इस दर्द-ए-दिल की सिफारिश

अब कर दे कोई यहाँ

कि मिल जाए इसे वो बारिश

जो भिगा दे पूरी तरह।

"Vivah sampan hua," the priest said, and I took a deep breath. My heart skipped a beat, and a huge emotion turmoil just stopped for a second. My heart suddenly started feeling heavy. My eyes unknowingly for a second went to him to look at him only to witness his eyes already on me.

A shiver ran through my body, and I looked away. My cheeks turn red due to embarrassment, I can still feel his heavy gaze on me. It was making me more nervous than I already was.

"Chalo beta, ashirwaad le lo sab ka"
(Come, take blessings from everyone)

I heard my mother's voice, and I came out of my thoughts. I looked at her, and I saw her eyes were filled with tears, but her lips had a smile. Looking at her, my heart skipped a beat, and then I looked up at my father.

There, he was standing in a simple kurta pajama staring at me with tears in his eyes. That moment hit hard. I realized I'm married, and I had to leave my house, my father.

Like all the airs were snatched away from my lungs, I felt a lack of oxygen around me. I kept staring at him while he kept looking away, avoiding looking at me.

I kept sitting there until I felt a warm hand wrapping around my hand. Until I felt a little pressure in our entwined hand. Like the owner was trying to give me strength.

But I wasn't able to control myself. My tears weren't controllable. I felt someone pulling me up, I realized it was my husband. It was him, who was holding my hand all the time. He, for a second, looked at me and then nodded his head, like understanding that I wanted to be in my father's arm.

More tears fall from eyes, and without wasting any second, I ran to him. My husband, who was following me, followed, holding our gathbandan.

Wrapping my arms around my father's fragile body, I cried. Not a second later, I felt his wrapping his arms around me. Putting my head on his chest, I cried just as I cried when I was a child and lost my doll.

He consoled me just as he did that day, running his hand over my head he silently cried with me. Someone hugged me from back, but I was too lost to realize. By the sobs, I realized it was my mother. My mother pulled me back, which I let her. I don't want my father to feel suffocate. My tears now were unstoppable. I looked in my father's eyes and saw happiness.

This marriage might be something I never desired. Something I never dreamt this early but looked at him. I realized how happy I was to make him by this. I can see the relief in his eyes. He then cupped my face and then kissed my forehead.

"Nahi beta, rote nahi hai. Aaj to aapka sabse bara din hai. Apko ek naya pariwar, ek jeevansathi mila hai. Aise roo ke apne ek naye risto ka swagat nahi karte. Chalo haso avi"

("No, dear, don't cry. Today is the biggest day of your life. You've found a new family, a life partner. You don't welcome a new relationship with tears. Come on, smile now.")

I can't
But for him, I did.

Saying he sat on his chair, as he couldn't stand for a long time. Kissing the back of my hand, he let me go with a smile. I, too, smiled at him. I can't cry here, I can't in front of him.

I hugged my mother & cried in her arms. Still crying, I looked around to spot my big brother. He is angry with me.

I know.

He never wanted me to continue with this marriage, but what can I do? I can't let my dying father have any of his wishes incomplete.

As much as I love my brother, I trust my father, too.

I spot him far from the mandap, with lowered head and posture like he failed. I walked to him. I can feel my husband silently following me. I was thankful that he wasn't like those husbands my cousin sister told me about.

I can't judge anyone this soon, but they did say that her husband gritted his teeth at her when she cried a little longer. Here, he is being patient with me, which I'm grateful for.

Standing in front of my brother, I held his hand. He looked up, and I saw his eyes pooling with tears. He looked so defeated. This made me cry harder. I threw myself in his arms and tightened my hold around him. He, too, hugged me close to his heart.

He didn't say anything, but I could hear him whimper. I have always been my brother princess. With 8 years age gap, I have always been like his first child. But when we told him about my marriage he suddenly became too angry. After hearing its Sidharth, he was uncontrollable.

Bhai told me multiple times to say no, but how can I? Even once I tried, my father was so confident about him. I can't choose in between my dying father & and brother, but at last, I decided to face whatever the consequences would be. I'll go with this marriage.

We were still hugging when suddenly bhai whispered in my ear -

"Ye aasu to kuch bhi nahi hai, tumhe usse shadi kar ke apni zindagi khud barbad kar li. Aab ye rona to zindagi bhar ka hai"

(These tears are nothing. You have ruined your life on your own. Now, these tears will last for the lifetime)

I stood frozen after hearing him. I pulled myself from that hug & looked at bhai. I can't believe he said something like that to me.

"Bhai?" I whispered somehow. The chaos happening behind me went silent. I can only see those brown pairs of eyes that were filled with tears and pain. I can see he was having difficulty in maintaining eye contact, and as expected, he looked at my face like he wanted to hide me, and then he looked at my husband. His face turned sour, and with that, he went away, leaving me in tears & confusion.

Why bhai will say that?
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Sitting on his bed, Noor looked at herself in the mirror placed near the bed. Her bridal lengha spread all over the bed while her hand was having the dark imprint of henna.

After her tearful, vidai & a silent long ride with only his little nephew talking. They were finally at his place. They all decided to perform all the rituals tomorrow as it was already past midnight.

They got married too after 2 months of their engagement. In the whole time, she was thinking about her upcoming life, responsibilities duties toward everyone.....especially toward him.

Sitting on his bed, she looked around to see the classy room of him, which reminded her of him. It will be a lie if she will say she wasn't hurt when he ignored her all the time at the wedding or in the car, he never tried to talk to her after their engagement.

She was glad that she got his parents as her In -Laws, especially his mother. They were so good and soft toward her that she never, for once, felt they were her in-laws.

Even his small sister, which is of her age, was very friendly toward her. His all cousins, who are almost older than her, were very friendly toward her. After their engagement, she kept her contact with her, and hence, it resulted in their newborn friendship.

In the entire two months, she was happy if we ignored the part of her father's deteriorating health and his absence from her life, not that she was ready to interact already.

After their small encounter, her innocent mind was too much occupied to think anything negative toward him. She thought he was just being conservative, as her family was. She thought he was a man who thought that he shouldn't be meeting his would be wife before their marriage, as she had seen in her parent's house and neighbors.

Sitting on the bed, she looked around the decorations, which made her heart beat fasten, and cheeks reddened. She fumbled with her finger in anxiety and fear. But the top most was...nervousness.

She knows it's their first night, and as per ritual, she had to give her innocence to him, but was she ready?

No!
She wasn't!

But she also knows she can't stop him from having his rights over her. She was taught, she had seen around, and that's what her mother told her.

He is your husband. Obey his every command without questioning. Never try to talk back to him. Most importantly, let him do whatever he does with you because it's his rights on you understand, dear.

Coming from a small village, that too from an orthodox family with conservation thinking. That's what her mother did until now and wanted her to do the same for having a happy marital life.

He is my husband, and I have no right to stop him.

Just thinking all this about the consequences of saying yes to his demand made her shiver. Sweat Brad's forms on her forehead, and that's when the door cracks open.

Reveling, a man dressed in traditional Indian attire. Sleeves pulled up until his elbow showed his veiny hand, chest out showing his pride and toned body. The poor cloth clings to his chest like second skin, giving a shameless show to anyone looking at him. In Indian attire, fitting perfectly, he looks like a giant to her. His height was something that always left her amaze.

Surely 6.2 ft+

And here she was with her 5.4 ft. Height.

She quickly tore her gaze from him when she heard a throat clearing sound. Her cheeks brightened up in shame, and she immediately looked down. Still sitting on the bed, she squirmed under his intense gaze.

She curled herself more as she felt his dominating presence inside the room. Her heart almost stopped beating when she heard his locking the door from inside. With a fast heartbeat and almost uneven breath, she dared to look up at him, whose back was facing her.

He was searching something inside his wardrobe, showing his back to her. He hadn't said anything to her until now, and that was scaring her.

Again, without uttering any words, he took out his clothes and walked inside the washroom, leaving a confused somewhere and hurt Noor back.

She kept sitting on his bed without knowing anything. At that moment, she felt abandoned, hurt, and lost. Feeling awkward, she was about to get up from the bed when the bathroom door cracks open, reveling a silent Sidharth who not for once had looked at his newly wedded bride.

She looked at him, hoping he would say something, but all her hopes crashed Down, he went toward their bed without even sparing her a glance. And laid there on the bed showing her his back.

What happened to him?

She felt like crying seeing his strange and unknown behavior. She doesn't know what to feel right now. She was in the room with an unknown man who did not once look at her & and congratulations, he is her husband too. She felt her skipping a beat at the realization.

Biting on her lips, she got up and took one of her night dresses from her suitcase and went inside the bathroom in complete silence. Coming out, she again looked at him, whose eyes were closed now. Tears of shame and helplessness form in her eyes seeing her husband, her life partner with whom she had to spend her whole life, being this much distant toward her. Not only did he disrespect her, but also the pure bond they just made. Her head started to spin just by thinking all this.

Not knowing whether she should sleep, she looked at the sofa placed in the room. She went toward the sofa silently and sat there. Tears were flowing from her eyes, but her naive mind wasn't ready to think anything negative about him still now. She couldn't understand what just happened? She was hurt.

Yew, she never desired this marriage this soon, but like any other girl, she to have few dreams of her future man and seeing him like this he didn't fit in them at all.

A bit of respect and an understanding nature was all she wanted.....somewhere a little romantic too. But it looks like she got nothing.

She doesn't know what to do else besides thinking upon her husband, her marriage. Is it really ruined, like her brother said? Or he was just tired. Even if he was, it doesn't give him any right to react like this.

But again, her mind was organized in that way to never lose her cool this soon. From the very child, she has seen males of her house being least to no affectionate toward their wife. Yes, this hurt her expectations, but she wasn't ready to give up when she just started.

And it was in her favor, too. She might have taught me to have a certain attitude in her marriage. She was in relief because she didn't have to go through what her cousin sister told her about.

Thinking all this She laid on the sofa, and soon because of tiredness, she slips into deep slumber with a confused mind & and a disappointed heart.
_________________________________________

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Though about Sidharth? Her brother?Noor?

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