WHEN LIVIA HEARD THE NOISE OF
something beside her, she took in the wonderful smell of coffee and fresh bed sheets. She almost would have sighed in comfort but the next thing that she remembered was her brain feeling like someone had banged it against her skull a few times. Like a soup of brain cells flooding into her mouth and stomach, leaving a bitter taste.
The girl opened her eyes, her body feeling disgusting and sick as her mouth was dry and tasted like she had just eaten rotten food. She grimaced, recognizing a cup in front of her.

"I knew coffee would wake you up."

The girls head shot up towards the person that was standing next to the bed that she laid on, of which she now realized, wasn't her own bed.
She looked up into James Beauforts eyes, becoming aware of her surroundings.

"Motherf-.." she cursed and let her head fall back into the soft cushions. She let a hand run over her face.

"What the fuck am I doing here?!" She then murmured, speaking seemed way too exhausting.

She looking around her. The room that she was in was sleek and minimalistic, with deep blue walls and golden accents. A large wooden bookshelf, neatly filled with a golden globe and lots of books that seemed to be untouched. She saw a expensive looking designer desk with high-end tech like a MacBook or tablet, paired with tasteful décor like abstract art or subtle lighting. She could tell that this was the room of a rich kid. In the corner she saw a lacrosse bat, before she finally looked back up at the person that was speaking to her. She met James blue eyes and saw a teasing smirk on his lips.

"Is this your room?!" She said, enraged, pointing at his bed as she sat up. Her face turned into an expression of disgust as she looked at the sheets that had smelled so good.
She heard James chuckle.

"You might be the first girl, being disgusted to wake up in my bed." he said, with a cocky attitude. Liv looked down at the silk bedsheets that were covering her body. Her skin felt dirty just like everything on her. When she saw the neckline of her dress, her eyes went wide. All the memories of the previous night flooded back to her.

"Shit!" She muttered under her breath as he lifted the cover to look at her dress. She let the memories slip before her eyes. How she had been dancing with Art and maybe also a bit more than that. She remembered how Cyril had given her the small bag of a drug and how she had started to see her brother. She then shook her head, as she didn't want to think about the images that the drugs influenced her brain to see. She couldn't bear seeing them again. But shaking her head wasn't that much of a good idea either because her head was still pounding.

"What the fuck is this?!" she said, freaking out.

"Why don't you drink tour coffee and calm down huh?" James said, nodding towards the cub that he put next to the bed. The brunette girl looked at him again, remembering how he had helped her into his car and wanted to drive her home.

"What did you put in there? Poison?" She snapped at him, as she climbed out of the covers and stood up from the bed. She stumbled slightly as her limbs seemed to be magnetically pulled to the floor. She lost her balance, stumbling forward.

"He-.." she heard the boy gasp before she felt an arm around her waist, holding her steady and pushing her down into the bed again. She felt her head sink forward, as a wave of pain rushed to her head and began pounding against the inside of her temples.

"Slow down." The boy scolded and she put her hands on his chest, pushing him away.

"Get off me, you idiot!" She snapped at him again. She then looked in the nightstand table and saw a glass of water.
She immediately grabbed it and emptied it, trying to get some sense into her head. She again saw the images of the prior night.
Cyril had kept flirting with her, which wasn't surprising at all, and had asked her if she wanted some stuff to have a bit more fun.

See normally, Livia would never take drugs. Partly because she thought it was disgusting and on the other side because she always had fun without them.
But when she was at the party she had started drinking and dancing to get rid of all the stress around her. Her parents constantly looking over her shoulder, her father giving her the absolute silent treatment, while her mother kept talking everything she did down.
So somehow when she was in the office of Cyril's father and had seen the boy sniffing a line, she had looked over his shoulder and asked if she could have some too.

"Why am I in your room?!" She then finally asked, as she had her head in her hand. James had bend down before her, so that he could look up at her.
She saw him shrug his shoulders.

"Didn't know where else you could sleep. My dad wouldn't be so fond of having you here." James said as he put something into a glass of water and then held it out to her.

"Here." He murmured.

"It's good for the headache." He said but Livia shook her head.

"I mean why did you bring me to your house?!" She snapped and was surprised that James kept so calm.

"You didn't want me to bring you home." James shrugged.

"What?!" The girl asked again in a hissing tone. She didn't get anything anymore.

"You were all crying in my car, saying that you'd be 'killed' if I brought you home," he said, his voice mocking her. He looked to the glass of water that was still in his hands.

"So I brought you here. Safer option."
Livia's head fell back into her hands. The pounding in her skull made it difficult to focus on anything except the echoes of last night. The memory of the drugs felt fragmented, blurry, like broken shards of glass in her mind.

"Shit," she whispered, dragging her hands down her face.

"I fucked up." She cursed and heard James chuckle, which made her look up.

"What the fuck are you giggling about?" She asked, frustrated. The boy shrugged.

"How were you stupid enough to take drugs from Cyril?" He asked amused but his expression didn't reach his eyes.

For the first time, Livia noticed the exhaustion in his features. He looked like he hadn't slept at all, dark circles sitting beneath his sharp blue eyes.
She then took the glass from his hands and drank it. The medicine he put in it tasted horrible but would help her with the headache. She lifted her gaze, her lips trembling as a cold, horrible thought crept in.

"Did anyone else... see me?"
James hesitated, tilting his head.

"Some people saw. But I got you out of there before things got worse."
Livia swallowed hard, gripping the edge of the bed to steady herself.

"Before things got worse." It all could have gone seriously wrong.

"You didn't have to do that," she then said, building walls that would hide her vulnerability.

"I would've been fine." She said avoiding his look.
James scoffed as he raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, because crying on the floor, looking half dead, screams: 'I'm fine!'" He ran a hand through his blonde hair, his tone exasperated now.

"You could've gotten seriously hurt, Ashwand. You get that?" He asked and the girl chuckled.

"Oh please! Don't act like you care." She said but felt unease.
The way he said her last name—firm, sharp—sent a strange shiver down her spine.
She stared at the floor as shame seeped into her chest when she started remembering what James was talking about.

Gosh she must have looked pathetic!

James spoke up, his voice softened, quieter now but no less insistent.

"Why'd you take it?" He asked and Livia's head snapped up.
For a moment, she felt exposed under his gaze, as though he could see right through her carefully crafted exterior. She opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out.

What should she say? That she had wanted to escape herself for just one night? That she had wanted to forget the constant suffocating pressure? That for one fleeting moment, she had wanted to feel nothing?

"Why do you care?! Are you gonna run to the next newspaper so that you can finally ruin me?!" Her tone was even harsher than she intended as she stood up and James followed her action. She watched as his face darkened, his lips pressing into a thin line.

"Because," he said, his voice clipped,

"I don't want to have to carry you out of another party before you collapse or worse." He said, his voice more distant now as he copied her behavior.

"Oh you must feel so good about yourself don't you?" She said narrowing her eyes.

"Don't worry it'll never happen again." She said and walked to his door.

"Yeah? Is that what Theo said?" He asked and Livia froze as her hand had already touched the door. She turned around.

"What the fuck is you deal with my brother?! Was he your lover or why do you keep bringing him up?!" She hissed, her voice sharp. James didn't answer her.
He then sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, as if wrestling with something he wasn't used to saying.

"Look," he started, his eyebrows raised.

"I know things aren't easy for you-.." he started but Livia interrupted him with a groan.

"Uh, Who do you think you are? My father?!" She snapped and James hands tightened.

"As if he would care." He snapped back at her.
Livia stood there, stunned. She then leaned forward.

"What the fuck.. did you say?" She asked, narrowing her eyes.

"I saw you after the festival. I saw it." He said, referring to her father slapping her. James nodding to her face and Livia pulled her eyebrows together as she looked into the mirror beside her.

Her make up from last night was ruined. Her mascara was smeared a bit and the foundation on her face was gone, so that you could see the bruise her dad had left a few days ago. It was almost gone but if you looked close enough, you could still see it.

"And it's not hard to figure out the rest." He then said. Livia's breath caught in her throat, panic flaring in her chest. He had seen her vulnerability. He had a total hold on her.

Before Livia could process anything, she followed the itching urge to flee the situation and opened the door to James room. She walked through the hallway, trying to figure out where the exit was. She ran down the stairs and looked around corners, making sure no one could see her. She then recognized the back door and heard footsteps behind her.
She walked out the door and into the backyard.

"Wait!" She heard beside her and turned around, bumping into James body. She looked up at him, their faces close.

"You don't know anything about me or my family," she said quickly, defensively. James locked his eyes with hers.

"I know enough," he replied, his tone steady.
For a moment, Livia didn't know what to say. The walls she had spent so long building around herself felt like they were crumbling.
She leaned into his face.

"No fucking word to anyone." She threatened him.

"Stay the fuck away from me Beaufort." With that she turned around and walked away. Leaving James standing and looking after her.

—
1996