levi because he knew about the situation.

And you felt you couldn't trust anyone.

Even Marco... became an enemy in your twisted brain. Someone out to get you. Someone haunting you in your sleep. He blames you.

He blames you for the accident.

And he should. It was your fault, after all.

Everything's your fault. And now you fear you're too far gone... that you can't be saved. So, you refuse to drag everybody else down with you.

Your spark's just too dim to become a flame. You're cold inside and you're sorry. You're so sorry to the people who were there for you. Because they were fighting for a lost cause.

A dimmed down flame.

LilReaper_

Published: 12.12.24

Total words; 2047

how gay ;)