I barely got any sleep last night. My mind was too busy racing; I decided not to take the pill. I'm running low, and I won't call Travis to get me more. When I'm out, I'm out. So I need to save the few I have left.

Violet is in the shower now. I took mine earlier before she got up. I need to go downstairs; my mom is here. I spotted her car outside earlier this morning. I wonder if my dad will have to sleep back on the couch now that she's back.

I get up from my bed and walk downstairs. They both are up; I can hear them talking, they stop their conversation as soon as they see me. "Hey, baby!" my mom says. She is wearing a black pencil skirt and a red button-down shirt. Her curly hair is pinned back into a bun. She walks over and embraces me in a hug. I free as her arms wrap around me. "I missed you." She says when she lets go.

" I missed you too," I reply honestly.

" So, where's your friend?" She looks up the stairs eagerly.

" In the shower, she'll be down soon." I walk over to the island past my dad and grab a fruit.

"Jayda." He says.

"Dad," Is that his way of saying hello to me? He is probably scared to say something; he doesn't want me to tell mom everything that happened while she was gone. My mom sits at the dining room table; there are papers spread everywhere.

"So what have you guys been up to?" She looks at my father then at me. We both hesitate to respond.

"Nothing much," I vaguely respond.

"You guys didn't go to the game?" She asks.

"No, honey, we didn't. I was stuck at work." My dad takes a sip of his coffee.

"As always." She says. She continues searching through the papers.

The doorbell rings. "I'll get it," I say. I finally get why people say saved by the bell; it's not just because of the show.

You can feel the tension and awkwardness in the room. I'm glad that the doorbell rang; it gave me an excuse to leave the room.

I walk to the door and unlock it. It's James. He's wearing tight dark green pants and a white polka dot collared shirt. His eye doesn't look as black as it did yesterday. I'm pretty sure he used makeup to cover it up. "Are you guys ready?" He says.

"Almost Violets in the shower. Come in." I open the door wider to let him in.

I need to introduce him, "Mom, Dad, this is James," I say as we walk into the open dining room.

"Nice to meet you." My mother gets up and shakes his hand.

"Nice to meet you, too, Mrs. King." He greets her back with a warm smile.

She walks over towards my dad. He reaches his hand out and shakes James' hand; he greets him also with a grin.

"Really, James, you had to come early," Violet says as she walks down the stairs.

"Early, it's 11:00. If anything, I should've been here earlier; everything is probably taken by now." He rolls his eyes.

Violet rolls her eyes back at him. "It's a mall. I'm pretty sure you'll find something.."

"Mall?" My dad questions.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to ask. Can I go?" I ask my parents; my eyes move between both of them.

"Sure." My mom says.

James and Violet walk to the door, "Nice meeting, you guys." They both say.

Before I can follow behind them, my mom speaks again. "Marcus, give her some money!" My mother instructs him.

"Mellisa, she doesn't need to be buying anything." He groans. "Didn't you guys just go shopping Sunday?"

"Yes, Sunday. Today is a new day." She states.

He huffs and reaches into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. I walk towards them to get the money; he pulls out $20. My mother smacks his arm and narrows her eyes. "Really, Marcus."

"What, that's about enough for one outfit!"

"Marcus." She says, a little firmer. He reaches back into his wallet and pulls out two $100 bills. My mother smiles, so I know she must be pleased.

I highly doubt I will spend $200 on clothes. I most likely won't buy anything.

"Thank you," I turn to walk towards the door.

"Be safe." My mother says.

"Be home by ten," my dad adds.

"Marcus, she's almost eighteen." My mom snaps.

"Almost! Not yet,"

My mother smacks her teeth. "We'll see you at midnight," she says.

"Ok, bye," I say fast and roll my eyes. I need to get out of here before they yell out another time. I open the door, and before I shut it, I hear my mom say.

"She has friends Marcus.FRIENDS" I don't have to see her face to know she has a gigantic smile.

.

I'm not going to lie, I thought hanging out with people would make me feel wanted, make me feel accepted. But I still feel lonely.

Even though I'm around people who consider me their friend, and to some degree, I consider them mine too, I still feel like somethings missing.

This isn't who I am; this right here doesn't make me happy. I still feel empty. I still feel like I'm dying from within.

But nobody can tell, nobody knows, no one can see me dying. My parents think this is progress because I'm hanging out with people now. But it's not.

I'm sitting in the back of James' red Nissan convertible. The top is off. It feels good outside, but I'm burning up in this black hoodie.

"Jayda, how is it that no matter the weather, you still wear long sleeve shirts or you have a hoodie on?" James asks.

"I don't know. I just like them." That's partially the truth. I do like them, but the main reason I continue wearing my long sleeve hoodies and shirts is because of the scars. If I didn't have them, maybe I wouldn't always have a hoodie or a long sleeve shirt on.

"I hope you don't wear that on your date tonight." He says. I kind of regret telling him about Caleb now he's going to keep bringing it up. I wasn't going to tell him, but Violet mentioned it while we were on the phone with him last night, so then I had to.

"It isn't a date." I snap.

"Sure So what time is handsome picking you up?" he asks; I can see him smiling in the mirror.

"Eight, I think. And how do you know he's handsome? You haven't even met him."

"Sweetie, it's Caleb Odare. Star QB of Ravenswood," he says the words as if I should know this.

"Star?"

"He had like 30 offers last year, from schools all over the country." He explains. "That is until he blew out his knee,"

"How do you know that?" I ask.

"Uh, the internet." He responds. "The coach at Notre Dame said in an interview that he could've been drafted early in the NFL."

Violet gasps. "Wait, so that was him? I knew he looked familiar."

It seems like everyone knows him except for me.

"He blew out his knee. I think he was in a car accident or got robbed; I don't know there were so many stories about what happened." Violet says.

A car accident? Robbed?

James pulls into the mall's parking lot. The lot is full of cars. Why wouldn't it be? It's Saturday; everyone is here.

"I met him last year at this party in Ravenswood; I was with this guy at the time. And he introduced me to him." James says. "He's actually pretty cool. Definitely not like the jerks here." he opens his car door and gets out. Violet and I follow.

When we reach the front door, he doesn't open it yet. He turns back to us. "Ok, this is it, stay close and stay tight. Watch your six."

Is he serious right now?

"What the hell, James?" Violet says.

"What do you mean, what the hell? It's a Saturday at the mall. The bitches in here are vicious. So stay—"

"Yeah, whatever." I cut him off and walk past him into the mall.