A/N:

This song is one of my favorite EDEN songs of all time. It's like it was made for this chapter. Also, it's trigger warning time again, read with caution.

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We've cleaned out my shit show of an apartment leaving me kind of fucking disgusted with myself. I'm not going to lie, between the drug paraphernalia, empty liquor bottles, and yes, the random used undisposed of condoms, I thought Monica was going to change her mind about me moving in. I really thought Monica was going to call the entire relationship off.

To my surprise she didn't say a thing when we threw away all of my disgusting habits. Luckily I was the one to find the old condoms because I'm not sure what Monica's reaction would have been to that. Semen left in a condom after that many months was an unsavory sight to say the least.

I got rid of about ninety-percent of all my things. The only things I kept were my clothing and shoes. Everything else Monica and I donated because what's the point of having two sets of everything anyway? It was actually an invigorating experience being able to trash my shit-show of a life that I'd had before Monica.  

I'm going to try to be better when it comes to my fucking reckless habits. Once I had gotten sober and realized what a dumb fuck I'd been for almost running away from the one good thing in my life I promised Monica that I'd quit. I would quit my drug usage and I would try to get better with my alcohol consumption.

Now, this is all easier said than done and I'm lucky that Monica understands that. She told me if I slipped she'd be there to pick me up so I wouldn't completely fall back into my use. I explained to her what the fuck was going in my head, about all the pressure I was feeling and changing everything about myself just to end up still not being good enough for her. All those what-ifs that were slowly eating away at me. I was shit at communication but, as usual, Monica helped me with things no one else could.

"I think that's the last of it, babe." Monica says after she turns off the vacuum. 

"Yeah, I think it is." I tie the trash bag in my hand. "I can't believe we're moving in together."

"Sean McCaslin is moving in with his giiiirlfrieeeend." She emphasizes the last word while giving me a goofy grin.

"I think hell has officially frozen over." I smile back at her as she continues to chuckle to herself. 

Monica finishes winding the cord onto the vacuum. "I think we need to throw this thing out. The entire time I used it the damn thing was smoking."

Obviously having a quality vacuum wasn't really a concern of mine before. "Probably a good idea, who knows the shit that thing has inside it now anyway." I pick up the vacuum and the trash bag as I say, "I'll go throw this out, you want to lock up and I'll meet you back in our apartment?"

"Sounds good." Monica wraps her arms around my neck, gets up on her tip toes and plants a kiss on my lips. "Hurry back, babe. I think we need to shower because we've been getting so dirty." She wriggles her eyebrows at me.

"So what you're really saying is you want me to fuck you until you can't walk anymore?"

"That is exactly what I'm saying." She pecks my lips one last time. "Now go throw all that shit away and get back up here."

"You got it, sweetheart."

She opens the door for me and swats my ass as I head out. I chuckle to myself as I make my way down the hallway thinking about all of the things I'm going to do to her once I get back upstairs.

I can't wait to have her spread-eagle on the bed while pounding into her so fucking hard I-...

I feel a vibration in my pocket that pulls me out of my sex-trance as I head down the stairs. I know someone is calling me but my hands are full of my garbage at the moment and my head is full of dirty thoughts. The thing stops and almost immediately starts ringing again. I jog to the dumpster, toss the garbage inside and wipe the grime from my hands onto my pants before I reach into my pocket.

Once I grab my phone I realize I have a bunch of missed calls from Trevor. What the fuck is that all about? I have a couple of voicemails from him too. This was out of the normal because Trevor never left voicemails let alone call me a fuck-ton of times.

I click on the first voicemail listening to Trevor, then the second, and finally the third.  By the end of the last voicemail I am in a near panic. Trevor had gotten ahold of something we both had promised each other we would never touch again. He was telling me that this was an exception, that we just had to try this, and finally, if I didn't get my ass over there soon he was doing it without me. 

Fuck my fucking life.

I run into the apartment building faster than I ever have in my entire god damn life. I take the stairs two at a time and fling open the door. I grab my truck keys off the counter with Monica yelling at me to tell her what's going on. I mumble out something about Trevor because I don't want her to tell me I shouldn't go.

Yeah, Trevor may not be the best influence but he's my best friend and right now this isn't about me or my fucking health. This was about my fucking best friend, someone I consider my brother, about to do heroin again. If he allows himself to go down that rabbit hole again I don't know if I'll be able to pick him the fuck back up out of it. The last time he did it was nearly impossible to pull him out of the habit.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Not this shit again, Trev.

"Sean!" I hear Monica calling out as I jump in my truck. "Sean! Where the fuck are you going!?"

"Don't worry about it. I'll be back later." I call out to her before squealing out of the parking lot. 

I pick up my phone and try to call Trevor but there's no answer. I try five more times and nothing. "FUUUUCK!" I scream out into the cab of my truck as I punch my dashboard. Is this how Monica feels when I get high? Double fuck.

There's traffic everywhere, so it's taking me forever to get to Trevor's penthouse. I swerve through traffic which earns me a few honks, middle fingers, and outright curses but I don't give a single fuck. Once I finally make it to the swanky place where Trevor lives I pull into the parking garage and of course there isn't a parking spot available until about my third time lapping around the stupid fucking thing.

I slam my truck door once I finally manage to get my stupid fucking truck into the space. I hurry to the elevator and give Quinton, the doorman, a, "hey, how the hell are yah?" before he lets me into the private elevator.

Once I'm inside I press the button eighteen repeatedly. "Come on, come on, come on! Fucking slow piece of shit!" I kick the elevator door because apparently, no matter how many times you press an elevator button it doesn't quicken the pace of the elevator.

The large metal doors finally fucking open and I head down the small corridor to the door on my right. There was only one penthouse on this floor and that was Trevor's. "Trevor! Open up!" I holler out as I pound my fist on the door.  "Come on man! Open the door!"  There's no response. "Fuck it, I'm coming in!" I shout out as I fish around for the keys in my pocket where I know there is a spare.

I jam the key into the door, unlocking the stupid fucking thing and barge my way inside. I call out his name repeatedly but get no response in return. I walk around the down stairs, searching each and every room to no avail.

Maybe he isn't here? Maybe he's at the club? 

I grab my phone out of my pocket, dial his number and wait. The phone starts ringing and I know this not just because I can hear it on my end but I can hear it coming from upstairs. "Trevor?" I call out but the phone keeps ringing "Trevor, you fucking answer me right fucking now!"

I launch myself toward the staircase feeling numbness creeping all over my body as the phone eerily keeps ringing. I follow the noise blindly knowing exactly where its coming from. I run down the hallway but stop immediately when I reach the doorway.

No. No. No. No. 

There he is, my best friend, my brother, the one person in the world I considered family, lifeless. His lips are blue, his pupils are nonexistent, and his head is in a pool of his own vomit. I make my feet move forward towards Trevor, continually telling him it's going to be okay, that he is going to be okay.  It's all going to be okay, Trev. I check for a pulse even though I know it's useless because there is none. 

"I got you, Trev," I say unwrapping the belt from around his arm, "I got you, I'm here now." I take the needle out of his arm. "I'm here. I've got you, Trev..." I sob, "I've got you, brother... I've got you..." I gently push his blonde locks out of his face, "It's going to be okay..." 

I just picture his voice saying, "Fuck you, I'm fine asshole...." But I know he will never say those words again. "Sean, you dumb fuck...."   I will never hear those words again. Not again, Sean, not again...

I walk numbly over to the bathroom and grab a towel and a wet washcloth before coming back to Trevor. I wipe his mouth and then I wipe the desk clean because I couldn't see my best friend, my brother, like that. I wouldn't let anyone see him like that. I throw all of the paraphernalia away much like I had done with all of my own earlier today. I tidy up his appearance, because Trevor always liked to look his best, before I make the phone call. 

"911, what's your emergency?"

"My, uh..." I choke on a sob "I think my, my uh, my friend had an overdose."

"Is he still breathing? Is there a pulse?"

"No, I think he's dead."

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A/N:

I know a lot of you have expressed your contempt for Trevor. I know he seemed like a terrible friend but not all of us find a Monica. Not everyone finds someone to pull them out of their darkness and some of us ultimately let it consume all of our light.