CHAPTER THREE ,
the watch

⠀I could not fathom the number of times my head had rattled against the cool glass of the car window. How many times I would tilt my head back and watch the passing, tall trees. As if a spike merry-go-round.

⠀It did seem like this past winter, all we had done was go around in circles. Every place looked the same, with its dreary backdrop accompanied by our tired gazes.

⠀I had been sitting in the same seat these months and it had clearly gotten old. Not only the car, and the fabric which I sat upon, but the routine. There was a gnawing for change that almost hurt. Whereas the world before held multiple, colorful possibilities ― this one was almost black and white ― but to me it was gray. As if the morals had all blended together, into one big mess of killings and lack of mercy.

⠀Mercy was not normally something you associated with me. I did not receive it so it was only fitting I never gave it back.

⠀Everyone was starving. We lived on stale things and small pickings, not going around the group too generously. It was obvious that most of us had lost the muscle we needed to protect ourselves.

⠀And with me being out of commission for quite some time, I was weaker than I needed.

⠀The overwhelming silence that hung over us like a daunting fog seemed to blind our positivity. Make us think there was nothing more to anything than the ground we stood on. There was just the road, and then there was us.

⠀I felt a drip run itself down my spine, as I used my right thumb to gently press the sticky part of my bandage back onto my stomach ― it was slowly falling away, no help to the heat. When winter ends, the water mixes in the air and causes us to breathe heavily at the swirling scenery.

⠀I leaned forward from against the burning car, adjusting the strap of the bag on my shoulder. I furrowed my brows, listening carefully to the sounds that emanated from the house in front of us.

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⠀I felt my ankles ache beneath me, as I crouched low towards the ground. I wouldn't sit, I would continue to have a higher ground than the mess I had made. It laid out in front of me, seeping into the wood of the floor.

⠀I could almost hear the wet creak beneath my feet, but I was too consumed by the soft tick of a watch. Other than the unrecognizable pile that was once Will, his arms and hands were still intact. It was a design of carnage proportions. But at the turn of his hand, wrapped tightly around his wrist was a watch.

⠀I reached over, feeling his limp bones on my fingers as I unlatched the metal.

⠀My eyes followed the small hands in inside that moved, each tick like a shockwave, it had its own presence. Like Will had been placed in this item, and he was watching me.

⠀I curled my fingers around it, letting the watch dig into my palm. I eventually wrapped it around my own wrist, snapping the latches and admiring it's fit.

⠀Will was not someone to grieve over - I did that for Shane, Sophia, Jacqui ― not this man. Despite this, I had that voice in the back of my head telling me to do so. This one was dead because of me because I wanted him dead.

⠀The complexities of such a thing don't settle on your stomach easily. Sometimes they don't settle at all and are merely reminiscent of a fever dream. An event you did when your mind wasn't there, so it didn't really happen. You were just dreaming and it's still a dream.

⠀Sometimes I feel like I dream it for myself because the truth was too terrible. Like this isn't it, and there's more to what's worse in this world.

⠀I shouldn't be upset about something as small as Will Day's head split open before me, especially if I caused it.

⠀I blew out a yawn, setting my legs straight.

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⠀Soon enough, and thankfully, Rick appeared in the front doorway. He waved us over, whistling lightly. Carol took the lead in front of us, followed by Lori and then myself.

⠀I pressed a hand to my shirt, hauling the rucksack on my shoulder as we moved up to the porch. My legs felt like weights beneath me, as my pelvis ached under the pressure. I forced myself upwards, watching in awe at Lori's relentless strength despite her current vulnerability.

⠀And they dragged the bodies out into the hallway, blood trailing after their caved heads. It smelled awful, and the sight wasn't much better.

⠀We all began herding ourselves into the living room, the heat not much different to the outside, meaning shade would not help us. Everyone was bustling around, passing bags and spare weapons as we sat on the ground.

⠀Everyone found their purchase location, a sickening silence filling the air much like the stench from the walkers that lay just outside.

⠀I saw Harvey and T-dog sit on the farthest side of the room, staying close to the window as they peered out.

⠀Most people took their places on the floor, kneeling down or letting their legs stretch out on the old rotting wood floor.

⠀I worried that if I sat that far down, I wouldn't be able to get back up. I was reminded especially of this, when my stomach growled lowly. Along with hollow rattles, the creek of the walls and floors, and the heavy breathing that came from almost everyone ― I grimaced.

⠀We all seemed to pool together, circling ourselves in the room, looking across from each other.

⠀Maggie and Glenn sat on an old wicker chair together, Rick just behind them as he lifted a stained curtain from the window. They huddled together, pressing to each other's shoulders.

⠀Daryl sat upon a piano stool, his eyes small in concentration at the dead owl being plucked in his hands. I licked my lips, watching the feathers trail to the ground in a fluttering pile. I could only lean against some shelving, my hands spreading their fingers on the surface.

⠀I tried and failed to see myself lift onto the surface, but my arms shook under my weight.

⠀I cast a look to everyone but then concentrated my eyes to the feathers once more.

⠀But my gaze was stolen when Carl emerged into the room, a determined stance as he leaned to the ground, discarded his gun, then set a can down with a sharp thud.

⠀All eyes, not only mine, desperately looked towards it ― a sudden dread swirled in my stomach, at the sight of the label but at this point, I didn't much care.

⠀We watched with no words as the boy took no hesitation in cracking it open, ignoring the chirpy dog that painted the faded label. It was all food, and this was, to me, as good as any can we could find.

⠀It sent a shiver up my spine, and I leaned further into the shelves.

⠀We could only hear the grinding gears of the can opener, although my mouth didn't water, excitement rose in my chest.

⠀I felt disgusted yet hopeful for a mere moment.

⠀The boy's father approached him, picking the now open can away from him. His mouth curled downwards at it, and he turned in a quick moment to throw it swiftly into the empty fireplace.

⠀The action caused me to flinch, turning my face into my shoulder, letting my eyes flicker. I spotted Daryl flinch too.

⠀Rick was a hurricane of anger in those seconds, and I could tell he was angry at himself for what little we had accomplished this past winter.

⠀He held an intense stare at nothing in particular, and my eyes found Daryl's to try and calm my rising heartbeat.

⠀He had the same idea, as we exchanged a knowing look before witnessing our leader crumble within himself.

⠀Harvey rose from his chair, running a hand through his hair that had grown extensively. He now owned a thick dark beard across his cheeks, and his slightly curled mane fell into his eyes. He made a small gesture, stopping for a moment to wait as T-dog picked up his makeshift weapon to follow him.

⠀And we were back up again, and I thanked myself for not letting my knees fall to the ground.

⠀No one needed to ask why we had to get back up, but we all did anyways. Gathering and following each other back out through the house.

⠀Picking up the rucksack off the floor, on a spot I had forgotten I put there, my legs automatically scurried after everyone else. Trailing my footsteps forward, stopping for a moment to hold my hand out to Lori who clutched the edge of her shirt over her swollen abdomen.

⠀Once we all started to leave, we fitted evenly into the cars. I let myself into a one, ignoring the heat that pressed into my skin. Slamming the door shut, I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes, scratching my forehead with my nails.

⠀I placed my elbow on the lip of the window. Nobody said a word. There was nothing to say because we didn't have a thing. I only savored the company because that was the only thing we had left.

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⠀The red canister I had left over the far end of the room caught my attention. I rushed towards it, picking the canister up and unscrewing the cap as I walked back over to the body.

⠀The liquid sloshed out, slathering the body and fabrics. Sinking into the thick blood, it splashed by my shoes and legs.

⠀I smelled it in the air, strong and unpleasant.

⠀And then, I walked backward, aiming the nozzle back and forth as I took quick but careful steps.

⠀I almost couldn't breathe as the stench rose up in the air, but eventually my back hit the door to the room and the canister was empty. It left the room with a sheen it didn't have before. I crinkled my nose, wiping it with a part of my sleeve which didn't have blood covering it.

⠀I looked towards what I left. He still lay there, no more twitches or cries for help. I left his brain spread out across the floor, with the bowling pin laying sideways not too far.

⠀I was a much different sight from afar. Like I walked in on something ― and I didn't do it. But people like me, we aren't crazy. No, we know what we do, we know the pain behind it, and we know the consequences.

⠀If there came a day where I denied what I did I would need help.

⠀I leaned into the frame of the door, picking up the MP5 that lay next to it. I tossed it in my arms, adjusting the weight over my shoulder.

⠀There lay the lantern, amongst the blood and gasoline. It flickered lightly and carefully as if to stay quiet but there was no noise. Not in this room anyway.

⠀I looked down the nose of the gun, making the lantern come into my view once again.

⠀My finger flickered over the trigger but a low groan caught my attention and I quickly swerved on my toes to face the noise. It was what you would expect, and it approached unsteadily, reaching forwards with rotting hands.

⠀I sighed heavily, raising the gun and walking forward. Pulling the trigger, the kickback jolted against my body and almost sent me stepping backward. The bullet shot through the walker's nose, sending it to the ground.

⠀I stepped around its splayed legs, analyzing its face that had certainly demolished with time.

⠀I tilted my head, cracking my neck.

⠀The moans from outside seemed to play on repeat, a broken record following my every step. It was then that I noticed it, the sound. The magnitude of them outside dawned on me, and on instinct, I dropped to the floor. I leaned over the body.

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⠀The cars rolled to a stop, and I almost had in mind to stay where I was. But I thought different, as I opened the door once more to step out into the road where we had halted.

⠀I looked around, spotting a mass of woods on either side of us. I blew out a puff of air, before watching everyone congregate to the front of the lineup where I eventually found myself.

⠀I wasn't much sure where we were anymore, instead I felt a pull to who I once was as I stayed oblivious to bigger plans we had in mind. Everyone else seemed to find authority between each person, yet I stood back and watched most of the time. I was just a civilian.

⠀T-Dog was the first person I heard voice anything. "We got no place left to go," he commented, staring at the lines that decorated the map Maggie had laid across the hood of the car. I leaned in beside Hershel, having contributions.

⠀Maggie let her hands trace the patterns. "When this herd meets up with this one, we'll be cut off."

⠀Daryl appeared on the other side of the hood, crossing his arms over the metal. "What would you say? That was about a hundred-fifty head?"

⠀"That was last week," Glenn appeared on my left. "It could be twice that by now." Everyone seemed to nod.

⠀Hershel pointed to the map himself. "The river could have delayed them. If we move past, we might have a shot to tear right through there."

⠀I craned my neck to the sky, hearing a small click from my bones. I didn't much enjoy these long conversations about how much time we didn't have left.

⠀I found myself thinking about other things, as I looked down towards Daryl who seemed to see straight through my pitiful attempts at keeping it together.

⠀"Alright," T-dog alerted my attention, as the group dispersed from the map with curled edges. "Is it cool if we get to the creek before we head out? It won't take long. We gotta fill up on water, we can boil it later."

⠀Rick nodded, waving him off as T-dog and Harvey scurried away with containers held tightly in their hands. The man raised a hand to grip the smaller one's shoulder, and I watched them as they disappeared.

⠀"Marley?" I looked up at the sound of my name, seeing Maggie. She spotted my spaced out expression and sent a reassuring smile my way.

⠀I nodded slowly, keeping my feet glued to where I stood. Leaning forward onto the car, I dove my hands into my hair, pressing my fingers into my scalp and massaging my temple.

⠀I stood straight, wandering mindlessly to the red SUV that was in the middle of the lineup. Lori pushed open her door, our eyes meeting expectantly.

⠀My eyes cast to her stomach, and I had to force myself to look back up to her eyes. "You okay?"

⠀She nodded, smiling. The open door lets a breeze run its way through her hair, and I let my hand lay across the top of it. And my eyes still wandered, down to her bump and my mind did too.

⠀"You want to say something?" She suddenly asked, spotting my inspecting glance.

⠀I shook my head for a moment, before giving in and asking her what was on my mind. "Do you― you have any names?"

⠀My small voice carried only between us, and she looked down and gave a small chuckle. "Uh... no, not really."

⠀A twist began in my own stomach, and I said words I didn't plan to say. "I like Alice... or Emmett; really depending on the hair colour." My cheeks swelled and turned slightly pink, not only from the heat but from the almost fantasia like conversation going on ― babies.

⠀Her eyes shot up, widening and mirroring the bashful expression. "I like those," she nodded appreciatively. "Maybe you can save those for yours, ya'know?"

⠀A sudden grimace settled at the bottom of my stomach, as if past memories were brewing there. "Oh," I tried to play off my sudden grief ― recollection ― by painting a smile on my face. "Yeah... uh?"

⠀And as she always seemed to do, Lori noticed. "Oh, maybe― did I say something out of place?" She leaned forward and out of the vehicle, now standing to her full height and towering over me. I looked up towards her, taking a miniscule step back. "I'm sorry."

⠀"No," this exchange was hopefully going to end in my mental favor. "It's fine. It's just―" I had never told anyone before. "I did"

⠀Her eyebrows furrowed as mine lifted to feign a good memory. "I did save them... and was going to use them." My body kept as still as possible, as if trying to steadily compress the ugly hollow space that always felt had its place in my body. "But I couldn't."

⠀I could tell from her face that she didn't really know what to say. "Yeah," she settled for, in a tone as soft as her eyes.

⠀But when her hand reached out to my shoulder, probably to comfort me, I could only curl into myself and away ― muttering a small "don't" under my breath. Only, she let me go, thankfully.

⠀I sucked in a gasp, stepping away from the woman and turning on my heels. And when I looked up, I was faced with the forest.

⠀A tugging latched itself around me, and I stood at the brink. It pulled me in closer, telling me that place was my home.

⠀That I didn't belong to anyone here, I didn't belong anywhere. Whether it was the insecurities or a darker thing inside, it told me to run.

⠀My lips parted, and I considered it for a real second ― that this was not the place for me. These people... were not my people.

⠀I didn't know what to believe.

⠀I stood there for moments at a time, spaced out and staring into the spiraling scenery. The only thing I felt was the relenting heat that hung in the air, and my steady heartbeat beneath my skin.

⠀"Hey! Guys!" Someone called out, and I turned to the voice to see Daryl and Rick emerge from the woods to which I was staring at.

⠀"We found somewhere."

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⠀I winced heavily, the heat licking at my back ― it trailed into the sky in an amber, oil painting. I only gave a glance, keeping the act on of being one of them.

⠀The stench-ridden guts layered my skin, sticking to it and it felt like the stuff would seep beneath my skin and make me more of a monster than normal.

⠀All the others walked the opposite direction, being drawn to the building on fire. They walked to their burning, becoming victims once more.

⠀I only sped up when I felt blood seep from my own skin, from the wounds that still littered my ribs. My stitches tore, but my relentless energy... not.

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(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ note.
so here were go those flashbacks
are cool and we have marley feeling out of place and i was writing this and i was like "damn marley has no authority within team fam tf"

I'M SUPER EXCITED TO SHOW YOU WHAT U HAVE IN STORE FOR THIS SEASON. WE GOT SOME DEVELOPMENT WITHIN MARLEY AS ALWAYS, CALLS TO HER PAST, HARVEY DEVELOPMENT, DARLEY, AND SOME CRYIN

zoO wee mAmA
( edited ✓ )