35| T R E N T A-C I N Q U E
AKILA'S POV
Gerardo Albir, my father.
I laid down next to Alessandro and told him the one thing I once swore I would never tell to anyone but here I am letting it out to the twenty seven years old Italian mafia leader. It didn't feel weird on one other side, however it was relaxing on the other. For the first time, I didn't have to keep my identity a secret, I didn't have to lie about who I am and who I was. He didn't judge me, he never once thought I deserved any of it and that itself was enough for me to know he's exceptional.
I knew from the first day he wasn't there to fight nor looking for revenge, his only wish was to know who I am and not for business or whatever the hell he says, it's all because he wants to know the real me. As much as he denied it, I once did as well. I couldn't accept that there is a living being out there who wants me alive, it's not normal for a woman like me.
He understood me somehow that I can't believe until this day, how did he manage to feel and comprehend that much from a person he never had one conversation with. It's confusing yet impressive as he likes to describe me.
It's adorable but let's not get too deep into that yeah.
Anyways, it's sweet of him to care about me. I've never had someone who thought of my happiness or if I felt welcomed. He always made sure I'm included in whatever he's doing, even in his own breakfast along with remembering how much sugar I like in my coffee. It made me feel.
I'm always numb and I still am, it's just that even when you don't want to feel he makes all of these irresistible feelings appear leaving your mind and body shocked to this new unknown warmth crawling up your whole body.
He remembers everything, whether it's small or big. He takes all the time in the world to look at me as if he doesn't have a million things on his back, I'm not complaining believe me. He thinks I'm not noticing or simply don't care, oh my dear Alessandro.
It's funny if you ask me but I'm not playing with his feelings I swear. The thing is Akila right here has a face of a rock, it doesn't move nor change which affects him in a way I didn't want. I never want to hurt him, I would never want to hurt the only person I sort of trust.
Listen, I said once I don't trust anyone and I don't but he trusted me so damn hard that it pushed me to trust him as well you know. It's crazy how this is actually happening, what the actual hell. Am I seriously trusting a guy I don't even talk to.
This is, I don't even know how to explain it because it doesn't make sense. How did he accept that. I need the recipe.
"Is he the one who did it" asked a concerned Alessandro. He was trying so hard to stay calmed which is just so cute. God, what is happening to me.
I gently ran my other hand through his hair and fixed it a little bit since the air messed it up. "He's my father, don't worry he never touched me" he sighed in relief not knowing what I was about to tell him "But he would let me get abused" and there was the anger rising more and more as his body tensed so hard that it was about to turn into a wall. Not now Akila.
"Hey, it's okay" I told him softly, trying my best to let him know that I'm fine now because even if the person is between your arms sometimes you still have a feeling they're unsafe. "No it's not" he answered without looking at me. I lifted his chin up, meeting his emerald eyes "You know I got it right? and here I am, I'm much better as you can see" I finished with a smirk this time, come on I love it when I smirk and so does he. It's a fair point.
My mind was cut off by a leg grabbing mine as I got pulled into his chest. Next thing I know we were cuddling? I guess that's what they call it. He carefully rested his chin on my head due to my shorter figure while my head sat comfortably on his shoulder, both our legs were connected and mine was on top. I felt a couple fingers playing with my hair which made me giggle "I'm sorry all of this happened to you Akila and I'm not saying it in a pity way I'm only apologizing because I wasn't there each time it happened to help at least. I know you don't need me nor my help but for some reason I feel guilty, maybe because I let some negative thoughts get to me or something I don't know" he finished his sentence feeling completely frustrated and upset. I wanted to tell him that I'm okay and everything is alright, it's just that I'm not used to talking or having a normal conversation with humans. When I was young I wasn't allowed to speak, not even a single word which made me the person I am. I'm not good with communication through words, maybe through actions or body language but words I can't. I've never wanted to learn in my whole life until I realized I'll need it to communicate with him. All of a sudden I wanted to know or even he can teach me, just so we can both talk because talking to him always feels right. I don't know how to explain, all I know is if there's one person I should talk to then it's him.
I used to be more open towards my mother and Amelia. My mother would sneak in the basement behind my grandfather and check on me. She would bring me food since I wasn't allowed to have any. I wasn't allowed to have anything, he only gave me a white shirt and old trousers to wear throughout my childhood which were covered in blood and torn apart. My mother tried to help but she never tried her best. She's the one who told me to run away and came up with the whole plan. As long as my mother was a bitch and couldn't stand in front of her father in law who torture her child, she still helped. She knew I had no control, not me or her chose for me to be a girl. My grandfather always wanted a grandson, he had a lot of issues towards women. He would kill them and their families just so they work for him. When my father wanted to marry my mother he was against it until he offered the grandson he had always wanted. And as you guessed, he never got his grandson.
After my birth, he took me away from my parents. He threw me in the basement with no food or water. Imagine a newborn child thrown on the floor crying with nothing to do. He only let my mother feed me since I wouldn't stop crying and he only kept me alive just so he could punch my mother. At first he was aiming towards my mother as if she's the problem for giving birth to a girl not a boy but my father refused and told him to take it out on me.
He accepted and took me in and destroyed me with no sympathy. He didn't want me to rule the mafia after my father, he wanted a man not a fragile woman as he told me. He was planning to kill me when I turn eighteen, the age when the heir can take over the mafia after their father.
When I turned thirteen my mother couldn't take it, she couldn't take her beautiful daughter waking up each day with more bruises on her face and body so she planned my way out of it all. She gave me her last name which is Lorenzo and sent me to Amelia to take care of me.
I lived with Amelia and her mafia for three years. I didn't speak to anyone except for her and another girl. Amelian loved me as one of her daughters, she had children somewhere around the world but she left them for the mafia. She taught me everything, but not as much as you think. I never wanted for my family to know where I am or any single information about me, she promised she would keep whatever i tell her between me and her however it was hard for her to keep the promise.
One day I was waiting in her office when I found out she had been sending letters to my mother about my condition and that's when I planned running away on my own.
I flew all the way from Germany to Saudi arabia. I was sixteen and lost in a big city, I found myself fast and got great reflexes which shortly after made me steal just so I can make a living. I got myself a room in a cheap hotel and lived there for a long time. After a year of homeschooling in my small hotel room, I had to move out. I've noticed a couple times a group of people following me which could possibly be from my father's mafia so I didn't take the risk and left. My next stop was Australia, probably one of my favorite places.
I worked as a house cleaner, nobody knew what I looked like or my age. I would show up to an empty house, clean it and get out and later I receive the money through mail. I hated cleaning but it sure made some good money. I was well known around so many neighborhoods which caused people more curiosity. They wanted a name and that's when I created Antonio.
After a year or two I found another way to make money. One of my clients discovered my hacking skills. When I used to work in houses, my only condition was to turn off their security cameras while I'm working. Once I visited this guy called Robert to clean his house and his cameras weren't off. I hacked into his system and since then he gave me a job. I didn't accept at first since everything was a threat but he offered to work from home. He would send me bank accounts and government information to hack in. Sometimes he would make me hack into the security system of his 'friends'. I knew he works with some mafia around the world but of course that's kept a secret. Then I was followed again.
And that was my life. I would move from country to country, school after school. I've always been homeschooled, I would fake ids and birth certificates about my non existent parents to get in school. I've always liked math, I remember back in the days I would solve some problems when I was bored.
One day, I found myself in Sicilian. I first came to Italy when I turned twenty, my mother is Italian which was a big risk but I didn't care. I fell in love with a small land surrounded by the ocean from each side. There, I decided I'll stay and it will be my home.
I put all my money and years into building it, thank god it turned out perfect. And it turned out a little bit bigger than it should have. I built a castle.
I don't know man, majoring in civil engineering sure makes you go wild and that's what I did. I kept having more ideas by the second, ending with my baby girl. Every part of that castle held a part of my journey, each room described my time in each country. However, I had to leave. I didn't leave the whole city, I had to build a normal house close to the town for business.
I started working and going on missions day and night. Stealing from casino owners along with killing small assassins, it was all fun. Four years later and here I am. The Venom Antonio whom everyone fears, the one with the most ruthless heart you could ever meet. I'm called so many things as a ghost or strike, my personal favorite is morte oscura. It gives me goosebumps.
I laughed within my inner self as Alessandro and I sat in silence. He held me so tight as if I was going to run away, I wouldn't. I'm not the type of person who backs up from an 'alliance' as he likes to call it. He got so many names and words for these things.
I am cuddling with Alessandro. What the fuck.
I mean yeah I know everything about him but why is he and why am I. I sighed knowing there's no going back with these kind of, stuff.
"I hate the images in my head, it hurts knowing you've gone through this" he told me with full honesty. It made me feel bad for him, he didn't do anything wrong to feel guilty. In fact he did everything right, he's the only person who treats me right, even in the worst circumstances he still managed to find the best out of me.
"Don't worry about me Alessandro" I tried to ease his worry but he protested "I can't" he stopped to take a deep breath in, "I'm not saying you can't handle it but I know I'll always be worried that one day you won't come back to me" I don't know whether to find it wholesome or heartbreaking. I want him to know what's on in my mind, I want him to know I'll be here and he doesn't have to worry. We both sighed at the same time which caused my lips to smile. I pulled away to look at him, as his eyes landed on my face he finally smiled. I knew it would help.
"I'll always make it out alive"
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