ALL I DO.
{ irl }

niola felt horrible about making matt do most of the talking for their project. initially, they planned for niola to be the one to talk more — due to matt's social anxiety. but just walking from her desk to the front of the class made niola feel like she was on the verge of passing out.

truth is, niola hardly ever drinks. last night was the first time she's had any alcohol whatsoever in a whole year. she tends to decline drinks because she knows what being drunk can cause you to do.

she's watched her father struggle with his addiction all her life. so, naturally, niola isn't a huge fan of alcohol in general. in the past, she immediately stopped herself after getting a small buzz. she was afraid of becoming violent like her dad.

but the non-drinking switch in her mind must have been flipped off last night, because she got wasted (clearly).

to be frank, niola could hardly recall anything from the previous night. when she tries to remember what happened, she just gets blurry flashes of someone's face or the fuzzy sound of a voice.

due to the fact that she can't remember anything, niola is even more scared of what may have happened. she can't stop asking herself millions of questions. like, what if she did hurt someone and she just can't remember? what if she yelled at a friend of hers? what if she had taken out her anger on someone who didn't deserve it?

the only consolation niola has is the only vivid memory she can recollect from last night. and that's the memory of her spilling all of her family secrets to matt in the bathroom.

rather than a blurry and fuzzy memory, niola can remember the scene perfectly.

the bathroom was dimly lit by the dull, yellow light that loomed over the mirror above the sink. the tile floor was cold against niola's knees as she crouched before the toilet. the sound of laughing and shouting could be heard from down the hall as everyone else continued their truth-or-dare game.

but more than anything, niola remembers the feeling of matt holding her hair out of her face. his knuckles brushed the back of her neck, causing goosebumps to trickle down her spine.

niola's face still flushes at the memory of him seeing her in such a vulnerable situation.

something about the way he didn't try and take advantage of her makes niola trust matt. unlike her father, or amelia, or anyone else who entered her life, matt seems like he genuinely cares about niola — he doesn't jump at the opportunity to make her feel like shit.

this is why she's been so clingy all day. she feels like matt is the only person in her life that she can be relaxed around.

"thank you for the presentation, matthew." miss elsher says, snapping niola out of her trance. "miss silvers, is there anything you would like to add? if not, i'll have to take off points for lack of participation. and i really don't want to have yo do that."

niola knows that she should say something to take part in their project. but as soon as she looks to her right and locks eyes with matt, he smiles at her reassuringly. the interaction makes niola's throat go dry and she can't seem to open her mouth wide enough to answer their teacher.

niola shakes her head and miss elsher sighs, marking something on her clipboard — likely making a note to take points off of niola's final grade.

"thank you, niola and matthew." miss elsher says as she finishes writing. she uses her free hand to gesture for the pair to return to their seats.

they do as they're told, niola rushing to sit at her desk.
perhaps then, she won't feel so weird around matt. something about him made her gut flutter and her heart pick up speed.

it must just be the hangover. niola thinks to herself once she and matt are seated. shouldn't it be gone by now, though? no. no, there's no other explanation for how i'm feeling. it has to be the alcohol.

"psst," matt says from right behind her ear.

niola jumps at the sound of matt being so close to her all of a sudden. she turns around and notices that he's leaning across his desk to whisper in her ear without being heard by anyone else.

"what?" niola manages to respond, hoping she sounds more confident than she's feeling.

"what's wrong?" matt asks, sounding genuinely concerned about her — which just makes niola even more flustered for some reason.

"nothing." niola snaps, turning back around to face the front of the class so he can't see how red her cheeks have gotten.

"silvers," matt whispers, but niola ignores him. "silvers." he says a little louder, not sure if she heard him. but niola continues to ignore him, hoping to ignore her feelings as well. "silvers!" he whisper-yells, getting a few people's attention.

at this point, matt is certain that niola can hear him. if not, she's got a serious hearing issue. matt would normally just leave her alone — since she clearly doesn't want to talk to him — but this is regarding her well-being, so he's desperate.

from his angle, he can tell that her face is red. but it's only red around her cheeks and eyes, making matt worried that she might be crying. matt eventually decides he's got to get her attention, he needs to make sure she's okay.

maybe if i pull her hair or something, she'll get mad and have to pay attention to me. matt schemes.

he reaches up to her hair and grabs at one of the thicker strands. as he reaches for it, his skin brushes against hers. for some reason, matt notices niola's entire body tense.

she whips around and grabs his wrist before matt can pull it away. matt gasps. their faces are inches apart as niola glares at him, her breath coming out in heavy huffs and her skin feeling hotter than usual.

"i, uh," matt stammers, his face turning the same shade of red that niola's is. "are you-"

"niola! matthew!" they jump apart at the sound of miss elsher's voice shouting across the classroom — which is severe overkill considering how small the room is. "do you want points taken off of your grade?"

niola faces forward again, whereas matt sits back in his chair. miss elsher nods at their obedience, happy that she's gotten them to adhere to her threats.

when the bell rang for lunch, niola was the first to leave the class. normally, she and matt walked together to the library where they would study for their project — but not that their project is over, she's a bit unsure on where to go. but she was very sure that she needed to leave the room before matt made her hangover worse (which still doesn't make any logical sense to her, but it's the only explanation she can think of).

"hey!" matt calls out after her as he weaves through the crowded hallway, trying to catch up to her. "silvers! wait for me!"

but niola doesn't wait. she keeps walking until she spots the girls' restroom a few feet away. knowing matt can't follow her in there, niola dashes into the bathroom.

she locks herself in one of the stalls and collapses down onto the closed toilet seat. she drops her bag to the floor and places her head in her hands, trying to understand what's making her act so weird.

niola is generally a very smart girl and hardly anything can confuse her. but for some reason, the way matt makes her feel is the most confusing emotion she's ever felt.

about ten minutes pass where niola just sits in her locker stall, tracing her fingertips along the lines of old graffiti art while she tries to figure out her feelings regarding matt.

"niola?" camille's voice calls out softly as she enters the girls' bathroom. "matt told us that he thought something was upsetting you. he asked me to come check on you to
make sure you were okay."

niola can hear camille's footsteps approach her stall before she see's camille's shoes stop right in front of the stall door.

"i'm fine," niola replies. but the weakened tone of her voice says otherwise. "i just needed some time to think, there's nothing to worry about."

niola stands up from the toilet, picks up her bag, and then hesitantly opens the stall door.

"you can talk to me, niola." camille says, her kind voice making niola want to start crying. "what's wrong?"

"honestly?" niola asks, hee voice breaking. "i'm not sure."

camille is confused, but she remains patient with niola as she gently pushes another question. "do you wanna talk about it?"

niola steps out of the stall and peeks around the bathroom, making sure that they're the only ones in there. once she's sure that they are alone, niola leans against one of the sinks.

"i think i'm just experiencing a hangover for the first time, but i'm not positive." niola admits.

"well, the alcohol's effects definitely should have worn off by now." camille tells her, quickly becoming worried for her health. maybe niola is just genuinely ill. camille's mom is a doctor, so she might be able to diagnose the issue. "are you okay? what are you feeling?"

"it's like i'm sick, and matt is the trigger for the symptoms."

camille's entire face drops. at first, niola was being a little confusing. but now, she's gone crazy. she's only sick when matt is around? what's she talking about?

"uh," camille mutters, "what?"

"when he gets close to me, my stomach feels like it's spinning around. also, my skin gets all hot — especially my face." niola explains. "it's like my body is having an allergic reaction to matt's presence."

niola's face is completely freaked out. her eyes are darting all over the room and her face is pale.

camille gasps. she literally gasps. she starts to grin so wide that niola is sure her face is going to crack open. then, camille places her hands on niola's shoulders and starts shaking her excitedly.

"oh my god! oh my god! oh my god! oh my god! oh my god! oh my god!" camille shrieks while niola gets more and more dizzy from all of the shaking.

"what? what is it?" niola asks, but camille keeps giggling and shaking her. "can you stop shaking me? i think i'm gonna puke."

"oh! yeah, yeah. sorry." camille lets her go, but her excitement doesn't rest. "i have to tell chris and nick! we've been waiting for this for so long!"

"you've been waiting for me to get sick?" niola asks, even more confused than she was when she was alone in her stall.

"oh, right." camille says, remembering how clueless niola is. "i'm sorry, i really am, but you're gonna have to figure this out on your own. i couldn't bare to let myself interfere with — and possibly ruin — this."

"huh?"

"never mind." camille brushes it off, grabbing niola's hand and dragging her out of the bathroom while saying, "let's go get some lunch. you need to eat."

"but-"

"you'll sit with me, matt, nick, and chris." camille tells her as the pair enters the cafeteria.

camille can't say this aloud yet, but she is 100% certain that niola has developed a crush on matthew.

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a/n : it's literally taken almost thirty chapters but niola is FINALLY realizing her feelings for matty 🥳🥳🥳
dont worry tho, there will be more issues and plot twists to make the story longer <3
i would never end the book just because the feelings are finally mutual 🙄 that's boring 🥱🥱
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