October 31, 2021

Queen

I set down the tub of ice cream and lowered myself down on the couch weakly. It had been so long since I heard from anyone at the palace and I was shocked to see that Xavier was the first one to reach out to me. Out of everyone he seemed like he hated me the most...and out of everyone, I disliked him the most. I understood why he did what he did, it was for Syn. But after personally knowing me for three years, this was his second time not trusting me when I needed it most.

"Please don't hang up. I know I'm the last person you want to talk to," he said. Well duh, I rolled my eyes but stayed silent as he continued. "I know I'm sorry Queen, and you know it as well so I'm not going to annoy you with apologies. I'm just calling to talk about someone I'm hoping we both still love."

Syn. My head quickly assumed the answer before he said it, but I remained quiet. I didn't need him thinking there was hope for me and his friend to reunite and he'd go tell him.

"Umm...Syn isn't doing too well, Queen," he said. My brows furrowed in worry and I sat up in my spot. "I'm sure you know today is his birthday."

"Yes."

"He had a panic attack...I-I have no idea why and I don't know what to do. I know he's been having problems sleeping as well, but I don't know if the reasons are intertwined or—"

"Did you try asking him?" I could hear the concern in Xavier's voice clear as day because I became worried too. In all the time I'd known Syn, he'd never had a panic attack. I also knew that he was an early bird, but I didn't think there were any problems with sleep.

"We both know he's not going to talk to me, Queen."

I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes at his admission. I wasn't sure if these issues were rising because I left or if they were there the whole time. Syn was good at hiding things, but could he have shielded stuff like that from me for all this time?

"What can I even do about that, Xavier?" I questioned lowly. "Did you call me to tell me to come home?"

"No—I don't know. I just felt like the right thing to do was tell you. He married you for fucks sake, I thought you'd have some insight on what's going on so I could handle it."

His words caused me to shift in my seat uncomfortably. Syn and I did get married...but I didn't know shit about him if I truly thought about it. Of course, I knew the basics, but I had no clue how his mind or heart operated when he was alone. The thoughts that kept him up at night, or when he was looking off into space were unknown to me.

"I have no idea, Xavier. I'm sorry."

He sighed and I sunk into the couch. "It's alright, Queen. Thank you for picking up. I hope you're doing well."

"I'm okay," I said. There was an awkward pause on the call for a few seconds and I clicked my tongue. "Did he at least have a good birthday?"

"I mean he doesn't celebrate his birthday, but I think he had a decent time. I'm not sure."

"Oh, okay."

"Umm...I've got to go, Queen. Thank you."

"Sure." I wanted to ask him about other things in the palace including Cleo and Caspian, but he hung up before I could say anything else. I sat back and blew out a breath as I looked up at the ceiling in thought. I almost felt bad for not going out to the Halloween party, but I was glad I stayed home. Although I couldn't do anything, the update was nice.

My hand moved to the necklace around my neck instinctively and I sighed. Who would've ever thought we'd be here? I went from saying that in my wedding vows to saying it alone in an empty mansion.

My fingers toyed with the gem absentmindedly, but once I held it in my fully closed fist, I remembered what the necklace truly could do. With those thoughts floating around in my mind, I lifted my hair and unclamped my necklace. I set it down on the table in front of me and stood up, careful not to bump into anything so Syn wouldn't inadvertently get hurt.

As I stepped away from the necklace, a heavy feeling began to wash over me. The force was so overpowering that I halted my steps and thought about my entire life. Why do I feel like this? I slowly walked back to the couch and sat down as every horrible thing that's ever happened to me, rushed into my mind.

Mia killing me, my parent's betrayal, Syn and Xavia's deaths...images of those moments flowed nonstop in my mind and I started sobbing. My body shook as I cried and I grabbed the pillow beside me. I cried into it as everything continued and I almost let myself drown in my sea of sadness until I remembered a key fact. I'm not wearing the necklace.

That meant that these continuous emotional waves of self-defeat, worry, and loneliness weren't my own...they were his.

My hands trembled as I wiped my tear-stained cheeks, and I took deep breaths to stop more from pouring. I stood up once again weakly and battled the urge to sit back down and cry. This was going to be hard, but the only way I could remotely make Syn feel any better...was to fight him.

Not him himself of course, but this depression he seemed to be going through. I had to combat it with my own happiness. Happy was truly the farthest thing I was feeling at the moment but I needed to find a way to get there for him. I knew he'd do it for me if I needed it.

I walked to the speaker in the far living room and plugged my phone into the speaker. Music always made things better, so maybe it'd help. I went to my playlist, and when the music filled the room, I let out my worries. I made sure it wasn't too loud that Saint wouldn't wake up upstairs, but I let it be loud enough to feel like I was having my own concert.

Although I was still feeling shitty, I danced to the music until the thundering thoughts became a faint and quiet hum.  I practically screamed along with the songs as I danced around the room, and I filled my mind with images of Syn and me.

I thought about the night we met and the way he looked at me, my body began to heat as thoughts of his touch brought me back to a time where we were carefree. A time when it felt like it was the both of us against the world.

I kept going until I no longer felt the sadness and when I turned off the music, I was heavily breathing and fanning myself with my hands. I collapsed tiredly on the couch as tiredness weighed me down, and I fell asleep hoping that everything I just did didn't go to waste.

Xavier

The party was still going on nonstop downstairs, but it was time for me to change. Caspian, Cleo, and I started the night off in our regular attire, but we agreed to wear our costumes at eight. I walked into my closet to get the pirate costume Cas had picked out for me. It was a bit revealing, but if I didn't wear it, I knew he would.

I removed the jacket of my suit and picked up the costume when a small pack of paper fell to the floor. I picked it up and cursed myself for forgetting to put it in the bag with Syn's other gifts. I set it down on the dresser and removed my clothes. I'd just have to take it to him when I was done. I almost contemplated not giving it to him at all, but maybe it'd make him laugh.

I put on the costume and looked at myself in the mirror before heading out of the room. The breeze in the halls nearing Syn's room made me shiver and I wished that this shirt didn't expose my chest the way that it did. After a long walk, I made it to Syn's room, and when I saw that the door was open, I knocked before striding in.

"Well, it looks I I for—" I abruptly stopped walking when I saw Syn spread messily on top of his bed. His suit was still on along with his shoes, and he didn't bother getting into his covers or closing his bedroom door for that matter.

The display was so unlikely for him considering it was so early and he hadn't taken any steps to truly prepare to go to sleep. The man I knew well wouldn't have just fallen asleep with his door wide open. Especially not during a party.

"Syn..." I called out cautiously as I walked towards him. Beside his head was the book of pictures of us I had given him that I wanted him to open privately. It took me years to do considering I was waiting for his 30th birthday, but it was worth it. I could hear his snores as I got closer and I relaxed as I confirmed he wasn't dead. He just must've been really tired.

He had a speech to make at the end of the night regarding all the charitable donations, but it looked like I'd have to take his place. I could've woken him up, but I'd feel horrible if he couldn't go back to sleep.

I pulled his shoes off and tossed them to the floor before picking up one of Saint's blankets from the edge of the bed and laying over the top portion of his body. I snickered at the sight and sighed as I turned off the lamp next to his bed. Looking around the room once more, I made my way out of the door and closed it behind me.

Sleep well.

꧁꧂

Author's Note

Any guesses as to what just happened to Syn?🌚👀
Lmk your thoughts ✨