ALESSANDRO'S POV

So this is what it feels like to collapse in nervousness under someone's stare. And not just anyone's stare, it's the pierced, burning hazel of Akila's gaze, the mysteriously yet furious glare she maintained on my face.

All my plans to tell her, to discuss this, suddenly disappeared. It felt almost impossible to speak the words but she didn't stop. She simply waited because I will speak tonight no matter what.

The moon appeared in the sky, lonely without his glamour stars. It's certainly past one in the morning, the wind settled to a cold breeze. "Tick tock, tick tock"

I sighed, slowly meeting her eyes, she had one hand on her side while the other held her face. Her facial expressions didn't change much, this curious smart look never left her nor me to rest for a second. I'm in big trouble, am I?

"Okay, I need you to sit up for this" I spoke my first words in minutes, she seemed to understand and followed my instructions. She sat up, legs crossed, arms stretched behind her back, resting on the grass. I positioned myself like her and took a deep breath. I started playing with my own hands, unable to get this straight. I need to figure this out, I need to do this right, I need to do this right for her.

So I reached for my only focus, my only will. I grabbed her hand and held it tightly in mine. Here we go.

"When I went to pick up my grandparents, it was supposed to take a day nothing much but as you already saw, it took me a whole week" I stopped, allowing myself to breathe. Akila is a smart woman, it's doubtful if she doesn't know where this is leading. "And that's because they didn't come alone" my voice is tough, firm. There's no need for anything else, the truth is out and it's about to change everything.

"They're here" she let out, no longer looking at me. My heart raced against my chest, my body was growing uncomfortable. I hate not knowing what to do, I hate being stuck somewhere with nowhere to escape.

But I have to be strong, I have to be strong for the newborn child til the thirteen years old girl who got abused, who got beaten up most of her life when she deserved warmth and care. This is the time to be there for her, this is the time to push through the past she once had to go through alone. Now, she got me.

"How many are they" the question is forced out of her teeth. I know she doesn't want to know, I know she's not interested in the slightest bad or good information about them, yet she has to know. If we want to deal with this, we have to know, to learn and to move.

"A lot" I confessed, remembering their huge numbers. "Everyone came, uncles, aunts, wives, husbands, step siblings, nieces and toddlers, everyone" I shook my head, still not convinced why they had to do all of this, they know I won't need their precious help or number in war. If I have to take down the Russians alone, I would do it in a blink. There has to be something behind it, a whole family and a future generation don't just show up after years of hiding. They're selfish, they wouldn't make the sacrifice.

"They will come after me" I looked up and she's already staring at me, her gaze is cold and numb, just like any other day of our lives. "They will find out who I am in a glimpse and they will try to take me away Alessandro" her back is straight, her shoulders lean high and her chin is fixed. "I won't let that happen" my other hand found hers and pulled her closer to me. She had to know we are in this together. This is her story, this is her journey and fight but I will stand by her side and win this battle for her, for us, for the broken past and the future. Akila ran away eleven years ago. She left everything behind to start a new life and find herself. She never went back, she never set an end to the old times because she didn't care, she left and never looked back. She should've continued her life without this, without an open door but the past revealed itself because she entered my world, she showed herself into my life and now I brought her nothing but worry and agony from the past.

"I'm sorry Akila, I caused all of this. They came here because of me and now you have to face them, to sit there and deal with what I've done" I closed my eyes, feeling my throat go dry. "So even if it doesn't mean anything to you, I still apologize. For everything. For not telling you earlier, for doing this in the wrong way. You deserve better, much better I'm afraid I might not be enough but I will keep trying, I will keep going because I would rather fight for you and become better then to leave your side. Whatever it takes, I'm here to do it, I am for whatever you want. And if you don't want my presence, I will shut out my heart and walk away with so much respect for your decision. Just tell me what you want and I will do it"

I'm out of breath, I'm out of air, out of everything. The world is falling down, it's vanishing into an empty black hole where voices are unheard, where light died and life escaped.

She's silent, she's not moving, she's looking at me, she's studying me and drinking me alive. It feels like my body is shrinking, it's slowly fading into the air the longer she stares at me, the longer she doesn't answer.

Her body is still, it's almost impossible to notice her lungs rise and fall. Her face is neutral, no sign of anger nor happiness, no sign of sadness nor calmness. She never looked more numb, more desolate.

The soft air moved her hair, but she's sitting so still, so motionless it's like her body is frozen for minutes that keep counting, minutes I wish to end.

"Alessandro" she said my name out of breath as if she's been running for decades and finally, finally found me.

"We are in this together, we are one now. You are everything I would ever wish for, you are everything I would ever want. You are everything Alessandro, you are my everything" my heart stopped beating, no longer focusing on its own self. I'm focused on her, I'm listening to her and holding myself together. She spoke my mind, she spoke on behalf of my tongue, she spoke the things I wasn't strong enough to say. She leaned to me and held my cheeks in the palms of her hands. "I wouldn't change a thing. Not a single thing. You" her voice broke and her head fell. She took a moment to regain her strength, to regain herself. She lifted her head up with eyes full of determination, full of bravery and courage between the water blocking her sight.

Her grip tightened on my cheeks, she took a deep breath and didn't release it. "I love you, I love you like I've never loved before, I love you like I've never loved. I love all of you, I love every part of you, every inch. Every letter coming out your lips, I love the way you're around me, the way you treat me, I love your small gestures towards me, I love everything, all of it, all of you and I can't, I can't imagine doing this without you, I don't want to imagine doing this without you. I can survive this alone, I've survived worst but now I want you with me. I want the man who broke my rules, my walls and still managed to make me smile, managed to pull me into this new life and managed to make me unconditionally and completely fall in love. You are my partner, you are the only person who will carry my soul, the only person in this universe who will carry what's left of my heart because you are one of the best things that happened to me. I would burn down this whole world and cross oceans just to reach you, just to get to hold you one last time" her right hand is on my neck, her forehead is against mine, her eyes are closed and her breath is shaky.

My ears listened to Akila, my mind took in her words and my heart was finding somewhere to rest. It filled to the edge, it's seizing and pounding against my chest. It became too small, too narrow for what it holds. It wants to break free, it wants to unrelease the feelings overwhelming its peace. The painful ache beating and torturing my nerves, the ache she caused, the ache she brought into my life. She brought so much my once strong figure can't take, my once lonely heart overfilled with. It's funny how such a small organ guides the whole body to live, to keep going and push for life. A small organ, increasing in size too quickly, too quickly I can't manage it, too quickly it's hard to hold on. She's stuffing it with herself, she's causing these crazy feelings and cravings towards her. It's like a drug, a drug you can't get enough of, a drug you can't set down. An addiction impossible to run away from, impossible to resist. My own costume addiction, my own ticket to death. Death never felt more peaceful, death never felt more right. Dying in her hands sounds like heaven, like God forgot all my sins and rewarded me one last time before hell. Unreal. It felt unreal. She broke into my system, she broke into my mind and took control, she unraveled my secrets, she sophisticated my power and strength into following her, into obeying her demands. She gripped my heart so tightly, so close to her own and held our worlds together. She stood strong, much stronger than I could ever be and prepared, steadied for what's ahead of us.

Words felt ridiculous, they sound useless compared to what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling. No words will be able to describe, no words will be able to speak, explain my misery. My miserable position where I can't put in the sentences to my own mind and emotions because they're screaming, they're aching in pain, they're killing me and breaking my bones. I can't take it, my body can't take the amount of things I feel for her, the amount of love and need for her. I can't take it.

She searched for my eyes and held my gaze. She brushed her thumb on my skin to calm me down. I'm breathing heavily, I'm shaking.

I tried to maintain my lungs and take control of my movement. After a few moments, my body relaxed in her touch, my face fell deeper into her palm. I let air out of my mouth and it made a sound against her skin. She lightly giggled and forced my head up. I opened my eyes and looked at her. My mind wonders, wondering how she's able to handle all of this. After what happened, after knowing what the future is holding for us, she's standing mighty, fearless. I had to blink a couple times, just making sure this is real.

She giggled again, the sound so beautiful, so melodious to my ears. It scares me if one day I have to wake up without her sounds, witness another night without her, relive a whole new life where she's not in it. I hate it. I hate thinking about a life without her, I hate the thought crossing my mind because deep down I know I can't control it. I know that if one day it happens, I won't be able to do a thing. And it kills me, it kills me to accept that one day I might be that hopeless, that one day I will have to live within these worlds without Akila in it.

Everyday I'm with her, I think about how much she means to me, the things I would do for her, the things, the people I would sacrifice just to make her happy. The amount of times I would kill for her, the amount of times I would die for her. It feels so good, for some reason, dying for her is not scary at all, it makes my heart warm and rest. But I know my reasons, I've known them since day one, it's like this whole time it was predicted, as if someone will come up to me and tell me I told you so. My reasons are the same ones as hers, she felt it too, she felt it all along. In the end, she's much better than I am because I might feel too much, too much for my own body to handle but I will never be able to put it into words, I will never be able to express it through twenty six letters, it's much more than that, worth and feels a million times more than that. My heartbeats increase, my eyes are losing focus but the words made it out of my mouth. "I love you"

She almost choked on air and held my neck for support. She's nervous. I had to bite on my lower lip to stop myself from smiling. I was staring at her, observing how saying it affected her when I realized it's the first time someone has ever told her that. It hit something inside of me, I found my arms on her, pulling her on me. She sat on my lap, her legs hugged my waist and her hand fell behind my neck. She slowly looked me in the eyes and forced a weak smile, showing her dimpled cheeks and it only made my smile deepen. "I love you" I whispered and kissed her neck, "I love you" and kissed her dimples, I repeated the three words over and over, kissing every part of her face.

I stopped and checked on her. She seems fine but I have a feeling she's hiding something. She caught me narrowing my eyes at her and tilted her head. I shifted my gaze away and acted innocent. She chuckled and sighed. Her hand found my chin and turned my head to her. Her eyes traced down my face, taking a longer time on my lips, she kept looking higher until she met my eyes. "It's okay, I'm okay, you're okay" she spoke softly, assuring me everything will be alright. WE'RE OKAY.

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