CHAPTER 33

"Im getting the next train to London." Finn spoke, letting the door slam behind him. He'd never ran so quickly through Small Heath. His legs were burning as he reached the train station.

"I need a ticket to London, now." He demanded, trying to regain his breath. The older man slowly printed the ticket and frowned as Finn pushed two pound toward him. "Keep the change," he said, snatching the ticket and running out to the platform where the train waited.

He'd just about made it. The train left only seconds after he'd sat down.

Anxiety had filled Finn as the train moved slow from Birmingham to London. It'd take two hours for the train to get there. But he didn't care, as long as he got there.

-

Tilly sobbed, fighting against Ada's grip as she tried to force her to take the pills. "Tilly, i'm sorry but you need these, i've told you countless times!" Ada said quietly, trying not to hurt her.

"No, stop it!" Tilly argued, trying to push the brunette away. Ada kept herself calm and kept fighting with Matilda. "Ada please! I don't want them,"

"You need them."

"No!" Tilly shook her head, "I need Finn, he makes me happy. I don't need these fucking drugs! If I hadn't of left, none of this would've happened. It's my fault i'm like this."

Ada shook her head, Tilly's words saddening her. "Don't say that," Ada whispered.

"It's true!" She croaked, her knees growing weak. Ada held her shoulders, allowing Tilly to lean into her as she slowly fell to the floor. "Finn makes me happy," she repeated quietly, a tight grip on Ada's arm.

"I know, i know," Ada shushed, cradling the younger girl. "But Finn isn't here,"

Ada had attempted for what felt like hours to get Tilly to take her medication. John had called her at 12.05 am, it took her almost forty minutes to get to Tilly's home. That was half an hour ago. It was now 1.15 am.

And Tilly was still fighting.

Ada had seen this behaviour before. In her own mother. It scared Ada because she knew how dangerous mental illnesses could be to somebody. And she was refusing to allow Matilda to destroy herself.

"Please stop," Tilly whispered as Ada held her chin tightly. "I don't want them,"

Ada winced as she forced the small pill into Matilda's mouth, watching as her face screwed up. Ada held her mouth closed and felt awful as she gagged.

"I'm sorry, Tilly" Ada apologised, stroking Tilly's hair. Tilly shook her head, spitting the pill onto the floor. Ada wanted to scream in anger. She thought she'd done it.

There was a loud bang on the door. "Who the fuck," Ada stood cautiously, not wanting to leave the girl alone.

She quickly made her way to the door and opened it slowly, Finn stood absolutely drenched from the rain. "What's happened?" He asked, pushing past her and into the house.

"Finn what're you doing here,"

"What has happened Ada!?" He demanded to know what was going on. "She's spiralled again Finn." Ada whispered, trying her best to stay quiet.

A glass shattered.

Finn breathed heavily, his chest heaving up and down. He walked into the drawing room where Tilly now stood at the end of the table, a shard of glass in her hand. She pointed it toward the door, expecting Ada.

Finn's eyes were wide.

"Tilly, what are you doing. Put it down." He said calmly. Ada peered over his shoulder, a light gasp leaving her mouth. "Get away," she cried.

"Til, we're not going to hurt you, i promise." He slowly approached her. "Why are you here?" Tilly asked, her hands shaking.

"I'm here to help you," he assured her, getting closer. As he stood in front of her, he gently grabbed her hand. "Let go," Finn said, trying to take the glass from her hand. She relaxed her hand, allowing him to take it from her,

"See, i'm not going to hurt you,"

The Tilly he was looking at was not the Tilly he knew. Her eyes were dark and tired. Her skin was pale and her body was weak.

"They tried to kill me," Tilly croaked, her voice cracking.  "I'm sorry," she whispered. Finn shook his head, raising his eyebrows. "It's okay, nobody's angry with you," he nodded, pulling her in slowly.

Ada grabbed the pill bottle and took another, walking to them both. Tilly looked behind her, panic arising in her as Ada stood there. "Finn, hold her," Ada said quickly. Finn frowned and held Tilly's shoulders.

Ada grabbed her chin once more and placed the tablet on Tilly's tongue, forcing her mouth closed again. Tilly's chest rose up and down quickly as she attempted to shout but struggled. Finn closed his eyes, holding her tight.

"Get off me!" She screamed, finally swallowing the medication. A lump had gathered in Finn's throat. Ada took a step backward, guilt filling her. "Get off!" Tilly sobbed, trying to pull away from him.

"Tilly it's only me, please stop!" He begged, keeping her still. "Stop it." He whispered, grabbing her face. "Stop."

"It's me. It's Finn. You can trust me, i'm here to help you. Just like i used to, remember?" He said quietly, trying to calm her down. She nodded quickly. "Are you going to let me help you, Tilly?"

Tilly allowed herself to steady her breathing and she slowly realised what had happened, what she'd done. "Oh my god.." she whispered, feeling ashamed. She hadn't even realised what she was doing.

Ada stood silently beside the door.

"What is wrong with me, Finn. I need answers," she pleaded, holding onto him for support. "This isn't your fault, Til, i promise."

She shook her head. "It is."

"No, it's not. Stop that. You'll stress yourself out again."

"I'm going to call Pol, then i'll go home. I trust you'll look after her tonight, Finn." Ada looked toward Finn. He nodded.

"He said I'll die crossing the street, Finn. They're going to kill me. All because i said..fucking no!" She whispered, gripping onto him tightly. He shook his head, "who? Tell me who."

"Angel Changretta. This is all Arthur's fault!" She shouted, pressing a finger into Finn's chest. "He sent me there, and look what has happened. His fault."

"What're you talking about?"

"He told me that i had to go to that fucking pub and look out for anything out of place. I did as I was told and Angel Changretta fucking approached me. Asked me about my family. He asked me out and i refused and here we are, I could've died today but i killed the man who had the gun to my chest, Finn." She whispered, her voice shaking as the moment replayed in her head.

Finn's mind went back to the event earlier that day when John had threatened to put bullets in Angel Changretta's knees.

"Oh fuck.." he said quietly.

"Finn, David cannot find out about what happened tonight," She grabbed his arms, begging him. "Okay, i won't tell him. Take a breath." He said, his eyes full with concern once more.

-

Ada found it mesmerising how quick her younger brother could calm Tilly down. Nobody could have done that. Nobody but Finn. It had now became clear that they weren't staying away from each other any time soon. Not if it was up to Finn.

She knew that as long as Tilly had Finn by her side, she'd be better than she would be if she was alone. Ada was okay with that. Ada knew her brother loved the girl more than anything else he'd ever known. And it was shocking for her to see. She thought it was impossible for a Shelby man to love a woman. But maybe it wasn't.

"How does he do it, Aunt Pol?" Ada asked, holding the phone inside her own house. "How is he the only person that can make her feel okay?"

"Sometimes, Ada. Sometimes you can't explain what you see in a person. It's just the way they can take you to a place nobody else can. Finn is the person that takes Matilda to that place. And that's okay. She has nobody else. She was abandoned by her mother. Everything that has happened to Tilly has been a chain of awful events that we struggled to prevent."

She paused.

"It was our job to protect her. My job to protect her. And each and every one of us failed."

"She said to me that if she hadn't left Birmingham, none of this would've happened because she would've still been with Finn."

"No, Ada. If she hadn't left Birmingham, it would've happened and been ten times worse. Especially because her and Finn would still be together. Honest feelings and bad timing make the most painful combination-" Polly spoke.

Ada laughed slightly. "Are you a poet or something, Pol?"

"No, I just know that girl more than anybody else, even Finn. I can read her like a book. She's like my own daughter, Ada." Polly took a deep breath. "And i pray to god that she can get the help she needs."

-

Finn lay beside Tilly in her empty bed, comforting her the best way he could. She stared blankly at the wall, her hand under her legs.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, looking down at her. Tilly took a deep breath. "Why did you come here tonight, Finn?" She asked, "answer me honestly, I don't want any lies."

Finn cleared his throat. "Because I care about you,"

"Bull shit."

"Fine. I love you, that's why i came tonight. I haven't stopped loving you, even after you left me back in Birmingham, it didn't stop. I've never looked at a girl the same way i look at you. And I just wish you'd have talked to me. Because now things are different."

"The only thing that is different is that i'm with another person,"

"Yes, and i hate seeing that. I'm sorry but I do. I hate knowing that he gets to comfort you and share a bed with you. Because that should be me. Not him."

She looked up at him. "He'll never love you as much as I do, Tilly. Believe me, nobody ever could. You were my first..everything." Finn admitted. She felt guilty.

He continued rambling and she couldn't help but re-live old moments in her head. Finn gave her a sense of comfort and reassurance that made her forget the events of that night. He made her feel different. Happy.

Tilly couldn't help herself, she reached her hand up to the side of his neck and leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. It took Finn a moment before he kissed her back. But when he did, his lips tingled.

Her heart was pounding. After all this time, she never did love David, her heart was still with Finn.

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Borderline Personality Disorder: Borderline personality disorder is a condition that affects how you think, feel and interact with other people.
Symptoms of borderline personality include being emotionally unstable, having upsetting thoughts and acting without thinking. The cause of borderline personality disorder is unclear. It's been linked to traumatic events during childhood, such as neglect or abuse.

Sorry if this whole chapter about Tillys breakdown seems dramatic. I was half asleep when i wrote this and i can't be bothered re-writing.

The purpose of this new storyline is to get some sort of message across about mental illnesses and how detrimental they can be to the person and the people around them. In Tilly's case, they come at random moments like some mental health issues do. I apologise if the way i've represented her issues is unrealistic but i suppose the idea is there.  And i'm trying my best to make her case of BPD as realistic as possible considering i don't have it myself. I apologise if the representation isn't accurate.