October 31, 2000

Syn

"Happy birthday, Syn," my mother whispered sadly as she held a cupcake in front of me. I watched her look at the chains on my wrists with tears eyes. I could tell she was trying her best not to cry, but I didn't understand why she was so...sad? She has a frown on her face and from what I learned that's what sadness was, but there was nothing to be sad about.

My mom taught me that people were sad for a lot of different things: when someone died, when someone was in pain, or when their feelings were hurt. None of those happened today, so I was really confused.

I thought birthdays were a time when people were supposed to smile. They always smiled when it was Felix's birthday...was it just different with me?

I took the cupcake from her hands as best as I could and held it between my own. "Thank you," I whispered as I looked at the candle. I flinched as she moved to give me a hug and a tear fell down her cheek. "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you cry?"

"Umm," she said with a small smile. "Because I'm sad."

"Oh," I said lowly. "Should I be sad with you?"

"No," she quickly shook her head. "Being sad isn't a fun thing, Syn. I would never want you to be sad."

"Okay." My stomach began making noises and my mother laughed. "Was that a sad laugh or a happy one?"

More tears began streaming down her face at my question and I waited patiently. My mind was jumbled with the many possibilities of what was going on. I was able to read facial expressions, but more often than not, I was wrong about how people were feeling.

Maybe that's why I wasn't allowed to go outside anymore.

"I don't know," she whispered. I continued eating the cupcake and she hummed a random tune as she sat down in front of me. "Can I ask you something, Syn?"

"Sure."

"What did you feel when you killed Julius's friends? I'm sure you know that everyone is pretty upset with you."

"I felt a little sleepy," I said with a shrug. "Why are people mad at me? I didn't say anything hurtful."

"Syn..." she said as she wiped her tears. "Those people had families. And when people's families die, they get upset. Especially at the person who is responsible for their family being gone."

"But aren't we family?"

"Yes, we are."

"Then I don't understand," I whispered. "I wouldn't be upset if you were killed."

She began crying again and I sighed. "I know you wouldn't, Syn. And it's my fault that you're like this."

"Like what?"

She ran her hand through my hair and shook her head softly. "So lonely, and heartless. If I hadn't been so stupid, then maybe you would've been born to a better mother. One that would know how to care for you."

"I think you're a great mother," I said with a full mouth. "You're very nice to me."

She nodded slowly as she picked up a cup on the floor beside her and held it out to me. "I know you don't know what it is, but I do love you, Syn. In another life, I hope you can find happiness. I hope you're born into a family that will treat you well, and I hope that your mind will be different."

"I don't understand."

"Drink this," she insisted as more tears streamed down her face. I set the cupcake down and took the cup and stared into the dark liquid. I brought it to my lips and downed it quickly before handing it back to her.

"That didn't taste good."

"You don't feel anything?" She questioned. I shook my head slowly and the metal door to the room burst open. Julius walked in and I watched as he pulled my mother up by the hair.

"Liar! Kill him before I kill your entire family, Genesis!" He snapped as he placed his gun into her hand. "The kingdom is in an uproar because of that monstrosity you brought into this world! Do it, because if I have to...it will be painful and you will have to watch your entire family be executed."

"I tried!" She sobbed. —You tried what? I thought to myself. I could hear Julius's words clear as day, but I couldn't understand why they were acting the way that they were. My head began to throb as they argued, and I closed my eyes.

"Take the fucking gun, Genesis!" He screamed at her. I remained still in my spot and thought of what I would eat if I had the choice. I liked pancakes, but waffles and whipped cream was something I enjoyed. I'd seen commercials of plenty of restaurants in Juva, and I wondered which one I would go to when I was older.

"I can't!" She sobbed. "Please just let him go! We'll leave. I swear, Julius!"

"You want me to let you leave so you can fucking be with Lucifer?!" He roared. "Are you insane?!"

Strawberry syrup!

How could I forget about that? That was something that tasted good with waffles. Wherever I went, I'd have to make sure they had strawberry syrup. Blueberry or chocolate was good as well though— oh! I could just mix it couldn't I?

"You brought him a fucking cupcake?! Why the hell would you do that shit?" Julius said so loudly that I had to cover my ears. My eyes were still closed as I tried to imagine the multiple foods, but a hard item against my head made me open my eyes. Julius was crouch down in front of me with the gun on my head, and I looked at him quizzically. "Your birthday means nothing, do you understand me? Your birth signifies the day that all our lives went to Hell and for that, your birthday will NEVER be a celebration."

"Julius stop!" My mother yelled as she tried to pull him away from me. From his tone, I could tell his words were aimed to hurt me, and I expected to feel nothing as always. But my chest ached. Is that supposed to happen?

"What?!" He snapped at her. "You're making him believe that he's like any other child when he's not!"

Julius turned away from me to focus on her, and they began struggling over the gun. After a few moments, he managed to push her to the floor, and I watched as he lifted the gun down in her direction. Three loud bangs sounded in the small and cold room and I flinched at each one. It was almost as if I could feel each one hitting me like thunder and I shut my eyes tightly.

When I opened them, my eyes landed on my mother who was sitting against the wall and holding on to a wound on her stomach. Her breathing was shallow and her blood pooled onto the floor around us.

"Keep in mind that I can kill you and your loved ones at any moment I desire, Gen. You have twenty-four hours to find another way to kill him."

I told her moments ago that I would feel nothing if someone killed her, but I spoke too soon. I was right in the sense that I wouldn't be sad...but there was something else. Another feeling that I didn't recognize creeping inside of me...

Rage.

Not solely directed at Julius for trying to kill her, but at my mother for living...after trying to kill me.

꧁꧂

Hades raised his hands in defeat and I sighed before turning back to the crowd. The only person who even remotely acknowledged my birthday was Xavier. He didn't know the truth about why I hated my birthday, but he still insisted on buying me gifts and a cake.  He didn't know that it slowly killed me inside to see him so happy about an occasion that ruined everyone's lives, and I never talked about it.

I'd let him celebrate a thousand birthdays with me before I ever told him a fraction of the secrets I kept. I trusted him more than anyone, but it wasn't a conversation I'd ever be ready to have.

"As I was saying, this event is solely to raise money. As it is Halloween, you may wear a costume if you wish. I expect you all to spread the news of the party," I said. I walked to the stairs on the stage and didn't miss the way the girl I embarrassed earlier stared at me. The only reason I had paid any attention to her was that her name made me think about Queen, but as I spoke to her more and read the questions, I saw no similarities.

I passed Hades at the door and he walked beside me as we headed out. "How'd I do?" I questioned.

"Well," he grimaced. "You were a big dick, but everyone likes that the Devil has a sense of humor."

"A sense of humor?"

"When you were telling jokes on stage with the girl's notebook," he reminded me.

"I wasn't telling jokes."

"You don't expect anyone to believe that your dick is one centimeter, do you?"

"You could've used me joking about my height as an example, Hades," I muttered. He laughed as we left the building and I shook my head. The paparazzi and a camera crew were outside taking photos of me as we walked down the steps of the building, but I ignored them and walked to where my driver was waiting.

"Syn! How do you feel about being Number 1 in Juva's top 100?!"

"What are you doing to stop The Synners?!"

"Are you single?!"

"How do you feel about Queen SinClaire's rumored fling?"

I stopped dead in my tracks and Hades tugged on my arm to get me to keep walking. "Let's just go, Syn," he said calmly. I ignored his warning and turned around to face the reporter who shoved a mic in my face.

"Rumored fling?" I asked.

"Yes, last week on Earth she was spotted at dinner with football player Aiden Greene. He even posted a picture with her on social media."

My heart broke into a million pieces at her words and I stood frozen in front of her. "Oh," I said lowly. Before I could say anything else, Hades ushered me towards the car and opened the door. "Get in." I got into the car and laid my head on the seat as he closed the door. I closed my eyes as the car became completely silent, but a moment later, another door opened and Hades sat in the backseat beside me.

My eyes remained shut as the car began moving and I thought about Queen. It hadn't even been two months since she left and she was already with someone else? Who was he? Did she bring him around Saint? Did Saint like him more than he liked me?

Fuck.

"Well?" Hades asked.

"What what?"

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know?" He questioned. "You have to know something whether it's how you feel or how you're going to handle this, Syn."

"I do know how I'm going to handle this."

"How?"

"I..." I said as I took a deep breath. "...am going to kill myself, Hades. I'm going to kill myself." He burst out into laughter at my dramatic confession and I rubbed my temples. "I'm just—I'm just going to jump out of this car and hope that a truck hits me."

"As fun as that would be to watch," he laughed. "You still wouldn't die."

"Great," I mumbled.

"Relax Syn," he instructed. "As someone who still frequently talks to Queen, I can assure you that she's completely single. As far as I know, that guy is a friend." I let out a breath of relief and dropped my hand from my head. "BUT, that doesn't mean she won't date in the future. She's moving on, and you should as well."

I was too stubborn to vocally tell him that he was right, but deep down I knew it. I was holding out for a small chance that one-day things would return to how they were...but it was ridiculous. Queen would never come back to me, not when there were millions of guys who'd treat her better than I ever could.

"How are The Synners?" I changed the subject. He sighed at the change and sat back in his seat. "Well, I still don't think it's a good idea that you're involved with them...but they're thriving if you're talking about deaths-wise."

"Let Gabriel know that I'd like to meet with him," I said. "The media is becoming too conscious of their activities and I can't protect them if I don't know EXACTLY what they're doing."

"I'll make the call," he said.

"Also, your friend Dimitri is a fucking mess at work."

He laughed softly and smiled in adoration. "But a cute mess, right?"

"No," I answered casually and he scoffed. "Anyways, what are you going to be for the Halloween party?"

"My charming self," he said with a smile.

"No...seriously."

꧁꧂

Author's Note

The flashback😤
Lmk your thoughts ✨